Everyone at the Secret Canadian Institute for Magic (we call it SCIM) will tell you the sorcery kids throw the best parties. Myself, I'm a potions major and I would switch to sorcery but for the miserable job market right now. I mean, basically all you can do with that degree is be a stage magician, but then there's all these rules about what you can and can't show on stage for fear of public reprisal. We all know what happened in Salem.

But anyhow - the best thing about the sorcery kids' parties is they always come up with the best themes. Like the last one, it was a "shorties" party. But first I should tell you about the first time I went to one of those.

This was back in sophomore year. I was living off-campus with Bethany and Grace. The three of us had been close the year before, but living on campus had limited our social lives a bit, so we were kind of just starting to cut loose a little. But generally, I think the three of us are pretty studious. Beth was thinking about a sorcery major, and

Grace had already declared an enchanting major.

Well, Beth got invited to this party at one of the sorcery houses. Not a formal house like a frat or anything, just a place where five guys lived, and four of them were sorcery majors.

"So they have a theme," Beth told us, "And it's 'No arms allowed.' What do you think that means?"

"Maybe they just mean weapons," said Grace.

"No, look here - the facebook page has a picture of an arm, and it's um… crossed out."

"Seriously? Woah, you're right. That's gonna be weird."

"Here's what it says: Come with anything you want, so long as it's not an arm. So that would leave… legs?"

"What do you think, Tiff?"

I looked up from the computer. I'd been paying attention only passively up to that point.

"Um…" I said. "Sounds weird. But I've heard those parties are really fun."

"I heard about one last year that was a gender-switch party," said Beth.

"Yea, and Ray said he went to one where there was a two-head minimum," said Grace.

"I don't know a lot of sorcery," I said.

"Didn't you take that 101 class last year?" asked Grace.

"Yea, but it was a lot of theory and not much hands-on stuff."

"You mean hands-off stuff," laughed Beth.

"We did do that one assignment where you switch hands with someone, that was cool. But Beth's taking 110 right now, so she can do stuff right?"

"Yea, I can at least make your arms disappear."

"Can you turn mine into legs?" asked Grace.

"Sure. And Tiff I've got an idea, but I don't think I can do it on myself. Can I use you instead?"

"Promise you won't turn me into a potato," I said.

"I only did that one time."

"You promise?"

"Sure. I will not turn you into a potato," said Beth.

"Or a banana," said Grace.

"That was an accident."

"So you say." Grace narrowed her eyes.

Beth laughed. "Okay," she continued, "but that leaves me. I need to be intact to do you guys, and I don't know how to make my own arms disappear."

"I can make a potion that'll turn you into a fish," I offered.

"Or I can enchant a knife for a while so it can cut harmlessly," said Grace.

"Well, out of those two erm… delightful options I think I'm gonna have to go with the knife, actually."

"I think I like the fish idea better," said Grace.

"If being a fish is anything like being a frog, I don't wanna do it."

"If we do both," I said, "we can have sushi."

"That's just… ew," said Beth. "Anyway, that only leaves getting there. I guess we'll have to walk, since obviously nobody is gonna drive without arms."

"Ooh! I know! I can turn you into a snake!"

"You're not turning me into anything! I'm gonna cut these off with a knife."

"What about a turtle?" asked Grace. "Or a jellyfish!"

"If I get turned into anything, I'm going to turn you both into vegetables and have a salad."

"Fine, let's go get these spells ready."

I was brewing up a few no-hangover potions in the kitchen when Grace came in.

"Check it out!" she thrust a foot in my face.

"She did a good job," I said, inspecting her shoulder. Her new legs melded almost perfectly into her shoulders. Beth had thickened the joint a bit to hold the extra weight, and turned her legs a little bit so her feet could take the place of hands.

"I'm gonna pick something up," said Grace. She opened the cupboard and with two feet managed to take out a glass and fill it with water from the brita pitcher.

"Okay, Tiff, your turn!"

I downed my potion and went into Beth's room. She had a couple crystals set up and was holding some flexible copper wire.

"I've been wanting to try this out for a while," she said. "Mostly, we've just been doing transformations from one thing into another, but we've just been covering how you can combine different elements. Then I heard about this change from Meredith, she's a year above us and these were a big hit with her and her friends. It's called the shorty."

"I'm not short enough already?"

"You're taller than me, but that's not the point."

"So what is this shorty thing?"

"Can I just show you?"

"Go ahead. No potatoes."

"What is your problem with potatoes?"

"It's indescribably boring to be one."

She giggled. "Okay, we wrap two wires around your neck and your waist."

We did so. She told me to fold my arms in front of my chest, then she began her incantation, and setting off two of the crystals she had there. In the final phase she began to weave the spell and wave her hands. I was starting to feel warmer. She continued, repeating the chorus on the incantation louder and louder. This was unlike any of her other spells, that was for sure. I was still getting hotter. I couldn't move because it might distract her concentration and upset the spell, but looking down I could see that the part of my body between the two wires - from my waist to my neck - had begun to sparkle with excess magic.

Finally she moved to the finishing verses and activated her final crystal. By now I so hot I was almost burning - although the heat had stopped being uncomfortable once the final stage had begun. Sorcery works that way, first you build up the energy you need in the object, and then once it takes form the transformations are wrought, but up until then you have a bunch of heat. One of the reasons new sorcery students can't do magic on themselves is because it's really hard to concentrate with all that energy in your body.

I whited out, just like I had the other times. I came to a moment later, lying on her bed.

"Here, I'll help you sit up," said Beth. She did so, but something was wrong.
I was shorter. Everything from my waist to my neck had disappeared, vanishing into itself, leaving my neck now attached to my hips.

"This is different," I said, leaning forward to stand up. I walked over to look in the mirror on the closet door."

"You're so cute! Gah, I wish I could try that. I've wanted to since Meredith first showed me this picture." Beth went to her computer and switched to a picture on facebook. It showed Meredith - a girl I'd met but didn't know very well - and three other girls. All four of them were torso-less like I was.

"She said their housemates all do 'Shorty Saturdays.'"

"This is actually pretty cool," I said. "You've gotten pretty good at this. Did you make the spell yourself?"

"Mostly. I had to call Meredith for one part, I didn't know how to safely deal with your organs."

"Speaking of which, could you explain that?"

"No, not really. She just said, 'Oh, we didn't do that.'"

"Comforting. I feel fine though."

"Let me check. Okay, you still have a pulse. I don't know. I mean, I think the way it works is the spell actually just adjusts the dimensions of your body rather than making anything disappear. So everything is still there, it just doesn't take up any space."

"I wonder if I could do this with a potion."

"You think you could? I would so wanna do that. If I buy the ingredients will you make one?"

"I'll have to figure out more about it, but I think I can figure out how to do it. I don't think I could adjust dimensions like this, but I could probably liquify your insides and then we could shape you however you want. Then I could modify the regenerative potion to suit your new body."

"Can you do it tonight?"

"No, I don't have the right materials and I need time to research it."

"Fine, fine. But let me know about that. Okay, let's go cut off my arms."

"Are you done yet?" Beth, still with arms attached, changed the channel. We'd both gotten dressed already - her in a black tube dress and myself in a gauzey blue skirt. Grace was working in the kitchen, finishing the enchantment on the knife.

"I should have done this before you turned my arms into legs," said Grace.

"You said you wanted to try it this way," said Beth.

"I was a fool. I think I'm almost done, I just need to double check."

"How is everyone going to drink," I wondered out loud.

"Messily," said Beth.

"How are we going to pour drinks?"

Beth laughed. "Maybe they just pour vodka in a bucket and let everyone use a straw.

"What if I have to use the bathroom?"

"You know what? Teamwork. That's your answer to all of this. I helped you get dressed, I'll help you pee."

"Ooh, here's one. If you throw up who's going to hold back your hair?"

"I'm hope it doesn't come to that point."

"Okay! It's ready!"

Grace came in brandishing one of the big kitchen knives in her toes. The knife was giving off a very faint and pale blue light. It wasn't any brighter than a digital clock, but it was at least noticeable.

Beth took the knife from her and examined it.

"You sure it's right?"

"Yea, it's not that hard. Just with feet it was a bit oh… challenging to get the runes right. Why, you scared?"

"I'm not like you, I don't like cutting myself to pieces."

"That was for a project!"

"Did I tell you about that?"

"What, the time she cut off her head and carried it around all day?"

"No, I caught her again just the other day. You were gone, studying at the library or something. I came home, and right here on the couch were her two legs. So I started looking around, you know, maybe it was a prank and she needs some help getting put back together. Well, I found her in the bathtub, split up the middle and she was just … poking around in there. Taking all her organs out and looking at them."

"You should try it first. It's a lot less gross when they're your own guts."

"You're weird." I said. "Did you take your heart out? I saw a guy do that at a party last year. Took out his heart like in Indiana Jones."

"We're not doing that. On an equally gruesome note, where should I cut?"

"Maybe just past the shoulder? I think you should show a little stump," I said.

Beth leveled the knife about six inches past her shoulder, raised her eyebrows, and dug the knife in. It slid in remarkably easily. Her arm plopped down on the couch.

"That was quick and easy," said Beth. "Nice job on the enchantments."

"It works better if I add sharpness charms on top of the cutting and healing runes."

"Okay, I need help with the other one…"

Using her toes, Grace took the knife delicately with both feet and eased the knife into Beth's other arm. Her other arm dropped to the sofa.

She raised up her stumps and inspected them. Across the stump of each was a patch of new skin, a little bit pale from the fresh cut.

"So I guess we're ready then," said Grace.