Well, you know how the farm's not been doing well lately. Always something expensive that needs fixing. Then with one of our breeding cows dying and leaving behind two cows that needed feeding. The poor things haven't been the same since. They refuse to be hand-fed, and they're dangerously thin, so the last of the money went on one of them fancy MechCows animatronic milk-dispensers.

Anyway, it's been out in the field a day when this car comes bouncing up the farm track. This breathless young man gets out, says he was driving past and saw the robot feeding the calves over the fence. Says he wants to help out on the farm.

"How much?" I ask.

"Five hundred dollars."

"I ain't got the money to pay a farmhand that much," I say.

"No. I'll pay you five hundred dollars," he says.

Well, I laughed. I didn't know what to say. I figured he was joking. However, he was still so keen to see the machine, I led him to it. "Oh! You've got the dual-nozzle model with the extra padding!" he says, opening up the back and slotting himself right on in.

Off he trots into the field. That's the most I seen them suckle in one go. It warmed my heart to see them get their first good meal. Not that I watched long. I found something else to do, and, whatever he was doing out there, that was his business. Plus, I don't know if all that is strictly legal... I mean, sure, they build them for farmers to get in and pilot them to where they're needed but the man is definitely meant to be out of it when its in use. Well, anyway, at the end of the day, he comes trotting back to the house, asking to be let out. And, would you believe it, he hands me the cash, and gives me his number.

"That was amazing! Can I come back tomorrow?" he asks, looking flushed with excitement. "Same price?"

"Well, sure!" I say.

"I have, uh, friends who'd really be interested in helping out a nice, discreet, out-of-the-way farm like this one. If they paid up front, would you be interested in buying more suits?" he asks.

"Well, sure!" I say.

"Do you own any bulls?" he asks.

"Get the hell off my property," I say.

Even I have my limits. Except... I've been staring at his number all week... The farm really could use the cash...