3 Ways

This all really begins a few weekends before the quarantine stuff started, when this was just another scary thing in the news on the other side of the world. In some ways there’s sort of naive gut punch to the memory of what that was like, right?

My boyfriend Ryan and I had gone to the famers market. And that was where we met Alice.

I had noticed her first checking us out by the guy who sells the handmade soaps. Then she was in line behind us at the place with the funny looking turnips. Then we were checking out the new Meadery that had just popped up there, and she approached.

“Hi, I’m Alice. I just want to say,” she said, looking from Ryan to me, then back to him. She paused and let her eyes drink in more of him. The vibe she was putting off here was anything but subtle.

“That you two are adorable,” she summarized.

“Thanks,” said Ryan with an adorable grin.

“I love seeing couples that swap bodies,” she fake-whispered.

Record scratch. Ryan and I instinctively looked at each other.

“You can tell?” said Ryan.

“Of course I can tell,” said Alice, with a shrug. “You’re totally a guy in a girl’s body.”

“Um,” said Ryan, but he ended up leaving it at that.

She was right of course. If that wasn’t clear.

“What tipped you off,” I said, with a bit of a laugh. “Is my boyfriends dress too revealing?”

“I do a lot of magic stuff,” she said, flashing a wink at me.

“Well, this is Ryan and I’m Jen,” I said. “I guess you could say we are magic-curious.”

“To be more specific, now that I think about it,” she said, eyeing Ryan up a second time.

“You were like, moving your hands down and grabbing around your yoga pants like you were expecting to find pockets there,” she said.

“And you,” she said. “You did the hair flick back before you put your sunglasses on. But your hair isn’t long because you’re a dude, so.”

Neither of us managed an immediate reply. I was trying to work out what I thought of Alice.

She was short and her voice talked with a sort of squeaky humor. She was also wearing a big flat brimmed baseball hat somehow balanced on an even larger amount of brown curls. The rest of her face was obscured by her sunglasses.

She was in essence, way hipper and cooler than either of us. I “normally” look like cute and somewhat short white girl, with a rounded face and big brown eyes. I’m at least a bit fit but never had what I’d consider any curves to speak of. Luckily for Ryan I’m not much of a makeup girl, and my clothes are mostly yoga pants and tank tops.

Ryan’s a tall wiry guy, who can clean up pretty well, I’d have to say. I had on his cleanest pair of shorts and a blue button up, so was appearing at a higher level of preppiness than usual.

So that was the dynamic. I would imagine Ryan was trying for a similar read on her. It wasn’t that she was wrong — we had swapped bodies, and had been trying this out on alternating weekends, but had kept it as sort of a couple’s secret for now and weren’t sure who we’d even tell if we wanted to.

Anyway, that’s all to say we were initially caught off guard just a bit.

“Sorry if I’m being a creep,” said Alice, biting her lip. “I just get really curious when I see magic going on.”

“Yeah, us too,” said Ryan. “We first tried a swap on vacation like a year ago? And kinda just … doing it when we can.”

“You ever do like, magic magic?” said Alice. “Like body magic?”

“I guess you’re a magician?” said Ryan.

“Not like professionally, or anything,” said Alice. “I work in tech. I guess you could say I’m more like a … magic mad scientist.”

Ryan and I traded a look.

“So,” she continued, “If you two wanted to come check out my … uh, ‘lab’ that’s something we could do.”

“We’d love to see it sometime,” I said.

“Hm,” said Alice. “Well what about…”

She checked a non-existent watch on her wrist.

“Right now?”

“So what app did you use?”

“It was something called EZ Swap I think,” said Ryan.

We were following Alice up the stairs to her ‘mad science lab,’ which she’d ‘confessed’ was actually only her kitchen and laptop, but she did know a lot about coding up transformations.

“Hm,” she said. “You’ll need to sign up for Mage. They’ve got the best API for doing magic stuff with.”

She got to her door and began unlocking it.

“Unfortunately,” she added, looking over her shoulder with a lusty look at Ryan then at me. “That also means you need to swap back first. But then we can get to the fun stuff.”

Fun stuff. Sounded like a good enough reason to me.

Alice opened her door and led us inside.

“Mi casa,” she said, twirling around once and tossing her purse onto the couch and setting down her groceries. “Help yourselves to anything you want, there’s fancy seltzers or coffee or uh, whiskey, I guess.”

We took some seltzers and Alice went to collect her computer.

“So we both have to go on the app and switch back right?” said Ryan. “Didn’t we uh, do this when we were naked?”

“Yes. And?”

“Our clothes,” said Ryan, looking down.

“Right,” I said.

I started to picture my favorite yoga pants ripping as they struggled over Ryan’s thighs.

Alice came back with her computer and a grin.

“I guess we’ll need to change clothes first or uh, get naked.” It only seemed polite to tell her..

“I overheard,” said Alice, setting her laptop down. “And I approve. In fact—“

She lifted her tank top off and then unbuttoned her jeans. A moment afterwards she was facing both of us wearing only panties.

“Okay then,” I said, standing up and unfastening my belt. Ryan did the same.

“Now then,” he said. He tapped something on his phone and I heard mine buzz.

Ryan has requested to end the swap. read the notification. I tapped it and it took me to the menu where I confirmed.

Werp. That moment right after a switch is always weird. Where your body suddenly changes from one body to another one. For some reason my intuition always tells me I should also be switching places with the person I’m swapping with, but of course it doesn’t work that way. One second I was a dude, the next I was myself again.

“Jeez,” said Ryan, twisting around in his chair to pop his back. “Were you slouching like this the whole time?”

“You’re the one who slouches!” I protested. “It’s like your body’s default setting.”

Alice sat down and opened her computer.

“Okay,” she started. “The first thing is both of you need to download the Mage app that will let me uh… basically hack into you and use magic on you.”

“Can you hack my boyfriend to stop slouching?” I teased.

“Probably,” she said with a shrug. “But you need to download the thing and sign up, you don’t need a paid account unless you want one, but I do need to get the Totem ID from the app.”

We set about what she asked. As she explained, the Totem ID was sort of like a ‘signature’ for the account, so when she requested a magical spell to be issued, it would know who it was supposed to target.

“Then it splits off what they call a ‘thread’” she said, “And you can use that to undo / redo changes from anywhere in the past. It’s a pretty elegant way to handle it, and you can do a lot more small changes to get closer to what you want instead of trying to do it all at the same time which if you mess up can have uh… unpredicable results.”

“Like what?” asked Ryan.

“Oh look at that, Ryan’s ready to go first,” said Alice. “Mad science time!”

“Uh, nice dodge I guess,” he said, “What do I do?”

“Stand up and come over here,” said Alice, pointing to a space next to her.

Ryan stood up with a grunt.

“Oh I almost forgot! I need my goggles! Can you get them for me? They’re on the desk in the other room.”

“Goggles?” said Ryan with a tired sigh.

“Yes! I can’t do mad science without proper eye protection.”

Ryan went to fetch the goggles. Alice winked at me.

“I hope you don’t mind me flirting with your boyfriend,” she stage whispered to me. “He’s cute.”

“Flirt away, Professor Alice,” I said.

“Oh, ‘professor’ huh? I like that,” she said with a cute squint.

Ryan returned with the goggles, which Alice put on.

“Thanks,” she said. “Can’t be too careful with mad science.”

“Uh, do I need goggles?” I said.

“Um,” she held a finger to her chin. “Well the only thing is he might explode.”

“Explode?!” said Ryan, in protest.

I just found myself gasping at the thought of it. It sounded, well, really fucking hot.

“And then the goggles aren’t really that much protection. Relatively speaking,” continued Alice.

“What are the chance’s I’ll explode,” Ryan said, out his hands protectively.

“And can you make sure he does,” I added.

“What the fuck Jen—“ said Ryan this time to me, with a laugh.

“You’d be fine,” said Alice, dismissively. “It’s just that I’d have to vacuum you out of the carpet, and it’s like a hassle.”

“What the fuck—” said Ryan again, with another aghast expression.

“When boys explode, it’s like—“ she made an explosion shape with her hands, “—boy glitter, just everywhere.”

“He explodes into glitter?” I said, even more interested.

“I once blew up this dude on his girlfriend’s birthday and I’m like still finding him in the couch cushions and stuff.”

“What the fuck…” said Ryan, in conclusion.

“Anyway,” said Alice, turning her attention to Ryan. “Ryan you’re asking too many questions, but I found the problem.”

“Ahg,” said Ryan, or something approximating that sentiment.

“You want to know what it is?”

“What is it,” said Ryan, with a look back at me.

“You have too many heads!” said Alice.

She dramatically pushed a button on her keyboard.

Then Ryan’s head vanished in a puff of glittery smoke. Before our very eyes. When the smoke cleared, his head, his neck, even the trace of any stump was just … gone.

“What the fuck!” I said. Now it was my turn.

Only it was a very different tone of what-the-fuck. A much more positive what the fuck.

“I know, right?” said Alice. We exchanged a look across the table. A common understanding of lust was exchanged.

“This is my favorite part, just as he figures it out,” she said, pointing back to Ryan.

He’d stood there frozen for a second afterwards, but now, his hands had made their way up to his empty shoulders, passing long slow swipes through the empty space there. Then he added a couple more gestures that essentially carried the same meaning of what-the-fuck as before.

“Should we do a little more,” said Alice, with a naughty-girl tone.

“More?” I said, really just repeating the words and unable to overcome just how … well, how turned on I was.

She tapped on her keyboard again, and his arms disappeared.

I watched Ryan pivot from side to side, now helpless to make much of any gesture at all.

Alice and I exchanged another look. I was really just gawking with an open mouth. I realized I had a white knuckled grip of my own chair, like I might fall out of it.

She raised an eyebrow. I nodded.

Click-clack. Enter.

All that was left of Ryan was his lower half. At the waist he just … stopped existing.

I gasped. I gawked. Alice leaned back in her chair.

“Oh my god!” I said, finally finding some words. “You—“

I looked at Alice, then back at Ryan.

“You—“ I said again. “You deleted half my boyfriend…”

“Oh sorry,” she said, “I can bring him back if you—“

“No!” I said, surprising even myself with how loud my objection was. “I mean — not yet at least.”

“Here,” said Alice, standing up. “You should get the first go,”

She gently pushed him by his ass as he took slow hesitant steps to where I was sitting, then she guided him down into my lap.

I gasped again with more audible delight.

“He’s so perfect like this—“ I said, tracing a finger over the exposed skin across his waist, and apparently tickling him by doing so.

I looked back up at Alice.

“Why don’t we do this to I don’t know— all guys? They’d all be so much cuter.”

“I wonder that all the time,” she said with a crooked grin.

“Oh my god Ryan, you’re just half a guy,” I said, continuing to let my hands explore.

“There we go,” I added as he started to stand to attention. I started to give him a generous fondle on the outside of his boxer briefs.

“Um,” I said, now looking back to Alice. She still had the same half-crooked grin.

“I’ve got condoms in the bedroom,” she said. “If you want to think about—“

“I don’t need to think about anything. Fuck yes, let’s fuck.” I said. “And you should go first.”

“Really? I don’t want to overstep—“

“There’s nothing to overstep,” I said, shoving Ryan up to his feet so I could wrap Alice up and start kissing her.

I’m not sure exactly how long we left Ryan in that state, but it was my second time that afternoon when we resume the story. Alice and I had both taken out our building lust in a dramatic flurry, then a nap, then resumed approximately the same level.

At Alice’s behest, I was bent over the arm of her couch, with Ryan pounding me from behind.

Maybe pounding is a bit of an overstatement. Being that he was only half a guy, he couldn’t really generate a lot of leverage back there. Alice contributed a bit by standing behind him and holding my hips to get some proper thrusts, but then she got absorbed in watching and taking pictures for us to have later.

“I just had an idea,” she said, with another gleam in her eyes. The same predatory look she’d given us back at the famers market.

“Well I like ideas,” I said, punctuated by a few more strokes from Ryan.

“Keep going,” she said, then got up and went and opened her laptop.

I heard her typing.

“Okay!” said. “Ready?”

“Uh,” I said.

Then some magic happened.

The first thing I realized was I no longer had any arms. I had been propped up on my elbows, but now my face was getting shoved into the fake leather couch cushion.

The second thing was I also didn’t have any legs. Which mean Ryan was able to change his angle. Which also meant he finally got off. I felt his cum squirt into me as I desperately tried to grind back into him to finish myself.

I got there. The combination of being suddenly so helpless, and realizing that now both myself and my boyfriend were completely left to the perverted whims of this crazy chick we’d just met — well it was just enough to get over that edge.

As I finished gasping, Alice was there to flip me back over.

“Holy fuck,” I said. “Uh, I’m still dripping…”

“I don’t care,” she said, pulling me over the arm of the couch and setting me upright. “I got this porno couch for a reason you know.”

She kept her arm around me and I nuzzled my head into her neck.

“You’re strong,” said Alice, flexing her free arm. “Or you were anyway.”

I opened one eye and recognized my bunny tattoo.

“Aw, you took my arms,” I said, planting a kiss on her neck.

“Correction, I stole your arms. And your legs. I’m keeping them.”

“Well,” I said, continuing down her neck to her collarbone. “I’ll hardly be able to stop you.”

“I want more,” said Alice.

“Well, okay,” I said, “How much more?”

She traced her hand up from my hip, across my abs, to my boobs, then to my empty shoulder.

“Everything,” she said.

“I would definitely swap with you,” I said. “For like … as long as you wanted.”

“That would be fun,” she said. “But I have another idea.”

“Let’s hear it,” I said, returning to her neck.

“We need to run it by Ryan,” she said. “It involves him too. Well, kinda does anyway.”

“I guess we got to restore him sometime, so he can at least carry the groceries home,” I said.

“Let’s take this to the kitchen,” said Alice. “My laptop battery sucks and I need to keep it plugged in.”

She carried me there and set me down in a chair, careful to balance me upright on my ass. It took some effort to stay sitting, but I managed.

Alice followed a minute later guiding Ryan’s legs in, sitting them down beside me.

“Okay,” said Alice. “Here we go.”

She typed something, and hit enter.

Ryan reappeared.

Well, his head did anyway. Just his head. Looking very confused on the kitchen table.

“Um,” he said, blinking. “Holy fuck.”

“Hey babe,” I said, shrugging some empty shoulders. “How was that for you?”

“Oh my fucking god,” he said. He sounded very satisfied from his tone.

“You know,” I said to Alice, “I know I said I liked seeing him without a head, but this is almost better. He’s like, twice as helpless like this.”

“You’re in a pretty little pickle yourself, you know,” said Ryan.

“It’s true,” I said, looking down to my missing arms. “We’re both essentially Alice’s love slaves now. Just need to make it official.”

“Actually,” said Alice, “I had something a bit different in mind.”

She slid her laptop aside.

“Something more uh, equitable. For Jen and me at least.”

“All right,” I said. “So what’s that?”

“Well,” she said, folding her hands on the table somewhat formally. “As you two probably noticed, I kinda have a big crush on both of you.”

“Oh really?” I said. “I was oblivious.”

“Of course,” I said. “Well we do both like to fool around.”

“And so do I, and if all we do is fool around, that’s great. But the thing is … I think there’s actually feelings here too. For me at least. And then things can always get complicated and I don’t want to fuck that up.”

“Right,” I said. “I guess we need to set some ground rules or something.”

“Well,” said Alice. “I have an idea.”

She held up one hand with an open palm.

“You’re really fit and awesome,” she said.

She held up her other hand in the same gesture.

“I’m really cute and funny,” she said.

She brought her hands together and interlaced her fingers.

“So let’s mix ourselves together.”

There was a pause while we let that idea settle for a moment.

“I think a few things got mixed together already,” said Ryan.

“Oh come on,” said Alice, reaching over to intentionally tip his head onto his cheek.

“But I’m serious,” she added. “We take you and me, and make one girl together.”

“Like we’re conjoined twins?” I said. “Could be hot.”

“No, like … one person. The same person.”

“Holy fuck,” I said, as the idea started to infect and spread in my own mind.

“Holy fuck,” repeated Ryan.

“It’s reversible,” said Alice. “Assuming like, the new ‘us’ wanted to reverse it. So if it didn’t go well, you could kick me out, cause I know I’m a total weirdo or—“

“My answer is fuck yes,” I said. “It sounds hot as hell and I want to try it more than anything.”

“Well, okay,” said Alice. “Ryan, thoughts?”

“Um,” said Ryan. “Would you still let me swap into your body?”

“Ryan,” said Alice, pointing to her laptop. “I can do magic, and I’m a pervert okay? And, we’ll have a whole girl-body left over, so yes, you’ll still get your pussy fucked.”

“Okay,” said Ryan. “No more questions.”

“Well then,” said Alice, leaning back to grab a pad of paper from the counter. “I guess the only part to figure out is what bits we’re going to be. I think I definitely want your arms and legs. Oh and abs too.”

She wrote these down.

“Well,” I said. “I think you’ve got the nicer tits and ass.”

“Okay, my tits, my ass,” she said, writing. Then she paused.

“Whose pussy do we want?”

“Ryan, your pick,” I said.

“I choose both,” he said.

“Cop out,” I said. “Tell us whose pussy is better. Also there’s kind of no wrong answer, but no matter what half your new girlfriend will still be pissed at you.”

Alice giggled.

“We could take his dick,” she said, with a shrug. “If he doesn’t give a straight answer.”

“Alice’s pussy,” said Ryan. “Although honestly it was hard to know who’s was who’s in the state I was in.”

“Thanks for your honesty,” I said. “I admit I’m pretty excited to try a new one.”

“Next item,” said Alice. “Heads. Faces. Etcetera.”

She made a circular motion around her face.

“Yours,” I said, with a wink.

“No yours,” she said, countering. “Okay, we’ll go with uh, how about my hair, your face, and my slutty mouth. We can and I’m sure will change this later anyway.”

“Great,” I said. “Now what?”

“Now,” said Alice, “I need to write some code.”

She opened her computer.

So that’s how we got here. Six weeks in, I’m still very much combined. I kind of knew that moment after ‘the merger’ that I wasn’t going to be going back any time soon. Or at all really.

Now of course, we’re sheltering in place and social distancing just like everyone else. Needless to say, there’s been a lot of time to ‘experiment.’ Every day we get to choose a new combination of the three bodies at our disposal. And yes, it’s as good as it sounds.

I’ve had to figure out a few things — having two apartments is one issue. So is two Facebook accounts, and two sets of friends, and like a billion trillion emails for both girls. Luckily my jobs are compatible — Alice as a graphic designer and Jen as a fitness instructor. So that part is still cruising.

The boyfriend part is also easy. Not only does his girlfriend know how to do weird shit to him with magic, but we’ve got an extra body involved in anything we dream up. That whole world couldn’t be better.

I still don’t really know what my name should be. I’ve gone back on forth on ‘Jalice’ or ‘Alicfer’ but neither quite do it for me. Usually I’m just writing “J.A.” but I kind of want to have a real name someday.

I’m also not sure how to explain this to Alice’s grandparents, but that issue hasn’t quite come up yet. I suppose we’ll have to split me back up for the holidays if those ever come again.

The possibility of a Ryan-Alice or Ryan-Jen merger does sound pretty interesting. I’m just not entirely sure which would work better — Ryan and Jen probably would get along better in one head, but Alice is kind of a crazy person to date. But for either of those to happen, I’d have to stop being me which I’m not ready to do, so I’m not sure when we’ll get around to that.

Anyway. That’s the story so far. Thanks for reading everyone, and if you can think of a name for me, put it on twitter or something.