Chapter Eight:

It was now early Janauary and I was not in a good mood. Play practice was going slowly. We were afraid that we wouldn't be ready for the big performance that was coming up. My classes were hard and I didn't have much time to enjoy myself. To make matters worse, I hadn't had a good night sleep in over a month. All my life I had slept on my stomach. Now, thanks to my breast implants, I could no longer sleep like that. It was just too uncomfortable. I slept on my back, which I was not used to and did not enjoy.

I was in an especially bad mood when I came home from theater practice that night. I had blown several important lines and embarrassed myself in front of the whole crew. On top of that, I realized that I had forgotten my purse in the dressing room. I had to walk all the way back to the auditorium to retrieve it.

When I got to the auditorium, I realized that some sort of performance was happening there that night. I looked at the poster in the lobby:

"Brian the Great and his lovely assistant, Rhea, performing amazing illusions, death-defying escapes, and miraculous feats of magic, tonight only! Admission, $10."

I had always enjoyed stage magic, so I decided to catch a bit of the act before I went to get my bag. I was friends with the security guard so he let me in for free. I took a seat near the front.

The magician, Brian, was a tall guy, not bad looking, with a somewhat crazed expression on his face. I couldn't tell if that was his natural look or if he was just hamming it up for the audience. He reminded me a bit of John.

His assistant, Rhea, was very pretty. She was quite thin, with long red hair, well formed breasts, and lots of freckles. She was wearing a very skimpy bikini. It had no shoulder straps and her chest constantly seemed on the verge of busting (pardon the pun) out of her top.

"What a tease," I thought "She's just showing off her figure. What's the point of wearing a costume that tiny?" Then it hit me. Here I was, looking at a gorgeous woman in a skimpy swimsuit and all I could think of was her need for modesty. I rubbed my temples. I had been acting like a woman for too long.

Brian strapped Rhea into a large, frontless box, with her arms tied perpendicularly from her body. She looked absurdly like a sexy crucifixion victim. Brian then slid two large metal sheets into the box; one right below her shoulders, the other right above her hips. It seemed like he had divided her into thirds. He then grabbed the middle of the box and pulled. Rhea's midsection, containing her breasts and belly seemed to slide away from the rest of her body. It was as if her torso was several feet to the right where her head, arms and legs were. That explained the lack of straps on her bikini: the metal sheets would have sliced through the straps, ostensibly severing the bikini and baring her chest.

Brian leaned over and kissed Rhea on the lips. I borrowed a program from the guy next to me and read a little bit about the magical duo. It was just as I has suspected, they were a husband and wife team. Their act was quite good, but I didn't really feel like hanging around for it. I ducked backstage to the dressing rooms before Rhea had been reassembled.

I stole into the room where I had changed for rehearsal. As I picked up my purse, I noticed some things in the room that hadn't been there before: a suitcase, a couple of swords, and a chainsaw. Of course, Brian and Rhea must have been using this dressing room. I decided I had better leave before they caught me trespassing in what was supposed to be their private changing room. I figured members of a magic act wouldn't take kindly to someone snooping around their props.

Just then there was thunderous applause from the audience, followed by some footsteps coming very near the door. Damn! Cutting Rhea up must have been their grand finale. The door started to swing open. I quickly ducked into the closet.

I didn't shut the door all the way so that I could look out and see when the coast was clear. Much to my horror, Brian quickly locked the door and grabbed Rhea around her now intact waist and kissed her.

"You were incredible tonight," she told him when their lips parted.

"I owe it all to you, honey," he replied. "But if you want to see incredible..."

Much to my horror, he began undoing her bikini top. No, not here, not now! I could be stuck in this closest all night! All I had wanted to do was grab my purse, not spy on a married couple making love. I knew that I was stuck and couldn't get home until after I was sure they were gone.

Rhea began unbuttoning Brian's shirt. "You men," she said jokingly, "always one thing on your minds."

I had ducked back into the corner of the closest when Brian said something that made me do a double take. "Hey Rhea, don't bad mouth men. Up until a couple of years ago, you were one!"

Had I heard him right? Did he just say that Rhea, his lovely assistant and wife, used to be a man?

Rhea helped Brian off with his shirt. "Well, if I hadn't fallen for you I'd probably still be a man. But to tell you the truth, I still only have one thing on my mind..." She rubbed against him in such a way that left little doubt as to what that 'one thing' was.

I couldn't believe it! Rhea used to be a man! I wondered how the change had come about. I never would have pegged Rhea for a transsexual. It was mind boggling. I thought about trying to find her later and asking her what had happened, but thought the better of it. Her past was her business and I had no right to intrude. I would just hide until they left and try to forget what I had heard.

Unfortunately, I was rather clumsy that night and managed to knock over a stack of boxes while making myself comfortable. I heard Rhea gasp in horror. Seconds later, Brian yanked open the closet door.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he yelled.

"I was just getting my purse," I tried to explain.

Rhea began to cry. "My God, she knows, she knows," she sobbed. I felt terrible. I wanted to tell her that they had nothing to worry about, but Brian interrupted me.

"Listen, whoever you are," he said while pulling on his shirt, "you heard something you had no right to hear. I'll give you $300 to keep your mouth shut. It's no one's business but our own."

I tried to tell him I wasn't out for a bribe, but "No..." was a far as I got.

"Not good enough for you?" said Brian, desperately. "Okay, $500."

"No, you don't understand...."

"Fine, one thousand bucks, just to keep your mouth shut. One grand not to ruin our lives. Deal?"

I tried to explain that I wasn't trying to blackmail them. "Please, I don't want that."

Brian yanked out a checkbook and appeared to check the balance. "$3,305 and 55 cents!" he shouted, on the verge of panic. Rhea sobbed harder.

I couldn't take it any more. Even if I promised to keep my mouth shut for free, they'd always live in fear that I'd blab. I figured that they had gone to considerable lengths to cover up Rhea's past and I had no right to destroy their domestic tranquility. I had only one option.

"Please listen to me," I told them, praying I wasn't making a mistake. "I'm not going to tell. You see...I'm a man."

"What?" said Brian, taken aback. He looked me over critically. "Don't give me that crap."

"It's not crap," I replied. "I never would have guessed that your wife wasn't born a woman. You shouldn't find it hard to believe that I'm a guy."

Rhea had stopped crying. "You really are a guy?" she asked, her voice hoarse from crying. "Wow! I honestly can't tell. And here I thought I was an expert on transsexuals!"

"Oh, I'm not a transsexual."

"Really?" asked Rhea, pulling on a robe. "They why do you look so much like a girl? If I'm not mistaken, those are real breasts."

I looked down, embarrassed. "I wish I could tell you, but I doubt you'd understand."

Rhea took my hand in hers. I looked up at her. She certainly was pretty, but close up she didn't resemble the sexpot she had been on stage. She seemed more like the girl next door. The small town high school prom queen. She smiled at me and asked me my name.

"It's Dale," I replied shyly.

"That's a nice name. Listen Dale, you'd be surprised at how well I could understand what you're going through. It might shock you to learn that when I first started dressing like a woman I had no desire to become one. Would you like to hear my story?"

"Yes, if you don't mind telling me."

"Do you promise that whatever I tell you doesn't leave this room? Brian wasn't exaggerating, if my secret got out our lives would be ruined."

"I promise. Hell, if my secret ever got out, my life would be ruined."

Rhea looked questioningly at Brian, who nodded. She then began her narrative.

"Three years ago I was a guy named Ray who lived in a stink hole of a town called Dead Springs, Nevada. Brian was a magician at a hotel there, I was a stage hand. Things were going great for Brian, he had just signed on to perform at a large hotel in Las Vegas. Unfortunately for him his assistant, Tracy, had just gotten engaged and wanted to leave the act to raise a family. That stuck Brian without an assistant, and without an assistant he was out of an act. In desperation Tracy asked me to dress in drag and be his lovely assistant for the year. I was so broke and desperate to escape the poverty level that I agreed."

Brian placed his hands lovingly on Rhea's shoulders. "As you can see," he said "things didn't go quite as planned. I couldn't resist this lovely young woman."

"And after dressing as Rhea for a year, I couldn't resist this handsome young man." Rhea reached up and kissed Brian (author's note: if you would like to read Rhea and Brian's whole story, check out 'Presto Chango' by this author).

"So now you know our story," continued Rhea. "Now would you tell us yours? You know that we wouldn't tell."

I explained everything. As I was telling them how I had turned from a college guy into a man with soft skin and breasts, I began to think. I had never meant to let this many people in on my secret. Jenni was supposed to be the only one who knew. John found out because he lived with me. I had told Dr. Alice because I had no choice. Now here I was telling two complete strangers my history. I would have to be more careful, I couldn't afford to let anyone else in on my secret.

When I had finished, Rhea turned to Brian and asked for a moment alone with me. Brian kissed her again and left. Rhea turned to me.

"Dale," she began "I know I don't know you that well, but I think I understand your situation enough to offer you some advice. Please, please be careful. You are playing a dangerous game. I don't just mean that you could get caught. I mean that you might find it's not as easy to go back to manhood as you think. At one time I was sure that I would go back to being Ray the first chance I got, now look at me."

I was confused. "What exactly are you saying?" I asked.

"What I'm saying is that the longer you dress like a woman, the harder it will be for you to come back. You may find you don't even want to."

I snorted. "Please. Maybe you like being a woman, but I don't. Come August I'm leaving this life behind!"

Rhea smiled at me. "I hope you're right. But remember one thing. If you should decide that you do want to stay this way, then don't fight it. You might regret it. I...I once told Brian that I wasn't interested in him, that I wanted to go back to being a man. That was the biggest mistake I ever made and I almost lost him. Fortunately I ended up following my true feelings and having a sex change."

Rhea's voice was unsteady, the memory breaking up with Brian was obviously a painful one.

"Well, I'm happy that you're happy Rhea, but I think you're wasting your time telling me this. I'm not going to fall in love with a guy."

"That's exactly what I said when I first started dressing like this. It can sneak up on you, so watch yourself. Be especially careful of that Leroy guy you told us about. Sounds like a girl could fall for him if she's not careful."

I rolled my eyes.

Rhea handed me a business card. "Well, no matter what happens, please keep in touch. If you ever need advice about anything, just call me."

We hugged. Despite her crazy history and even crazier advice, I liked her, she was a good person who meant well. She stood up. "Now if you excuse me, I need to go find my husband. There's a hot tub back at the hotel with our names on it."

I took the hint and left. All the way home I thought about what she said, and dismissed it at nonsense. Me fall for a guy? Me decide to stay a woman? Please.

Chapter Nine:

In late January, Jenni and I got the news we'd been dreading. Since we hadn't come home for Christmas, our mother was coming up to visit us for parents' weekend. She didn't ask. Merely informed us.

Jenni and I had discussed ways to avoid seeing her. But we decided that since this summer, I'd have to detransition at Mom's house, she might as well know the state of things.

I sat in my bedroom, panicking. Mom had reacted terribly to Jenni's disfigurement. How would she deal with her son having boobs?

"Calm down, Dale," said Jenni, for the nth time. "Just wait in here. I'll explain things to her. How this wasn't your idea, and it's all only temporary."

This didn't relax me. "Right. 'Mom, Dale's kind of a girl now. But just for the year. It's a funny story, really...'"

A loud knock at the apartment door startled us. I gripped Jenni's hand.

"I got this," she said, with a comforting smile.

I heard the door open, then I heard Jenni shriek. I ran to look in the living room. It wasn't our mother at the door.

It was a pirate. Complete with eyepatch, gold teeth, earrings, and tattoos. He stared at Jenni in confusion.

"Uh, hello Miss. I'm looking for--"

"Daddy!" John came bolting out of his room. He half hugged, half tackled our visitor. A brief wrestling match followed, with John ending up in a headlock.

"My boy, the college man!" bellowed his father, giving my roommate a noogie. "My son at the university."

John disentangled himself, smiling sheepishly. "Dad, this is my friend Jenni, and my roommate, Dale."

His dad looked at me in surprise. "Roommate? You never told me--"

"We're just friends!" John and I said emphatically at the same time. We then glanced at each other. I think we were both just slightly offended at the other's reaction.

John's dad still looked confused. "I thought you said your roommate was a guy?"

"Um...he's gone. In prison. Tried to kill the pope, it was terrible."

His dad gave him a funny look, then shrugged. "Well, let me take you and your lady friends to lunch."

"Thanks," said Jenni, "But we're waiting for our mother."

We watched at the guys brawled their way down the stairs. Then we looked at each other and laughed.

That was a mistake. We were too busy giggling to notice a new visitor had passed John and his father as they left.

"Dale? My God, Dale, is that you?"

I stiffened and turned. Mother. There in all her primped and perfumed perfection. Looking as young and sexy as half the girls on campus. Staring at her son, with his skirt, makeup, long hair, and breasts.

"Mom!" said Jenni. "I know this is a shock, but--"

Mom shut her up with a wave of the hand. She took a step forward. It took a lot of courage for me not to dive into my room.

She looked me over. My clothes, my curves, my face. The inspection took forever. I wanted to scream that none of this was planned, none of this was my idea. But I knew Mom had to speak first.

"Dale?" she said eventually.

"Yes?"

"You...you..."

"Yes?" I squeaked.

"You're gorgeous! My God, you look incredible! Why didn't you tell me?'

Well, things could have been worse.

"It's kind of my fault," Jenni tried to explain. "You see--"

Again, the hand wave. "Later, Jenni." Mom took my hand in hers. "Goodness, you look sensational. Let me take you out to eat and you can tell me your secrets."

Mom dragged me out the door. Jenni, as an afterthought, followed.

*

That night, I sat in Jenni's bedroom. She hadn't stopped crying for twenty minutes. I sat by her bed, rubbing her shoulders.

To think, I'd been worried that Mom wouldn't understand. That she'd be angry. That she'd be embarrassed by her gender bending son.

No, just the opposite. She loved the change. Couldn't stop talking about how beautiful I was. Wanted to know all about my surgery, the play, and Leroy. By the time the meal was over, she'd made plans for us to have a spa vacation over the summer. Makeovers. New wardrobe.

Special mother and daughter time.

Jenni was not invited.

She was still crying. I had to say something. "Jenni, I never wanted this to happen."

My sister looked up at me, red eyed and miserable. "I did. Ever since the accident. I wanted Mom to look at me the way she looked at you. To let me know she still found me beautiful. Acceptable. Non-hideous."

"Jenni, you're not--"

"Yes I am! I'm not even as pretty as my brother! He's the pretty one! The actress! The one with guys chasing him! Mom's favorite."

I grabbed Jenni by the shoulders firmly. "Stop it! Stop it! Jenni, neither of our lives are going the way we want them. Do you think I actually want to spend the summer with Mom? Because I don't! I'm not. I'm going to spend it here, on campus, with the most beautiful girl I know."

She wouldn't look at me. "Knock it off."

"Damned if I will. You've always been the greatest thing in my life, and half the time I don't really like you. Jesus, it's your fault I'm stuck this way. But I've always known you're an incredible person. And I Mom can't see that, to hell with her."

My sister smiled slightly. "You ought to take Mom up on her offer. Those spas can be fun. Not that I'd know."

I laid my chin on her head and hugged her. "Jenni, no matter what happens, it's going to you and me. Best friends. Siblings."

She hugged me back. "Sisters."

Chapter Ten:

While the audience thunderously applauded, I linked hands with the rest of the cast and took a bow. It was a glorious feeling that I had never had before. To have a hundred plus people applauding, laughing at, and enjoying our performance. To be in the center stage, the lime light! All our hard work had paid off. 'Midsummer' was a smash hit. We had performed to three sold out houses. After the second night we received word from the administration that, due to our fine performance (not to mention all the money we brought in), the drama school would be around for at least another year.

Every performance had gone flawlessly. No one missed a cue or botched a line. This was my first acting experience but I thought I had done pretty well. Even though this was closing night, when actors are usually tired and not up to par, we were still sensational. I would certainly miss all this when I went back to being a man next year. Maybe I could try my hand at being an actor some day.

The audience kept applauding, so we bowed again. I discreetly placed my hand over my chest as we did so. All female cast members (and myself) were wearing frilly period dresses. That meant the neckline was quite low and much cleavage was visible. While I had suffered through this costuming without complaining, I didn't want to give the audience a full 'tittie shot' when I bowed.

Then it happened. The man who played Oberon turned and kissed his love interest, Titania. The audience went nuts, they loved it. Next, the man who played Theseus kissed his love interest, Hippolyta. There was more cheering from the crowd.

Up till then I didn't think anything was strange. The guy playing Oberon was married to the woman playing Titania in real life. Theseus and Hippolyta were dating. But then something strange happened. The man playing Lysander kissed his love interest, Hermia. I was shocked. They certainly weren't romantically involved. In fact in real life they didn't seem to really like each other, even as friends. Still, Lysander continued to kiss her and she didn't seem offended at all.

There was only one more couple in the play, Helena (me) and Demetrius (Leroy). Well, three out of four couples wouldn't be bad. Surely Leroy would know better than to...

My thoughts were interrupted when Leroy gingerly placed his hands on my cheeks and kissed me. I was too shocked to offer any resistance.

When Steve had forced a kiss on me it had been a gross and disgusting experience. His jabbing tongue, his slobbering lips, his groping fingers all coupled with the knowledge that he wanted to sleep with me...I still cringed when I thought of it.

Leroy's kiss, though unwelcome, was different. His hands didn't feel me up, they tenderly touched the sides of my face. His tongue wasn't eager and probing, he kept it in his mouth. His lips weren't rough and violent, they were soft and kind. With Steve, kissing had been a means to an end, with Leroy it had been an end in itself.

Leroy pressed our lips together and held me for what felt like thirty seconds, but was probably more like three. Then he let go.

I managed to bow one more time and then exit with the rest of the cast: women to stage left, men to stage right. As we made our way to the women's dressing room, my blood began to boil. The nerve of Leroy! Just using the play as an excuse to kiss me! What a jerk, all that talk about being friends obviously meant nothing to him. He saw me as nothing more than a sex object!

My mind burned with revenge. I wanted to burst right into the men's dressing room and call him every name in the book. I wanted to humiliate him in front of the entire cast, to make him so embarrassed that he'd never act again. No, I'd wait until the cast party when I knew that everyone associated with the play would be there. God, getting back at Leroy would be sweet!

It took a fellow cast member to bring me back to earth. I was sitting at the makeup table removing all the grease paint and powder. Next to me sat Lisa, the girl who had played Hermia. She was the other girl who had been unexpectedly kissed by her partner. Maybe she'd want to join me in humiliating the men (I thought that without stopping to think that I was a man). I turned to her.

"Can you believe those guys kissed us like that? The nerve!" I expected her reply to be equally as vitriolic, but she merely shrugged.

"Aw, boys will be boys. Besides, I think it ended the play nicely, what with all four couples kissing and all. Remember, 'Midsummer' is a romance."

That brought me back to reality. Of course. Leroy wasn't kissing me for the sake of kissing me. He just wanted to end play on a happy note. It would have looked odd if we were the only couple who didn't kiss at the end. I couldn't believe how vain I had been to think that he had only wanted to kiss me for selfish reasons. Thank God I had talked to Lisa before I had made a big ass of myself in public.

When I came out of the dressing room, Leroy was walking by, carrying a box of props (that's one problem with amateur theater, the actors have to help break the stage when the play's over). "Hey Helena, er Dale," he said as he hurried by. "I hope I wasn't out of line back there."

"Don't worry," I said "I know you only kissed me for the sake of the play."

Leroy had his back to me as he left the hallway. There was a mirror leaning against the wall and I could see the reflection of his face. I saw his lips move. He had said something, but only to himself. After months of watching the prompter whisper me lines, it wasn't hard for me to read Leroy's lips. After I had told Leroy that I knew he had only kissed me for dramatic purposes, he had mumbled 'maybe.'

The next week I was enjoying having more spare time than I had had in a long time. Now that the play was over, I suddenly had several more nights free a week. On one such night Leroy invited me to shoot some pool with him at a local bar.

After Leroy had won three games we sat down to have a drink. Leroy ducked into the john. I pulled out a compact and touched up my makeup a bit. Suddenly, I heard a brash, drunken voice from behind me. "Hey honey, can I buy you a drink?"

I turned to see two huge guys standing behind me. They were both muscle-bound simians. I was annoyed to see that one of them was Chris, the frat guy who had been so rude to Jenni the first night I went out as a woman.

"No thanks," I muttered, and turned back to the bar. They weren't to be denied that easily. Both of them sat down next to me, one on each side. "C'mon honey, said Chris. "Ben and me are lonely and just wanna talk to you." Beer fumes hit me in the face. He tried to hold my hand but I wouldn't let him.

"Go away!" I fairly shouted at them.

"One drink, that's all," leered Ben.

"Leave her alone." I had never been so glad to hear Leroy's voice. We all turned to see him standing there with a slight grin on his face. "She's with me," he said, almost proudly. I let it slide. If the idiots thought I was dating him, then they'd buzz off. Or so I though.

"Hey shrimp," said Chris to Leroy, "we're just trying to talk to the lady, Why don't ya go back to the nursery school?"

Leroy seemed livid, I was just mad. The nerve of those assholes! If, for the sake of argument, I actually was actually dating Leroy, why the hell would I be more interested in them? Leroy I could at least have a conversation with.

"I said she was with me," repeated Leroy. "Now get lost." I nodded in agreement.

I was horrified to see Chris and his friend stand up and get right in Leroy's face. "You wanna start some trouble?" Chris asked, deadly serious.

I knew things had gone far enough. Both guys were bigger than Leroy and I certainly didn't want him to get hurt. If they ganged up on him he wouldn't stand a chance.

"Let's get out of here," I told Leroy.

"But..." he protested.

"We're leaving, now," I told him in a voice that wasn't to be argued with.

As we walked to the door, the two big guys shouted insult after insult at Leroy. "Hey shrimp, when your girl wants a real man send her our way! Hey, I think he's crying! Look at the crybaby!" They shouted so that the whole bar could hear. Leroy wasn't crying, he was pissed. At every insult he would stiffen. I kept gently pushing his shoulders so that he wouldn't be tempted to go back and do something stupid.

We were at the door, he literally had one foot outside, when Chris' friend Ben said something that made Leroy stop. It wasn't an insult to him though, it was an insult to me.

"Hey shrimp, your girl's a slut!"

Leroy turned around and walked slowly back to the bar. Much as I tried to hold on to him, he wouldn't be stopped. He faced the two frat guys.

"What did you say?" he asked. His voice was shaking from what might have been anger or might have been fear.

"I said," the guy replied, emphasizing every word, "that your girl's a slut. A tramp. A bitch. A WHORE!"

"You take that back!"

"You gonna make me, shrimp?"

Leroy punched Ben in the face. He staggered back against the bar, his nose a bloody mess. Unfortunately, that was the only punch Leroy landed that night.

Both guys jumped him and began beating the crap out of him. Chris held him in a full nelson while his buddy rhythmically landed blows to Leroy's stomach and face.

I began to scream and cry. "No, stop it! Can't you see you're hurting him?"

"Shaddap," sneered Chris. "After we get done with your boyfriend we're gonna show you what real men are like!"

"Someone help!" I shouted, but the few patrons quickly looked away. No one would get involved.

Leroy collapsed on the ground, to weak to rise. Blood oozed from his nose and mouth, I wasn't sure he was even conscious. He glasses had been knocked off his face, Chris ground them under his heel. Then, much to my horror, he pulled back his foot to kick Leroy in the face.

"No!" I screamed. I wanted to close my eyes, but I couldn't.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" a familiar voice called. I looked away from the fight. There, at the door, stood John. He was clutching a half empty bottle of tequila and smiling. Next to him stood 'Smeg,' the keyboard player for John's band. Smeg had a shaved head, a Kaiser mustache, and was the same size and shape as an industrial refrigerator. He wore a permanent frown.

"What do we have here?" repeated John.

"Well," replied Smeg, slowly, "it looks like two big guys beating the snot out of a smaller guy. Say John, isn't the smaller guy a pal of yours?"

John's smile widened. "He certainly is. Now the question remains, my dear Smeg, what are we going to do about this situation?"

John and Smeg advanced towards the two Neanderthals. They quickly backed away. Smeg was huge, and John, while not gigantic, seemed to enjoy the thought of a bar brawl. "Hey, we don't want any trouble," said Chris, meekly, and Ben nodded in agreement. That showed their true colors. They would gang up on someone smaller, but wouldn't dare fight someone who stood a chance of winning.

"That's too bad," said John "because trouble's found you." John noticed that Leroy had managed to stagger to his feet. John slapped Leroy's hand like they were tag-team wrestlers and John was now taking over. "Dale, why don't you take Leroy home and get him cleaned up? We'll finish things here."

I put my arm around him and half carried him to the door. Before we were in the parking lot I could hear blows landing.

I drove Leroy to my house. He was half conscious, occasionally holding his stomach and groaning.

I was utterly ashamed of myself. While my friend was getting beaten up, all I had done was stand there and scream and cry. I hadn't jumped in to help, I hadn't tried to pull them off, I had just stood there. It had been so cowardly, so pathetic, so....womanly.

I had done exactly what a woman would have done. I couldn't hope to beat the guys up now that the hormones had ridded me of my muscles. All I could do was stand there feebly and hope that someone else would save him. Thank God someone had.

I helped Leroy inside and removed his shirt. I tenderly pressed on various places on his torso and ask them if they hurt. "Yes," he answered sleepily, every time. Still, nothing seemed to be broken. I laid him down on the couch and, with a wet washcloth, began mopping the blood off his face and body. I then made an ice pack and held it to his head. This seemed to bring him fully around.

"Dale, " he said thickly through his swollen lip, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?"

"Those jerks were insulting you and I couldn't stop them. I had to let John do it for me. I'm sorry."

I looked at him angrily. "Leroy, what in the hell are you talking about? There were two of them and one of you. I wanted you to leave but you went back. What does it matter if someone insults me? I could care less what some drunk says about me."

Leroy sat up, wincing with pain. "I care," he said intently. "I can't stand to have anyone say anything bad about you!"

"Why, Leroy?"

Leroy put his face right in front of mine. "Because I love you, Dale. I know you said you just wanted to be friends, but I can't do it. I tried to deny what I feel, but I can't. You're the only woman I think about any more. I know other girls, pretty girls, who'd go out with me, but I never even asked them." Leroy took my stunned face in his hands. "I'd do anything for you. I'd get beat up by every guy on campus to protect you. All I want is to make you happy."

I was stunned. All this time I thought Leroy had been harboring a tiny crush on me, but apparently his feeling were much more serious. What could I say?

Leroy took advantage of my silence. He leaned over and kissed me. And kissed me. It was a much more passionate kiss than before, but still tender and gentle. He kissed and kissed and kissed me.

'Stop,' I wanted to scream as I closed my eyes. 'This isn't right,' I meant to say as he wrapped his arms around me. 'No, I'm actually a man, don't kiss me,' I should have told him as I opened my mouth to receive his sensual tongue.

I placed my arms on his bare back and just let him hold and kiss me. On my mouth, my cheeks, my ears, my neck. Why wasn't I stopping him? Was I feeling guilty that he had been beat up to protect my honor? Yes, but not so guilty that I felt I had to let him touch me. It was something else. It was as if I had been resisting him because I felt I had to, not because I wanted to. Jenni had said hormones couldn't change your sexual persuasion. But could living as a woman make me see Leroy differently? Could I have gone from thinking of him as a friend to thinking of him as something else without realizing it?

I thought about these things while we kissed. It was different than kissing a girl. He was the aggressive one, I was the shy one. Finally, Leroy did the inevitable. He reached down to unbutton my shirt.

"No Leroy, not yet." Even as I said this I regretted it. 'Not yet,' mean that someday I would be ready. "Leroy, I need to think. Can I drive you home?"

"No, if you drive me home in my car, how will you get back? Trust me, I feel fine enough to drive. Hell, I'm on the top of the world!" He looked a lot better than he had a few minutes ago, that was for sure. He pulled on his shirt with a big smile, kissed me again, and left.

I sat up all night thinking, trying to make sense of my situation. I couldn't.

John came home a couple hours later, sporting a torn t-shirt as his only 'injury', and wearing Chris's hat. He seemed almost as happy as Leroy had been when he left.. "Tell Leroy next time he tangles with someone, make sure they're not college boxers. Those guys just wouldn't stay down!" He trotted off to bed, tossing a handful of hard white things on the coffee table as he passed. I looked at them, then quickly looked away. They were broken human teeth.

When morning came around I was no closer to figuring out my problem. Why had I let Leroy kiss me? Now he'd think that we were dating or something. But what could I do now? Make out with him and then say I just wanted to be friends? He had told me that he loved me and I had kissed him. He had allowed himself to be beat up, just to avenge my being insulted. I couldn't very well walk away from all that. I didn't want to lose his friendship.

Still, reality was reality and no good would ever come of me leading him on. When it was a decent hour I would go to his house and explain that our dating would only end up hurting him. I wouldn't be lying either. The Dale he knew would be gone by the end of the school year.

At around 8:00 am there was a knock at the door. It was Leroy, holding a dozen red roses, which he awkwardly handed to me. "For you," he said unnecessarily.

Once again, I was stuck in an uncomfortable situation. How could I dump a guy who had just probably spent over a hundred dollars on flowers for me? I faced him. His face was still pretty black and blue from last night, and he wasn't wearing his customary glasses. But he had a confident air about him, a self assurance that hadn't been there before. Maybe it was from standing up to two bullies, or because he thought he had won the heart of his dream girl. I knew that as soon as I dumped him that confidence would be shattered.

"Leroy..."

"Yes?"

"Leroy, I think..."

"Yes honey?" Honey. He called me honey. He bought me flowers and called me honey and said he loved me.

"Leroy, I think they're beautiful. The flowers, thank you."

Leroy didn't say anything. He kissed me. He kissed me and held me, and then took me out to breakfast.

So began the last two months of that school year. My emotions were in a whirl. One minute I would be having a great time with Leroy, then I would feel horribly guilty that I would be leaving him that summer. One minute I would be passionately kissing him, then I would be ashamed at how I was locking lips with a man. I cared about Leroy, but at the same time I was revolted at the thought of what I was doing.

I kept telling myself that I would soon think of a way out of this relationship, but I never did. I never really tried. The truth was, Leroy was a kind, loving man. He treated me like a princess and I was always happy to be around him. True, I didn't enjoy our physical relationship, but I didn't hate it either. Sometimes I would close my eyes and pretend I was kissing Christy Brinkly. Those fantasies didn't last long, however. I would inevitably be thinking of Leroy before the kiss was over.

I noticed some changes in Leroy. He no longer seemed like a shy young man, but a confident adult. He never replaced his glasses but was fitted with contacts instead. He worked out three times a week. I think he wanted to be sure he'd stand a chance if he was ever in a fight again. He would put his arm around me in a proprietary fashion. Not like he owned me, mind you, but like it was his job to look out for me and protect me. He would refer to me as his girlfriend, something I never denied.

I kept thinking back to what Rhea, the magician's assistant, had told me. She said transforming back to being a man wouldn't be easy, and that falling of a guy would make it much harder. Well, I knew that I hadn't fallen for Leroy, but I did like him. I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want him out of my life. I hated thinking about what would happen in August, so I simply avoided thinking about it. I foolishly hoped that it would sort itself out.

Jenni seemed intrigued, and at the same time upset, by my relationship with Leroy. She tried to ask me what was going on several times, but I made it clear that I didn't want to talk about it. What could I have said? I didn't understand it either. Jenni stopped bringing the subject up, though she seemed anxious about Leroy and I.

John never batted an eye the first time he saw Leroy kiss me. I wasn't even sure if he remembered that I really was a guy. He had stopped referring to me as 'the dude he lived with' and no longer lounged around the house in his briefs. It was hard to figure out how John viewed reality, it was quite possible he now believed I had always been a girl.

Spring break rolled around. Most of the drama club decided to spend a week at the beach. Leroy and I went along. It was a wonderful time. Every day we would all swim, play volleyball, and barbecue. At night we would have a campfire and roast marshmallows. Leroy would hold me tight under the beach blanket.

I took many romantic walks along the beach with Leroy. He held my hand and kissed me under the moonlight. I had given up feeling guilty or worried. As long as I was on vacation, I reasoned, I might as well enjoy myself.

On the final night of our trip I sat on the sand with Leroy, his arm around my shoulder. It was night and the beach was deserted. Leroy was wearing nothing but his trunks. I was wearing my swimsuit: women's trunks (I still couldn't hide my penis in a real bikini bottom) and a skimpy bikini top. More of my breasts were uncovered than were covered.

Leroy was kissing me. He had been kissing me for the better part of an hour. I had been swimming all day and was exhausted. I just let him hold me. Soon I was laying in the beach and Leroy was next to me, on his side. He kissed me. My long damp hair tangled with his. He kissed me. The warmth of the beach, even at night, made me tired. He kissed me. I felt warm, no, hot all over. He kissed me. I fell into a half sleep. I felt turned on, erotic, sexy. Then I realized it.

Leroy's hand was resting on my breast. My bare breast. He had rolled down the top of my bikini without me realizing it. I had been too into kissing him to realize it until after the fact. His fingers were gently caressing my nipple. His hand gently cupped my breast. He kissed me.

I didn't resist. He rolled on top of me. I wrapped my legs around him. We kissed for a long time. He reached for my shorts.
"No Leroy, no further."

Leroy nodded. I expected him to get up, but instead he locked his arms around me tightly. It seems he took 'no further' slightly differently than I had meant it. He apparently assumed that anything under my shorts was off limits, but anything else was 'fair game.' He explored my breasts with his fingers, hands, and mouth. He kissed me on the shoulders, on the stomach, and between my shoulder blades. He held me and used my body to make him feel good. 'I can make him stop anytime I want,' I thought. 'All I have to do is tell him to stop and he'll let me go.' Instead, I wriggled one of my hands free and slid it down the front of his shorts.

By the time I got back to my hotel room I was plenty tired. I was sharing a room with Lisa. She gave me a sly look when I came in, it was obvious what she thought we had been doing. Truth be known, she wasn't that far off. It was almost time to drive back home. I went into the bathroom and changed. As I was doing so, I looked in the mirror. Tangled, sandy hair, twisted bikini straps, and a large hickey on my neck...well, I certainly looked like I had being having sex. I also noticed something else. My time in the hot sun had had an unexpected result. I now had a bikini tan.

(continued)