Getting adopted is one of the most effective way to improve your finances. In my comprehensive guide, Cuckoo: Get Adopted For Profit (only $69.99!), I explain the process in detail, step-by-step, but here's what you need to know to get started.<br /><br />Step One: Do Your Research<br />Finding the right parents in perhaps the single most important step. Establish clear search criteria from the get go. Ask yourself how far you are willing to go (both geographically and mentally) to find the parents for you. Consider which aspects of yourself are vital, and which aspects you're willing to sacrifice on the altar of profit. If you're reading this guide, it should be most of them!<br /><br />Ideally you're looking for a stable, married couple with no children or grandchildren to remove any chance of competition for their affections. Find a couple in the 45-70 age range. They're likely to have disposable income, and less likely to place demands on the age of their new offspring. There's no point being reborn into affluence if you're trapped in diapers forever.<br /><br /><br />Step Two: Sell yourself!<br /><br />There are plenty of matchmaking apps out there these days - Kindr, Adopt-An-Adult, ParentalGuidance, to name a few. I recommend getting on several.<br /><br />Competition may be fierce, so make your profile stand out. Hobbies and interests are often more important criteria than qualifications, since there's a good chance they'll be sending you to college anyway.<br /><br />Step Three: Prepare For Surgery<br /><br />They can truly perform miracles these days but it doesn't hurt to prepare your body in advance. The transformation will be gruelling depending on the severity of the alterations, so you really want to make it as easy as possible for the surgeons.<br /><br />If you're becoming a woman, do plenty of cardio and start counting calories. If you're going the other way, protein and weights.<br /><br />Step Four: Youth Culture<br /><br />As unpleasant as it may seem, you're going to have to immerse yourself in the culture of Generation Z. Start listening to Taylor Swift, and read up on the latest political discourse. Practice forming highly-emotive opinions about any topic that crosses your mind. Buy my full guide for a comprehensive dictionary of youth slang, so you'll always know your gyats from your yeets. The last thing you want to appear is suss.<br /><br />Step Five: The Surgery<br /><br />This is where you get to choose who you'll become, assuming your new parents haven't done so already. How you define your new physical parameters will depend heavily on what the parents are seeking, be it an ambitious heir or a dutiful grandchild-factory, but the most important thing you have to maintain is physical, familial resemblance. This will help to form the initial emotional attachment.<br /><br />In my full guide, I explain what you can expect on the day and afterwards, as you get to know your new self.<br /><br />Step Six: Meeting The Parents<br /><br />There is nothing more daunting! First impressions matter, and are where you will establish that initial emotional connection. Thankfully, your new parents have already done most of that work in that regard - they wouldn't have stumped up the cash for adoption if they didn't want you to begin with!<br /><br />If you're now a girl, you'll want to get your hooks into the maternal figure first. Allow them to dress you in whatever clothes they want to, even if it's humiliating. Remember, many of them will be living out their fantasies of having a daughter, so play into that. Be sweet! Talk about fashion and boys! There's no such thing as too many hugs. Once the maternal bond is established, you can move on to the father. Those are soft targets for any daughter worth her salt, and you'll soon have him under your influence.<br /><br />Existing siblings, or siblings purchased at the same time as yourself, are very dangerous, since they may often be resentful of your arrival, sensing you muscling in on their territory and vying for parental affection. They are less emotional, but more pragmatic. If they have a son, state your usefulness. If you designed your female body right in Step Five, negotiating his co-operation should be easy. If they have a daughter, you messed up Step One.<br /><br />Next: Step Seven - Securing Daddy's Credit Card