“NOT FUNNY!” Joe shouted, half in jest, half sincerely, as he was icing the cooler with rum, vodka and beer.

Jess was in the other room packing sunscreen and towels while listening to “Heads will Roll” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Joe was a little anxious about losing his head but was hoping some liquid courage would calm his nerves. It’s not everyday you get your head chopped off.

Jess, however, had a little bounce in her step the whole week, and even more so today. She had shopped for new swimsuits for the occasion, mostly for her but she also snagged a green mint colored pair of shorts that were on sale for Joe. She had found a navy and white bikini that Joe thought paired nicely with her light brown hair and green eyes. And just tasteful enough to accentuate her cleavage without being too forward. Perhaps if he played his cards right, he’d have a nice resting place for his neck later tonight.

Joe slung the cooler over his shoulder and the couple walked the short distance to their friends’ home. Feeling the sweaty palm in her hand, Jess turned to Joe before reaching the doorbell.

“Hon, I can’t know what you are going through but I’m here with you. It’s going to be new and exciting but if you hate it after tonight, we’ll just keep your head attached until it wants to stay connected for good. I’ll support you. I just hope I get to support your face between my hands and see that cute body of yours. Come to think of it, I think I only need one hand to hold your head. Let’s see what I can do with the other one,” she smirked.

Joe smiled, gave her a kiss on the forehead, and pushed the doorbell. Kate opened the door, with her hair up, a bit out of breath, and wearing a black apron.  “Oh, you’re a little early!”

The bubbly blonde welcomed them in her house and nervously told them to come straight through the house to the back where Ben’s headless body was in the pool to meet them. She walked backwards to guide them to the back, not turning around. Ben’s head was beet red as they passed the kitchen. That seemed a little weird, Joe and Jess thought. Jess thought she must’ve gotten a strapless top for her bikini, she didn’t see what she was wearing underneath. Joe noticed as well and as they stepped out the back door he caught a quick glimpse of plump, pale cheeks as Kate shuffled back to the kitchen. Kate wasn’t wearing anything underneath her apron! No wonder Ben looked a little out of breath. “Those dogs,” Joe muttered under his breath, with a hint of jealousy. Those squats at the gym were paying off.

Jess and Joe saw Ben’s body coming out of the water to greet them. Funny enough, Ben was wearing the same trunks as Joe. “Well, it was a buy one get one free sale and when I told Kate, she said Ben needed a new pair too,” said Jess. Joe shrugged and they hugged Ben, thanking them for having them over. After a few minutes, Kate came out in a lime green bikini top and hot pink cheeky bottoms, holding a serving tray with 4 mojitos and one severed head. Ben’s head was sipping through a straw the whole way toward the pool. Since there was no puddle under his head, Joe assumed the magic took the drink to his stomach remotely.

Kate started. “Well now that everyone is here and has a drink, should we go into the garage and get on with it? As they say, chop chop!”

“Might as well, it’s the reason for the party!” said Jess. Joe gulped down his mojito quickly and gathered up the strength for a “Let’s do this.”

***

This time, Kate placed a throw pillow at the bottom of the basket. Joe was looking at it from about three feet away and would soon be face to face with the garish orange thing. He had climbed into the stocks without much thought, he was afraid if he over-thought it he would chicken out.

“I think you should do the honors, Jess, he’s your husband,” said Ben, cradled in his body’s left arm. Ben’s body extended the rope in his right arm to Jess. She grabbed it, almost dropping it with the surprise of the weight but held fast. “You ready Joe? On three. One, t -.”

Down came the blade - Jess ever the prankster released it early. Before Joe knew it, he felt cold steel inside his neck and pass through. The drop to the pillow felt like a roller coaster hill and he gasped, realizing he was holding his breath in the buildup and now seeing he could breathe despite his lungs on the other side of a blade. “Whoa” was all he could say in his shock.

After a few beats, Joe tried to think of moving his body off the bench. As if telepathically, it responded, sitting up and standing. If only Joe could see the look on Jess’ face (really, because he was still in the basket), he would’ve seen the wave of raw desire come over her. She grabbed his hand and guided the body to the basket and commanded him to pick up his head. The body obliged. Joe could feel his hands wrap around his head and feel the strands of hair wisp in his fingers. Experience from both sides could open up some possibilities, he thought. He did, however, start to feel his swim trunks getting tighter with the combination of enhanced sense of touch and seeing the elation on Jess’ face, so he sheepishly held his head over his crotch. “What are you looking at, we’ve got cold drinks getting warm!” Joe said to deflect the “growing” situation. They chuckled and all turned to the door to go back outside. Good think the pool is a bit chilly, he thought.

***

A pool was a great way to learn to navigate without a head, as Joe learned. No obstacles, getting to feel how his body moved from a different perspective, it was a fast track to learn.

“You’re a natural at this Joe,” said Ben. “Should’ve done this last week.”

Joe replied, “Thanks, but I’ll take any tips from you.”

“Yeah you will!!!” Katie shouted. Jess rolled her eyes and took a long pull of her mai thai. To Kate, any chance for a sophomoric joke is worth taking the shot.

Ben’s body handed a small float to Joe. Ben’s head on the side of the pool said it was the perfect size to place your head on and balance a drink. So Joe took his host’s advice and putting his neck down on the float, saddled up with a vodka soda. The bonus of floating on top of the pool was he was now chest high with everyone.  Thanks to dark tinted sunglasses, he could peek at Jess’ tits or glance at Kate’s when they were watching his body try to swim around the pool. Heck, Kate seemed to glance at Jess’ floating bosom too, Joe noticed. Perks of having a cold pool meant it was nipply out. Eventually, his body moved next to Jess and she gave his hand a quick squeeze before wrapping it lower around his back, fiddling with the waistband of his suit.

“Cabana boys, the young ladies request new refreshments. Please fetch the limes and tequila from the kitchen, I want to be hungover and asleep for this plane ride to California tomorrow,” Kate said, putting on a ridiculous posh accent. The boys laughed, a bit tipsy, and at Kate’s statement the bodies holding their heads got out of the pool, wrapped towels around their waist, and into the house.

“Well, it’s hard to tell them apart until they get their towels on,” Jess said out loud.

Kate replied, again in her over-the-top accent, “Great job on the pantaloons, they look rather smashing in them. And perhaps even better if they were on the floor. An improper lady might jump their bones.”

“Oh my god enough with the accent, your highness!”

The bodies came back with the supplies and made strong margaritas for their heads and the girls. Ten minutes later, Ben’s head caught a glimpse of his watch. “Oh shit, the game’s on. Joe, we can leave the bodies back after they drop us off on the couch.”

“Sounds like a plan. Our bodies can be their butlers.”

Ben and Joe’s bodies set up the game on the big screen and placed their heads on the couch, along with straws for their double-tall margaritas. The bodies left the towels behind and walked back to the back door, and being out of the chilly pool too long meant their arousal was on display for the girls upon their return.

“I could get used to this,” Joe said. “It feels like the girls are getting sunscreen reapplied, damn of course they do it when our heads are away.”

Ben replied, “It definitely has its benefits. Kate’s been more open about really anything lately. After I, well my body, gave her a foot massage last night she was considering using the guillotine on her body, not just her head.”

Joe was daydreaming about cutting up Jess. He never really was a foot guy, but he could be convinced as he could feel Jess playing footsie with him. Or to have her legs and her hips in one room and her top half in the other.. He snapped out quickly. “Oh, that’s, uh, that would be a fun bonding exercise.”

***

The game entered into a blowout phase, and the margaritas began exacting their damage and making the heads very sleepy. Joe closed his eyes and Ben struggled to keep them open before succumbing to sleep.  Meanwhile, their bodies were fueled by sunshine and alcohol and sat loyally at the side of their partners for another hour as Kate offered advice for living with a headless husband. The sun was well down by the time Jess felt it was time to go, she still wanted to make sure she had some energy in store for Joe’s body tonight. And Kate was conspicuously keeping her left hand under the water in Ben’s lap, keeping him on edge.

Joe’s body signaled he had to go pee before leaving, and went up ahead of them into the house. In a drunken, headless state, his body couldn’t find the bathroom on the first floor. Before the rest of them walked through the back door, he wobbled through a side door and peed in a bush outside near the trash cans. Jess and Kate admired the sleeping heads passed out on the couch for a beat, before gathering up their cups and headed to the kitchen to tidy up. Ben’s body left the room to go to the bathroom on the first floor, and after a quick piss returned to the living room. He bumped into Jess, who was holding Joe’s head in her arm and threw the cooler over her shoulder.

“Come on loverboy, we don’t want to overstay our welcome,” Jess said. Kate, tell Ben thanks again for having us over too. Maybe he’ll make you another stiff cocktail tonight!”

Grabbing his hand, Jess and the body closed the door and began the walk back.

Joe’s body clumsily made its way back inside. Kate looked him up and down, and mostly down with the tent pitched in his pants. “I was worried you might’ve had one too many mojitos. Guess not. Come on, let’s let your head sleep, follow me.”

The headless body, hesitating for a split second, followed Kate into the bedroom. Kate sat on the edge of her bed, starting to undo her bikini top. “Honey, take off these sandals for me,” she said, waving her right foot in front of him. Joe’s body knelt down, untying the sandals on the right and then the left, giving each foot a gentle squeeze before standing back up at attention.

“Fuck me in the ass, your body is clueless and has to be told everything huh…” Kate muttered. With a sudden, eager quickness, Joe’s body spun Kate and bent her over the bed. He pulled down her pink bottoms. “Oh fuck,” said Kate, the realization dawning on her first as shock and then as curious lust. Luckily, the lube was in reach.

***

Joe’s head was spinning. Not literally, since it was back on his own couch, but the pending hangover appeared to weigh on his dreams. Out of a fog, he was dreaming himself in a vaguely familiar room. He felt something warm, then cool, and soft, against his crotch. He looked down in his dream state. Was this an old dream about his ex, Laura? It certainly wasn’t Jess, this girl was more adventurous and had a bigger ass to boot. Joe felt thrust after thrust. Waves of pleasure began to roll over his body and mind. The dream girl was into this - he caught glimpses of her moaning face smashed against the comforter, urging him to continue pushing. He gave a playful slap across her right cheek to see it jiggle. Joe had a fleeting tinge of regret, worried he was with a girl not his wife, but if it’s a dream, why not butt-fuck your ex, he thought? He felt the power through his hips delivering, the unfamiliar texture and tightness gripping him past the point of no return. He grabbed her wrists and pulled them back towards him to drive deeper - the girl hit another octave in her pleasure. With a final squeeze from her cheeks, Joe released into her. He faded out of his dream with a start in his dark living room, before falling back to sleep for good.

***

Jess stood in the bedroom across from the headless body, which seemed to be awaiting orders. She circled his neck stump with her index finger, which made his erection perk up. “I don’t think I’ve seen you this hard before.” With a mischievous smile, she commanded the body to undress her. Ben’s body took a few steps and unclasped her top before sliding down the rest of her suit.

“My turn,” she said as she pulled down his mint green swim trunks. “It looks good on you but better off of you,” kneeling down at level with his cock. “Andddd, looks like we’re out of lube sooo I’ll help you get started.” Jess grabbed him at the base and sucked, sloppily at first before suctioning harder for a few seconds, stopping before he could blow.  Jess noticed his musk smelled different, but maybe it was the new soap she bought him.

“Fuck me.”

Jess walked to the bed, shimmying her hips to tease the body a bit and laid on her back. She lifted her legs high and grabbed her ankles, asking him to enter. The headless body, blushing at his stump, stumbled over the clothes before bumping into her. Using his fingers, he found her slit and slid in. He pulsed and Jess rocked on her back, as they found their rhythm and became in sync after half a dozen tries. His hands rose up her body, finally cupping her ample breasts. The body seemed to be caught off guard where he found them but quickly adjusted, spinning the nipples with his thumbs gently. Jess reacted by releasing her legs from her hands, letting her feet wrap around his neck stump. This was the tipping point for the body, releasing his load deep inside Jess. Jess, feeling the climax, also came herself, soaking in the tender loving by his body. The body collapsed softly on top of her, and she kissed his neck. “I fucking love you. Let’s go to bed” was all she said. The body put his arms under her, shifting her more into bed and making room for himself. They would sleep soundly, snuggling that night. What would the next day bring?