Mount Rushmore National Monument fell victim to a shocking act of national vandalism last night, as trespassers gained access to the site, altering the iconic presidential sculptures that have stood for nearly a century.
Investigations have commenced into how the intruders remained undisturbed for an extended period. Security were only alerted when blasting explosives were utilised to demolish Roosevelt's moustache and Lincoln's beard.
Further alterations include the addition of significant (100 ft in width) pairs of breasts to both Washington and Lincoln, prompting immediate calls to preserve the integrity of the monument. Tarpaulins were finally lifted into place at midday to conserve Lincoln's modesty. The vault in the rear of the presidents has also marked off-limit.
Emergency plans to blast away Washington's bust have been hampered by fears the 20 tonne breasts could detach at any point, potentially rolling down the mountain and crushing to death any workmen in the area. However, some workmen have volunteered, insisting it is their patriotic duty to try.
Confiscated plans shed light on the trespassers' final design for the mountain. Had they not been interrupted, the lower slopes of the mountain would have been repurposed into complete female bodies for the presidential heads.
A radical feminist group identifying themselves as the Daughters of Liberty has claimed responsibility, emphasizing that this act represents only the start of their campaign. They insist further acts of vandalism will take place unless their demands (the complete and total forced feminization of the male population of the United States) are not met within 7 days.