***

Episode Three

(note: episode three was filmed one month after episode two, in order for the ladies to heal from their surgery)

"I couldn't be happier with the young ladies," says Dr. Freeman, our official surgeon. "I thought for sure we'd lose have the contestants, especially when they were informed that the implants could only be removed at their own expense. Every one of them accepted the challenge. Every woman opted for C cups, with the exception of Chris, who we allowed to get B cups for the sake of her sports career, and Deena, who asked for D cups.

"Remember, all you ladies, breast implants are surprisingly cheap and affordable. Come see me at my office. Mention 'The Hottie' and get four implants for the price of two. Why shouldn't your husband join in the fun?"

Now that our eight young ladies have passed the point of no return, we thought it would be nice to reintroduce them to our studio audience. And what better way for our young temptresses to show off their goods than a song and dance number? Coached by their sponsors, each contestant performed a musical act. Afterwards, the audience voted on their favorite girl. The girl from each house with the lowest score would be eliminated from the show.
Chris started our show with a rendition of 'Be True to Your School.' Fittingly, she wore the cheerleading uniform of her favorite football team, the Chicago Bears. Chris didn't miss a detail, during some of her cheers it was obvious that even her panties were team colors! With those long legs and pert breasts, it wouldn't surprise us if the real Bears' cheerleaders offered her a berth next season.

"I've always thought of cheerleaders as just that: someone to cheer for the men," says Chris. "I had no idea the amount of practice, skill, and physical fitness this takes. Jenna was sweet to help me with everything, from choosing the music to selecting my skirt."

If Dr. Freeman skimped on Chris' implants, he must have given the extras to Deena. Audience members could barely keep their eyes off Deena's cleavage as she sang a husky rendition of 'Black Velvet,' wearing, what else? a strapless, black velvet evening gown. Are you watching, Tinseltown?

"In Hollywood, you have to be willing to go the distance to make it big," gushes Deena.
"That's why I went for the larger cup size. Producers have to know I'm willing to do anything to land a part. Well, not anything, but you get the point. Plus, my wife Rebeca has the same size bra, so I guess we can share."

The audience barely had time to scrape their jaws off the floor when Brianna took the stage. Unwilling to abandon her bookish personality, Brianna treated us to a Beethoven concerto on piano. Her conservative backless evening gown was quite a departure from her friends' more risqué outfits, but sometimes the prettiest woman is the one who leaves you wondering.
Brianna is unapologetic about her performance. "I had originally planned to get decked out in spandex and sing 'Whip it into Shape.' But in the end, I decided to go with the piano piece. I've been playing for years, and it's what I'm good at. If the audience doesn't like it, well, you can't say I didn't do my best. Heck, I can't even look at the keys anymore, not with these two girls in front of me!"

If Brianna felt she had to be conservative, it certainly didn't rub off on the last member of team Vixen. Carla brought down the house with the classic 'If You're Going to San Francisco.' And yes, she did wear flowers in her hair. Her fringed halter-top showed off Dr. Freeman's work nicely, but the smooth legs in those short shorts belonged only to Carla.
"Everyone says I'm a hippie at heart, so why fight it?" says Carla. "Of course, I did shave my legs and pits."

Team Kitten certainly had a rough act to follow, though each and every one of them rose to the challenge. Tammi started us off with an soulful version of 'Strawberry Wine.' With that half shirt and those cutoff jeans, I imagine every country boy out there would like to take Tammi up into the hayloft!

"I'd never performed in front of an audience before. I wanted to try out for my high school musical, but Dad said it was too sissy. Well, no point in worrying about that now!"

The audience's howls turned to groans of disappointment when Ramona took the stage. She was dressed in full mariachi gear, including sombrero and false mustache. The groans quickly faded, however, when the band struck up 'The Mexican Hat Dance,' and Ramona's clothes seemed to fall off. Her spangled shirt flew open to reveal a sequined bikini top. Her hat was tossed to the audience, letting lose a mane of raven-black hair. Finally, she removed the stache, showing us the face of a senorita that any man would be happy to watch shake her maracas.

"A year ago I was picking fruit in California for ten dollars a day. Now I'm doing a striptease for a group of men on television. Only in America."

If the males in the audience needed a cold shower after Ramona's number, they needed a blast with a firehose when Nikki walked on stage. Clad in nothing but gold boxers and tassels, Nikki proceeded to torture network censors and judges alike with an erotic fan dance. Unfortunatley, it was evident that she had not practiced very much. What she had gained in curves, she lacked in enthusiasm.

"I kept telling her she needed to work on her act," says Nikki's girlfriend, Kiah. "But after that surgery, she kind of started moping. Well, it's her problem. I certainly won't pay to have those implants removed. Maybe Nikki'll stop obsessing over my boobs now that she has a pair."

If Tyler though she'd have to work to impress the audience after the previous seven acts, she certainly didn't show any nervousness. Accompanied by her friend Jeff, Tyler belted out a hard core version of 'She's a Lady' on her bass guitar. Halfway through the first verse, her skimpy bikini top somehow 'came off.' While she managed to cover everything with her instrument, it was clear the audience liked what they saw.

"I'm going to win this. Period," boasts Tyler. "It was hard enough getting these stupid implants, I might as well show them off. I guess I should have warned Jeff, though. He might have cost me points when he dropped his guitar like that."

In order to give the two losing ladies an extra week in the sorority houses, we decided not to inform them until the end of the week. Unfortunately, the week got off to a rather tragic start. Tammi received an unexpected visit from her father.

"Tammi and I were sunbathing in front of our house," says Tyler. "I had just complimented Tammi on how good she looked in her bikini when I realized there was this big angry hillbilly glowering at her. It was Tammi's father and I think her heard me."

"Dad didn't lose any time," recalls Tammi. "I didn't have time to pull on a T-shirt before he'd called me a sissy-ass faggot and a homo queer. My own father."

Taking a second to pull herself together, Tammi continues. "He said everyone back home was ashamed of me. He said he was embarrassed to have me for a son. I tried to tell him that I was eighteen and I had to make my own choices. I thought he was going to punch me. He told me we were going home and get my tits cut off. He said after that, I was going to join the army. That would make a fucking man out of me."

Tammi refused to leave, and things almost got ugly when her father tried to drag her to his truck. Luckily, Tyler had apparently learned a thing or two in her music career and was able to fend off the violent attack.

"Damn, was that guy steamed," says Tyler. "I don't think he appreciated me dropping him like that, but, hell, he was attacking my sorority sister. He was practically frothing when he drove off. He told Tammi that he was out of the family, not to come home. And some much meaner things. Tammi was crying. Ramona took her inside and comforted her while I called her friend Sarah. We all sat in Ramona's room trying to comfort her. Well, the three of us. As usual, Nikki was moping in her room."

Sarah was at the house in under an hour. "Tammi was no longer crying, but she looked like she'd never smile again. I wish I could say I didn't see this coming. Ever since the first episode, everyone back in Two Rivers was laughing at her, or worse. I kept telling everyone we ought to admire Tammi for her courage, but they just laughed at me. Said she was a fag and they'd beat her up if she ever came back to town. To hell with it. I start school at the University of Nebraska this fall. I'm never going back to Two Rivers."

After a tearful night, many group hugs, and a gallon of rocky road, Tammi was ready to face another day. "No one in my family, and none of my friends except Sarah would have stood by me. But these girls did. They're my real sisters."

(producer's note: While all the girls signed contracts allowing us to air anything that happens in the sorority house, we volunteered to edit out the episode between Tammi and her father. Tammi declined, saying she had nothing to be ashamed of).

Friday came sooner than later, and all eight of our girls gathered in the Kitten house living room to hear who'd been eliminated.

"I don't know what was worse," says Deena. "The fear that I'd be cut, or the fear one of my sisters would be. This isn't like reality TV at all. I don't want anyone to lose."

The audience had voted, and seven of the girls had received high marks. It was Nikki, predictably, who came in a distant eighth.

"Nikki is pretty, but she really does not try," says Ramona. "With her curves and pretty face she could have easily stayed another week, but it was like she wanted to lose. I can't say I'll miss her."

Nikki packed up and left without a goodbye to her sisters.

"She just showed up in my hotel room with nothing but a suitcase full of dresses," says girlfriend Kiah. "He honestly expected me to help him buy new clothes, get his implants removed, and get back home. And I'll probably end up doing it. Unless...hmm."

While the first cut was the easiest, no one could fault any member of Team Vixen for a lack of effort. House Mother Suzanne delivered the bad news.

"I'm sorry, Carla. It was very close, but you were edged out."

Carla's three sisters teared up, and it was hard not to notice the tears in the eyes of Team Kitten as well. Only Carla managed to stay composed.

"I can't say I'm not disappointed. I kinda wish they'd cut me before I got these hooters. Still, no regrets. I've got to be on TV, made some good friends, and I'm much closer to my sister Amy. In fact, Amy and I are going to take a month-long road trip as sisters. When we get back to San Francisco I'll borrow a little money to get back to being Carl. Good luck, ladies, I'll be watching!"

The women had very little time to mourn their lost teammates. The next estrogen challenge was about to be revealed.

"Girls," announced Lupe, "we're going on a little trip tomorrow. To a tattoo parlor. Tonight, you must decide what tattoo you'd like and where. Hearts, flowers, butterflies, the choice is up to you."

***

Episode Four

"Yes, it will hurt," says Mark Delacroix, 'The Hottie's' official tattoo artist. "But just be brave, and you'll have a design that will last a lifetime.

Mark was kind and gentle with our contestants, helping them decide which girly art they would like permanently etched onto their flesh. Of course, Mark had no idea that these ladies all had a little secret! We told them it was part of a reality show, but didn't go into detail.

Chris, our firm and toned athlete, was the first to go under the needle. "I can take it. The ink wouldn't show up well on my dark skin, so I opted for a chain of flowers around one bicep, and another around my ankle. I certainly hope I win this. Tattoo removal is expensive, and this will be a little hard to explain in the locker room."

Brianna, however, was not so eager to become a work of art. "I've always been afraid of needles. Just a sissy, I guess."

With Chris and Deena each holding their sister's hand, Brianna allowed Mark to put a Celtic design on her lower back, and a butterfly on her ankle.

"That'll look great with a cropped shirt," says Mark. "Brianna was a real trooper. I tried to convince her to get her nose or navel pierced, but she said that will have to wait until later."

Deena, our starlet, was worried about what a tattoo would do to her chances at an audition. "Sometimes it will make you stand out, others it'll hurt your chances. I chose a long-stemmed red rose on my shoulder. Sexy, but not too out there."

As Team Vixen left to let their wounds heal, Team Kitten presented their own bodies as blank easels. Tammi was the first to be decorated.

"If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right. If everyone back home thinks I'm no longer a man, who am I to argue." That's how she explains the three-inch-tall letters spelling PRINCESS across her shoulder blades.

Ramona was demure, as usual. "They said a feminine tattoo. Eyeliner is feminine, right?"
Tatooist Mark agrees. "While I wouldn't recommend it for everyone, it looks good on Ramona. She'll never have to worry about eye makeup again. It really brings out those dark, haunting eyes."

Finally, Tyler took her turn in the chair. Without pause, she ordered a pink Valentine heart on her arm, with space left over for a name. Whose name?

"That special someone, of course," tittered the young musician.

As Mark bandaged Tyler's arm, we let him in on the girls' secret. He was not amused.

"I would never have done their ink if I'd known that. Tattoos are permanent, and if they're doing this to win some stupid contest, they're going to regret it."

When informed that each woman had already submitted to breast implants, Mark grew calmer. "So they're all actually dudes? Even Brianna? Jesus, I never would have guessed."

If the ladies thought becoming works of art was going to be the hardest part of the week, they were 'sorely' mistaken.

"The tattoos were just to get them to believe the worst was over," laughs housemother Lupe.
"Actually, the real challenge was about to begin."

Friday night, girls from both houses were ordered to make themselves pretty for a night on the town. Nothing too fancy, but not casual either. Soon, the bathrooms of both houses were filled with women showering, doing each other's hair, and putting on makeup.

"We're probably going to be judged on our makeup and such," says Deena. "We can't skimp. Oh, Chris, can I borrow your hoop earrings?"

Sitting in the parlor of their sorority house, each lady waited in giddy anticipation to find out where they'd be showing off. A dance club? A fancy restaurant? No, something much more exciting.

"Ladies," Suzanne addressed Tyler, Ramona, and Tammi. "It's Friday night. Girls as pretty as you shouldn't be sitting home alone."

Tammi gasped at that point. She knew what was coming.

"And so, we've arranged a gentleman to take each one of you out. In fact, here comes one now. Remember, none of them know how you achieved womanhood, so don't let the cat out of the bag. And remember, a proper lady only kisses on the first date, nothing more-or less."

"Of course, they guys really knew the girls' secret," says producer Juan Venada. "We'd be opening ourselves up to a lawsuit, otherwise. But our contestants thought they were expected to be ladies—and you'd be surprised how far they'd go to play the part."

"My man was the first one to show up," laments Chris. "Barely ten seconds after we find out that I've been set up with a date! To make matters worse, the guy, Darnell, was a college baseball player, and I faced him on the field once! Thank goodness he didn't recognize the new Chris."

Darnell suggested a bite to eat, and Chris recommended a local sports bar. "Too manly? Maybe. But I tell you this: if a girl I took out ever wanted to go to 'The End Zone' on a first date, I'd marry her."

Darnell and Chris hit it off well, not only having a love of baseball in common, but many other hobbies as well.

"Chris and I got along great," said Darnell in a private interview. "I wonder if he remembers tagging me out at second base last year. He did the same thing to me in the car tonight."

Chris apparently did not mind Darnell's attempt to steal second, and allowed him a brief kiss at the door.

"A nice guy, but let's face it, so am I. I did my duty and it's over."

Brianna shrieked in recognition when her date arrived. It was Mark, the tattooist from earlier in the day.

"It was my first date," relates Brianna. "I know, how pathetic is that? Twenty-one and never asked anyone out. I was afraid they'd set me up with some hulk for laughs, but Mark was really nice. And smart. I really enjoyed listening to him, but he also insisted I talk. What a sweet guy."

When asked if Mark was handsome, Brianna was non-evasive.

"Yes."

Mark took Brianna to a university concert performance of one of her favorite symphonies. Afterwards they walked through the quad, hand in hand. Ran, more like it. While our cameraman was adjusting his lighting, our young couple gave him the slip, and did not return to the sorority house until well past midnight. Mark then gave Brianna a chaste kiss. A little too chaste, perhaps.

"Mark is a nice guy. I think he felt a little guilty about convincing me to get tattooed and wanted to make it up to me. I'd never had anyone treat me so special. He was so funny, so sweet, so gentle..."

Mark was even more closed-mouthed. "This show stops filming in a couple of months right? I mean, after that, Brianna's free to do whatever she wants, right?"

When asked about Brianna's new back tattoo, Mark was quick to stick his foot in his mouth.
"Oh, it was still bandaged...I mean...um, that's what she told me."

Deena was the last Vixen to entertain a gentleman caller. "I haven't been on a first date since I married Rebeca three years ago. I hope she's okay with this. I mean, I'm doing this to win, nothing more."

George, a twenty-three year old bartender and part-time actor, showed Deena a swinging good time.

"We went dancing," says George. "She was a little awkward, at first, she kept trying to lead. After a while, she just put her arms around my neck and let me hold her. It felt like prom night, but without the soul-crushing awkwardness and frustration. She'll make a great leading lady someday."

George kissed Deena as she exited the car, and again at the doorstep. They kissed for some time, actually.

"I kissed him because I had to. I mean, for the show. It's not like it was unpleasant. Not that I enjoyed it! But to kiss someone new after three years...It was acting! That's all it was!"

While Team Vixen was painting the town pink, the girls in Team Kitten certainly weren't slacking. Tammi giggles when she talks about her date with Terrance, an intern for a local newspaper.

"He took me to a screening of an independent film, then out for coffee. I kept thinking of excuses I could use to leave, but never did. It was nice to talk to a guy about something other than killing animals or car racing. I guess that's a side of the world I never experienced in Nebraska."

The attraction seemed only mental, however, as Tammi only allowed Terrance the briefest of kisses at the end of the night.

"Tammi was a beautiful girl," says Terrance. "But I could tell she wasn't that into me. I wish her luck in the contest."

Ramona was the second one out of the gate, but certainly not the first one back home. Her date, Cuban-American photographer Antonio, took her for a moonlight paddle boat ride in the park. While out cameraman couldn't tag along, his telephoto lens did manage to catch Antonio and Ramona holding hands.

"It's not cheating, is it?" asks Ramona. "My love is Pilar. I did let him kiss me in the little boat, but he's a man, so it doesn't count, no?"

Of course, not every girl could be expected to go on a blind date. We figured at least one of our contestants should have a night on the town with a friend. When Tyler's date showed up, she shrieked with surprise.

"Jeff!"

"They told me Tyler was in the lead, but she'd be kicked out if I didn't go on a date with her. Christ, we both dated sisters once. And now he's...pretty."

Jeff was more awkward than a thirteen-year-old on his first date as he escorted his friend and band mate out for the night.

"Jeff was so awkward, I thought he was going to fall down," laughs Tyler. "It was so cute. He had no idea what we were supposed to do, so I took him to a club and made him have a few drinks. He wouldn't dance with me, and he almost got into a fight when some guy wouldn't leave me alone. What a gentleman!"

Jeff stood frozen like a deer in the headlights when he dropped Tyler off at her door. Then, very slowly, he made his move.

"It wasn't like kissing my old friend," he relates. "It was-soft. And nice."

For hours afterwards, two groups of girls stayed up, giggling, exchanging stories and describing kisses. Saturday morning dawned, however, with a sense of foreboding. One woman from each house would be eliminated today.

"I think it's going to be me," sighs Brianna. "I've been playing little miss bookworm. It's not what they want."

Brianna's prediction did not come true.

"I'm sorry, Chris," said a grim-faced Suzanne. "You've tried harder than anyone. But the judges felt you were too manly on your date."

Chris took the news with just a bit of anger.

"I talked sports, went to a bar, and held my own in the conversation. If a woman did that, she'd be considered independent and strong. I do it and I get kicked out. So this is what sexism feels like. It sucks. I'll never make fun of a woman again."

After announcing plans to move in with her friend Jenna to decide what to do next, Chris exchanged hugs with her two remaining sisters and left. Over at the Kitten house, another tearful goodbye was taking place.

"Not Tammi," said Ramona, not hiding her tears. "Where will she go? She has no home! Her father is a terrible man. What will happen to her?"

Both Tyler and Ramona offered to leave in Tammi's place, but she would have none of it.

"They both said they'd give up everything...the tattoos, the implants, the hormones would all be for nothing...so that I wouldn't have to face what's waiting for me back home. That's true friendship. But I couldn't let them do it. Of course, I have no idea what's going to happen to me. My dad says I'm out of the family, and Sarah is moving into the dorms in a month. I guess I'll be the prettiest homeless guy out there."

Tammi burst into tears and refused to answer any more questions.

Now that the group had been reduced by half, the housemothers dropped another bombshell on their girls.

"Next week's estrogen challenge will be a little different. We're all so proud of the women you've become, we feel it's time to show you off...at home. Next week we'll be sending you all back to your hometowns, to meet with your families, your friends, and your coworkers. None of them will know you're doing this for a TV show. You have to tell them you became a woman out of your own free will."

***

Episode Five

With dresses packed and airplane tickets in hand, our four young ladies set out for home in what was probably their most daunting challenge yet: introducing the women they've become to their old friends.

"It's one thing to become a woman if everyone thinks you did it to be on TV," says producer Juan Venada. It's quite another when they think you did it because you wanted to be girly!"
Brianna stands in the quad at St. Louis University. With her cropped T-shirt and butterfly tattoo, she draws appreciative glances from passing college men.

"It's weird to be back," says the co-ed cutie. "I told people I was taking a year off to travel. This is going to be a shock for everyone."

Brianna's first stop was The Cheshire Cat, a local gaming store.

"I can't count the number of Saturday nights I spent here, just playing Dungeons and Dragons, not a woman in sight. Well, for the first time in history, a girl is going to sit in on a game."

When Brianna walked into the back room, the jaws of the six gamers hit the floor in awe. It took a second for Brianna to realize that her friends were not shocked over her transformation, but merely by the presence of an attractive woman. When Brianna informed them that she was actually their old dragon-slaying partner, her buddies could not stop talking.

"You look amazing!"

"Are those things real?"

"So you live with other women? I know they're actually guys, but you've seen them naked, right?"

"Did you see the new Stargate DVD?"

Brianna patiently answered her friends' questions, and then joined them in few rounds of role playing.

"A year ago, I couldn't think of a better way to spend a weekend. Now, all I can wonder is don't these guys ever date? They'd be cute if they'd just clean up a little. When I get back, I'm going to help them pick out some new clothes, and teach them how to talk to girls. I can serve as a warning as to what might happen otherwise."

Brianna made her excuses, and laughingly declined to set up a webcam. Her next stop was the psychology department at her university. While her colleagues knew she was taking a year off for personal development, they did not expect just how much Brian had developed.

"To be honest, I expected Brian had gone off to do research at NYU or some other college," says Dr. Peter Franks, the assistant head of the psychology department. "This is a most amazing transformation. I'd love to study her. Her psyche! To do a psychological study...oh, grow up."

Fellow students of Brianna's were more blunt. "Brian was getting so pale, I thought he lived in a mushroom cave," says one anonymous grad student. "I don't care that he's turned into a girl, I'm just happy he's getting out of the house. Nice legs, though."

Brianna spent the rest of the weekend visiting with her mother, and shopping for clothes.
"It's odd being back in the old neighborhood. When I first signed up for The Hottie, the only things I noticed around here were the libraries and gaming shops. I had no idea there were so many fun things to do here! It's going to be hard getting back to my studies."

Brianna's mother winks at the camera. "I told her that all through high school. I'm just glad she's finally realizing it."

While Brianna was charming the pants off academia, Deena and her wife Rebeca were enjoying Tinseltown.

"Deena's really been working hard these past months," says proud wife Rebeca. "I figured before we met up with her friends, we'd do a little shopping."

The two women hit Rodeo drive, and didn't spare the charge card (The Hottie gave Rebeca a bit of a clothing allowance, so she could show her wife a good time). Soon the ladies had purchased everything from matching evening gowns to skimpy bikini tops.

"More than once, a saleslady asked if we were sisters," says Deena. Obviously we couldn't say we were husband and wife. We denied it at first, but eventually we just played along. It's sad, but during this whole weekend, I had a lot of alone time with Rebeca. We did each other's hair. That's all."

But Deena had other things on her mind when she crashed a party given by Zach, a fellow actor.

"I had just landed a speaking part in new movie Austin Powers goes to Pittsburgh. I was having some friends over to celebrate when I notice that Rebeca had shown up. I went over to see how she was doing, when I realized that the girl in the tube top was DAVID!

Zach's successes were momentarily forgotten, as a dozen out of work actors grilled Deena on her new life.

"You you're doing television now? Do you think you'll still try for films after all this?"

"National exposure? Damn, you get all the breaks."

"Is plastic surgery that expensive?"

"Are they looking for other contestants?"

"Everyone in Hollywood is so desperate for exposure, I don't think anyone really thought what I'd done was that desperate," says Deena. "Weird, maybe, but not desperate."

Everett Evers, Deena's old agent, seemed especially happy at this turn of events. "All this TV (pardon the pun) exposure is great! I think we could find some good parts for Deena when she comes back. David who?"

A thousand miles to the east, Ramona was preparing for a reunion with some of her family. There was some concern that if she crossed the Mexican border, she would not be allowed back to the U.S. on 'Rodrigo's' visa. Instead, she met with some cousins and old friends who were doing some seasonal farm labor in El Paso, Texas.

Ramona stands in the blazing southern heat, her backless sundress billowing in the dry Texas wind. By her side is her fiancée, Pilar, more modestly garbed in jeans and a T-shirt.
"I am very worried about how my friends will...what is the word?...react. In Mexico, well, it's the land of macho. Homosexuals are not accepted. How will people react when they learn I became a mujer?"

Ramona and Pilar approach the group of laborers with trepidation. They are having their noontime meal, after a morning of grueling work at a truck ranch. The half dozen or so men recognize Pilar and shout greetings in Spanish. They look on expectantly, waiting for her amiga to introduce herself.

"Guys," says Ramona, in Spanish. "It's me. I...I used to be Rodrigo. Please call me Ramona now. I moved to the United States and am trying to become a television star."

For a few minutes, no one says anything. Eventually, someone laughs.

"Ramona, I don't blame you. I guess you were willing to do anything to give up this life. Looks like you'll never have to pick any fruit for the rest of your life. Do what you have to. Just don't forget us."

Ramona bursts into tears and is hugged by her friends. It is not until she gets back to the motel that she lets her true feelings show.

"I feel such shame. Not because of my dress, or because of my breasts. It is because everything thinks I became a girl so I wouldn't have to be one of them anymore. So I wouldn't have to cross the border every year, and come back just as poor. The worst part is, I think they may be right."

Ramona sits mutely on the motel bed, as Pilar rubs the shoulders of the woman who used to be her man.

Finally, up in chilly Boston, Tyler gets back together with her old bandmates.

"They guys are playing a gig over at Drink to Forget. I think I'll surprise 'em."

Tyler pulls on some ragged army pats, some ratty sneakers, a stained T-shirt, and a black leather jacket. Her pink hair hangs tangled down her shoulders and she's not wearing any makeup. As she waits in line to enter the dank club, the other rockers can't keep their eyes off her. She gorgeous and she doesn't have to prove it to anyone.

Tired of waiting, Tyler barges her way to the head of the line. No one stops her, and the bouncer waves her through without paying the cover. Inside, Tyler's old band is playing a slower number. Her friend Jeff nearly drops his guitar when he recognizes the sexy rock chick in the audience. He whispers something to the keyboardist, who relays the message to the drummer, and then to the singer. The song screeches to a halt.

"Ladies and gentlemen," announces Jeff to the annoyed crowd, "our old bassist, Tyler, has joined us tonight. Wanna come up on stage, beautiful?"

The crowd cheers as Tyler picks up a borrowed instrument and finishes the set with her friends. Afterwards, backstage, her buddies ply her with questions.

"I ain't telling why I did this. But I look f***ing sexy, don't I?"

Tired of the barrage of questions, Tyler grabs Jeff by the hand and drags him into the band's van.

"We're going for a ride. Be back tomorrow."

When our cameraman informs them that she is required to finish the interview, she flips him off and disappears into the alley, a surprised, but not unhappy Jeff in tow.

Two days and four plane trips later, the girls are sitting in the living room of the Kitten house. It's tense; everyone knows there's a fifty percent chance that they won't survive this cut. Even carefree Tyler seems high strung.

"Ladies," announces Mr. Venada. "All four of you...actually, all eight of you, performed above and beyond our expectations. If I had known you were going to try so hard, I would have arranged for every one of you to win a prize. But rule are rules, and two of you must go.

Suzanne looked to be holding back tears when she broke the news to her young charge.

"I'm sorry, Brianna. God, I'm sorry. You're a woman anyone could be proud of. You've become such a beautiful young lady. But the judges feel that Deena is just a little more feminine. Good luck."

Surprisingly, Brianna is the only one who doesn't look miserable. She hugs Deena, whose tears are causing her mascara to run.

"Please don't feel bad. These past few months, I've done more living than I have in my whole life. Strange as it seems, I'm glad I did this. School doesn't start for a few more months, and there's still a lot I want to do. All I ask is that we all keep in touch. You're my best friends."

Brianna left the house with a smile on her face. We last saw her climbing into a car that looked suspiciously like Mark's, the man who took her our on her first date.

But speculation about Brianna ended, when Lupe announced the cruelest cut of all.

"Ramona, it was almost a tie. But Tyler was more of an audience favorite."

Ramona was unable to speak, and quietly left the room to back. Tyler joined her soon after.

"I feel sick," said Tyler, later. "Ramona never once made me feel guilty, but where will she go? She's supposed to get married soon, for Christ sake! There's no way she can be a groom now."

Ramona left silently, and the two remaining girls were given a few minutes to compose themselves. Finally, Mr. Venada offered the final challenge.

"Ladies, this year, you've allowed us to alter your wardrobes, your bodies, and even your minds. Now it's your turn. For the final challenge, for the millions of dollars and the title of 'The Hottie,' you must convince us that you want to win more than anything. You have one week to decide how to prove that you're the best woman for the job. All our resources are at your disposal."

***

Episode Six

The show opens with a montage of clips from the past several months: eight guys arriving at the sorority houses; their first makeover, their first time in public; the laughter, the tears, the smooth skin and curves. The screen fades to a group photo of the original eight girls, then switches to a shot of Deena and Tyler, the two finalists.

"It's been a crazy year," says Juan Venada. "I never would have thought all the girls would try so hard and turn out so beautiful. Before we see the results of our final challenge, let's see what our housemothers have to say.

"I couldn't be more proud of my girls," says Suzanne, Team Vixen housemother. "All four of them tried their hardest. I'm not surprised Deena made it to the finals, though it could have gone either way. Out of the girls, I think it was Chris who had to change her body the most. I think it was Brianna whose personality changed the most."

And was Suzanne surprised at how well her young ladies turned out?

"Not in the least," says the forty-year-old starlet, still looking sexy and glamorous in her low-cut evening gown. "Everyone changes. Before I was a beautician, I was an actress. Before I was an actress, I was a model. And before I was a model, I was a nightclub singer. Before that I was a marine."

The audience laughs until Suzanne lowers the shoulder of her dress, revealing a faded USMC tattoo. On the screen behind her is a photo of her at age 19: crew cut, in dress uniform, and every inch a man.

"This was not the life I'd have chosen for myself. But I was wounded during the invasion of Somalia...let's just say I lost something that no prosthetic could replace. Rather than be half a man for the rest of my life, I decided to become a complete woman."

The audience is only stunned for a moment, this is not the most shocking thing they've seen on this show. Soon they are on their feet, cheering the boy who lost his manhood to war, and the lovely woman he turned out to be.

Later, Juan interviewed Lupe, housemother of Team Kitten.

"I knew being housemother would be fun, but I had no idea it would be so heartbreaking.

Tammi's problems with her family, Ramona's poverty, and Nikki's poor attitude. If it weren't for Tyler cheering us all up, I don't think we would have survived. I'm pleased she's winning, though my money was on Tammi.

Juan asks the twenty-five-year-old model if she can take credit for the success of her girls, the former Miss Chile shakes her head.

"I couldn't have made these girls do a single thing against their will. Well, maybe Nikki. The point is, they achieved everything on their own."

When asked if she has any interesting secret she wants to reveal, Lupe winks at the camera.
"I've had a bit of plastic surgery myself. This isn't my real nose."

The audience groans, at least one of the pretty women on stage is real.

Lupe continues. "I had to have surgery. Back when I was a featherweight boxer, I broke it at least three times."

After the commercial break, we're ready for our final two contestants to present themselves. Their final estrogen challenge was up to them. They had to convince the judges how far they were willing to go in order to win.

The first lady on stage is Deena. The audience waits expectantly, wondering what over-the-top stunt she could pull in order to achieve victory (she's a two-to-one favorite in Vegas). But when the gorgeous woman walks out on the runway, it's not Deena, but her wife Rebeca!

The audience claps, but confused. Rebeca is lovely in her simple, one piece swimsuit, but she's not a contestant. Then, just as the audience is beginning to mumble. Another woman walks out on stage. Rebeca!

An absolute mirror image of the first woman, Rebeca II prances down the runway, and joins her twin. The crowd goes wild.

"Deena and Rebeca approached me right after the last challenge," says Dr. Freeman. "They wanted me to turn Deena into a clone of Rebeca. It was quite a challenge, and I ended up having to do a little work on Rebecca just to even things out. But you'll have to admit that they're sisters now! You can't tell who the real Rebeca is without looking in her panties. I'm not even sure anymore."

After the two Rebecas clear the stage, the judges wonder what Tyler can do to top becoming your wife's twin sister. Not even Lupe knows what her girl has in store when she walks out on stage. She is dressed unusually conservative, simply a skirt, sweater, and heels. Her hair has been dyed a more realistic brown.

Then, with no preamble, no music, no warning, she begins to strip. And this is no striptease. Everything goes. Soon Tyler stands in front of the audience wearing nothing but nipple rings and her valentine tattoo. And while our television audience is not allowed the full spectacle, our judges realize that Tyler is now missing some very important parts!

Dr. Freeman acknowledges his role in the transformation. "All Tyler's idea. I wasn't qualified to do the surgery, but I have a colleague in California who was more than happy to do the procedure. Tyler left more than her heart in San Francisco."

After the network's censors forced Tyler to replace her clothes, we polled audience members on who deserved to win. There were many different opinions, and the audience seemed fairly divided. Many thought that Tyler had sacrificed the most; others thought that Deena's marriage was an even bigger sacrifice than the rocker's family jewels. Finally, all votes were collected. Half an hour later, Tyler, and the two Rebecas stand on stage, all holding hands. The twins seem nervous, but Tyler doesn't appear worried at all.

"Ladies, you're all amazing. And it came down to a half-dozen votes. Congratulations, Deena!"

Deena and Rebeca begin to scream and embrace. Suzanne rushes forth to crown the winner, but realizes she's not sure who's who. She finally crowns one girl and hands a bouquet to the other.

Tyler seems strangely calm. She kisses and congratulates both girls and walks back stage.
After the singing, the champagne, and the tears, we interview our ladies one last time.
Rebeca and Deena cannot wipe the smiles off their faces.

"I'm so glad we won, but that's not even the best part. We're now even closer than husband and wife! We're sisters!"

The other girl nods in agreement. "We can share clothes, beauty tips, and do each other's makeup! And think of the roles we can land!"

Our interviewer is unable to resist, and asks who the real Deena is.

"She is," they say in unison.

Backstage, Tyler is more subdued. When ask how she feels about coming so close to victory, she shrugs.

"I could care less about winning. All the girls did great, but the whole contest was ridiculous."

Sour grapes? Hardly. Tyler turns to Jeff, who is watching from the back of the room.

"Jeff, I can't believe I'm about to tell you this. I love you. I've loved you since we met in high school." Tyler's voice cracks, this is hard to say. "I know you'd never love me like I used to be. So I joined this silly show. It's was the only way you'd ever see me as someone who could make you happy. And I can make you happy. If you..."

Tyler's entreaties are muffled by Jeff's lips, and she never gets the opportunity to finish her speech. Our crew discretely leaves. After eight months on TV, everyone was ready for some privacy.

________________________________________
Epilogue

It's been a year since the final episode of The Hottie, which proved to be one of the most successful shows in the history of reality TV. However, the network was plagued with calls demanding to know what happened to the ladies after the cameras were turned off. Did Tammi ever reconcile with her family? Did Ramona go back to Mexico? How are things between Tyler and Jeff? And did any of the girls stay girls?

We open our show with an interior shot of a church. It's gaily decorated with wedding bells, ribbons, and other signs of an impending marriage. Who's the lucky couple?

The guests begin to arrive. Is that a familiar face? It's Carla, the freedom-loving hippie chick who was eliminated early on in the competition. She's dolled up in a skirt and blouse, her long hair cascading down her back. We're quick to ask her what she's been doing.

"Well, after I lost my place on the show," she pauses to stick her tongue out at the camera "my sister Amy and I decided to take a long road trip back home to California. When we reached Arizona, we found this neat old house that someone was selling. I got a business loan and opened a bed and breakfast/ cycle rental. I actually handle the cycling part of the business. My partner is in charge of the hospitality end of things."

And who is her partner? Here she is now, staggering under the weight of a large gift. It's Tammi, the country girl whose fight with her father broke hearts all across America. She's cut her hair shorter since our last episode, but is still the same feminine, leggy woman we know.

"I had just walked out of town when Carla and her sister pulled up in their van. Someone at the sorority house had called them. Carla said she wasn't about to let a sister go homeless. When she found that house in Arizona, we decided to go into business together. She takes out customers out on bike excursions, while I clean and cook supper. The business is really taken off. Amy works there in the summers, but I think we may have to hire some additional help. Some nights we can barely crawl into our bed."

Our bed? Carla and Tammi don't elaborate, but it's hard to miss Carla's arm draped around Tammi's waist. Seems they are partners in more ways than one.

The girls squeal with delight when another former sister walks in. Chris is still tall and muscular, but still just as graceful and slender as we remember. She stops to hug her old friends.

"I honestly meant to go back to manhood when I got back to Chicago. Unfortunately, I managed to break my ankle during a pickup basketball game with Jenna. That pretty much ended my dreams of professional sports. Jenna felt so bad she got me a job as an assistant coach for her softball team. Soon I was co-manager. I also coach women's basketball and give motivational talks to high school girls. This season I'm going to be an honorary cheerleader at a Bears game. This is certainly not how I pictured my future, but I'm enjoying the heck out of myself."

Chris cuts her interview short when she spies two old friends. Ramona, the Mexican senorita who touched our hearts, along with Pilar, her fiancée.

"You mean wife," chastises Ramona. "After I lost on the show, I offered Pilar her freedom. She refused to accept."

"Ramona asked me to marry her," says Pilar, in halting English. "I don't care if she is man or woman. She is my wife. I am her wife. We are happy."

Ramona shows us pictures of their wedding. Both brides wore matching gowns, and it would be a foolish man who speculated on which girl was prettier.

"I didn't know what to do when I lost," recalls Ramona. "But then a Los Angeles agent asked me if I'd be willing to be hostess of a Spanish language talk show. Of course I said yes. After several months, Pilar and I got married. I still earn enough to send money home and to help out local Mexican immigrants."

Pilar grins. "Be sure and to watch Ramona, weekdays at two."

But Ramona isn't the only star. When Deena and Rebeca sashay in, all the guests turn and stare. Flashbulbs click. It's not every day one sees two Hollywood divas.

The twins are too busy catching up with their friends to speak to us, but why bother? Everyone knows their story. It seems Tinseltown can't get enough of the identical eye candy. From the romantic thriller YooHoo Chthulhu to the comedy Brokeback Traction, these two beauties barely have time to sleep. Of course, many of Hollywood's leading men have attempted to take them to bed...if we can believe the tabloids.

"Don't believe what you read," says either Deena or Rebeca. "At least, don't believe most of what you read."

Uh-oh, looks like someone isn't as happy to be at this wedding as everyone else. Nikki, the buxom contestant best known for her sour attitude, shuns her former housemates and sits alone in a pew. Her arms crossed over her ample chest, her crimson lips folded in a pout, one wonders why she bothered coming.

"Don't mind her," says Nikki's ex-girlfriend, Kiah. "She didn't want to come, but I insisted. You see, she pretty much has to do what I say. She's so in debt that if she doesn't want to get in legal trouble, she has to obey me.

"I keep her on a pretty tight leash. Weekdays she spends in class. She'll graduate this time if she knows what's good for her. At night she studies or helps me with the household work. On the weekends we go out together. Not as lovers anymore, I'm afraid I can't date a woman. Just as friends. I've got a new boyfriend now. It would be nice if Nikki could meet someone, but she just whines. Well, she won't have worked off her debt for another two or three years. Until then, she'll be nice and obedient."

Last to arrive are Tyler and Jeff, our rock stars. Tyler has made an effort to be feminine, but you have to admit, the girl would look more natural in leather than silk. Her sleeveless dress reveals her valentine tattoo, now complete with Jeff's name. Jeff admits he now has 'Tyler' tattooed across his chest.

"We've just cut an album, and have another in the works," says Tyler "We're going to be touring this summer, and I hope all the girls can make a couple of concerts. I've never been so happy."

Jeff smiles and kisses his girlfriend. He leaves the women alone and takes his place with the organist, who is also the keyboard player for their band. He and Jeff will be providing music for the ceremony.

The music starts and the guests take their seats. The groom arrives with his best man and ushers. Then, as the wedding march plays, the bride enters from the rear of the church.
Long flowing hair, a strapless wedding dress, a face like a flower...and thick, horn-rimmed glasses. You can make a girl out of a bookworm, but as Brianna has shown us, you can't take the bookworm out of the girl.

Brianna's mother sheds tears as she watches her child march down the aisle. "She's so gorgeous. All I wanted was for my son to get out more. Instead, I gained a son-in-law. I couldn't be more proud of Brianna."

Mark, who long ago escorted Brianna on her first ever date, stares at his bride in rapture. Though he's far too busy to comment, he was kind enough to give us a brief interview after the rehearsal dinner.

"I sort of went out with Brianna as a joke," he admits. "I felt bad about tattooing her. I never expected to fall this hard, but to tell you the truth, I was happy when she was eliminated. I picked her up that night, and we've barely been apart since.

"Brianna's everything I want in a woman: smart, funny, and so gorgeous. She's going to finish her doctorate and while I work at the shop. Hopefully she won't be too much of a distraction!"

As the couple says their vows, every Hottie contestant is in tears (well, maybe not Nikki). After the couple is pelted with rice, our camera crew joins them at the reception. Cake is cut, speeches are made, and dinner is served.

"It's so good to see all the girls together again," says Brianna. "Next month we're all going to do a spread for J. Crew swimwear. Pilar and Rebeca too, and maybe Amy, if we can convince her mother. And Lupe wants to us to put out a cheesecake calendar for charity. I'd never hear the end of that at the university!"

As the night wears on, couples begin to slow dance. Mark and Brianna. Rebeca and Deena. Tammi and Carla. Ramona and Pilar. Jeff and Tyler. Even Nikki allows Chris to lead her in a dance.

The time has come to bid the newlyweds goodbye. Brianna throws her bouquet and Tyler grabs it (though a rather miffed looking Carla is rubbing her ribs afterwards). And so we must say goodbye to you, gentle viewer. Be sure and catch some of our great new shows for next season:

The Hottie Two-America's Sweethearts: Ramona and Pilar will serve as housemothers on the next generation of The Hottie. Twenty contestants! Wilder challenges! Sexier outfits! Can you handle it?

Beauty is the Beast: We take the geekiest guys in high school and turn them into the most popular girls! Will the president of the chess team be elected prom queen? Can a member of the computer club make the cheerleading squad? Will a boy who's never have a date get asked out by the football quarterback? Chris and Brianna will help turn these sad sacks into sweet sixteens!

The Biggest Loser II: We take ten extremely overweight men and give them the opportunity to shed several hundred pounds. The catch? Dr. Freeman is in charge of their weight loss, and he doesn't have time for dieting. Watch as these ten guys get ready for bikini season!

A Mile in my Heels: We take five men whose wives have left them, and give them another chance at marriage. Only this time, they'll be the wives! Join Kiah and Nikki as we explore what happens when a man goes from husband to housewife!

A Change of Venue: What happens when the web master of a TG comics site, a TG artist, and the writer of TG stories get a chance to live out their fantasies? Join the trio as they become the heroines of their own creations!