Sam woke up. Something was different. She rolled over to look at the time. Hazily, the numbers came to her. Almost noon. Her stomach gurgled. Well, it was time to get out of bed.
She didn’t figure out what it was. Not right away, not until she went into the bathroom and had her shirt off, but looking in the mirror, she was sure there was something missing.
That would be her head.
Oh shit, she said. Or not really. She didn’t say it, but wanted to. She threw the bathroom door open, damn the shirt, and ran back to her room and began throwing things off the bed. It wasn’t there. She tried to think back to the night before - she had just turned twenty one at midnight - but all that came to her was a bunch of tequilla shots, the darkening memory of which turned her stomach.
Well okay, she was finally able to say to herself. At least I know — well I should just take a shower and see if it comes back. Yea.
She went back to the bathroom and started the water. A couple questions came to her. One, how was it she was still able to see? She waved her hand in front of her “face,” in the mirror, but found she could pass her hand right through her point of view. Well, at least that worked. Somehow. For that matter, she could still hear and wasn’t dead. Blindness, deafness, death all being classic symptoms of headlessness, but she must have been some exceptional case.
Two, did she have a head when she went to bed last night? She really wasn’t sure what time she even went to bed. The last thing she could remember, she was at a bar called the Magician. Well, that was probably related. It only made sense.
Three, did her roommate, Katie, have anything do with this? No, that wasn’t the question. The real question was, what exactly did Katie have to do with it. Her involvement in Sam’s decapitation, seemed like, well, a no-brainer. She always threatened to do it, all cutsey-cutsey - “Oh, you do that and I’ll cut your head off.”
It had only been two months since that the two had been living together, so there was still a bit of adjustments going on. Katie came home each day like a slow-motion train accident, leaving shoes, clothes, and whatever she was carrying just wherever they dropped. She’d fall down on the couch and before long, she’d oversleep her next class, get up swearing and rush out the door leaving a wreck all over the living room. And then, on her days off, she’d buzz around the house furiously scrubbing and dusting the same things she scrubbed and dusted last week, not as if the TV screen ever got that dirty anyway. But you know, she was a great cook, and a good friend so living with her had it’s benefits and drawbacks.
Yea.
Well, it was time to find out. She shut off the water and toweled off. Hey she thought, at least I won’t have to blow-dry my hair.
She found the note on her pillow. Of course it made sense for it to be there, but why hadn’t she found it before?
“Hey Sam—” read the note, “First of all, happy birthday! And I’m sure you’re wondering where your head might be, so let me just say this — if you had it, I bet it’d be hurting pretty bad right now, because last night you decided to go to war with Jose Cuervo, and I’ll tell you, that guys tough to beat.
But yea, it was for your own good. As well as for everyone else’s amusement. I really can’t imagine why you’d want it back. It’s not so great of a head. Haha, just kidding (i’m wearing your head right now actually).
But okay, here’s the deal — if you want to get your head back and be able to drink on your 21st birthday, you’ve gotta do my scavenger hunt. So to start off, go over to see Angela for your first clue.
Love,
Katie”
She sighed. Or, she tried to sigh, but her chest just heaved up and down instead. How was this even possible? She was no pre-med major, but she’d always been reasonably sure a person needed their head to live.
There was no sign of her roommate in the apartment. Of course, Sam wouldn’t stick around after pulling something like that either. As she was looking through everything, pieces of the night before started falling into place. She was drunk, no doubt, but not totally blacked out. Katie was pretty blitzed too, come to think of it.
“You should probably slow down,” Katie had said, tapping Sam’s drink.
“Like hell, I should — you should slow down!”
“Yea, you’re cut off. No more.”
“You’re cut off! Hey give that back! Okay, you can have that one, I’m gonna get another. Hey Mike! Mike!”
“No, you’re done.”
“You can’t stop me!”
“Oh yes I can.”
Sam wasn’t sure about what came next. It just seemed like she was too drunk to talk anyway. She waved down the bartender and made a sipping motion, but he only shrugged his shoulders. She was trying to shout out her drink, but somehow it just didn’t come out. And before much longer, she’d given up and was just dancing again. And there, it started getting more and more fuzzy.
She found her phone and called up Katie’s number. She texted her “I’m gonna kill you,” and went to get her skateboard.

Angela was on the other side of IV, just ten minutes on the board. But that still meant she’d have to pass well, who knows how many people. It was a beautiful sunny day, just like all the others in Santa Barbara. And being a Saturday, the streets were full of kids on bikes, boards, or just walking around. She began to feel a bit self-conscious, but then again, who would recognize her with no head?
“Sam!”
Well, there was someone. She turned to look and there was Justin, of all people to run into, and much more than that, recognize her. Justin was a bio major, same as her, so they’d have a few classes together. She had a bit of a secret crush on him, but hadn’t acted on it, because she’d just never gotten quite the right signals. He was a bit shy, and certainly nice, but perhaps too nice to seem interested? She wasn’t sure. It was murky. And so she’d continued to keep him almost at arms length, against her own desires, just out of hesitance. She didn’t even know if he had a girlfriend.
She waved. He started running up to her, so she stopped the skateboard.
“What’s up?”
She shrugged. And held out her arms. He gave her a hug.
“So, I couldn’t help but notice, you um…” he made a mock grimace.
Sam made a slicing motion across the stump of her neck.
“Yea, that’d be it. You’re head is missing.”
How’d you recognize me she thought, but of course there was no way to say it.
“That’s cool. I mean, did you lose it? Or uh… I guess you can’t really talk can you.”
She made a writing motion.
“Yea, I um… wait a sec. I have a pen, and … if we have some paper.”
She pretended to write on her hand.
“Oh, that works too.” He took a pen out of his pocket, and offered his arm.
How sweet, thought Sam. And how weird this whole thing is.
—My roommate cut it off last night, and now I’m on a scavenger hunt. She wrote.
“Wow, that sounds — oh hey, it’s your birthday isn’t it!”
She gave a thumbs up.
“So it’s a birthday scavenger hunt huh. Do you want some help?”
—That’d be great. Or you could just give me your head.
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think it’d be against the rules.” He winked.
Of course, she thought back, If Katie’s behind this, it’s probably no coincidence.
“But let’s go up to my place, we can grab a whiteboard so you can write—”
—I don’t know, you’re a pretty good surface.
“Yea, we’re getting the whiteboard.”

“Happy Birthday!” The door was thrown wide open. Angela, a beaming blond wearing a blue floral-print silk dress, stood on the other side with her arms thrown up in the air. She stepped forward and hugged the headless girl, giving a sly wink to the boy standing with her.
“Sam’s looking for some head,” said Justin. “Know anyone with one of those?”
“Well hm… I might know where to find a head, but— it’ll cost you.” She narrowed her eyes at Sam.
Sam took the whiteboard from Justin’s hands and wrote, “Cost me what?”
“Hey come in guys. I can’t leave you standing out in the balmy sunshine.”
The inside of Angela’s place had been redone a bit. The couch and TV set had both been moved into the corner of the room. This was to make space for the large guillotine, along with a few other wooden boxes whose purpose weren’t quite as clear.
Sam wrote (gasp!) on her whiteboard and showed it to Angela who giggled.
“So obviously, this is your first stop on your scavenger hunt for a head. And to start with, I’m just going to tell you that this was all Katie’s idea, and I’m just as unsure as you are about what’s gonna happen. But I know that first, you have to put one of us through the guillotine.”
“And then?”
“Well, I don’t know. First we do that, and then there’s supposed to be more instructions after that.”
“Yea, that sounds reasonable.”
“Even headless you’re still so witty. I love it.”
“Well,” said Justin, “Who’s getting the chop?”
“I think Justin should,” said Angela, sticking her tongue out at him.
“Nah, you need a girl’s head.”
“Think of how much better he’ll look without that face!”
“But then I’ll have his face. Ew : ) I pick Angela.”
“Aww,” said Angela, then patted herself on the top of the head, “Bye bye head!” She lay down in the guillotine and motioned to Justin to help. Suspiciously perhaps, he already seemed to know how to raise and lower the head-stock into place, then handed the rope to Sam.
“All you do is pull,” said Angela. “What are you wait—”
Sam pulled and, well, gravity remained as effective as ever.
“Well,” said a muffled voice from the basket below. “You certainly didn’t need any encouragement did you?”
Sam bent over to see into the basket. Angela’s head had landed on her forehead, but the cut appeared to be clean of any blood, covered in slightly pink skin.
“Pick me up!” she said. Sam did, carrying Angela’s head to the kitchen counter and setting her down facing them. Justin helped her headless body from the stocks.
“Isn’t this awesome?” asked Angela.
“It’s okay.”
“Just okay? Justin, tell her it’s awesome.”
“It’s awesome.”
“How do you know? I think we should cut off your head too.”
“Na, I’m good thanks.”
“No way! We both did it, so you have to as well.”
“I’m not sure that makes sense.”
“Justin, it’s my birthday. Pweeze?” Both girl’s headless bodies clasped their hands together as if begging.
Justin gave a look of reluctance, but sat down on the guillotine. Angela’s body quickly hoisted up the blade again. Once he was secured, he looked at Sam, expectantly.
“Well,” he said, morosely. “I didn’t think it’d come to this when we first met.”
Sam wanted to laugh. Instead she just tugged the rope.
There was the sound of the blade cutting the air, and then the clunk of it hitting the stocks.
“Wow, that’s dizzying,” said Justin. Without help, he raised his body up from the stocks and bent over to grab his head by the hair. Tucking it under his arm, he stood up to face Sam, who was doubled over with silent laughter.
“Just wait till it’s my birthday,” he said, smirking.
“Okay, next, Sam, you open that box right there. The small one.”
Sam picked up a small oaken box from the pile in the corner. She shook it gently. Something was inside it. She lifted the lid, to find an envelope, along with a large pocket knife. She took them out and held it up questioningly to Angela.
“I don’t know what comes next,” said Angela. Katie didn’t tell us any more.
Sam used the knife to cut open the envelope. Inside was a single sheet of paper. Most of it was a diagram of a stock figure, with different numbers pointing to different pieces. At the bottom, read the following:
“Hey Sammie!
It’s Katie. You might have guessed. So here’s the next magic trick for you. Decide whose head you’re taking. Put that head in this box. That’s box number one. Their arms go in box number two, their torso in box three, and their legs and hips go in box four. Then you get in box five, you ask your helper to press the button on the top, and there we go.
Good luck! And remember, in case you make a mistake— my phone’s gonna be off until 6 tonight, so you’d better call anyone else.”
“What’s it say?” asked Angela. Sam held up her finger to say, “Hold on,” then walked up behind Angela’s body. She held her arms up away from her body, like she was positioning her for something, but then suddenly whisked the knife across Angela’s waist.
“Eep!” said Angela’s head, but it was already done. Sam easily swung her upper half from the lower onto the couch where she sliced off the arms and put them in the correct box. In another moment, the rest of Angela had been boxed up as well, the boxes spread out across the floor.
“Well,” said Justin, reading the note that had been left, “This certainly seems devious.”
“I’ll get you for this!” said Angela, mockingly from her head box still on the counter.
Sam made the okay sign to Justin, who gave an okay back. Then she climbed into the largest box, the one labeled for her. On top of it was the promised red button.
Once Justin had shut the lid, there was a moment where nothing happened. She waited. And waited. Maybe it didn’t work. Then, the box was opened and she seemed to be in a different part of the room. She stepped out and tried to talk, but still… couldn’t. And she was definitely shorter.
“I can’t feel my legs. Did she do it?”
“Yea, she fell for it.”
“Haha, that’s so funny. Take me out, I wanna see.”
Sam looked up, realizing her point of view came from about her belly button. Justin took Angela’s head from it’s box and raised it up to look at her.
“Oh my god, you’re so cute Sammie!”
“I feel bad that we tricked her.”
Just what the hell is going on, she thought, looking down and thinking, I’m not even wearing pants anymore and I … oops.
That was it. She’d somehow changed from box four to five, and now, instead of her headless body, she was only Angela’s lower half. She went to the box that had held her body and nudged open the door with her foot.
“Ta-daa!” said Angela’s head. The box was empty.
That’s it, then, huh Katie. Now I’m just a lower half, one that’s not even mine.
Even without a head, Sam began to feel flushed.
“I’ve never seen a pair of legs look so angry before,” said Justin’s head from the coffee table. Sam responded by kicking his head onto the couch.
“Oh wow,” said Angela, “C’mon, it’s your birthday. And those legs are my gift to you. You can even borrow some pants.”
Sam sat down in defeat. I guess I just have to work with this. What could possibly be next?