[Featuring: Comedy, humor, extroverted dominant female, shy male, girl on top, big breasts]

Today was the day! My day! I was going to become king of the pira- wait, no, that’s a different person. I was going to finally lose my virginity! It was so scandalous! I had gone all throughout high school without having lost it at all. Totally unacceptable! But all the guys in my school were lame. Saying stuff like “she’s absolutely totally crazy” and “Hell no, please go away” and “No way! You’re going to die alone even with that body!” the mean bastards. The women had been even worse! Mostly just screaming whenever I came around. Jerks.

But college would be different! I’d finally find a nice guy, tie him down, rape the hell out of him, and- Wait! No, this isn’t that kind of story! I’d find a nice guy, he’d take me out on a date, and then we’d bang like monkey’s in heat. Like those really cool bobos or something that are constantly going at it like it was their god given mission. Yeah, yeah that was the dream.

“Julie, you’re drooling again.”

“Ah! Right!”

My best friend Ted. Ted was a bit weird because he was a talking cat and sadly had no intentions of ever transforming into a beautiful cat boy. A shame! But that was alright, I was a progressive woman, I wasn’t going to try and force my feline companion to try and transform into something for my own desires. What type of woman do you take me for?! Still, he was a great guy, even as a cat. The whole spaying thing had almost put a rift between us when I was younger but he’d convinced me not to have his balls removed and I’d convinced him not to kill me. A win win! Sadly, it had gone exactly as I had expected and now there were dozens, nay, hundreds of his children running around out there! And he didn’t care one bit! This deadbeat guy, he was truly a terrible father while remaining a great friend! Sigh. 

“Stop sighing dramatically.”

“Take responsibility for your actions you oaf!”

“People are going to take that the wrong way if you shout that out in public.”

“Ah well, we aren’t going to get to that point, so it’s fine right?”

Hearing a cat sigh was always a bit funny but Ted did it quite a bit. I was currently walking to my new school and Ted had hitched a ride on my shoulder cuz he was curious. That was totally fine by me after all, I enjoyed having a conversation partner.

Sadly, none of the men here seemed too interested in me. Or any of the women. They all seemed so wary! Curses, would college also turn out to be a flop?! Surely there must be some guy here who wants to suck on my massive melons and clap these hot cheeks?!

“Um, do you need help?”

I blinked. Had my time finally come?!

I looked over to the voice… and looked down.

Short! This guy was totally short! And not like a dwarf, he looked skinny too! Would I go to jail If I got with this guy?! No, wait, Julie this could be amazing! A 5 foot guy finally trying to hold me down but failing as I pin him against the wall and…

“Are you over 18?”

“What? I mean, yeah?”

YES!!!!!!!!!!! Victory for Julie! Wait, how do I go about this? Wait again, didn’t he ask a question? Wait a third time, that’s a great segway into some more stuff!

“I’m going around the campus just checking things out. Would you like to… guide me?”

And then I winked at him. He physically recoiled. Phooey.

“U-uh, that’s, I’m gonna be late for class, so, I’m gonna, go.”

And then he ran off! NO! My dreams of short kings, come back!

“You scared him off.”

“Quiet Ted! I didn’t see you jumping into wingman.”

He sighed again.

“How many times do I have to tell you. You’re crazy. I’m not a talking cat.”

“Nonsense! That might have worked on me the first few thousand times but now I know the truth. You’re just shy. It’s okay. I get it. No one needs to hear you talk, you do you and never let anyone make you feel bad about it Ted.”

I patted Ted and he both sighed and purred a little. It’s okay buddy, I know how hard it must’ve been for you, dealing with an excitable kid all alone as she tried to manage her own parent's disappearance. Faking all those documents at a young age and with only me to talk to, you must’ve been overwhelmed as I stressed myself out every night! You’re such a trooper. I’ll never forget your sacrifice in the line of fire my extroverted self. To think! I use to try and get you to talk or to get people to think you were actually talking instead of giving you the space you needed! For shame on me and my family. For shame.

I wandered the rest of the campus, no one else wanting to come nearby. Eventually I reached the front desk and the receptionist looked like she might die of fright!

“Oh god, it’s her, the crazy woman.”

“Hello! And might I just say, you are looking good today!”

I shot her finger guns and winked and she also physically recoiled and nearly ran away. Come on! Everyone in my highschool only grimaced at this point. Stop being so over dramatic!

“W-What can I help you with today?”

“A date would be a pretty good start but also, can you tell me where my classrooms are going to be?”

Her face became a stone of pain and then a slight hint of confusion.

“But, classes have already started.”

WHAT?!

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