Dear students,

It saddens me to have to send this.

As you may be aware, any medical student wishing to specialize in dermatology must, in their second year, demonstrate key competencies in the use of SynthSkin grafts through a practical examination. Since we obviously cannot operate on humans for purely academic assessment purposes, we use animals instead, with the student removing existing tissues and applying human-derived, vat-grown epidermis and fat in its place, connecting nerves and blood vessels in exactly the same way as if operating on a real human patient.

In previous years, students were granted the generous dispensation to source their own animals and cultured human cells. This has now been revoked. After several incidents, it has come to the faculty's attention that some students were abusing this privilege with the reskinning of beloved family pets for their personal gratification, which I will not detail here, hosting these altered animals in their own accommodation long after passing the assessment.

Even more shockingly, some female students have reported seeing themselves being taken for 'walkies' around campus, despite never (knowingly) donating their cells for synthskin cultivation.

Where do I even begin?! Are you trying to give our ethics committee an aneurysm?!

I don't care how much "he loves being treated like a woman" or that you "wired up the nerves in his erogenous zones just right." And the old "I tripped and fell in the peanut butter" isn't going to pass muster with me either!

This is a bloody disgrace! I've authorized animal welfare to conduct a sweep of student lodgings and if they find any of your 'girlfriends' acting even remotely dog-like, I can assure you 'she' will be removed from the premises for immediate resleeving in animal skin.

Sincerely,

The Dean