“I wanna do it,” said Amy. She leaned back in her chair and took a sip of coffee.
“What? Really?” said Meg. “Why?”
“We just agreed that it looked cute!”
“But it’s impractical!”
“Not that much.”
“Amy,” said Meg, leaning all the way forwards across the picnic table. “You really want to get your head cut off?”
“I’m not getting my head cut off, I’m getting my body cut off. I’m going to be the head.”
“I don’t know if that’s any better!”
“Either way,” said Amy. “It’ll make good content.”
“Why do you need more content? Why don’t we use any of the content we’ve made but never published?”
“The name of the page is Amy Plus Magic!” said Amy, rolling her eyes. “What’s more magical than a talking head?”
“Okay, I mean, do what you want, I just … dunno. It seems dramatic.”
“Drama sells. Gets them clicks, yo!” Amy rubbed her fingers together signaling ‘money.’
“I mean, it’s your call,” said Meg, “I just think … you know, you tried out wings last week, eyes that can see in the dark the week before that, there was mermaid week… We haven’t published any of that stuff. But like headless stuff? Maybe for halloween, but it just feels off-brand is all.”
“Traffic has been flat the last two weeks,” said Amy with a shrug. “We’re still new. So I want to shake it up a bit.”
“Well,” said Meg, with a crooked grin. “You’re the head honcho around here.”
“Oh god, don’t start already.”
“I mean,” said Meg, digging in. “You’ve got a real head for this business, after all.”
“You’re going to use them all up now and won’t have any left for when I actually do it.”
“Oh that’s a good point, you’re thinking so far ahead!”
“God damn it Meg.”
#
Meg had been officially working for Amy for only the past month. Before that, she helped Amy with photos for “friend prices” (usually just dinner at a restaurant).
The Blog, titled “Amy + Magic” was about just what it sounded like. Amy would try out some kind of magic, and write about it. Meg would shoot photos for her.
The Quantum Event that had reintroduced magic to the world was still recent memory. Everyone alive remembered when it happened, it was like the whole world folded together and apart at the same time, only to come back together … only different this time. Some people suddenly had magic powers that could be controlled with thought alone.
Amy wasn’t one of those people. Rather, she was more a fan of the effects. The girl just really liked to be turned into stuff. And so she had cultivated a network of local magicians, as well as other magic enthusiasts, some of whom were building crazy machines that did crazy things.
Meg’s interest was more … practical. How could magic be used to make life better, not just … weirder. She was happy to help take photos at least.
But then came Amy’s first viral hit. A video and accompanying article where she started out at six inches tall, and added two feet in height every day for a week. That had been a weird week for Meg, having first to carry her friend around for two days, then being involuntarily picked up and carried around for another three.
When Amy was 10 feet tall, the regular news came. The likes and views and advertisers poured in. Amy had a platform. And that meant she’d need someone to help her manage it all.
So, this meant Meg was no longer just a photographer. She quit her office job and took the plunge. There was content to be scheduled, brand deals to be worked out, merch to be ordered, data to be analyzed, website stuff to fix… A never ending to do list quickly developed.
And then Amy told her what she wanted to try next. A week as a head with no body. She had a sponsor to support it. Some company called “Head Trips” that was going to let you “Mail your own head to your friends!”
The money behind it was good. But Meg, who’s workload was already massive, just pictured all the added logistics. Well, she thought about it, that was part of the process here. And… mistakes made for good content. Think of the time an 16 foot tall Amy tried to get out of that elevator.
#
It was early the next morning that Meg’s buzzer rang. Still groggy after only a sip or two of coffee, she shuffled down in sweatpants to answer the door. There was a guy there who handed her a box and had her sign a pad. She tucked the box under one arm, realizing she wasn’t expecting a package, much less an early delivery…
The box was expensive cardboard. And on the top she saw a logo she remembered somewhere…
Oh. Right.
She went to the kitchen and set the box down on the table. She was about to get a steak knife to cut the tape then remembered — oh yeah, content. She got her phone out and took some photos of the box she suspected her boss had just shipped her head to her in.
“The Unboxing of My Boss’s Head” she thought to herself, and decided to stop and write that down. She grinned to herself as she paused for more coffee.
Something about how “commercial” it felt was striking to her. Amy shipped to her, like any other product. Yesterday she’d ordered socks on Amazon and they would be there in two days. Today, her friend’s head arrived via UPS Early Delivery.
And she remembered, based on what Amy had told her, she could be left in the box as long as they wanted to… Opening the box was somehow included in the magic. Actually, she reflected, that was sort of an added convenience.
“Amy are you in there?” she called out skeptically. There was no reply.
Good enough. She could at least get a shower in before getting to work.
#
An hour or so later, Meg set up a proper unboxing shoot. She cleaned her kitchen table of the extra clutter, set up a tripod, and started the process. She did a quick selfie video narrating what she would be doing, decided she didn’t like her voice, deleted it, and re-recorded it again.
In the main box was … another box. This one made of sturdier cardboard, and… well it said in large block letters “HEAD INSIDE.” She was sure to get a couple close up photos and alternate angles of that.
She pulled the string on the top and lifted it up. All four walls of the box fell away smoothly outwards, leaving a sort of “platform” in the middle. And on that platform was … Amy’s head. With a loose sheet of styrofoam packaging laying over top. Meg got one photo of that before whisking it away. She started a video on her phone.
Amy blinked in the light, waking up gradually.
“Oh hey,” she said. Then blinked a few more times.
“Oh heyyy!!!” repeated Amy, realizing she’d been delivered.
“What’s up Amy,” said Meg, faking a bit of enthusiasm for the video. “You’ve just arrived, shipping yourself um… unannounced to my house.”
“Right,” said Amy. “Those are things I did. But guess what. I got us a sponsor!”
“A sponsor?” said Meg, queueing up the delivery.
“Head Trips!” said Amy, adopting a salesy product pitch tone for the tagline. “Send your head to your friends!”
“Or,” she added in her own voice, “Maybe not your friend. Send your head anywhere you want I guess. But it would be suggested to send it to a friend, because when you get there … you are just a head. Like I am.”
“And,” added Meg, “It might be best practice to make sure your friend is expecting you, so that they are there to sign for your head, so you don’t end up in some UPS warehouse scheduled for redelivery and only available for pickup between 7 and 9 pm!”
“Except when you want to surprise someone because you know they’ll still be home!”
“Right except then!” said Meg, laughing and cutting off the video.
“That was good,” said Amy. “Good improving there.”
“Right,” said Meg. “Except for real, if he got here when I was in the shower or something?”
“Eh. Oh wait I tried to shrug. But I can’t. Imagine me shrugging.”
“That’s very cute,” said Meg. “But look, it would just be easier to plan this out a bit more.”
“I guess so.”
“So what’s your plan now?” asked Meg.
“Plan? For what? I’m just a head. I’m literally helpless to do anything. I didn’t know I needed a plan.”
“Well for your website and stuff.”
“Oh that. Well, I was thinking just like when we did the size week. You know, go out in public a bit, hang out with friends, meet some people, go on a date or two, maybe hookup with someone?”
“I mean, sure, that works I guess. I’m just thinking like … today. Right now. You’ve just arrived, you’re only a head. What’s the first thing you want to try?”
“I want to…” Amy paused. “Give you head.”
“Amy!” said Meg, starting to blush.
“What? I mean, you let me do it that one time. And you are into girls right.”
“You were drunk and I let you, sure, but you’re like — stop licking your lips at me! — You’re like my boss or something!”
“I’m not your boss,” said Amy rolling her eyes. “Or I don’t want to be. I did this because I want to feel like … you know, a helpless head. Same reason I liked to be tiny, and you let me ride around in your shirt.”
“Okay,” said Meg, her face flushing red again. “I just … I want to be professional and stuff.”
“So bill me for the hours that I spend eating that pussy,” said Amy.
“Oh shut up,” said Meg. She picked Amy up and started to head back to the bedroom.
#