Clowntopia: Now Hiring
~ a tiny interlude ~
By Hugo Prosperio
Inspired by Novadehedgehog

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It didn’t take long after returning to the store for Looner to hear the tell-tale honk of the horn above the door. It made him smile, as he wanted to get back to basics, the customers of the store were what gave him purpose now that he worked for Chuckles, and he was always delighted to give them new silly outlooks on life, even if that’s not what they came in for.

The new customer was a girl. Looner enjoyed changing females, because they seemed so suited for it, and he didn’t know why that was. He took joy in changing all genders, but females were especially fun for him. She was probably a local college student and she looked as if she were heading home from class. Dressed in baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt and lacking any sort of makeup, she was clearly not interested in dressing up for her classes. She had flip flops on her feet, completing the look of “I do not care today.” which amused Looner quite a bit.

“Well Howdy!” Looner giggled as he looked at the girl who now simply looked lost.

“This is not the bookstore.” she said.

“Nope. No it is not. We do have a few books, but probably not the ones you are looking for, I’d wager!” he added with a loud laugh. “Say, do you like magic tricks, dear?” he asked.

“I guess. What is this place?”


“A joke shop. A place for pranks and tricks, such as the one I will show you now” he said as he walked her towards the right hand side of the store. There on the wall was a door. That he opened and it lead to the wall, seemingly. It didn’t go to a room. Closing it, e then reached into his overalls and pulled out a small box on it, which had a door that looked just the same. He set it on the register counter and tapped the top of the box with his finger. It made a ding noise.

“Now for this trick, I need a volunteer. You!” he said. “It will simply astound ya! All ya gots to do is open the big door and walk through.”

She shook her head, and looked bemused. “Okay, I guess.”

She opened the door and noticed that there was actually a doorway that she could walk through. The room on the other side looked odd, and she couldn’t make out what was in it, but she stepped through. When she stepped out on the other side, she was greeted by a sight that made her shriek.

There, directly in front of her, was the face of the clown she had just met, but much much larger. She looked around and saw that the doorway she had walked through was the one he had placed on the counter. She had gone through it and was now small enough to fit through and stand on the desk. It had shrunk her!

“What the hell is this, clown?!” she shouted up at him. She patted herself and tried to determine if she was dreaming. Perhaps she had fallen asleep back in class while Professor Higgins droned on about history of Grenada. Nope. She felt the goosebumps on her arm and they were very real.

“I made you tiny with a magical door. Quite the trick and the prank, wouldn’t you say! You are a foot tall!”

“I’d say! Can you turn me back!” she said with an angry stare.

“Oh, of course. You just have to walk back through. It’s a portal, and it simply corrects your size when you walk through it. Simple as pie.” Looner said with an instructional point towards both doors.

She looked at him curiously then stepped back through the door on the table, and with a woosh of air, she burst out of the larger door on the wall, and she was her normal size.

“Woah!” she said with a look around. “That was...a hell of a thing.”

“Yeah, but it felt great, didn’t it? Most of our customers love it.” he noted.

“It was a lot to take in, getting that small that fast.” she said. She had enjoyed it a bit, now that she thought about it. It was like an adrenaline rush to see the world and this potentially bonkers clown so large.

“Oh gosh, I am sorry. We can adjust the size of the door of you want, give it a trial run.” he said as he picked up the box and tapped it with his fingers then placed it on the floor. She watched with a sense of awe as the door began to stretch upwards until it was just below her chest. She looked at it.
“This will offer a slightly smaller reduction but allow you to feel that same rush!” The clown mused. “Wanna give it a try? I promise it’ll be the most fun ya ever had. And remember all ya gotta do is walk through the door to go back.”

She looked around, as if to make sure no one was walking. She slid off her sandals and gave a look of determination as she walked over to the full sized door and opened it, striding through with purpose.

As she did, she felt warmth and the goosebumps returned, but this time they were stronger, and quite pleasant. When she stepped out she was looking up at a bigger clown, but not nearly as big as he had been prior.

“Wow. This is actually kind of interesting.” she said. She walked around the shop and looking at the now looming shelves and displays. She saw her flip flops and put her feet in them and noticed how large they looked compared to her now. She giggled at this. It was quite a sensation to be a smaller person, and she was kind of wanting to try it again.

“You are about 2 and half feet tall right now, I’d wager.” Looner giggled.

“That makes sense. I was about five feet before, so I guess I’m half size now. What would happen if I walked through the big door like this?” she said.

“Oh, well it would reduce you again, but from this size, not your normal size. I’ve never seen anyone do that before, I am not sure if that’s the only thing that will…” he said, but he then realized she had taken off running and passed through the big door again. With a woosh, she popped out of the smaller door, now a mere 18 inches tall.

“Oh my godddd, that felt great.” she said. The tingles had grown exponentially this time, and it was driving her silly. She was rubbing her arms, loving the goosebumps that had gotten even stronger.

“You were so right, sir. This is incredible. What a wonderful way to spend my afternoon.” she said as she walked around now almost as small as she had been the first time, but not really all that concerned about it, not any more.

Looner smiled. “Well, glad to hear it. You are welcome to use it as much as you’d like. I’ve not had much practice with this particular device. You are helping me as much as I am helping you dear.”

“Can you adjust the door to about half its current size, please?” she said, pointing to the smaller door.

“Sure! Why not. Let’s experiment with it!” he said with a gleam of wonderment and mischievousness in his eyes, a sight that most people didn’t see until it was far too late for them to turn back, like this young lady here.
He smirked and tapped the box and it instantly began to reduce in size, until it was just where the girl had requested.

“What is your name, but the way?” he asked as she prepared to enter the big door once more.

“Oh, it’s Stacey” she said with a smile up at him before she took of running. She felt the energy of the door hit her like a wave as she left, then quickly re-entered the room. She was dazed and felt so good now, so warm and comfortable. She glanced up at the huge clown and giggled.

“Wowzer, You are gigantic now!” she said. “I have to be about...four and a half inches tall now. That’s...so small.”

He picked up the door box and placed it on the counter, then reached down and did the same with her.

“Having fun?” he asked.

She nodded and wiggled about in between his fingers. It was so odd to be that small, but so thrilling at the same time.

“This is a blast. I kinda like this height. I could stay like this for a little while, no problem-o”

“Can I tell ya a secret?” he said, voice booming.  

“Sure!” she giggled.

“I think you are stuck this way!”

“Oh?” she said. She didn’t seem to understand the gravity of that situation, her brain all fuzzy from the last run through the door.

“Yeah, the instructions said something about multiple runs causing much stronger magic, which means that eventually your original size vanishes and well, now you are straight up teeny tiny, friendo!” he said.

At first she seemed lost, but then she giggled. “Well, that seems like fun.” she said.

The magic of the door had been building inside of her, and Looner set her down as he watched her start to glow. Her hair became a tiny green afro while her skin was pink. Her lips turned blue and curled into a smile, and her cheeks were dotted with little green freckles while her eyebrows vanished, replaced by arching blue lines. She looked lovely as a tiny clown.

“I’ll take care of you for a while. Say, a friend of mine has space in their living space for ya, would you like to move in? She’s got big feet, fair warning.”

“Like you!” giggled the now clowned shrunken girl.

“Yes, like me. But she’s about your height. Well, a little bigger. I didn’t shrink her the same way. I used some other magic.”

“I’d like to meet her.”

“Okie dokie.” he said as he opened up his suspenders. “Hey down there. Footsie. Get ready for company” he said as he picked up the tiny girl and held her above the deep cavern that was his overalls. Then he let her fall.

She slide into an inside pocket inside the overalls, and saw a shrunken clown but with massive feet.

“Hey there!”


“Hehe, hey. I got big feet. You no have big feet.”

“I guess that’s just not my style.” she said.

“Well, you should change mind.” she giggled.

“Now you two will become best of friends, and perhaps I will find some other friends for you to play with.” he said with the sound of booming laughter following his words. “I like collecting ya’ll in my suspenders. It’s fun.”