My wife is a staunch vegan and has such a kind heart that she wanted to give the thanksgiving turkey a farewell thank you before our family ate it. She transferred her humanity into it, temporarily becoming nothing more than a fattened bird herself so that it could experience the world as a sentient being for the first and final time.

Gotta admit her humanity has really plumped out the bird’s breasts and thighs in a rather appetizing way.

The ex-animal wanted to explore so I left my birdified wife in the house and took the slutty little twerkey for a walk outside.

I was so distracted watching it proudly parading around my wife’s borrowed humanity that I didn’t notice my daughter had made an unbidden start on thanksgiving dinner until the sweet aroma of plucked, stuffed, cooked turkey began to waft from the kitchen.