Wrecker Romance
sequel to Armor Amour
By Czolgolz
[email protected]


The poetry recital was over, the janitors had finished stacking the last of the folding chairs.  It was time to go.

“C’mon Alexis, we have to leave now,”  I said to my friend.  She was still standing at the doorway, waiting.  She cast a lovely silhouette in the doorway.  Small wonder, she had been a professional model until a year ago.  Like me, she was born with both the blessing and the curse of being a lovely woman.  Society adores us, but doesn’t respect us.

That was why I was so happy when Alexis decided to give up modeling to pursue her dream of being a poet.  It wouldn’t be easy, obviously, but at least she’d be doing something she loved.  Something that would earn her respect.

Alexis sighed.  “I know.  It’s just that Jabe said he’d come tonight.  I was looking forward to seeing him again.”

Ah, Jabe.  The mysterious man who had convinced her to follow her dreams.  Alexis told me very little about him, other than that he had been a laborer on her last swimsuit shoot and had disappeared shortly after.  I wondered what he had done to change her life so radically; I’d been trying to get her to quit modeling for years.

“Alexis, what is so special about this guy Jabe?  You haven’t seen him for a year.  Why does he have this weird effect over you?”

Alexis fixed me with a stare.  “Leah, when you meet guys, what do you think their first impression is of you?”

I snorted.  “A short, busty brunette, who they’d like to lay.”  

“And how often do you meet a guy who notices the color of your eyes before your bra size?”

“Not often.”  Like, never.

“Well, Leah, when I met Jabe, I was a swimsuit model, wearing nothing but a bikini.  But Jabe didn’t see a tall, skinny blonde with big knockers when he looked at me.  For the first time in years I felt like a person.  It was...it was...magical.”

I shook my head.  Alexis was clearly smitten with this mystery man, but I had my doubts.  If he was such a great guy, why didn’t he contact her for a year?  I got the impression more had happened on the night they met than Alexis was telling me.

We walked off into the dimly-lit parking lot.  

“That was so beautiful,” came a raspy voice from the shadows.  I stifled a scream at the sight of the lumbering figure approaching us from the darkness.  Only when Alexis hollered “Jabe!” did I stop groping for my Mace.

“Your poetry.  That was the loveliest thing I ever heard,”  said the man.  I couldn’t stop staring.  Alexis’ constant talking about Jabe had caused me to form a mental image of him in my head; I expected a young, handsome, intellectual looking guy, probably one of those bearded, coffee house types.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Jabe, while not ugly, was one of the weirdest looking guys I had ever met.  He had a towering frame that reminded one of Frankenstein’s monster.  He left arm was severed above the elbow, his shirtsleeve was pinned shut.  His left eye seemed to be dead; it stared off into space, I wondered if he lost the vision in it the same time he lost his arm.  His face, with its scrubby hair, mis-matched eyes, broken nose, and missing teeth reminded one more of someone you’d see in a wanted poster than the man of someone’s dreams.

I reminded myself not to judge by appearances.  Alexis, meanwhile seemed to be restraining herself from tackling Jabe out of pure joy.

“Where the hell have you been?”  she shouted.

“In Mexico.”

“Why didn’t you call me or write?”

“I, uh, knew you had a lot of work ahead of you, and I, uh, wanted to show you that you could do it all on your own, without my help.”

“I don’t believe you.  Not one letter of encouragement?  Why?”

“Okay.  I had been accused of a grizzly double homicide and I couldn’t risk the FBI finding me.  You can be extradited from Mexico, you know.”  There was an awkward pause.

“Are you serious?”  I couldn’t help asking.

“Tragically, yes.  Luckily, they found the real killer recently and I hopped the first flight back.”

Alexis shook her head, then rushed toward him.  I think she was expecting a kiss and seemed a little surprised when he simply embraced her with his one arm.  “I missed you,”  he rasped.

“I missed you too.”  They held each other for a long time.  I began to feel uncomfortable.  Finally, they disentangled themselves.  Alexis introduced us.

“Jabe, this is my friend Leah.”

“Pleased to meet you, Leah,”  he said, and shook my hand.  He didn’t so much as glance at my chest, which was a point in his favor.

“So can you join us for dinner?”  Alexis asked in a voice that begged me to have other plans.  Before I could think of an excuse, Jabe answered.

“I’m sorry, no.  But listen.  I’m putting on a bit of a magic act tomorrow.  Would you two like to come?”  Alexis nodded, trying to hide her disappointment.  Jabe vanished back into the shadows.

As I drove home, I tried to sort out what I thought of Jabe.  He seemed nice enough, though he made me feel uneasy.  I wondered what was going to happen at this magic show.
*
Alexis and I were certain Jabe had given us the wrong address when we left for the magic show the next night.  It was along a dirt road at the edge of town, and the only thing there was the bi-state automobile wrecking sight.  Only when we saw the hand-lettered cardboard sign reading ‘Magic Show, 10pm’ did we know we had found the right place.

The junkyard was eerie at night.  Stacks of rusted-out cars, barrels of flaming trash, the security dogs howling from their pens; I was glad I wasn’t alone.

The locale for the show was nothing more than a barren patch of land behind an imposing looking building labeled ‘FOUNDRY.’  About fifteen people sat on crates in front of a large bonfire, the only source of light in the area.  Alexis and I sat on the hood of a demolished Buick, a little back from the rest of the crowd.  I noticed with trepidation we were the only women in the audience.

Ten o’clock rapidly approached.  It was a cloudy night, and the fire caused strange shadows to appear among the heaps of car parts.  The screaming of the far-off crushing machine sat my skin on edge.  I wanted to leave.

I began to wonder when the show would start when a hidden speaker blasted out Jim Morrison’s voice “Is everybody in?  The ceremony is about to begin.”  Suddenly there was a scream, and movement from the bonfire.

Like a bat out of hell, Jabe jumped from the midst of the flames.  He was clad in nothing but a pair of old jeans, shirtless and barefoot.  I gripped the edge of the car.  His muscular, sweaty frame glowed in the firelight.  I was scared.  How could a man dressed in no protective gear withstand heat like that?  I tried to tell myself it was only a trick.

“I’d like to think everyone for coming out tonight,”  said Jabe in his raspy voice, and proceeded with the show.

His first trick calmed me down a bit.  It was a variation of the ‘walnut shell and pea’ routine, only this was performed with an engine block and the trunks of three cars.  I sat in wild-eyed wonder as Jabe would slam a trunk over the quarter-ton engine, only to have it appear in the trunk of another car, seconds later.  Soon I was laughing with the rest of the audience as every trunk we predicted the hunk of machinery was in turned up empty.  The trick ended when Jabe flipped open all three trucks revealing a miniscule refrigerator motor in each one.

I began to relax.  The arena had seemed more appropriate to some satanic ritual, but it appeared to be just a regular magic act.  I wondered why as magician as talented as Jabe appeared to be was performing out in the middle of nowhere like this.  Maybe he was still waiting for his big break.

“And now,” continued Jabe, “I’d like a volunteer from the audience.”  Alexis’ hand shot up.  “Yes, the young lady in the back row,” said Jabe.

“Alexis, wait!”  I tried to stop her, but it was too late; she was already rushing towards the fire.

“Lady’s and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to Alexis McMoore!”  The all-male audience hooted and hollered in a predictably masculine fashion.

I began to feel the onset of panic.  I didn’t like the idea of Alexis being part of this magic act, what would Jabe do to her?  ‘Calm down,’ I told myself.  ‘He probably just wants her to pick a card or something.’  

Jabe indicated that Alexis should stand between two cinder blocks that were on the ground.  He then asked her to raise her arms above her head.  From behind a pile of wreckage, Jabe produced a truck tire.  Raising it over Alexis’ body, he lowered it down her arms, past her body, and over her ankles.  It stood suspended on the cinder blocks, covering Alexis’ lower calves but leaving her feel visible below.  Jabe stacked another tire on top of the first, covering her up to her knees.  Several more tires followed, until all that was visible outside of the stack of tires were Alexis’ feet and her raised hands.

“Are you OK in there?”  asked Jabe.  Alexis shot a thumbs up to the audience.  Jabe, with the help of a male audience member, gently lowered the stack to a horizontal position.  Alexis was now laying on her back still encased in the tire tower.  Jabe straightened the tires so that they were all even with each other, then stood behind Alexis.

I didn’t realize what was about to happen until it was too late.  From out of nowhere Jabe produced a long, shiny sword.  He placed his fingers to his lips, as if to warn the audience not to tell Alexis what was about to happen.  Then he raised the blade.

My words caught in my throat.  Surely he wouldn’t…the blade slammed downwards, bisecting the tire stack deftly between two Goodyear radials.  Alexis’ hands and feet twitched; I thought I heard her squeal.  For a panicked second I thought he really had severed her, but the continued movement of her fingers proved otherwise.  Again he hacked until he had driven the sword between every tire.  With every strike, Alexis would stiffen (at least the few parts of her that were visible would stiffen).  But no screams ensued, no blood, no lifelesness in her limbs.  I concluded that she was safe.

Jabe bent over, selected the middlemost tire and hoisted it above his head.  He spun in around to show the audience that it did not contain a cross section of Alexis.  More interesting, however, was the fact that the column of tires was now missing a part.  An eight-inch section that should have contained Alexis’ navel was gone; I could clearly see through to the other side.

Jabe removed another tire, and another.  Soon only two remained, the top one that her hands stuck out of, and the lowermost one from which her feet protruded.  Jabe knelt down between them.  Reaching over, her removed her shoes and proceeded to tickle her feet.  I couldn’t hear her laughing, but her hands vibrated like she was being seriously tickled.  Jabe then stood up and, grabbing Alexis by the ankles (he had to use his one massive hand for both her feet), pulled.  Alexis’ hands vanished into their tire, as if Jabe had pulled her whole body closer to him.  Likewise, more of her legs became visible from their tire.  Jabe spun the top tire around, to reveal that it was now empty.  He then returned to the last tire, the one containing Alexis’ feet.  Reaching in to the opposite end, he seemed to grab hold of something (presumably her hand), and pulled.  Alexis’ feet retracted into the tire the same way her hands had.  Triumphantly, Jabe held the last empty tire aloft, revealing that Alexis’ disappearance was complete.  The audience applauded enthusiastically.

I was utterly dumbfounded.  Never, in all the TV magic shows I had witnessed, had I seen anything like this.  No fog, no trap-door concealing stage, no special effects other than the general darkness of the area.  It was phenomenal, for the life of me I couldn’t figure out how they had done it!  And with no rehearsals either!  Perhaps they had practiced the first time they met, but that seemed hardly likely.  I couldn’t wait to grill Alexis to find out the secret.  I glanced around the junkyard to see where she was hiding, but of course I couldn’t find her.  Jabe would no doubt make her reappear with some future trick.

Jabe retreated momentarily into the foundry and returned, pulling behind him a large covered box on wheels.  From within, a savage barking emitted, it was clear there was a dog inside.  This was confirmed when Jabe removed the cover to reveal a snarling, snapping Doberman in a cage.  The dog had no friendly intentions.  From the way it constantly tried to gnaw through the bars, it was clear that it was a killer.  Most of the audience scooted back slightly; no one felt like becoming a human chew toy.

“My friends, I’d like you to meet Aplasta Huesos!”  he said, indicating the wild beast.  “Please do not be alarmed.  He will not hurt you.  That is, as long as he is in his cage.  Believe me, he’s not so friendly when he’s free.”  He looked pointedly at his missing arm.  I wondered if that was how he really had lost it.  Jabe replaced the sheet over the cage.  The barking got louder.

“Now of course, if I were to be so careless as to remove the cage…” with a quick gesture, Jabe reached under the sheet and pulled.  The top of the cage lifted, several audience members screamed.  Almost to a man, everyone tried to make a run for it.  It was only after several seconds that everyone realized the dog was gone.  What was now in the lidless cage was a smiling Alexis, calmly holding a tape recorder, from which emitted the sounds of a wild dog.  Alexis stood up and kissed Jabe on the cheek.

I was hoping that she would join me again so I could find out how the trick had been done, but Jabe wasn’t through with her yet.  He produced a magician’s hat and placed it on Alexis’ head.  

“I am now going to attempt an escape of the most deadly type.  If you would direct your attention to the area above my head.”  Looking up, we saw a crane-like apparatus extending from the roof of the foundry.  From its end dangled a large, industrial magnet, a disk the size of a hot tub.  Jabe picked up something from the ground.  It was a small control panel, which was attached to a cord that extended from the building.  Jabe hit a button and the magnet slowly began to descend.

Upon direction from Jabe, Alexis bound him in a straitjacket.  Then, as the magnet gently came to rest upon the earth, Alexis attached his legs to the magnet with a pair of chains.  “And now,” continued Jabe, “I will attempt to free myself from these fetters while dangling over fifty feet in the air!”

Alexis pressed another button on the control and Jabe began to rise into the air, dangling from his feet.  “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing!”  he shouted.  Soon Jabe was dangling by his ankles, a considerable distance above the roof of the foundry.

I hated to admit it, but I was really worried about him. He was out of the straightjacket in less than a minute, but that was an easy feat for a one-armed man.  It was the chains around his feet that gave him the most troubles.  A two handed man could hold on with one arm and remove the chains with his other.  Jabe, while he removed the chains, was holding on to nothing.

Miraculously, he succeeded.  He flipped himself over until he was standing on top on the magnet.  Jabe waved to the audience (which almost caused him to fall off) and then shouted down to Alexis.

“Bring me down, slowly!”

Alexis hit a button.  Suddenly, there was a grinding sound and the magnet plunged to earth with a crash.  Dust billowed everywhere.  “Slowly!  Slowly I said!”  I heard Jabe yell
.
Eventually the air cleared and I saw a very disheveled looking Jabe stagger to his feet.  He bowed to the audience who applauded sporadically, still stunned by the sudden crash.

“Well Alexis, I don’t think…” suddenly, he looked around himself.  Where was Alexis?
Jabe’s glance fell upon the huge iron disk on the ground.  He knelt down next to in, and, placing his head near the ground, whispered “Alexis?  Alexis honey, are you under there?”

I felt a sudden twinge of panic, which quickly subsided.  True, Alexis had ostensibly been flattened under the mammoth chunk of metal, but it didn’t seem to worry Jabe, so it must have been another trick.  I think most of the audience reached the same conclusion, because several of them laughed.

Jabe picked up the control device and raised the magnet.  Looking on the ground, the only thing visible was a small, black disk.  Jabe picked it up and regarded it curiously.  Then he quickly snapped his wrist outward.  With a popping sound, the disk expanded into a recognizable form.  It was the magician’s hat that Alexis had been wearing.

Jabe turned the hat over and looked inside.  Then he grinned.  Placing the hat on the ground, he reached inside and seemed to grab hold of something.  Slowly raising his arm, he pulled it into view.  It was Alexis’ two bare feet, jutting up from inside the hat.  Everyone cheered.  Jabe stood up and bowed to the audience.  “Wave to the people, Alexis!”  he quipped.  Alexis responded by jiggling her feet.

Jabe bent over and gently pushed Alexis’ feet back into the hat.  Then he placed the hat on his head.  I looked at the ground where the hat had been, but I could detect no signs of the hole Alexis must have been hiding in (in never occurred to me that her whole body could have been compressed into the tiny hat).

“And now for my final trick.  As Alexis in no longer, shall we say, herself, I’ll need to ask for another volunteer from the audience.  You there!”  He pointed to me.

I shook my head.  Watching Alexis participate in the craziness was one thing; she was enamored with the guy.  I on the other hand, had no desire to be flattened, dissected, or transformed into a dog, even if it was all fake.  

“Aw, c’mon,”  pleaded Jabe.  “I can’t do the last trick without you.”  The audience began to hoot and holler.  Deciding not to postpone the inevitable, I joined him on state.  The guys in the audience cheered; I guess they were hoping Jabe would make my clothes disappear or something.

Jabe led me to a narrow ally behind the performance area, between two walls of crushed cars.  From within a mass of mangled autos he withdrew a chain with a manacle on the end of it.  This he secured to my arm.  He produced an identical one from the other side, and soon I was chained, spread-eagled, like Fay Wray waiting for King Kong.  

“What are you going to do?”  I whispered to him.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,”  he winked back.

Jabe walked to the end of the alley.  There stood a pre-1960’s car on four flat tires.  The hood was gone, revealing the engine had been cannibalized long ago.  Jabe slid into the driver’s seat.  “Stand clear, everyone!”  The audience moved back; I couldn’t.

Much to my horror, the lights on Jabe’s car turned on.  Then, despite the lack of an engine, I heard it rev to life.  Inexplicably, it began to inch forward on its rotting tires.  Slowly at first, but quickly gaining momentum.  And it was headed right towards me.

I began to sweat.  The car, despite the fact it had no engine, was quickly gaining momentum.  I didn’t like this.  What exactly was he going to do, make the car disappear just before it ran me down?  I never should have agreed to this without knowing what I was getting into.

I struggled but the chains held me fast.  Soon Jabe was going too fast to brake in time.  Why the hell hadn’t he told me the trick?  How did he expect me to escape?  The car was barely ten feet away.  I closed my eyes and began to scream...

I was suddenly aware of the fact that I was no longer chained up.  I wasn’t standing either, I was sitting down.  Opening my eyes, I realized to my shock that I was now sitting in the decaying driver’s seat of the derelict that Jabe had tried to run me down with.  There was no sound of an engine; I slowly coasted to a stop.

On wobbly knees I got out of the car.  Looking back, I half expected to see Jabe tied up in the chains, but they were empty.  Still not fully recovered, I bowed to the audience.  

With a rusty creak, the trunk of the car opened.  Inside lay a grinning Jabe, his arm draped around a fully restored Alexis.  They waved and grinned to everyone.
***
Eventually the last of the audience went home.  As soon as the junkyard took on an abandoned look, I cornered Jabe and Alexis.

“How the hell did you do that?”

“Do what?”  asked Jabe, with affected (or maybe genuine) ignorance.

“Do what?  How did you change places with me like that?  How did you flatten Alexis?  How did you do all those tricks?”

Alexis hugged Jabe around the neck.  “Didn’t I tell you he was magical?”

Magical?  I had always assumed she meant that figuratively.  Had he really cut her up into a dozen pieces?  Had he really flattened her under the magnet?  

I couldn’t think of another explanation.  Alexis declined to ride with me, saying she wanted to spend more time with Jabe.  I drove home in wonderment, still trying to make sense of it all.  As I dozed off that night, I wondered where Alexis was at the moment, and if she was still in one piece.