The ExoMer strips out the compressible tissues and organs, replacing them with durable synthetics, allowing humans to work comfortably at depths that would otherwise crush them. The lower body is, of course, amputated in favor of the tail, while the remains of the upper body are encapsulated in a durable shell. Artificial gills filter oxygen from the water directly to the bloodstream. There is no need to resurface for days at a time, which removes the lengthy depressurization. Workers can even sleep submerged. Trials saw productivity gains of over 30%. Would you be interested in purchasing some units?

Hmm. How is it for deep-sea welding?

Excellent! The upper limbs are fully modular. The hands can be replaced with welding torches or other tools, even harpoon guns if needed. Workers can be rebuilt to whatever function you require.

And what's with the breasts?

I beg your pardon...? The...? Do you mean the swim bladders? Sir, those are for buoyancy. They're air-filled foam that can be inflated and deflated as needed. I fail to see how they could be mistaken for anything else!

Call them what you want. If you put one of these things in the water around a rig filled with men who haven't seen their wives in months, they'll be jumping over the sides. We'll have to tie them to the masts.

But... but the head is male!

Clearly, you've never worked on an oil rig. Look, there's no way I'm welding one of our roughnecks into a mermaid body. Do you think I'm gonna mutilate one of my employees for a measly 30% productivity?

You misunderstand. That increase was for men working in their vicinity. And rates of homesickness fell to near zero. The productivity of the divers themselves quadrupled.

Why didn't you say? I'll take a thousand units.