Through the days: Out in the open
By atfirstdawn

*Mature content warning
(C) Keira Morrison/ atfirstdawn 2015


It can be difficult to move through life with a fetish for bondage, particularly if you develop or realise the passion for it at a young age. 
The opinions of others can often be unnecessarily negative towards the notion of such a personal and unique lifestyle and these prejudices can often make for a lonely and conflicted existence if, like me, you eventually find yourself on the wrong side of them. 

Throughout my childhood I was suffocated with the intense desire to divulge my secret cravings to my friends and family in the hope that they would understand and accept it as an important part of my personality. But then again, another side of me; the wary and self-preserving side, was adamant that I should keep such unchecked, unguided and unsatisfied notions to myself for fear that I'd be shunned and or ridiculed. 

In the end I decided to keep my insatiable fetish for bondage to myself; though this wasn't easy, and as I moved through the days, one by one, every now and again there'd be a trigger, something to incite and refuel the war within me... 

***

I'm at university and, like always, I'm far too early for class. Having no real friends to hang out with during the gaps between classes or at lunch time means that I'm often mulling around on my own and being wary of the time. There have been numerous times in the past, far too many to count, where I've shown up somewhere far too early and have had to stand in the rain or within a bustling crowd that made me feel uncomfortable. Today is no exception, I'm early for class, a good twenty minutes early, and I don't have a book on me with which to pass the time (I really should start taking books out and about with me). My iPod's battery has also decided to snuff it so here I am, alone in a corridor, sitting on the floor outside of a classroom waiting for my English literature lesson to start. 

Now, I don't get bored easily but bloody hell twenty minutes outside of this classroom in this corridor is pretty damn boring. At least its summer though, so any pretty lady that may walk by will at least be easy on the eyes... or so I hope. 

Five minutes pass, then five more, only ten more minutes to go but I'm already climbing the walls. I should probably get up and go for a walk, the floor isn't a comfortable place to spend twenty minutes. I could probably circle the campus, get some fresh air and make it back in time for the start of class, or I could buy some crisps from the corner shop. Or I could do both, buy some crisps and eat them while circling the campus, its not like my lecturer isn't always late anyway. 

With my plan in place I grab my bag which I'd set down beside me and begin to stand up (slowly, on account of having a numb arse). Knowing that I'm about to venture into the great outdoors in search of food my stomach gives a little rumble and sets my legs into motion, the only thing left to decide was which flavour I wanted, pickled onion would be nice, Monster Munch would be perfect...

Simple things for simple minds I suppose, but I couldn't complain, I was having a good day despite the boredom until they ruined it!

I had seen them rounding the corner as I'd stood up and hung my bag over my shoulder; two slim young women, one blonde and one brunette, I don't go for blondes (I've always been one for black hair) but they were both pretty stunning. The blonde wore a pair of tight fitting jeans with heeled sandals and a cropped denim jacket, while the brunette wore flats with a pair of black denim shorts and a black loose fitting hooded top. The sight of them stopped me in my tracks, at the risk of sounding pervy, i wanted to savour the sight of them. They were both beautiful, both smiling and I wanted to get to know both of them... 

As they drew closer I took the smallest step possible to hopefully hide the fact that I was standing on the spot to check them out (I've never been very discrete). They didn't seem to notice me though, instead they were more focused on their conversation which I became privy to as the passed me by...

"Oh, yeah right! Like the time you tied me up so tight that I couldn't move or speak!" said the brunette to the blonde in a sarcastic scolding tone that was delivered with a radiant smile.

"You said you enjoyed that!" replied the blonde with laughter in her voice.

"Well, yeah, it was hot." replied the brunette as they both walked right by me.

"Then what's the problem?" asked the blonde as they both reached the far end of the corridor, turned a corner and disappeared with their words fading into the distance...

You're fucking kidding me, aren't you?! I screamed inwardly with a mix of shock and awe. That did seriously not just fucking happen! Jesus, you've got to be fucking kidding! Come on!

Needless to say that my brief encounter with both girls had left me bereft of rational thought. I was too angry, too irritated and far too aroused to make any sense out of what had just happened. Sense from the fact that, of all the people in every other corridor in every other building on the campus, they had to walk by me while talking about that! The irony wasn't lost on me, nor was the anger towards the gears of fate ad coincidence had turned towards me with the sole purpose of ruining my day. I wasn't frustrated at the fact that it had happened, in fact I came to remember their faces quite well (enough to imagine them together in the context of their conversation), i was frustrated at the fact that I'd been reminded of something that I didn't have and something that had caused me no end of grief over the years; a loving partner with whom I could share my deepest desires... and yet, those two girls had made it look easy and normal. Normal enough that they could talk about it out in the open without a care of who could hear them. 

My mind was racing and I'd completely forgotten about my mission to go and buy some Monster Munch...

Perhaps I'm of the age now where other people would understand, maybe I could tell the people I know about my tastes, maybe they'd accept it now, maybe they'd be more open to it now. Maybe they won't ridicule me and think me weird. Maybe...

Before I knew it the corridor had filled up and my classmates were gathering outside of the locked classroom door. I stepped into the crowd and smiled at the people who knew me and with whom I could hold a conversation with. Amy, a classmate of mine engaged me in a conversation about social goings on that I wasn't present for, I smiled and nodded and gave the replies that were expected of me all the while with my mind still racing and firing a thousand thoughts a second on what had transpired just a few short moments ago.

Eventually we stepped into the classroom, ten minutes late as usual due to a lecturer who didn't understand the meaning of punctuality as i did, and took our seats. The book we were studying was John Fowles' The Collector. I'd seen the movie prior to the sitting the class...

Oh boy, this really isn't going to help... I thought to myself as I sighed inwardly.