Mature Content

Adopt-An-Adult Customer Services, how can I help you?
Hey, there's been a mistake. Some crazy man is at my door claiming to be my daughter. He keeps trying to wrap his arms around me. You need to send someone down here to kick him off my property.
Let me check your file... Hmm, according to our records, you agreed to the adoption.
Like hell I did!
We have fingerprint confirmation of you swiping right, which is a binding acceptance of contract. Is she not to your liking? We offer excellent after-sales support. Do you require her face adjusting to better match your own?
No, I just want him gone.
I'm afraid as her father there are guardianship obligations that forbid her ejection from her place of residence, at least until her 20th birthday.
He's 44 years old!
Actually, since she opted for the Perma-18 package, she is able to remain 18 in perpetuity, so long as she attends her scheduled cosmetic maintenances. Might I suggest simply accepting her into your life, sir? Many people in this world stumble into parenthood unintentionally. Just because she was an accident is no reason to love her any less.
Listen. If you think I'm babysitting some freeloading parasite with daddy issues, think again.
Mm, you sound angry, sir.
You bet I am.
You have a nice voice. Deep. Authoritative. How old are you?
What does that have to do with anything?!
Just that we're offering excellent deals with our Grumpy Boomer Package, sir. If you're unsatisfied with becoming a father, perhaps you'd consider becoming one of our adoptees. There's nothing we love more at Adopt-An-Adult than converting angry old men into fresh-faced young things. Such pliant, wrinkled flesh, and the older and angrier the patient, the more delightful the outcome is by comparison. A few hormonal tweaks would do wonders for your personality.
I beg your pardon?!
Mm, we'd love to get you on our operating table. Shall I book you in? We could have a pretty synthskin face stitched onto your skull by this time tomorrow. Our daughters are flying off the shelves right now, and becoming a woman would naturally void any legal obligations of fatherhood you might have. Of course, we'd need to excise that useless, wrinkled, old boomer cock of yours. It would be a minor operation.
...'a minor op-'?!... listen-... I-... you little punk-... if I was there-... I ought to teach you a-.... when I was your age-...
Ooh, he's going to say the line. I love it when they say the line...
I want to speak to your manager.