# Legging It

## One

Hanna hopped up the curb onto the sidewalk.

It was just after dawn. A single car, something electric by the sound of it, made its way down the road behind her.

She continued, hopping over a tree root that had taken over part of the sidewalk, and then around a puddle that had formed on the other side of it.

It was only a couple more blocks then she’d be home. Good. Her leg was getting tired of all this hopping.

Of all the possible walks of shame she’d done in her life, this might have been the weirdest. The state of things also made it difficult to balance. And her knee was starting to hurt.

This was maybe not the most difficult morning after she’d had — that had to be the time with the “no hands and no feet” night at Angela Carter’s beach house, when said hands and feed had been magically vanished the evening before and it turned out the spell was somewhat more long-lasting than anyone expected. But this was up there with that too.

She hopped past the First Methodist church of saint whomever. Hopped up to the stop sign at Broad St. She checked the traffic and hopped across the road.

At least it was a nice morning. Not very hot yet. The hangover from the red wine was countered by the coffee and marijuana she’d shared with Jen before leaving. Birds were chirping and stuff too.

“Board Game Night” also didn’t seem like the kind of occasion that would lead to staying out overnight, but with characters like Elly and Jen in the mix, you never really knew what to expect.

Plus Sophie was out of town for work, so she was free to rampage without the burdensome expectation of a girlfriend at home.

Now Sophie was back from the airport. And so Hannah had to find her way back home. And explain this stuff.

Explain how she was nothing but a leg now. A left leg, since the detail slightly mattered in which shoe she’d had to leave behind.

At least she also had a head.

A head, attached to a leg. Hopping down the street.

Even for someone into body magic, this was probably a pretty unusual sight. At least it was early enough that nobody was around.

She was wearing some borrowed tights from Jen, the free leg tied around her thigh. The only purpose of those was to provide a pocket for her phone, which she couldn’t really use like this anyway.

One more block to go. Still nobody around. About a half hour later with everyone coming out to walk dogs and take a jog, she’d probably end up posted on the internet.

She hopped across Anderson St. Turned right onto her block. She didn’t even want to glance at the corner store in case Camron was working that morning.

Finally she was in front of her townhouse. Only two more items to negotiate now.

First was the stairs. Then there was the door.

Hop. Hop. Hop. This was harder than she expected, in part because she didn’t trust her balance yet.

Jake had some kind of explanation for it last night. Something about core strength and a new center of balance.

Hop. Hop. Hop.

She was up the front steps. She paused to rest against the railing for a moment.

Now came the part where she figured out how to get inside. She’d considered this a few times on the way over, but none of the potential outcomes seemed ideal.

One possibility was to jump up and try to hit the doorbell with her nose or her tongue. That seemed unrealistic and also gross.

Another was to use her forehead to knock on the door. Achievable, but if Sophie didn’t hear her, she might end up having to bonk her head more than she ideally should be.

The last possibility depended on technology.

“Hey Siri, call Sophie,” she said, hoping that the phone gods would cooperate.

“Calling Sophie—“ came the sing-song voice in reply.

Hanna breathed a sigh of relief. Now she just had to hope she’d pick up.

## Two

“Okay,” said Sophie, taking a long sip of coffee. “It seems like there’s some catching up to do.”

“Yeahhh,” said Hanna, with a smirk. “I guess there is.”

They’d moved to the couch after Sophie’s initial “What the fuck?” and turning around and turning around again to give Hanna a kiss hello.

“How did this even happen,” said Sophie. “Like how do we even start to—“

She clenched and unclenched her free hand while staring off into space.

“It was board game night,” said Hanna. “With Emma and Jen.”

“Board games,” restated Sophie. “You stayed out all night playing board games.”

“No I got drunk playing board games, and being that I’m nothing but a leg, I decided not to try to uber home at 2:30AM, so I crashed at Jen’s place.”

“Right,” said Sophie. “Well that was the responsible choice then. So what else?”

“Well,” said Hanna. “First I guess I lost an arm and leg when we were playing the ‘Deal Maker’ game. Then I guess I lost my torso to Jen later playing the Pirate Game, I don’t remember the name of it. And I had to trade my other arm to keep my head when we were playing Spades…”

“Okay—“ interrupted Sophie, with an outstretched hand. “I can absolutely picture a board game night with Jen going crazy, but let’s back up again.”

“Sure,” said Hanna. “What else?”

Sophie set down her coffee cup. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath.

“I’m trying to think of the best way to ask this,” she said. “But when I left, on my work trip, two days ago—“

She paused and looked at Hanna.

“You were Jake. You were a guy. You were my boyfriend Jake.”

“Mmm,” said Hanna. “Yeah that’s true.”

“And now you’re only a leg, you’re a girl, and you’re Hanna.”

“Yeah,” agreed Hanna. “Kind of a mindfuck I’ll agree.”

Sophie opened and closed her mouth while grasping the air with her hands.

“How?” she finally said.

“Well,” said Hanna. “We played the Name Game.”

“What is … the name game.”

“You split up the letters to everyone’s names, you mix them all together, you pick and trade them around until someone can make a name that someone started with.”

“That sounds completely ridiculous.”

“I actually won it,” said Hanna proudly. “Then if you win, you get to pick the name and pronouns for everyone else.”

“Okay,” said Sophie, finally picking up her coffee again. “So that’s how you became Hanna.”

“Hanna, she/her,” said Hanna proudly, flexing her toes up in the air.

“Great,” said Sophie. “I guess that explains that but—“

She paused again.

“But what?” prompted Hanna.

“You turned me into a lesbian,” said Sophie, surprising a laugh. “You made me into a lesbian without my permission.”

“You were a lesbian when I met you, bitch,” said Hanna, with a snarky tone. “Unless you forgot that before I was Jake I was Julia.”

“I remember Julia very well,” said Sophie with a laugh. “Julia was an awesome girlfriend.”

“I’m still awesome,” said Hanna, defensively. “I was an awesome girlfriend when I was Julia, and an awesome boyfriend when I was Jake, and now I’m your awesome girlfriend Hanna.”

“This wasn’t even Hanna’s head,” said Sophie, squinting in confusion. She ran a hair through the short black pixie cut that Hanna now had. “Hanna — original Hanna now I guess — was a blonde.”

“No it was Swati’s head.”

“Who is Swati?”

“I don’t know, the girl who’s head this was. I just met her last night. Cute though right?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“This was original-Hanna’s leg though,” said Hanna, proudly flexing her knee up to show it off.

“I’ll give you this,” said Sophie, moving a hand down to Hanna’s thigh. “It is a really sexy leg.”

“Isn’t it?” said Hanna brightly. “I kind of love it. Want to help me take these tights off?”

Sophie obliged, helping Hanna out of the single leg of borrowed yoga tights she was wearing.

“There,” said Hanna, standing up on a bare foot. “Now you can really take it in.”

“Okay,” said Sophie, running a hand up and down Hanna’s thigh. “I guess there’s something to this.”

“You know what’s really cool about this? In addition to having a really hot leg?”

“What’s that?”

“I’m naked right now,” said Hanna with a big grin.

Sophie was unable to stop herself from laughing.

“I guess you are,” she agreed.

“I can be naked in public like this,” said Hanna. “And nobody can say anything about it.”

“I … yeah,” said Sophie. “You really found the loophole here.”

“I mean, 90% of the reason why I wanted to be Jake was to take my shirt off outside,” said Hanna.

“Which you did constantly,” remarked Sophie. “And wait — 90%? Really?”

“Let’s revise that,” said Hanna, giggling. “90% of the reasons that didn’t involve having a penis were so I could take my shirt off outside.”

“That’s a little more like it,” said Sophie, with a sigh. “And I guess — just so you know — it’s not that I’m dissapointed that you’re Hanna now it’s just — how do I put this—“

“You wanted the D,” said Hanna.

“I wanted the D,” said Sophie, nodding. “Was really looking forward to it when I got home.”

“Yeah, my bad,” said Hanna. “I’m a bit short on the boy parts or the lady bits at the moment.”

“Well,” said Sophie. “We can take care of things in other ways here. There’s just one other thing — when do you get your body back? Whatever body constitutes Hanna. I assume there’s a matching leg and so on somewhere.”

“There is. In theory.”

“Okay, theory is a strong start,” said Sophie. “When are they yours again.”

“Dunno,” said Hanna, with an indifferent sideways nod.

“You don’t know.”

“You can’t just ask for your body back right after you lose it,” said Hanna. “It’s bad etiquette.”

Sophie tried to stop herself from laughing again.

“Okay,” she said. “It’s just that — Sunday night.”

“What’s Sunday night?”

“My friends Aaron and Claire are coming into town, and we’re getting dinner with them.”

“Oh yeahhh,” said Hanna. “The high-school-sweatheart-normie-ville couple.”

“Do not call them that to their face please,” said Sophie, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. “They’re just people who aren’t used to magic.”

“Okay, is the midwestern-prude-show more appropriate?”

“Look, whether you’re a guy named Jake or a girl named Hanna isn’t an issue here, it’s just going to be a bit of a wild start if you’re still just a … leg.”

“I will most likely be able to get most of my body back by then.”

“Wow that’s really reassuring,” said Sophie, rolling her eyes.

“I’m pretty sure I can do it!” said Hanna. “Just depends on stuff. Do I have to have arms?”

“This is giving me a headache,” said Sophie, rubbing her temples. “What happened to your arms.”

“You know what you should do,” said Hanna, cheerfully.

“Did you just misplace your arms? Did you trade them to someone?”

“You should take your head off,” suggested Hanna.

“C’mon,” said Sophie, scoffing.

“What good is a girlfriend with a detachable head if her head is attached to her body?”

Sophie exasperation gave way to a giggle. The phrase had been batted back and forth since Sophie had gone to get detachable head a few months prior.

“Fine,” she said. “But if I do this, you still have to explain what’s up with your arms.”

Sophie took a hold of her head by the chin and ponytail, and started to twist her neck to the left. Applying a little bit of pressure there was an audible pop of her head releasing.

“That actually feels really nice,” she said, giving her head a full rotation.

“I told you so,” said Hanna.

“Let me get this all the way off here,” said Sophie, continuing to unscrew her head. After two more rotations it was not free of her neck. She set it on the coffee table facing Hanna.

“You should get the smooth shoulders thing done,” said Hanna. “Where you like don’t have a neck anymore.”

“That seems like a recipe for disaster,” said Sophie.

“I’m serious,” said Hanna. “You have like the cutest head without a body, and you also make like a super hot headless chick.”

“I would 100% end up losing my head somewhere,” said Sophie.

“And? Someone can mail you home. You just might have to suck a dick or something to make it happen, but it’s easy to solve that.”

“Easy for you, slut,” shot back Sophie. “Listen, I took my head off for you, now tell me what the issue is with your arms.”

“Oh my arms? Nothing much, I just didn’t want them for dinner tomorrow.”

“They’re not missing somewhere?”

“No, Jen ended up with them. Sort of. That parts complicated, but I can get them back when I get the rest of me back too.”

“I’m not even going to bother. Why don’t you want arms?”

“My arms have tattoos on them. The Mayonnaise-Americans you’re introducing me to will be scandalized.”

“They’re very open minded people!” said Sophie.

“Then they can be open minded about me not having arms,” teased Hanna.

“Why do you want to be armless,” said Sophie, closing her eyes in frustration.

“Cause I think it’d be hot to make some midwestern corn-boy feed me shrimp in front of his bride-to-be,” said Hanna.

“Okay, we’re just going to table the arms thing,” said Sophie, struggling not to laugh. “I need to take care of something, which I suppose your mouth can help facilitate, as disappointed as I am that I’ll be relying on a vibrator again here—“

“You want to get some dick?” said Hanna. “I know where we can find some.”

“Oh yeah? Where’s that.”

“Emma’s place.”

“Emma’s place,” repeated Sophie. “Emma as in Emma and Sam, assuming nobody else switched names and stuff last night.”

“Same Emma, same Sam. Well not the same, but names and pronouns yeah. Still married. In any case — total sausage fest over there. We should go help them out.”

“Let’s offer our services,” said Sophie, picking up her phone.

## Three

About forty minutes later, they were both over at Emma’s apartment. Hanna had elected to remain ’naked’ such as her state was, and Sophie had at least replaced her head on her shoulders for the walk over, since she had a girlfriend to carry.

“Well,” said Sophie, taking a seat in Emma’s lap on the couch. “This is wonderful.”

“Aww, thanks,” said Emma, grinning widely. “It’s good to see you guys.”

Emma’s had freckles and dirty blonde hair, a thick frame, and a ruggedly enchanting smile. Her ‘farm girl’ looks had always been a topic of admiration from both Sophie and Hanna (and previous iterations).

But now there was a lot more to like. Because there was a lot more … Emma.

“So tell me how this happened,” said Sophie. “I want your version of events, because all Hanna said was you ‘Got really big.’”

“She is really big!” Injected Hanna. “She’s like eight feet tall now.”

“Eight feet tall and swole as fuck,” said Sophie, grabbing a hold of Emma’s arm approvingly.

“I got kind of lucky last night,” said Emma, laughing. “First I ended up winning half of Steve in the Deal Maker thing. Obviously I chose his legs.”

Emma demonstrated extending one of her gigantic thighs.

“They’re wonderful,” said Sophie, greedily massaging the offered leg. She made a smirk at Hanna, the somewhat competitive look she always gave when she flirted with someone else in front of her.

“Big fan of legs,” said Hanna, returning the look.

“How does this Deal Maker game work,” said Sophie. “I’ve never managed to be there when you all play it.”

“It’s pretty much like … you get matched up with someone you’re making a deal with, you deal out three cards that all have a body part written on them, and you both agree on one of them. And then you both role a D20.”

Sophie’s hands began exploring more of Emma’s waist, and she seemed to be deciding whether to move them higher or lower.

“And the dice stuff is like,” continued Emma, “If you both role over 10, you can decide to swap or keep going. If only one of you rolls over 10 you’re the winner. If you’re both under 10, you re-roll. And then a 1 or a 20 is obviously like an instant loser or winner, depending.”

“See, these are the kind of details Hanna always leaves out,” said Sophie. “Like now I can totally see why you lost your limbs.”

“I only lost two of them that way,” objected Hanna.

“Anyway,” said Sophie. “Seems like there’s more after that.”

“Well there is,” said Emma, giggling and looking over at Hanna. “So Hanna won the Name Game thing, and then you know, shifted herself over to Hanna, and she named me uh…”

“Tell her,” said Hanna, smirking.

“‘Big Daddy’,” said Emma, making air quotes. “He/him.”

“What?!?” said Sophie, bursting with laughter. “You were named Big Daddy all night?”

“Yeah, because apparently those letters were available somehow.”

“I did have to rename Jake to JK to pull it off,” said Hanna.

“But you were Jake!” said Sophie. “This game doesn’t even make any sense to me.”

“It makes perfect sense if you’re there when it happens.”

“Yeah, but when I try to follow who’s who now it just makes my head hurt,” said Sophie.

“You should take your head off then,” interjected Hanna. “What good is a—“

“Let’s have Emma finish her story,” said Sophie. “It is still Emma right?”

“Yeah, I got my name back when I went home,” said Emma, with a smirk. “And let’s see…”

Emma easily shifted Sophie from sitting on one leg to the other.

“Oh my god she’s so strong—“ whispered Sophie excitedly to Hanna.

“After that, I decided to just kind of … go with it? So I switched my legs for the new ones I’d just gotten, and then I was like, well I should get bigger too — and so Elly knew this spell that would use up extra parts to just like add overall size to someone, and you know, with my new dude bro legs, I was sort of out of proportion anyway.”

“You seem like a bit more than just one and a half people though,” said Sophie.

“Well,” said Emma, with a laugh. “The rest of me is what I took from Sam. In the Pirate’s Quest.”

“And what is this game,” said Sophie. “Because you know, Hanna never tells me anything.”

“Basically chutes and ladders but a circular board” said Emma. “But when you pass someone you can challenge them, and when you emerge from a voyage — the chutes part — on the same square as someone else already is, you can ‘plunder’ which means you draw from a deck.”

“So the magic is the cards in the deck?” asked Sophie.

“Kinda,” said Emma. “But it’s mostly just the side bets in the game.”

“It’s not even a magic game really,” said Hanna. “Just a pirate game used as a proxy for magic shit.”

“Got it,” said Sophie, nodding. “At that point everyone is kind of tipsy, a bit mixed up and horny already so…”

“Pretty much takes care of itself,” said Emma. “Anyway, that’s how I ended up a huge bitch with a big dick.”

“That’s a good story,” said Sophie, leaning in closer. “I loved the ending.”

“Sophie wants the X-rated version of it,” said Hanna.

“Shush,” scolded Sophie. “You’re spoiling the tension.”

“What tension? I can’t point out the obvious implication?” said Hanna. “Besides that’s not even the whole story yet.”

“What else is there to it,” pressed Sophie.

“First of all, we haven’t even seen or heard about what became of Sam,” said Hanna.

“Oh yeah Sam,” said Emma, with a sideways smile. “That’s also kind of fun.”

“And second of all,” said Hanna. “We haven’t gotten to the part where Emma and her huge dick utterly destroy you.”

“Hey!” protested Sophie. “She won’t destroy me.”

“Actually—“ said Emma, biting her lip. “I kind of might. If we do that stuff I mean.”

“Wh— what?” said Sophie, caught between a surprised look and a smile.

“Yeah,” said Emma. “Like, remember our friend Katy? She stopped by this morning, and was, you know, very excited about the whole situation here—“

Emma adjusted herself with a free hand, moving an already large and growing bulge up higher. Sophie stared transfixed at her lap as she did so.

“And she wanted — insisted really — that she give me a blow job. And you know, I warned her before I came and all but still—“

“You blew up her head didn’t you,” said Hanna, with a giggle.

Emma pointed at Hanna approvingly.

“Really?” said Sophie, sounding a bit excited. “Like — her head was gone?”

“Well there was pieces of it left over,” said Emma. “Like, you know, some ears, a nose, a tongue, just little bits like that. We gathered up what we could find and cleaned her up a bit, but I had to call her boyfriend to come and collect her, because you know, she was like totally headless. I guess he took her to a magic studio, but I don’t know what besides WizWorks is open on a Saturday morning.”

“This is Sean right?” said Hanna. “He didn’t take her anywhere I bet.”

“Yeah maybe not,” said Emma. “I mean, Katy almost certainly knew what was going to happen, we just didn’t … address it before she got started. And even afterwards she didn’t seem upset, not that I could ask her or whatever.”

“I wouldn’t worry about her,” said Hanna. “She told me once that in college she used to spend her summers without limbs just getting traded around.”

“We need to hang out with her more,” said Sophie. “I love her vibes.”

“You’ve already been there,” said Hanna. “Like a month ago.”

“I — what?” said Sophie.

“Remember — this was when I was still Jake — and I brought home that piece of ass? The pair of legs?”

“You told me you won those at a raffle.”

“I did win her at a raffle. I told you it was Katy too.”

“Hmm,” said Sophie. “I guess you did. Wasn’t that also the weekend that you—“

“You traded my head for another dick,” said Hanna.

“That’s right!” said Sophie, excitedly. To Emma she added, “We replaced her — his at the time — head with a second penis for a while there.”

“Nice,” said Emma, with a grin.

“It was awesome,” said Hanna.

“You’re not supposed to brag about it,” said Sophie. “I was making you a dickhead.”

“Oh yeah?” said Hanna. “You think like I didn’t enjoy that or something?”

“I suppose everyone got what they wanted out of that,” said Sophie.

“Yeah, totally,” said Hanna. “In any case, I’d estimate that getting her head exploded by a huge dick isn’t even in the top 10 sluttiest things that Katy has done this year, and even if somehow she didn’t think that was going to happen, expecting it would have only made her try to do it harder.”

“That is … pretty much my take on it too,” agreed Emma. “In any case, I felt a little bad that we didn’t talk about it first, so if you know — either of you wanted to uh… I understand if you just want to see me jack it or something.”

“I need this head to navigate my super sexy leg around,” said Hanna.

“Honestly that kind of makes me want it even more now,” said Sophie, with a blushing smirk.

“Second agenda item,” said Hanna. “What’s up with Sam?”

“Oh right my husband…” said Emma, with a giggle. “Well he’s in the bedroom. Which — well this is embarrassing, but it takes me forever to get over there because I have to crawl through the hallway to fit. You two should pay him a visit though.”

## Four

“Knock knock,” said Sophie, turning on the bedroom lights.

“Mmmng,” came the reply from Sam, blinking rapidly. “Oh hey y’all.”

Sam was the perfect analogue to Emma as someone who gave off the vibes of someone who should be operating a stall at the farmers market. Handsome, with dark hair and a beard, he normally would have been a bit over six feet with a sturdy frame.

Normally wasn’t today however. Today there wasn’t much of Sam at all. What remained of him was sitting on the dresser of their bedroom.

“Were you napping? Sorry we just wanted to say hi,” said Sophie.

“Hi,” said Sam. He blinked a few times more.

“We can come back if you want,” said Sophie.

“He’s fine,” declared Hanna, hopping past Sophie. “Probably just bored as hell though.”

“Hey buddy,” she added, leaning over to kiss Sam on the cheek.

“What’s up,” said Sam.

“So,” said Sophie, leaning down to both Sam and Hanna. “It looks like you’re nothing but a head now.”

“Just about,” said Sam, with a smirk. “I … lost my body in a battle with a Pirate Queen last night.”

“Yeah, Emma told me about the game night,” said Sophie. “Unlucky break there.”

“It had been going great before that,” said Sam. “I won this sweet pair of tits off of Jen.”

“I’m honestly a little disappointed she didn’t let you keep those,” said Hanna.

“Just out of curiosity, what name did you end up with?” asked Sophie.

“Sɐɯ,” answered Hanna.

“What?”

“It’s Sam but upside down,” said Hanna. “Pronouns were Hǝ/ɥᴉɯ.”

“How did you even make that sound — I almost wish I hadn’t asked now,” said Sophie, rubbing her temples.

“You should open the box,” said Hanna, with a grin. “That’s where the rest of Sam is.”

“Which box?”

“The one his head is on top of,” said Hanna, nodding to a high quality white cardboard box.

“Oh, well then,” said Sophie. “Sure.”

Sophie lifted Sam off the box he was resting on, and looked around for somewhere to move him to.

“You can put him on the bed over here,” said Hanna, hopping over.

“Here you go,” said Sophie, setting Sam down next to Hanna, turning him back towards the dresser. She retrieved the box and put it on the bed next to them.

“I take it this is not a Mac Mini," said Sophie, examining the branding.

“It was what Jen had around,” said Sam.

“Well here we go, the unboxing of Sam.”

Sophie slid the top of the box up until the lid came free.

Inside was a folded hand towel. And on top of that, the one other piece of Sam.

“Oh my,” said Sophie, discarding the lid without looking where she threw it.

“Oh my,” she repeated, hovering her hand over Sam. “May I?”

Sophie raised an eyebrow.

“See I wouldn’t have asked,” said Hanna. “He obviously can’t stop you.”

“I’m being polite here, you dumb bitch,” shot back Sophie.

“I love it when she gets feisty like this,” said Hanna, to Sam. “She’s so fucking horny right now, you have no idea.”

Sam laughed. Sophie was still looking at him with a raised eyebrow, ignoring the further provocation of Hanna.

“You may,” said Sam.

Sophie picked it up. Sam drew in a sharp gasp.

“Sam,” said Sophie, softly stroking it to attention. “You’re just a penis.”

“You’re a dick, dude,” said Hanna.

“I’m a dick,” agreed Sam, with a smirk. His face was already showing the visible pleasure of Sophie’s hands touching him.

“A very nice dick,” said Sophie. “A lovely little penis — well I guess it’s not little, but you’re little. Overall I mean.”

Sophie now had Sam fully hard, and was tracing a finger up and down the shaft, eliciting more pleasurable gasps.

“I — yeah,” said Sam.

“Hey Soph—“ said Hanna. “Can you do me a quick favor?”

“What’s that?”

“We should make Sam kiss the tip of his dick and take a picture of it,” said Hanna. “Then text it to me so I can make it the profile pic on my phone.”

Sophie gave Hanna a withering look. Sam just laughed.

“What the fuck Hanna,” said Sophie. “We don’t make him do things just because he’s helpless.”

“Yeah we do, that’s what being ‘helpless’ means. Trust me, I’m like the second most helpless person here.”

“We can at least ask Sam if he wants to,” said Sophie.

“Sam you want to do the thing I said?” asked Hanna.

“I’ll do it,” said Sam with a laugh.

“You don’t have to do it,” said Sophie.

“It’s fine,” said Sam. “This is just continuing what she was saying last night really.”

“I was offering to suck your dick if you did it first!” said Hanna. “I don’t know why you didn’t take me up on that.”

“Because Jen and Elly did it anyway!”

“That was pretty hot to watch actually,” said Hanna. To Sophie she added, “They were playing like Russian Roulette with him, passing him back and forth until he busted a load in Elly’s mouth.”

“Wow,” said Sophie, he jaw dropping open. “That’s … well I like imagining that.”

“It was pretty great,” said Sam.

“Anyway, he already agreed to it, let’s take the photo,” said Hanna.

“You know what,” said Sophie. “Fine. But first—“

Sophie stuck Sam into her own mouth, expertly sliding him all the way back, and eliciting a moan from Sam. She drew him out slowly, licking him all the way up and down again afterwards.

“Now then,” she said, taking out her phone. “We’ll oblige miss leggy legs here.”

She placed Sam in position on the bed, and snapped the photo as described.

“You’re getting off easy here dude,” said Hanna. “If you were my husband you’d be balls deep in your own mouth all the time.”

“You know what? Fine,” said Sam.

“Really?” said Hanna, with a sudden excitement.

“Yeah, really?” repeated Sophie, with a quizzical look.

“Yeah,” said Sam. “I mean, it doesn’t do much for me, but I get that the visual is really hot for you so… sure.”

“Oh my god you’re the best,” said Hanna, kissing Sam on the forehead.

“You’re sure about this,” said Sophie, picking up Sam’s dick.

“Yeah,” he said. “I probably don’t have much of a gag reflex now anyway, and even when Emma is a normal size again, she’s probably still going to want to mess around with me, so … yeah.”

“Well then,” said Sophie, starting to shove Sam into his own mouth.

Sam made a stifled gurgle, and then somewhat smiled with only his cheeks.

“Holy shit dude,” said Hanna. “That’s even hotter than I thought it would be.”

Sophie snapped a couple photos on her phone before finally drawing Sam out again.

“Okay that was pretty damn hot,” said Sophie. “Thanks for indulging us.”

She gave the tip of Sam’s dick a kiss herself.

“And,” continued Sophie. “If she doesn’t want to be hopping home, Hanna better give you an epic blowjob as a thank you.”

“Deal,” said Hanna assertively. “One epic blowjob coming right up.”

“And I,” continued Sophie. “Think I need to go get ruined by your wife.”

“Good idea,” said Hanna. “Sam you want to watch my girlfriend make a terrible decision because she’s super horny?”

“Obviously,” said Sam.

“You can carry his head,” said Hanna to Sophie. “I can manage the rest of him.”

## Five

Sam let out a moan that turned into a gasp that turned back into a moan. Finally he blinked.

“Holy shit,” he said.

“Bleah,” said Hanna as she spat his dick out onto his face. It fell sideways off his cheek and settled next to him on the coffee table.

“Can I suck dick or what,” said Hanna.

“You sure can suck a dick,” said Sam, panting.

“Got you there before them too,” said Hanna. She nudged him sideways a bit to better face Emma and Sophie.

Emma had moved the couch back so that she could actually lie flat on the floor, as she and Sophie had agreed the most feasible option was for her to be on top.

“It’s not a race dude,” said Sam, laughing.

“Well I still won it, I bet.”

“I don’t know, I mean — look at them.”

Emma had placed a hand on Sophie’s ass and was moving her up and down with an increasing rhythm.

“It’s like your wife is using my girlfriend as a flashlight,” said Hanna.

“You know I was just thinking that,” said Sam with a laugh.

Their giggling seemed to distract Sophie, who turned around briefly but was brought back to attention as Emma started stroking her back down.

“Hey,” whispered Sophie quickly. “Turn my head around backwards.”

Emma grinned with obvious pleasure, but didn’t talk. She helpfully reached up and twisted Sophie’s head around.

“Enjoying the show?” said Sophie, in between gasps.

“Definitely,” said Sam.

“It’s so fucking deep. It feels like it’s going up to my chest.”

“Why are we not recording you,” said Hanna.

“I don’t want to stop,” said Sophie. “But it’s a good idea.”

Sophie reached up and twisted her own head back around.

“What do you think dude, think we’re up to the challenge?” said Hanna.

“I can not picture any way we could feasibly do that,” said Sam.

“We’re pretty useless aren’t we,” said Hanna.

“Depends,” said Sam. “Pretty useful for some things.”

Hanna laughed. Meanwhile Emma and Sophie had started to quicken their pace.

“I owe you one by the way,” said Sam. “For that.”

“Aww,” said Hanna. “That’s sweet of you.”

“Seriously whenever you uh… get the rest of you back, hit me up.”

“It was enough just to see you suck your own dick,” said Hanna, adding a kiss on Sam’s forehead. “But I will do that.”

“It was that good for you huh,” he said.

“I think it’s my new policy going forward. If I’m going to give one of my epic blowjobs to a guy, he’s got to suck his dick to earn it.”

“That’s a fair policy I suppose.”

“Not girls with dicks though,” mused Hanna. “Girls get it for free for being girls.”

“You gotta have standards,” said Sam.

“When do you think you’re going to get put back together?”

“Me? We’ll see. We hadn’t talked about it, but Emma’s clearly enjoying this new stuff.”

“What about you?”

“As long as I get uh... utilized, I think it’s pretty great.”

“Hey you know what,” said Hanna. “I have a question for you.”

“What’s that?”

“Is it weird to you that I was a dude last night? And then we did that.”

“I mean, you were Julia when I first met you so —“

“Yeah, but then I was Jake. I almost turned you gay.”

“Close call there,” said Sam, with a laugh.

“If I’d done that when I was Jake what would have happened,” said Hanna.

“I think it would have been a different vibe for me,” said Sam. “But I mean, even as a guy you were kinda cute and … also pretty androgynous so…”

“So I totally turned you gay.”

“Sure, if you want to believe it,” said Sam, laughing.

“Nah for real though, I think I’m done with the being a guy phase. It was a fun experiment, but this feels more … me.”

“Being a leg?”

“Basically. Wait until I get the rest of my bod back. I’m a fucking Scandinavian goddess now. With like an Indian girl’s head I guess.”

“It works for you.”

“Everything works for me. You know what else though?”

“What’s that.”

“I think I want to go back to a dick.”

“Really.”

“Yeah dude. Sophie really liked it. And you know, what, girls can’t resist a girl with a dick. It’s science.”

As if on queue Sophie let out another loud gasp. Things seemed to be very close to happening.

“Seems solid,” said Sam.

“And then,” continued Hanna. “I can teach you how to give a proper blowjob.”

“Hmm,” said Sam. “I guess I did say I owed you.”

“I mean for Emma,” continued Hanna. “Cause I get the feeling she’s not going to be in a hurry to switch back.”

“You might be right,” said Sam. “I sort of figured I was just going to get her legs for a while. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“You two do make the best swapped couple,” said Hanna. “Like her profile pic where you two are head swapped and you’re in that little sundress is just — mwah.”

“You know,” said Sam. “It is just about sundress weather again.”

“Oh my god, you’d wear it for me? I would love that.”

“Sure.”

“Here’s what I’m picturing,” said Hanna. “You wear that cute sundress, I’ll wear my own cute sundress, we go out on a picnic, and you can suck my dick in a public park.”

“I … accept your proposal.”

“It’s a date,” said Hanna. “Now I just need to find a dick.”

“You know,” said Sam. “I think I know someone with an extra one you can—“

Suddenly Emma began to scream.

## Six

It was evening. Hanna and Sophie had gone from Emma and Sam’s back to Jen’s place. They were in need of some magical help, and since it was Jen (free, a friend with a huge basement full of magic shit) versus WizWorks (expensive, corporate vibes), the choice of where to go was obvious.

“Dude it was amazing,” said Hanna. “It flew off like a cork, like she was a champagne bottle, except full of cum.”

“That sounds incredible,” said Jen. “Did you get a video?”

“I wanted to do that!” said Hanna. “But I was … differently abled. So no.”

“Ah well,” said Jen.

“So we just have to tell everyone what happened to her,” summarized Hanna.

“I’m never going to live this down am I,” said Sophie. “I’m always going to be the girl who exploded with cum.”

“I mean, it’s kind lucky you have a detachable head,” said Jen. “If you didn’t, then I’m not sure what would have given out first.”

“That was my idea too!” said Hanna proudly.

“Well the thing is, can it be a re-attachable head too,” said Sophie.

“Well,” said Jen, examining what remained of Sophie’s neck. “It doesn’t look like there’s anything left of the receiver side of the mechanism here. Or what there is kind of damaged.”

“So what’s that mean?”

“We could restore your neck with a regrowth spell,” said Jen. “Which would take a while — maybe a day? Then we’d need to install a new modular insert so you could detach it again.”

“Any other options?”

“Well,” said Jen, tapping her thumb on her chin. “The other thing I could do is just smooth down your shoulders and we could have the body-shop fab a new neck for you next week.”

Hanna started to grin. She caught Sophie’s eye.

“If it was up to me, that’s what I’d do,” said Jen.

“Don’t even say it—“ said Sophie. Hanna giggled.

“What?” said Jen, laughing.

“We’ve got a double date with midwestern muggles,” said Hanna.

“Stop calling them that! You don’t even know them.”

“I know when you’re self conscious about showing up with your head off,” said Hanna.

“We could also … find a neck for you to borrow,” said Jen.

“It’s fine,” said Sophie. “Let’s go head off. It’ll prove to Hanna my friends aren’t some kind of Jesus camp kids like she keeps assuming.”

“It’s a hotter look on you anyway,” said Hanna.

“I know it is,” said Sophie, smirking.

“And also,” said Jen, “Since we’re back here anyway — Hanna, think you’re done hopping around?”

“Dude my calf is about to fucking die,” said Hanna. “Not trying to punk out on this after only a day or whatever, but being only a leg is … wildly impractical.”

“I thought so,” said Jen. “Well let’s get to work then.”

“There is one thing I think I want to leave with you. Well technically I suppose it’s two things.”

## Seven

“So,” said Hanna, “I was like, if she gets to have a detached head, I definitely don’t need my arms tonight.”

“Uh-huh,” agreed Claire, nodding politely. Aaron to her left smirked with amusement.

It was Sunday evening. They were waiting for their table to open up at “The Farmer’s Table” the latest in hipster-named restaurants to open up downtown.

“Oh my god,” said Sophie, covering her face with embarrassment. “Hanna that line of reasoning doesn’t even make sense.”

“I mean we’re not hiding it now,” said Hanna. “That’s what I was getting at.”

“We were not hiding anything anyway, we were just going to go out to dinner with my friends—“

“Aaron agrees with me,” said Hanna.

“Definitely,” said Aaron, with a grin. “100%.”

“You know Aaron,” said Hanna, leaning over and intentionally exposing her cleavage in his direction. “Since I don’t have arms, I’m going to need someone to help feed me my food and drinks tonight.”

“You don’t have to do that,” said Sophie, with a sigh.

“What if he wants to do it,” countered Hanna.

“Sorry for her, she’s just …”

“A flirt,” continued Hanna.

“Precisely,” said Sophie.

“It’s fine you can flirt with him,” said Claire, laughing nervously.

“It’s just also—,” she continued, turning bright red. “Well I’ll say this, we were meaning to say this anyway — uh. Anyway. Aaron help me out here.”

“We’ve both been kinda curious about body magic stuff,” he said.

“Really?” said Sophie, almost fumbling her head.

“That’s it,” said Claire. “Sorry I’m all flustered, I’ve just never talked about this stuff before.”

“Interesting,” said Hanna. “Tell me more about this interest.”

“Mostly just stuff we’ve seen on YouTube,” said Claire. “But there was also this cruise we took a month ago that well…”

Aaron and Claire exchanged a meaningful look.

“What happened on this cruise,” pressed Hanna.

“Well,” said Claire with another blush. “There was a magician they’d hired for it, and finally we got up the courage to go and—“

She elbowed Aaron, apparently too embarrassed to continue.

“She cut us both in half,” said Aaron. “Right at the middle.”

“And how’d that go,” said Sophie, finally seeming to compose herself again.

“It was very nice,” said Claire, still bright red. “I’m just not used to talking about this stuff with anyone else yet.”

“Hanna will take care of that,” said Sophie, laughing.

“Sargent Making it Weird, reporting for duty,” said Hanna. To Aaron she added, “Can you salute for me, I can’t do it?”

Aaron obliged placing a hand on her forehead and making a salute motion.

“Well,” said Sophie. “We don’t have to make it that kind of night for you two unless that’s what you’re interested in.”

Claire and Aaron exchanged another glance.

“Actually,” said Claire. “I think it’s definitely the kind of thing we’d be interested in.”