Clowntopia: Now Hiring
a clowntopian tale by Hugo Prosperio

The store had been there for less than a day, Logan was sure of it. He had walked down this street so many times he couldn’t have kept track, and that store, wedged between two buildings, looking like something out of a storybook, had not been there before. It was intriguing, mysterious, and just plain interesting. Logan was a handsome young man, around 19 years old, tall and lean with a head of black hair. All his life he had been obsessed with clowns after being taken to the circus at a young age. He even had a theory that perhaps some clowns were more realistic than they appeared. The carnival colors of the shop intrigued him, so Logan decided to investigate.

On the door was a cheerful open sign with a clown’s face painted in the letter O. Next to the sign was a plastic Now Hiring sign, with the bright neon orange lettering one might expect from such a sign. He turned the handle to the door, and something said to go in, perhaps even inquire about a job. The door opened with a squeak and as he entered the store, a horn went off, it sounded like a rubber duck’s quack almost.

“Damn thing is on the fritz again!” came a voice from the back room. Through an kitschy beaded curtain, a man dressed as a clown emerged. He was wearing a typical clown jumpsuit, ruffles on the wrists and ankles, red in color with white stripes. His hair was a big afro style cut, tight blue curls puffed up into a big ball. On his nose was a round ball, red as a fire engine. “Oh hello there! Welcome! Sorry, I was just doing some spring cleaning in the back.”

“Um. Hello. Why are you dressed like a clown?” Logan asked. It seemed odd that he would stumble upon a store run by a man dressed as a clown, considering his interests.

“Well, I am a clown. So I dress the part.” he said with a bow. “Chuckles is the name. What might yours be?” he asked.

“I’m Logan. Nice to meet you!” he said, extending a hand, before retracting it. “Perhaps a handshake isn’t a good idea. You might have a hand buzzer.” Logan laughed.

“You seem to know a lot about us clowns.” Chuckles said, revealing that he had indeed slid on a joy buzzer just for the occasion. “You like clowns, don’t you?”

“I’ve been fond of them since I was a child, yes.” Logan admitted. “I admire their job.”

“How so?” asked the clown as he fiddled with some items from a nearby shelf.

“They make people laugh, make people smile. I think that’s admirable.”

“You’d make a great clown, I think.” Chuckles said as he looked Logan over. “Would you be interested in giving it a shot?”

“What do you mean?” Logan asked.

“Well, I am looking for some extra help around the shop here, and you seem like you’d be a good fit.”

“So I’d have to put on clown makeup every day to work here?” Logan said as he pondered the offer.

“Something like that.” Chuckles replied as he walked over to a shelf of costumes. “We can pick your uniform right now if you want.

“You aren’t going to have me fill out an application or anything?” Logan said, amused.

“No such formalities are needed. We just need to get you in costume and that will do the trick.” the clown said with a big grin. “Aha! This is just the perfect one!” he said pulling out what looked like a pair of oversized overall pants and a colorful t-shirt. They looked like whatever material they were made of was pretty stretchy, Logan noted.

“Why don’t you try it on and we’ll get you started. Unless you don’t want to give it a try.” Chuckles said.

He handed off the costume to Logan, who thought for a moment and then took it and went to the one dressing room off to the side of the shop. He entered and removed his clothes. He put on the shirt, which had baggy sleeves that he hadn’t noticed at first. It hung pretty loose on him, but he shrugged and continued. Next came the pants. He fitted the straps of the overalls over his shoulders and looked down at the costume, which was loose all over.

He then noticed a small cord sticking out of part of the costume with a tag that said “For Better Fit, Pull Me”

“How odd.” he said as he took it in his hand and gave it a yank. Nothing seemed to happen at first, but then he heard a hissing noise. Looking down he gasped when he saw his body was growing larger.

“What the heck?” he asked as he felt so strange all over. The growing was more of an inflation. Like a…

“Balloon!” he said. “I’m blowing up like a balloon. Oh my god!”

At first it was just his stomach rounding out, but then his whole body got in on the act, his butt blowing backwards, thighs blimping up, and as every part of him grew, they joined together, causing his body to take on a very smooth, round shape. The costume fit much better now, and was stretching along with his body now, His arms and legs stuck out comically as part of them began to be absorbed by the growth.

The hissing began to dissipate and the growth stopped, leaving him almost completly round except for his arms legs and head, which had kind of pulled into a bit of a divot in his body. The inflation had also made him taller to accomodate the new bloated size. He noticed this when he whacked his head on the door of the dressing room as he made way out.

“It turned me into a balloon man!” he said exasperated as he saw Chuckles watching as he came out.

“That’s what that costume does. It’s magical! I think it suits you.”

“I...should be very angry right now, but I kind of...like it.”

“Then you should like the rest of the changes too.” he said, watching as his nose began to round out and inflate into a ball. At first it was typical clown nose size, like Chuckles, but then it grew even larger, stopping at tennis ball size. He could barely see past it. It turned red and shiny, like a rubber ball, but reaching up and touching it (which proved to be an effort with his rounded body) proved it was actually part of his face.

“I’m becoming a clown? Like, a REAL Clown?” he said.

“But of course. Clowns aren’t just men in greasepaint. Sure those exist, but us real clowns came first and inspired them. Being a real clown is much more fulfilling than anything they feel.

“COOL!” Logan said as he felt his skin tingling. It was turning a shade of white, spreading from his new nose outwards to every inch of his large body. He felt an odd pressure in his head, which then released when his ears grew to be three times their original size, flopping about as his head tingled. Most of his hair simply vanished, sucking in, leaving only a ring around his head. It turned various shades, which made it a rainbow of colors. His face began to gain different shades of color. Blue half circles above his eyes, red lips that curled into a permanent grin, and multicolored circles on his chin that looked like beachballs.

He then felt a tingle of pressure in his feet. He couldn’t see them, but felt them began to expand and stretch outwards, growing longer and wider, toes getting thicker. Clowns didn’t just wear big shoes to look silly, he realized, but because they needed them. He couldn’t wait to wear his big pair of shoes.

“How about a new name for you my friend. Any thoughts?”

“Well, I am very balloon like, so I feel like that should be a part of it.” Logan said, raising a hand, which now sported a thick cartoony glove. He stroked his his head, trying to think.
“I’d pick soon. Logan does not suit this new form or the mind you’ll soon have.”

“Mind?” Logan asked.

“Your body just experienced a massive magical transformation. The mind can’t hold on much longer after that. You may remember a few things, but a new clown will be born very soon. In fact, I think once you pick your name, it will start.” the clown said, sounding very educated in the ways of clown transformation.

“Aha!” he said as a lightblub appeared above his head then turned on. “I got it. I’ll be ‘Looner the Clown!” he said.

As soon as the words left his mouth, synapses in his mind began to fire and trigger a rapid transformation in his brain. Memories of being a clown began to form, memories of wanting to be the biggest inflatable clown in Clowntopia, memories of his various exploits. Memories of being Looner, rather than a boring human named Logan.

“Well, Looner. How do you feel about the job offer?”


“Well, shucks, I am so happy you decided to offer it to me! I mean, I’ve always wanted to work for this fine establishment!” he said in a slightly squeaky voice.

“Well, I think you’ll be a star employee, Looner. Would you mind starting right now? I have a lunch date with my beloved Jen-Jen and it would be nice to have someone covering the store while I’m gone.” he asked.

“Sir, your store will be in safe gloved hands, I promise you!” Looner said with a salute.

“I have no doubt. Have fun. That’s the easiest part of this job.” Chuckles said with a smile as he headed through the curtain to the back and vanished into a portal to the world of Clowntopia.

The store was now in the hands of Looner, and he was excited. The clown part of his mind was overtaking him, and knowledge of clown magic and all the items on sale in the shop began to flood his head. He giggled, thinking of the various ways he could introduce someone to the clown life.

“Gosh, I can’t wait for a customer” he said.

And he didn’t have to wait long, as the door to the store opened, and the horn quacked. The noise startled the guest, a young woman in her mid-twenties with long blond hair. She looked like a model, tall and beautiful.

“Oh hello.” She said as she noticed the oddly shaped fellow behind the counter. “I guess I wandered into the wrong store.”

“Oh nonsense, we can satisfy every customer that comes in here!” he giggled.

She looked at him and cocked her head to the side, like a confused dog. His shape was something that she couldn’t quite process. He was big and round, like an over inflated beachball. She kept staring for a few moments, and Looner noticed this.

“Like my body.” he said with a giggle “Sorry that came out wrong. You seem interested in my round shape.”

“I just don’t understand why anyone would dress like that. It’s kind of cute though.” she said, admitting to herself that he looked, at the very least, adorable.

“Well, my body being this round limits my options for clothing. But I think my outfits look stellar.” He said with a chuckle. “Say, perhaps you’d like to try one on?” he asked.

“Uh, I don’t think I have the body to pull something like that off” the girl said.

He smiled and pulled out what looked like a toy space ray gun and aimed it at her. “I can help with that.” he chuckled. Before she could say anything, he pulled the trigger and a beam of green light shot out of the gun and hit the girl square in the chest. She began to convulse and shake, her entire body glowing.

“What the h-h-heck” she said as rapidly her body began to inflate. Everything about her was getting rounder and larger, her chest flattening into her rounding body. Her clothing wrapped tightly around her as her limbs began to pull into the body, her arms stopping at the elbow and the legs stopping at the knee, leaving them sticking straight out as she rolled onto her back.

“Oh god! Stop! No!” she said. Her growth had stopped and she was now round and smooth except her head, arms and legs. Looner walked over. “See, now you have the body to pull of the silliest of outfits!” he said.

“This is not cool! Make me smaller!” she said with a demanding tone. Looner heard her request and smiled. “Smaller, you say. Well, if you insist.”

He procured a velvet sack, tied with a gold lace from the counter and opened it. From inside it, he pulled a glittery dust and sprinkled it on the round woman whose clothing was about to burst off her.

She felt something tingle, and at first was relieved when it seemed as if she was getting smaller, but she wasn’t deflating back to her normal shape. Rather, her entire turgid body was shrinking, getting smaller and smaller with each passing second. her formerly tight clothes slipped off her, leaving her naked as she shrank.

“What. This isn’t what I meant!” she shouted.

“You really should be more clear, dear.” he said. He was amused to see that while her body shrank, her hands and feet shrank at a slower rate, making them look cartoonish and clownish. A perfect fit, he thought. Soon she stopped her decent into a smaller world and was about the size of a basketball with oversized hands and feet and her head pulled into a divot in her body.

“This is insane!” she said as she raised her hands in protest, only to see Looner sprinkle more dust on her head, which began to suck into her body rapidly. Her face then merged with her round body, which disoriented her and left her mind swiming.

“What...wha happen?” she mumbled as her vision came back into view. She saw a big round ball in her eyesight, her new nose, she thought. That’s silly. She was a round clown with a big round red nose, the only thing that wasn’t flattened into her spherical form on her body.

“Well, Bouncy Ball, you look smashing and I have just the outfit for you!” Looner said as he put her into a pair of overalls very similar to his, only just her size and much more pink in tone. He left her feet barefoot, her wide toes giving her a good sense of balance in her new form.

“Gosh, Thanks, Sir! I needed some new clothes!” she said as he placed her on the ground and she waddled out towards the portal to the world of clowns.

As the door to the portal closed, the door to the shop opened. Looner giggled at the quacking horn. In walked a young man, perhaps in his mid-twenties, if Looner had to hazard a guess. He looked handsome and fit and looked amused by the store’s colorful nature.

“Oh, uh, Hello there.” he said as he looked at the clown. “Just figured I’d stop in. Didn’t notice this store had even opened here.”

“We tend to sneak up on people!” Looner said with a smile. “Welcome to the Joke Shop. How can I assist you.”

“This is a strange question, but I am kind of hungry. You don’t have any food here, do you?” the man asked the clown.

Looner nodded and pulled out a tray of what appeared to be thick squares of gooey fudge, only the squares were a vibrant pink color.

“Pink Fudge. a favorite recipe from my...um...hometown.” he said, trying not to talk much about Clowntopia before clowning his guest.

“Oh I dunno. I try to stay away from sweets. I worked hard to get into the shape I am in today.” he said

“Oh nonsense. One little treat can’t hurt you. I promise, it’ll make you feel so much better!”

The young man pondered it. He shrugged and took a piece of the pink fudge and began to eat it. The flavor was hard to describe as he took another bite. It was sweet and thick, like pure sugar, and yet it tasted amazing. He thought back to his childhood where he had been a pudgy kid who loved sweets. In high school he was teased a lot and worked hard to gain a better physique, but now, he regretted it almost. He still loved sweets deep down inside. He had finished the fudge and realized how much he enjoyed it and reached for another one.

Looner watched as the fudge began to do what it was meant to. The man’s weight began to change. going from firm abs and stomach to more of a softer look, quickly evolving into a paunch. His legs thickened, going from muscle toned to thick flesh, and his butt inflated, making his already tight pants start to strain. He was too engrossed in the fantastic flavor of the fudge to care though. His body had began to compress, getting shorter, adding to the thick look he was acquiring because of the fudge. When he stopped, he was about a foot shorter than he was when he entered.

“Enjoying it?” Looner asked with an innocent smile. The man nodded as his hair started turning a shade of pink close to that of the fudge. It poofed up into a curly afro that wobbled about on his head, and he chuckled to himself as he felt ticklish all over. Another peice of fudge was taken and chewed on as his skin turned a white color that went all over and his fingernails took on a light purple shade.

A strange sensation in his groin took his interest for a moment, but then it was gone and she no longer cared. The man who entered was now female where it most counted, and the rest of his body quickly began to follow suit. His pectorals, already soft from weight gain began to push outwards into breasts, growing quickly into around a C cup range. He giggled as he looked down to see his shirt riding up to form sort of a makeshift bra. His pants felt tighter and tighter as his butt continued to expand with thick fat from the fudge, and soon they split off, leaving him in tight boxers and a tight shirt. He had already kicked off his shoes and socks because his feet felt tight, and sure enough they too were getting larger, wider, with pink toenails.

“So there, Sweets, how do you feel?” Looner said. The now female clown looked up. The tip of her nose was red, and had inflated slightly. She smiled at the man in front of her her.

“Oh, I feel delightful. You said you could help me with my clothing. My old boring stuff doesn’t fit anymore!” she noted.

“I certainly can. I can even make your old clothing into your new clothing.” he said as she took a wand and waved it at the discarded scraps of human clothing, and they swirled up and around the new clown, reforming into a pretty pink dress with purple hearts all over it, the bottom of the dress big and swishy. Long knee high socks, striped with white and pink appeared over her big feet and legs.

“Lastly, here is a pair of mary janes just for you, my dear” he said as he took out some large bubble toed shoes to give her. She smiled and sat down to strap them on, then stood up. Gone was the tall handsome man, here was a chubby girl who took pride in her curves.

“Thanks, Looner!” she giggled as he showed her to the portal and sent her to her new home. As he walked back in Looner smirked. He enjoyed this job a lot, it was a thrill to change these boring humans into clowns. As he walked back into the store, he noticed that he was still barefoot. “I should put on some shoes” he said as he wiggled his toes and looked down. “Don’t want to catch a cold.” he joked to himself.

Just as he said this, a cold wind blew into the store as the door opened and a young woman. She was dressed pretty casually, like she just threw on whatever she could. Sweatpants, a loose t-shirt and a pair of flip flop sandals. She had headphones in and was listening to some popular tune that Looner kind of remembered from his human life, but the name of the song escaped him. She was looking around kind of enthralled at the place, amazed at all the offerings it had.

“Hello there!” Looner said as he stood in the middle of the store looking at the girl. She looked at him and burst out laughing. At first he wasn’t sure if that was nice, but he was a clown and laughter was their end goal, so he smiled, thankful for it.

“I appreciate your laughter, miss. What’s your name?” he asked.

“I’m Miranda” she said with a smile as she undid her earplugs. “I hope I didn’t come off as rude, you are hilarious looking.”

“Why thank you! I aim to be hilarious, so that’s quite the compliment” he said.

She smiled and nodded until her eyes noticed something. “Good Lord, look at your feet! They are huge!” she said.

He gave a grin and nodded. “Well, I am a clown. We tend to have those.”  he said as he wiggled his toes.

“I thought it was just a gag...not actual huge clodhoppers like that.” she said. “Where do you even get shoes that big? I doubt you can just hop on down to Target”

She bent over to examine the feet, to see if perhaps it was a prank, that maybe he was a costume piece or makeup. Looner smiled and reached into his overalls and pulled out a pouch. Inside was a glittery dust that he poured into his hand and sprinkled over the girl’s head as she was looking at his feet.

Almost instantly, her body began to change. She stood up, feeling very strange, and noticed her clothing was getting very baggy, except her flip flops, which felt tighter than usual as the thong strap pushed into her toes.

“Huh. what the.” she said as it was now clear she was shrinking. “I’m getting smaller?!” she said as her clothing started to slip on her body.

“Mostly. All except one part!” Looner said as he pointed to her feet, which were larger and getting bigger. The toe strap on her flip flops snapped and her feet surged forward into long wide floppy “clodhoppers” like Looner had. “The more you shrink, the bigger your feet get! It’s kind of ingenious!” he said.

The transformation that was occurring was making her feel woozy. She knew that she should be panicking, but instead was kind of just mesmerized by the whole process. She felt her panties and pants fall off and she stepped out of them dragging her expanding feet along the floor, now only clothed in her oversized shirt. “Why is this happening?” she asked.

“Well, you asked where I get shoes. I don’t just “hop” down to Target, I have to custom make them, and I find I like my shoes to have a little personality. How better to show you then by turning you into my new pair!” he said.

She paused for a moment, then laughed as loud as her now two foot tall body would allow. “I’m gonna be shoes?! That’s silly!” she said.

“Well, you will certainly make a silly pair” he said. She looked over to his massive feet and suddenly felt a warm affection for them. She managed to swing her huge feet and move closer to his, leaving her shirt behind in the process.

“I can’t believe this is happening, but I think I like it!” she giggled. “I do. I love it!’
She looked at his feet and began to wonder what it would like to be worn by him, to be placed on his feet and walked around in all day. The thought filled her with a strange excitement and this made her shrinking excellerate. Soon she was merely a few inches tall with feet as large as his. She began to think only of one thing. Feet. Big feet. Looner’s Feet in particular.

“Feet! Feet! Feet!” she giggled in a squeaky voice. “Put me on your feet!” she said as her tiny body shrunk so small, it vanished, and the two big feet separated, the only thing left of the girl. The feet began to hop about by themselves, getting closer to Looner, trying to get onto his feet.

Looner laughed and picked the feet up, tickling them in the process, which made them squirm, and he could swear he heard laughter. “I can’t wear you until we make you actually into a pair of shoes” he said  as he placed her on the check out counter. He pulled out the pouch of dust and sprinkled some on the feet and watched as they morphed and changed from fleshy feet into fabric and rubber, stretching out into long wide clown shoes, purple in color with pink rubber trim, and a smiling face, the girl’s, on the side of each, as if it were her brand logo. She couldn’t speak anymore, as she was entirely a pair of shoes. Her laces appeared, and Looner smiled.

“Thanks, Lacey. My new favorite pair of shoes.” he said as he placed the pair of shoes on the ground

He put on some socks and slid the shoes onto his feet and laced them up, and felt that he had made the right choice. “Usually it takes me some getting used to a new pair of shoes, but you are already the most comfortable pair I’ve ever had.” he said.

She couldn’t respond, but she was happy. He felt this as warmth radiated around his feet, which sort of tickled. He strode around the store to break them in and felt proud of what he had accomplished. It had been a very interesting day already, and it wasn’t even half over!