I hadn't even noticed it was valentines day until the UPS guy showed up. My girlfriend Alice was in Honduras taking photos for a magazine article, but I'd already taken all my vacation time that year following her through Nepal.  The way I measured it, I could work in the cubicle farm for another six months before I'd have enough money saved up that I could quit and we could take that six-month trip through New Zealand we'd been talking about for years.

So like I said, I'd pretty much written the day off. Just another Sunday to laze around, watch basketball and drink beer, dream about Honduran beaches and quitting my job. I'd already cracked open the first bottle when the guy knocked on the door, handed me a small envelope and told me I had to sign and that he had to check my ID to make sure it was the right person.

I inspected the envelope briefly - it said something about "high security" and same-day delivery. And it had been posted in Honduras.

I should mention something else about my girlfriend. For the past couple years, she's been dabbling in something called 'Syvike' which is supposedly an ancient form of magic originating in pre-Tsarist Russia. Don't ask me more than that, cause I was terrible at history and worse in linguistics. But here's the thing - I'm as skeptical as any well-educated person should be. Meaning, I don't believe in religion, aliens, bigfoot, or any of that other nonsense. But this 'Syvike' actually works. I swear to the god I don't even believe in, it's real, and I've seen it.

Let me put it this way - on our last trip to Nepal, when we were camping in a remote valley where we knew nobody would find us, she busted out one of the new spells she'd learned. She goes into this trance for a few minutes, and once she comes out of it, she grins and me and then takes off her head. Yes, that's right, just lifts it off like she was taking off a hat. I think a lot of people would have lost it there, but I didn't, I just picked up her head and kissed her. Maybe that's what keeps our relationship so stimulating - she's always pushing the boundaries and I'm always ready to follow. Always the next horizon, right?

So okay, that's out of the way, now back to me sitting down with half a beer and as I open the envelope, obviously from Alice, I remember that it's valentines day and I should have called. I took out my phone and hit the speed dial, but it just goes straight to voicemail. That's unusual, but I just ignore it, I'll try again later I tell myself.

Then I opened the envelope and inside was a card printed on glossy paper. On the front was a drawing of two kittens, very cute in a totally-hallmark kind of way. It's when I opened the card that I figured the whole thing out.

It read:
I know these assignments are keeping us apart this year, but it's only a little longer till I get back! I've been thinking of you tons lately, and I just really wanted to do something special for you this year but I'm deep in the rainforest right now, and since it's illegal to send you a gecko, I thought this would be a nice gift. Treat them well and they'll do the same for you!
Kisses,
Alice

"Treat what well?" I thought. But then I noticed them slipping out of the envelope, floating weightlessly down to land face-up on my pants.

It was a pair of lips.

Alice's lips.

I gently picked them up, watching in awe as they came to life. Don't ask me how she peeled off her mouth and mailed it in an envelope, I just don't know. Magic, that's all I got. But I could confidently say that holding her mouth in my hands, and seeing her tongue move slowly over her teeth, well, that was one of the sexiest things I've ever seen. Guess I'm weird that way.

What happens next, that's our own business.