Erotic Bakery 6
Health Inspection

By Czolgolz
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Lobby security camera, Anything Goes Erotic Bakery.  The store is closed for the night.  Someone is banging on the door.  Eventually a man in chef’s whites comes to the door.

Brian:  Sorry, we’re closed.

The other man, a young, blond guy, holds out some sort of identification.

Tim:  My name’s Tim Johnson.  Health department.  May I come in?

Brian looks chagrined, but unlocks the door.  Tim enters, followed by a chubby young brunette.  She’s carrying a sheaf of papers and gives the impression that she’ll drop them at any time.  Her clothing is disheveled, and she wears thick glasses.  For some reason, she looks extremely cute.

Tim:  This is my assistant, Bailey.  

Bailey attempts to shake hands, but almost loses her papers.

Brian:  I wish I’d known you were coming.

Tim:  It’s a surprise inspection.  It’s come to our attention that you’ve begun serving meat products along with your usual baked goods.

Brian:  Not exactly...

Tim:  Does the name Jenn ring a bell?  Or Andi?  Or Ardelle?  Or half a dozen others?

Brian:  (Nervously)  They gave their consent...kind of.

Tim:  That’s not my concern.  I’m here to see all food is prepared in a sanitary manner.

Brian:  In that case, follow me.

Kitchen camera.  The Anything Goes kitchen is chaotic, but clean.  On close inspection, one might wonder about the high heel shoes in the drying rack, or the bras hanging among the pots.  Tim is unconcerned as he pokes around things.  

Tim:  The paper towels at your hand washing station should be in a dispenser.  And you should have a sign over your emergency exit.

Brian:  I can get that done this week.

There is a loud crash.  Bailey has knocked over a large glass bottle, which shatters on the floor.  Brian cringes.

Bailey:  Sorry.

Brian:  It’s okay.  We were almost out of Petra anyway.

Tim:  Well, your kitchen is up to code.  Now, I’ll need to see you prepare some food.

Brian:  Anything specific?

Tim:  No, just as long as it has meat in it.

Brian frowns, then gets an idea.  He unlocks a large pantry.  Surprisingly, a young woman sits in the small closet, reading a cookbook.  She has red hair, freckles, and is not wearing a stitch of clothes.

Brian:  Tim, Bailey, this is Angela.  She was kind enough to volunteer herself as an ingredient.  

Angela:  Closes her book.  Volunteer, nothing!  I bet him that if the Dodgers won the World Series, then he’d make me a spaghetti dinner!  I didn’t think I’d wind up in the pot.

Brian:  C’mon, a bet’s a bet.

Angela:  (Exiting closet)  Yeah, yeah.

Tim:  Would you mind getting up on the counter?

Angela grudgingly obliges.  While Brian takes a huge, washtub-sized pot and places it on the stove, Tim inspects Angela.  He checks her skin for cleanliness.  He then checks her
teeth, her muscle tone, and her freckled skin.  In the background, Brian has enlisted Bailey’s help in filling the pot with tomato sauce, which he brings to a boil.

Tim:  Well, she’s in fine shape, and disease free.  

Tim takes out a rubber stamp and presses it to Angela’s forehead.  The words ‘Grade A prime’ now appear on her head.

Angela:  Hey!  You know, I’m not a piece of meat!


Tim:  Well, if you’re going to be cooked and served, then legally you are.

Brian takes Angela by the hand and leads her to the stove.  Uncertainly, she climbs a step stool up to the pot.

Angela:  (to Tim)  Can’t you do something about this?

Tim:  Sorry.

Angela sighs and allows Brian to push her backwards into the pot.  Her head and shoulders rise out of the sauce on the far side of the pot, her feet stick out from the other.  The mixture is boiling.  Brian adds some salt.

Tim:  Well, everything looks good on this end.  Say, what’s this?  (gestures to large grinder-like gadget).

Brian:  That’s my noodle maker.  I’d demonstrate, but I’m out of ingredients.  

Tim looks at his assistant.  

Tim:  Bailey, honey, have a look in the top opening of that thing.

Brian:  I just used it, so there’s a lot of flour in there.

Bailey:  But I’m wearing a black sweater!  It’ll get messed up.

Tim:  Just take it off for a second.  We’ll turn around.

Brian:  Let’s see how the sauce is doing.

Angela’s body has slipped into the pot considerably. Her chin now touches the sauce and her feet are gone to the knees.  Brian adds some ingredients as Bailey shyly removes her top in the background.  She reveals a pair of well formed breasts and a dimpled, plump body.

Brian tastes a spoonful of Angela.

Brian:  What do you think?  Offers Angela a spoonful of herself.

Angela:  Hmm.  I need more garlic.

Angela opens her mouth and Brian pours in garlic powder.  In the background, Bailey is on a stool, peering down the top opening of the huge grinder.

Bailey:  I don’t see...whoa!

Bailey loses her balance, toppling head first into the grinder.  Her round midsection stops her.  Her skirt folds down, revealing a pair of wildly kicking legs sticking upside down out of the machine.

Angela:  Didn’t see that coming.

Tim:  So could you give me a demonstration on how this works?

Brian, careful not to get kicked by Bailey, removes her skirt.  He then cranks the machine.  As Bailey’s legs descend into the grinder, strands of pasta come out the other end.  Brian allows the noodles to collect into a large pot.

Brian:  Tim, looks like the sauce is almost ready.  Will you take care of Bailey while I stir Angela?

Tim slowly cranks the grinder, clearly enjoying himself.  He stops to pluck a noodle.  Bailey’s feet jiggle as he does this.  In the background, the rest of Angela has vanished into the pot.  Brian stirs the bubbling mixture.

Tim:  I think she’s going to overflow.

Brian:  We’ll save the rest for later.

Tim allows the last of the Bailey flavored noodles to fall into the pot.  Bailey’s feet still stick up out of the grinder.  Her feet move wildly.

Tim:  I don’t suppose we could...

Brian passes Tim two plates.  Tim scoops a pile of Bailey onto each one.  Brian spoons a good helping of Angelica onto each serving.

Brian:  Let’s go eat in the dining area.  So do I pass inspection?

Tim:  (taking a bite)  Oh yeah.  You know, it’s strange, I always did wonder what she’d taste like.

The two men leave.  Brian stops to turn off the lights.  In the darkened kitchen a pot of tomato sauce bubbles on low heat, while a set of toes wiggles helplessly from the top of a large grinder.