I heard the creak of the front door, and could feel myself being moved from one hand to another. I heard the sound of Jack’s shoes on the linoleum tile of the kitchen floor. He set me down, I guessed on the kitchen table. Everything was still dark.

I heard keys jingling, the sound of a glass of water being filled. All the while I was dying with anticipation. I thought about making a noise, but no, that ruined the whole thing. Not the way I’d asked him to do it.

I heard him swallow, set the glass down, sigh. He was really drawing this out.

Finally, I heard scissors on the top of the box. The tape was cut, I could see a bit of light. I could feel the styrofoam packing being removed from over me, and felt the packing peanuts trickle down around my face.

“Well, what have we here?” said Jack.

His hands under my chin, I was lifted out of the box. I squinted not used to the light, then smiled and spat out a packing peanut.

“Hey there,” I said.

“Hey Beth,” said Jack. “How was the shipment?”

“I slept through most of it.”

“You would.” He grinned, and brought me in for a kiss.

“Take me to a mirror!” I said. “I wanna see this.”

“They didn’t show you at the studio?”

“They did for a second, but then they boxed me up, and after that it was just waiting for you to open it!”

Jack tucked me under his arm and carried me into his bedroom. He held me up in one hand.

There I was. Only my head.

“Just seeing this is like … like there’s butterflies in the stomach I don’t have,” I said. “Can you set me down?”

Jack obliged, setting me on his dresser, still facing the mirror.

I just gawped and beamed. This was real. I’d really gone through with it. I was really just a head.

#

I can’t really say how long I’d been planning to go to one of the magic studios in Portland and getting this done. Or something like it. But ever since the first time I encountered magic, I’d been mildly obsessed with it. Okay, mildly is … well it’s not quite right. I was full-on obsessed with it.

I still remember the first time I saw a woman with two heads. I was maybe five or six in a Walmart near Boise. I stared and my mom just grabbed my hand and dragged me away. Later she explained that people who let magic be used on their bodies were ‘sinners’.

Whether my mom’s disapproval played a role in how this grew, I don’t know. What I do know is I was enamored with the idea that I could also be changed like that. Or, as I later learned, into any form at all. While our family church said that we were to remain in our God-given bodies until death, that was no longer the only option.

Then when I was eleven or twelve, I was at Maureen Wallabee’s birthday party. There was a clown there who was juggling, and when he stopped, he started doing magic. I was one of the first ones.

“Got your nose!” said the clown, grabbing my nose off my face. He dropped it into my hands and went on down the line, pulling ears and noses off of everyone. While everyone else stuck their faces back on after a few minutes, I kept my nose in my pocket and spent the rest of the party proudly noseless.

My parents were predictably horrified, and I was not allowed to see Maureen socially after that. A few years later, we ended up moving to California, and then it was much harder to keep me away from magic. Or at least from learning about it.

The thing was, magic was expensive. Especially for a teenager. A visit to a studio back then was fifty bucks. I know, sounds cheap compared to how it is in some cities now, but when you’re a broke kid with no job, fifty dollars might as well be a month’s paycheck.

I didn’t let that deter me too much. My first act of rebellion was to vanish my left arm. I paid for it with babysitting money. My parents once again freaked out, but told me I could keep this as long as it didn’t go any further.

“Don’t end up like one of those half-sized whores,” my mom warned me. Referring of course, to the new trend of ‘halfies’ that was gaining popularity in those days.

Well, as it worked out, I couldn’t really babysit with only one arm, and a lot of other things became more complicated to do as well. For instance, I loved to play piano as well.

And while I liked the attention I got, I eventually had to pony up and borrow the money from my parents to get restored to normal. That came with the condition that I stop experimenting with this stuff, and play things straight. I reluctantly agreed, having really no choice.

I got to fool around with it a few times in college, but the thing is there, you still have no money. And my parents were still paying my expenses, which meant they’d see the credit card receipts and start asking questions. I still had a couple weekends of fun here and there — on a spring break trip I was finally able to try out being headless — but for the most part I was still really limited in what I could try out.

#

Which leads me back to where I was. Jack and I had been seeing one another semi-long-distance for five months now. He worked in Seattle, and I was living in Portland working for a start-up there. So we got to see one another about twice a month at best.
A couple months ago, I’d first told him about my thing for magic. For my 24th birthday, he took me to the studio and I got turned into one of those ‘half-girl whores’ my mom warned me about. Just a lower half with a head attached, and Jack there to take care of my needs. All my needs.

It was the best birthday I’d ever had.

And this weekend I’d owed him a visit, so it was finally time to try one of the most extreme changes I’d made yet. On Thursday I had myself reduced down to just a head, packed up, and shipped overnight to Seattle. And then I waited all day at the reception of his apartment for him to come home.

“So now what?” asked Steve. “You’re here, what would you like to do?”

“Hm… I didn’t have anything in mind. This is so neat!”

“You’re really into this aren’t you?”

“Yea. This is like. Perfect for me. See, the thing I love about magic, or about the thought of it, is that I can become something else.”

“Sure, that makes sense. Except that’s still you’re head.”

“But in a way, I feel more like an object than a person. Like, I can’t move. I can talk, and I can think, but I’m totally helpless. Totally helpless.”

“I still think of you as a person you know,” said Steve, picking me up and turning me to face him.

“Yes, I know. But see, this is the closest I’ve ever been. Maybe I’ll have to try actually becoming an inanimate object for a bit to see if that’s any different.”

“I didn’t realize you were that into this.”

“I don’t know! I’m still exploring this. Like I said, I’ve got a lot of ground to make up. And thank you for being so understanding, it’s just that…”

“I know, I know, we talked about that. It’s fine. It’s great. I want you to do whatever excites you.”

“Speaking of what excites me…”

I gave him a particular look, and licked my lips.

“Really, right now?”

“Or I could go back to being an ornament on your dresser. If that’s why you think I mailed my head to you.”

“All right then,” said Jack with a grin. He threw me onto the bed where I rolled to a stop. Just the thrill of being so helpless, so small sent shivers through my — well, it wasn’t my spine now was it?

He picked me up again, naked now, and lowered me down. I did my best with whatever I knew as he did the rest of the motion. The whole experience for me was just … well, it was exactly why I wanted to try this. Just to be used, like some kind of toy. It was so obscene, so transgressive, so naughty. I existed only to suck his dick, and served no other purpose. Maybe there was something wrong with that point of view, but that was missing the point. For those few minutes, it was all I wanted.

He finished, and I swallowed, kind of wondering where it went, but ultimately not worrying about it.

“Wow,” he finally said. “That’s really… really good.”

“Don’t have a gag reflex like this,” I said. “I specifically asked about it.”

“Well, that. And I can turn you around. That’s pretty cool.”

“Hmmm…. You’re turning me on again.”

“By the way, how is this turning you on? You don’t even have anything…”

“I think it’s more of a mental thing than anything. No, I’m not like getting wet or anything. But I felt … mmm….”

“Makes sense. You know you could’ve included a um…”

“Head and pussy? Like I showed you?”

A week or two ago, I’d emailed him a link to a “Head-Toy!” transformation. A model had been reduced to little more than a head, like I was, except that where her neck would have been was a vagina. The diagram showed that the back of her throat connected to this vagina, meaning that anything stuck inside it would come out her mouth. There was a picture of her helpless head suspended on a huge dildo.

The whole thing had turned me on so much that I had to drive home early just to take care of business.

“Yea, why didn’t you?”

“I figured you might want to take me out in public or something.”

“Really? You wanted me to do that?”

“To take your girlfriend out somewhere nice? Isn’t that something you’d do?”

“I guess, I just didn’t realize that’s also part of the deal.”

“Well, look. It’s not like it’s that weird or anything. You see couples like that all the time.”

“Okay, yea, it’s not that uncommon. Especially when it’s a visit like this.”

“Right. Shipping your head costs a tenth the price of flying. Everyone knows that. It’s not even a couples things really.”

“Well okay.”

“Yea. And along with that, it’s my first time as just a head, and I like the idea of being carried around!”

“Like an object,” pointed out Jack.

“Yes. Exactly like that. Now go use me as a paperweight or something!”

Jack set me on the kitchen counter, holding open a cookbook while he made himself dinner. I, as it turned out, did not need to eat much food. It was entirely unclear where that food was going anyhow, but after a couple swallows I felt “full” in a very vague way.

“It’s weird,” I told Jack. “In one way, I’ve already started to get used to not having a body, and in another, in the way I experience emotions, it’s almost like having a ‘phantom’ body.”

“Already used to it?”

“Well, you know, it starts to feel natural after a bit.”

“I don’t know. I mean, we’ve talked about this — I’ve never done it.”

“And you should. Or I mean, if you want to.”

Jack shrugged. “I guess. I’m just not wired like you are. It’s not like I have an aversion to it, and I’ve seen it done and all, but I’ve never quite been like ‘Oh, I want to do that.’”

“Not even the stuff that everyone wants to try out, like getting wings or gills or becoming super-duper strong.”

“Well, I’ve been curious about that stuff I guess. And I mean… Nevermind.”

“No, I mind! Tell me!”

“It’s stupid. Nothing.”

“What is it?”

“Nothing! It’s just a bit silly.”

“What? You think I didn’t feel a bit the first time I told you that I loved the idea of being a helpless object?”

“No, it’s not like that! Like, when I was a kid, I just thought it’d be cool to have a robotic body.”

“Just when you were a kid?”

“And… a little bit now.”

“So do it!”

“I mean, it’s the same way any kid wants to be an astronaut or a dinosaur or whatever.”

“So do that, be a dinosaur! You know I think I saw a website that sells dino-magic kits.”

“Okay that doesn’t really surprise me, but it’s just… Well, I mean it was like a kid thing. I kind of lost interest.”

“You’re still talking about it now!”

“But only because you’re pushing me to.”

“Look, whatever. I don’t want to push you. But you shouldn’t be inhibited by what you consider childish or whatever. Just do whatever you want to do, and I’ll support it.”

“You mean, you wouldn’t think it was immature that I want to be Mega Man?”

“I’d think it was adorable, whoever Mega Man is.”

“I’ll… maybe this can be next time.”

“Great. In the meantime, what’s in store for tonight?”

“How about this. We stay in, watch a movie, and tomorrow I’ll take you wherever you want to go. We can go hat shopping if you like.”

“That sounds perfect!”

#

I spend the evening alternately tucked under Jack’s arm or resting on his lap. Ate a few pieces of popcorn and took a few sips of beer, but almost right away, the ‘full’ feeling returned.

And I was already ‘getting used’ to this new state. The incredible novelty of it, which I felt right after the magician held me up to the mirror at the studio, and again when Jack took me out of the box, had worn off a bit. I was still very content with the difference, and it was very relaxing in the sense of having no real responsibility for anything. I was really completely Jack’s responsibility in that way.
At the same time, I did understand that the vulnerability that comes with something like this is a bit uncomfortable for some people. I’ve heard from some folks who hated having their bodies vanished, but put up with it because it was such a cheap way to ‘travel.’

Like my friend Jennifer. About once a month she’d end up on a “Box Trip” as most folks called them, shipping her head off to somewhere or other for a visit. But she disliked being so small, and often came with the condition that she’d be able to share a body with her ‘host.” I thought it was an interesting arrangement to say the least.

Come to think of it, I’d never shared a body with another person. Might be something fun to try. I think I might like it.

To that effect, there was also the burgeoning industry of “Body Rentals” where you could pay someone for the use of their body while on your “Box Trip.” It was so far a bit of a new idea, and still a bit out there.

Personally, I got a bit of a thrill over the mere idea of giving my body away to some stranger. Even so, it was ’out there’ even for my appetites. It was also strung along with all kinds of practical concerns, and given my relative inexperience at being bodiless anyway, I wasn’t going to be doing that any time soon.

As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about all that and more. Mostly, I just smiled and tried to move my non-existent body, getting a bit of a helpless kinky thrill every time I couldn’t. Squirming there on the pillow, I eventually fell asleep, knowing one thing for sure — this wouldn’t be the last time I took a box trip.