Slip In To SynthSkin: Kindermis!

As you age, do you feel the chill? Do you long for the days of unblemished skin? Do your grandchildren keep finding loose change in your wrinkles? Then ask your doctor about upgrading to Kindermis.

Utilising cells taken from fresh-faced teens, our scientists at SynthSkin Inc have created a skin replacement product tailored exclusively for pensioners, designed to emulate the appearance and feel of young skin.

🛡️ Designed to Withstand More Than The Test of Time
Natural skin thins as we age, making us vulnerable to cuts, contusions and infections. Turn back the clock with Kindermis. With its durable Type X Collagen, you can play rough.

🤕Shock Absorption As Standard
Generous buttock padding protects from those nasty trips and falls. Men opting for lower-body kindermis coverage experience a 32% reduction in broken hips.

❄️ Unmatched Cold Resistance
Wrap yourself in Kindermis and shut out the cold this winter. Conquer those niggling draughts!

🧴Tight In All The Right Places
Kindermis is wrinkle-free, guaranteed. Plus, order a buttock-flensing today and receive a sphincter-tightening free of charge. Bid farewell to unexpected accidents with the tight hole of someone young enough to be your granddaughter.

🌈 Personalized Aesthetics
Express your unique style with customizable options. From natural tones to out-of-this-world hues, Kindermis offers a spectrum of possibilities. Somebody more specific in mind? Purchase one of our premade celebrity skins, or simply provide a 3D scan or photo of the person you desire, and we'll shape and style your new appearance to match it.

🎁 Special Discounts for Brand Ambassadors
Let us work the logos of us and our commercial partners into the skin of your new breasts, and receive 50% off the cost of surgery.

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