“Hi you two, thanks for coming to my TED talk,” said Kristin. She paused to take a gulp of Kombucha before wheeling over a standing whiteboard.
“Sparse turnout,” jibed Ben.
“Hush,” said Natalie, running her fingers through his hair. “As my boyfriend you need to be nice to my side piece.”
Kristin and Natalie both exchanged a grin.
“Any-wayyy,” said Kristin, also catching Ben’s eye with a hungry look. She picked up a blue marker from the tray on the white board.
“They let you have markers?” teased Ben.
“Ben if you don’t let her talk…,” threatened Natalie. This time she grabbed a handful of hair and tilted him back so she could make eye contact.
“You’ll cut off my head?” said Ben. “That’s the usual threat right? Or what next, you’ll cut me in half?”
Of course Ben’s head was already cut off. And positioned between Natalie’s legs on the couch, as they faced Kristin’s ‘presentation.’
And on top of that, he was also cut in half. His torso, which he was magically blocked off from feeling, dangled lifelessly on the easy chair.
His legs and lower half, which were more ‘useful’ to the girls, was on the other end of the couch. Those at least, he could still feel and move around.
He’d been stuck like this for two days.
“We can still put your mouth to better uses,” said Natalie. “Kristin please continue.”
“Is that a threat or an offer?” said Ben.
“You know what,” said Natalie.
She covered up his mouth with her hand. There was a brief flash of magic happening.
Ben didn’t need to wonder what she was doing. It was a common party trick of Natalie’s, one of the one’s she’d shown him on their first date.
His mouth was gone. In its’ place was now only smooth skin.
“You want this?” said Natalie, holding out a closed fist to Kristin.
“Oh thank you!” said Kristin. She leaned forward to allow Natalie to plant the stolen mouth right between her boobs.
Kristin pulled her already low-cut shirt down to give her new lips more room. With her new mouth she licked her lips slowly.
“Ugh,” added Kristin, speaking with her new mouth in Ben’s voice. “Boy mouths are the best.”
“Just a sec,” said Natalie, catching a hold of the waistband on Kristin’s shorts. She pulled her face level with Kristin’s new lips and took an extra minute of liberties.
“Mmmnnnn,” protested Ben, to little effect.
“Well then,” said Kristen, wiping her lips with the collar of her shirt. “Back to the matter at hand—“
She gestured to the whiteboard.
“I think,” continued Kristin, “That we’ve all three been cooped up here with the Coronavirus stuff enough that it might be fun to try some…”
She gestured a juggling motion.
“Restructuring,” she said. “I mean, speaking as a side piece, who had to move in because my pipes burst I’d say this has worked out…”
She gestured to the pieces of Ben in different parts of the room.
“Very nicely,” she said.
“But,” she continued, “I think we could do something a bit more interesting than just chopping one of us to bits every couple days.”
“I like our ‘losers lose their head’ policy,” said Natalie.
“And we can keep it. I just think we may want to … redistribute. I mean, we’ve got three whole bodies at our disposal.”
Kristen held up three fingers while writing “3” on the whiteboard.
Ben attempted to make a sarcastic comment, about the need to write that, but it didn’t work. Kristen stopped to glare at him with a finger teasing around the mouth between her boobs.
“So,” she continued. “Three bodies. I think we mix them up a bit, and make this stuff a bit more interesting.”
“What a great idea,” said Natalie. “We could turn Ben into a girl!”
“Great start,” said Kristen, pointing for added effect. “Let’s establish a couple goals.”
On the board she wrote “1. Ben -> Girl”
“I’m going to add my own,” she said. “Which is that I want to have…”
She gestured with an open hand to Ben’s legs.
“I want those legs to become my legs,” she said, rubbing her thighs and crotch for added emphasis.
On the board she added “2. Kristen = Dick”
Natalie clapped excitedly. “That would make you my boyfriend!”
Then she held up Ben’s head to eye level with herself.
“See,” she explained. “I’m really just dating those legs over there. The rest of you is kind of superfluous. Of course you could still be the side piece here.”
“Nnnnmm,” replied Ben.
Natalie gave his empty mouth a quick suggestive lick.
“Okay,” said Natalie. “I’m down.”
“Ben,” said Kristin. “Any requests?”
“Ahmmm mmmnm nn ahn hnn,” said Ben.
“I want to be in one piece,” mocked Kristen, using Ben’s mouth and talking in a stupid voice. “Or something stupid like that.”
She added “3. Ben ???” to the whiteboard.
“So,” continued Kristen. “I think that’s enough to get started with. I think what we do is split up our… Heads…”
She drew three smiley faces on the white board and added hairstyles to match the three of them (frizzy hair for herself, a short haircut for Natalie, and nothing for Ben).
“And torsos…” continued Kristen.
She added stick figures of three torsos and added circular boobs to two of them, making one of them noticeably bigger.
“And legs,” said Kristen, drawing three pairs of legs, one with an obvious addition of a cock.
“So to start with, I’m taking these legs,” she said, circling the male legs she’d drawn and adding a “K” beside them.
“Oh, I want your boobs,” said Natalie.
“Great,” said Kristen. She circled the larger boobs and added a “N” beside them.
“Ben?”
“Nnnhrnn hnn,” said Ben.
“We might need to return his mouth now,” said Kristen, sounding obviously disappointed. She allowed Natalie to replace it on Ben’s face in the same way it had been repossessed.
“Thanks,” said Ben, flexing his cheeks again. “Uh, I guess I have to pick girl parts right? I’ll start with Kristin’s head.”
“Good choice,” said Kristin. She circled her own head on the board and added a “B.”
“I suppose,” she said, taking a moment to tap her mouth with the marker, “That I’ll need to pick a head next since mine just got claimed.”
She circled Natalie’s head and added an initial next to it.
“Well I’m keeping my ass,” said Natalie. “That’s my favorite piece of me.”
Kristin noted this on the board.
“Uh,” said Ben. “I guess I’m left with Nat’s boobs, and Kristin’s legs?”
“There we go,” said Kristin. “And that means, I get … well, just the rest of Ben. His nice muscles and his icky stupid head.”
She made the notes on the board and took a step back.
“Well then,” said Natalie, cracking her knuckles. “Do we get started?”
Shortly afterwards...
“Oh Ben! Ben! Oh my god Bennnnn!”
Natalie’s shouting evolved into a long moan as she arched her back. Ben thrust forward a final time, sending the dining room table rocking back and forth.
Kristen or … whoever she was (at least she was 60% Kristen), could only watch from the same table, a couple feet from where Natalie was bent over. While the bodies had been reassigned, she had still not been put together again. In fact she’d been assembled first to make all the proper connections, and then intentionally disassembled again.
“Oh my god thank you,” said Natalie, as the moment deescalated. “Ben you’re the best boyfriend.”
“No problem babe,” said Ben, flexing for her and then giving his bicep a kiss. “Gonna go clean up.”
Natalie propped herself up as far as her elbows, then turned and grabbed Kristen’s head off the table.
“What do you think of my new boyfriend,” she said with a mocking grin.
“Oh he’s so dreamy,” said Kristen with an eye roll.
“I mean, I’m ready to get back to some traditional gender roles after that performance,” said Natalie.
“Does traditional gender roles mean your ass is on backwards?”
“Hey!” said Natalie, awkwardly getting up off the table. “I’ll have you know that my ass is on forwards and it’s the rest of me that’s backwards!”
She slapped her ass with the hand that wasn’t holding Kristen’s head, while also lowering Kristen down to get a full view.
“Well,” said Kristen, “It certainly worked well enough to get fucked on the table. How come you never did this when uh, when I was Ben?”
“Because you make a better bitch!” said Natalie, adding a kiss on her cheek.
“Well I do like being one,” said Kristen through a clenched smile.
“And honestly, you’ll make a great side piece. In fact, why don’t we make Ben the formal head of our household, and you can be his mistress. It’d make more sense that way.”
“I guess as long as we’re trading names and pronouns, we can trade formal relationship titles around too,” said Kristen.
“Perfect,” said Natalie with another kiss on the opposite cheek. “I’ll go tell him.”
Slowly and awkwardly walking backwards, she carried Kristen to the bathroom, where the shower was already running. Ben was soaping up but could clearly been seen through the clear shower door that hadn’t yet fogged up.
“Honey,” she said. “I have some good news.”
She had never once before called Ben ‘honey’ in all of Kristen’s memory.
“What’s that baby?”
Ben had never called anyone ‘baby’ before in his life.
“You’re now the man of the house, and I’ve lost all of my uppity bisexual feminist ways,” said Natalie. “And since I don’t need a side piece in this case, Kristen’s now available as your mistress.”
She presented Kristen’s head.
“Nice,” said Ben. He paused.
“This is uh, a temporary change right? Because I like uppity bisexual feminists.”
“Yeah,” said Natalie. “But for the time being you know.”
“All hail the patriarchy,” quipped Kristen.
“Why don’t you pass her over,” said Ben. “I know I just came, but I kind like the though of a shower BJ.”
“Anything for you my love,” said Natalie, passing Kristen’s head over the shower door. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to put on a nice flowery dress and bake you some domestic woman bread.”
“Score,” said Ben. He grinned at Kristen predatorily.
“You know,” he added. “We’re probably going to need to come up with some new names for you bitches.”