It's Andrea. I wanna thank everyone for coming to our "Falling to Pieces" party last night! It was our first party at the new house, and I'm sure you'll all agree it was a huge success. I know most of you are probably still nursing off those hangovers, but there's a few "leftovers" here, and I thought I oughta send out an email with all the lost & found.
Oh, but I gotta thank Melissa first for providing the enchantments we all enjoyed so much. She got it at Charlie's Old Tyme Magic Discount Super-Emporium, so next time you're over there be sure to give Charlie a big thank-you!
Okay, so there are five different arms here. Two of them match. They are girl's arms, and there are freckles on the shoulders. There's a guy's arm, pretty ripped, and another girl's arm with a tattoo of a butterfly on the wrist. And another arm, kind of non-descript. I can't tell if it's a guys or a girls. It's just an arm. Sorry to offend anyone with androgynous arms, but none of us can decide.
Also, legs! There are six pairs of legs! How did you get home? You'll have to tell us when you come to pick them up. One is a male pair, actually it might be the same poor guy who belongs to that arm. They're the same skin-tone, and also pretty buff.
The other two pairs are girl's legs. Both are pale skin tone, and came off a girl who used to be pretty tall. They are all four the same height. Twins? Sisters? Coincidence?
Onwards with the unclaimed - hands and feet. We found a pair of both in the kitchen cupboard. I assume they're from the same person, only because we found them together. Toes have purple nail polish. Cute!
There is also a right foot left in the bathroom. No sign of its partner. You must be tired of hopping around. Come get it back!
Now it gets weirder. Boobs. We found three of them. I'm not going to describe them too much. Girls, check right now and see if you're all accounted for. Something missing? Come on. We need to get this off our chest. Wow, what a terrible joke.
On the same topic there is a … something. From a guy. Whoever you are, I know you want this back. Also, I'm sorry to ask this, but in order to claim such a valuable "package" (haha), you'll have to demonstrate that it's missing. We're not trying to humiliate you, just wanna be sure we don't give your dick away. Okay, we're trying to humiliate you a little bit. But honestly, you left it under my roommate's pillow and you deserve it. What were you expecting?
Now you might think that would be the ultimate "oops, I can't believe I forgot THAT." But you would be wrong!
Ladies, gentlemen we have… drumroll… an unclaimed head. She is very pretty, but cannot tell us whose shoulders she rode over on! Of course, we all know there was a lot of mixing and matching going on, not to mention quite a few intoxicants that were imbibed. But whoever this was, we don't recognize her. So, worryingly, it's not one of you who I'm sending this to. Check on your friends that you brought to the party. Is a head attached to their shoulders? Or somewhere else on their body? No? Send them by!
A little more about this head. Black hair. Wears glasses. Very nice smile. Bangs. Was wearing lipstick, but we washed that off. We gave her some coffee and pancakes this morning. Quite friendly. Better come get her quick, cause we're getting attached.
Also, one of you left a jacket on the stairs.
So that's it for left articles. Now, the second part - I'm sure there's a number of you that swapped something at one point or another, and then forgot to switch back. Perhaps you've just woken up and thought, "These aren't my legs," or "I don't remember having four arms." If you don't know whose pieces you've got, let me or Melissa know and we'll try and get you sorted out. It might take a couple of days. If you're missing something and it's not something we've mentioned, email me or Melissa and we'll send a single follow-up email.
For the record we did buy a box of sharpies so everyone could write their names on their stuff. So don't expect a great deal of sympathy. Unless you're the girl missing the head. We love your head and you have our sympathies cause she's a really, really great head and you must miss her.
Alright, that's it for now. Come and get your bodies back! Unclaimed pieces will be donated to Dr. Frankenstein for a "research project."
Cheers!
Dre