Ah sweet, man-made horrors within my comprehension.

Part Two:

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So the controls are very simple. There's the joystick, obviously. This toggles between the modes - so we've got Self Control (that's pretty self-explanatory), Puppet Mode for if you want to take direct control, Standby Mode, which will send him back to his docking port for charging, and Maid Mode.

We recommend keeping him in Maid Mode by default. It's vital for the elderly to stay active, especially after surgery, and the light cardio he receives as the limbs clean and cook and do other menial chores will help heal the artificial joints permanently into the bone.

What else? Ah. And if you flick that switch there -yep- that activates the transponder that will summon him to your location. He'll be on his way from the recovery ward now. Don't worry, the computer processor in the buttocks can navigate around most obstacles. Just try to keep his software patched.

Ah, there he is, coming down the corridor. Isn't he beautifully mounted? Just think - no more falls, no more wandering off, and no more broken hips - well, no more hips at all in fact! Ooh, he sounds a little grouchy! Looks like someone's legs got him out of the wrong side of the bed this morning! Not much I can do about the voice I'm afraid, unless, of course, you want us to install the face and chestplates? Something to consider perhaps.

May I? Thank you. So if I pirouette him around like so... and then pivot him forward, you can see his ports. This is for power, this is for data, this orifice is where you fill his internal bladder of nutrient slurry, and this slot will deposit a shrink-wrapped, 2-inch brick of desiccated, compressed biomatter once per week.

That's everything. I'm happy to release him from the hospital's care to yours. He's all yours. You two have fun now!