♀♀♀ EMERGENCY ACTION NOTIFICATION ♀♀♀

THIS IS NOT A TEST

Venus Storm has been detected. Estimated Earth Arrival:

2 minutes 14 seconds

Return to your homes or nearest emergency shelter. Male civilians must be isolated indoors immediately. Stay away from the light.

Level-4 hazmat suits mandated for all emergency responders and military personnel possessing a Y-chromosome.

Males unable to seek cover from the radiation should adopt the emergency position, shielding the brain and genitals with lead, demron-lined clothing, state-issued genital sleeves, or the bodies of females/ex-males wherever possible.

Class Zeta Storm with expected рeͤn̸e̴t̷r̸a̵t̷i̷ve̸ ̵dep̷t̸h̵ of:

1 inch of steel/12 inches of concrete

Afflicted individuals may attempt to entice unafflicted males outside. Do not answer the door to female-presenting individuals, especially ones showcasing enhanced or charicatured secondary sexual characteristics.

Isolate and contain males displaying any of the following symptoms:

- Breast growth

- Beard loss

- Lip swelling

- Acute worsening hypogonadism

- San Fernando Valley accents

- Insatiable penile cravings

Those exposed should seek physical and psychological counseling once the situation has resolved.

EEA: 1 minute 4 seconds

THIS BROADCAST WILL REPEAT. REMAIN INDOORS. DO NOT VENTURE OUTSIDE UNTIL THE ALL CLEAR HAS BEEN GIVEN.

♀♀♀ EMERGENCY ACTION NOTIFICATION ♀♀♀

THIS IS NOT A TEST

Venus Storm has been detected. Estimated Earth Arrival:

0 minutes 39 seconds