I was thinking of giving this a Part Two but was wondering if you'd prefer poor Birdo getting a happy ending, living his best life as a super-rich polygon, or a darker ending.

It was meant to be a routine scan. But it was one that would cost Jack Thompson his body, his marriage, and his life as he knew it. In mere moments, the powerful magnets of Birmingham Royal Infirmary’s cutting-edge MRS machine had mutilated his body beyond all recognition, reshaping him into the likeness of a modded N64 model of Nintendo's pink 'Birdo' character, and making Jack the latest victim of the Data Corruption Scandal that has left patients with life-changing injuries.

The disaster began when an exhausted Radiologist, working late, accidentally caused data files to transfer from a batch of old, emulated video games onto a central mainframe providing data to thousands of MRS machines, inadvertently replacing the stored anatomical parameters of a huge number of patients. Scanodyne Industries, the American multinational that manufactures the machines and hosts the patient template archive, was slow to react, taking over three hours to issue a shutdown of the machines even after many of the affected hospitals raised the alarm.

Today, Jack, 52, claimed victory in his legal battle against the hospital and Scanodyne. He stood proudly on the steps of the UK's High Court with his son speaking on his behalf, as Jack struggles to make himself understood through the rubbery, pink tube that is now his mouth.

"Every time he looks in a mirror, he is reminded of what their negligence did to him. The settlement will go towards the round-the-clock nursing care that he requires."

Scanodyne's defense was heavily criticized - at first attempting to deflect blame onto the Radiologist, and then insinuating that Jack was not as harmed as he claimed. "If he hates his body so much, why is he still wearing that slutty bow?" asked their advocate, before having to be informed that the 'bow' was in fact that magnetically extruded skull of the plaintiff.

"People think he's cute but they don't realize the horror of his new life," said his son. "He can't work. He can't even wear clothes, as the sharp angles of his body cut the fabric to pieces. He's afraid to leave the house because strangers think he's some sort of animal. Animal Control officers have been called so many times that now I have to walk him on a leash just to go outside."

The judge found Scanodyne guilty of gross negligence, awarding the Thompson family £130 million in damages to fund Jack’s lifelong care. Jack had pledged a third of the settlements to High Resolution, a charitable organization researching ways to reverse the damage caused to Jack and many like him.