All characters 18+

Worried about your old man’s finances? Is he frittering away the pension on his 27th cruise while you're barely scraping together a house deposit? Do you just want his assets in your hands today? Don’t hesitate. ‘Pop’ on down to Daductibles!

Located just off Highway 72, disguised as a hardware store, Daductibles has what you need. Tell the old man you need his help picking out a lawn strimmer and he’ll walk right in. Give the cashier the magic words, 'I need 500 CCs of silicone caulk' and a wink, and we'll know to do the rest. Before you can say 'Clean Up In Aisle 3', our knock-out gas will have him sleeping like a baby, and in just 48 hours of surgery, you'll be leaving with your very own perfect, permanent, custom-built, totally tax-deductible daughter, legally reclassified and entirely dependent on you. We'll deduct our fee from his estate and pass the rest to you. Become custodian of him and everything he owns. Our alterations are fast, thorough, and discrete. No paperwork. No records. Social Security Erasure as standard! You were never here 😉

But don’t take our word for it. Listen to these testimonials.

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He thought he was there to buy a new fishing rod. Well he fell for it hook, line and sinker haha! He'd shacked up with a woman half his age, a total gold digger, and refused to believe she was only interested in his money. Well he saw her true colors when his money became mine, and she became his step-mom haha. Thanks for finding her, dad!

— Chris P

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No questions, no hassle, just results. They deleted his social security for free and the social media purge was just $200 extra. It’s like he never existed. And the results? Perfection. She’s everything I wanted. She sulked at first but now she’s happier and healthier than she ever was as a man. No more beer gut. She just had to learn that mommy knows what’s best for her. And she can still enjoy retirement. Just on my terms.

— Luvvymummy65

⭐️

I don’t understand why she wont listen to anything I tell her. Please please take her back. All she does is sleep all day, eat my food and bring boys home each night. And his measly pension doesn’t even cover her allowance! She's ruining my life. I want a refund!

— Dave

Call 1-800-FATHER-AWAY to schedule your consultation or simply POP in-store. Off Highway 72. Opposite Pop-Pets.