I dont know why I added bacteriaTF to the tags when nobody will ever in a million years search for that

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Good morning, students. Welcome back to Transformation Class 101. Today we’re going to be looking at the tragic life and times of Professor William Schafer, an unsung pioneer of TF technology who met his end trialling the first mind-exchange ray. When using himself and a lab assistant as test subjects, Professor Schafer collapsed into a vegetative state from which he never recovered.

It was 50 years later when microbiologists in an adjoining laboratory noticed bacteria behaving strangely. Strange in that bacteria aren’t meant to have behavior at all. These bacteria were abnormally motile and seemingly capable of organization, working together to defend against other, larger bacteria. Further investigation found they could recall and even problem solve, with each bacterium having a calculated IQ of 137.

As you’ve no doubt guessed, the test of Shafer’s mind-exchange ray was partially successful, partially a tragic failure. Rather than exchanging with his assistant, his mind was instead trapped within a single cell of the bacterium Micrococcus Luteus located on his assistant's nose. He’d become a nondescript mote of microscopic skin flora.

Within an hour, his bacterial body would have divided, each subsequent cell containing an identical copy of his mind. Two separate, independent Professor Shafers. Then four. Eight. Sixteen. By the end of that first day, there may have been millions of him. By the end of the week, he likely outnumbered all the humans who have ever lived.

Today the sentient bacterial strain WiScha-72 is endemic within the MIT campus. No longer confined to a petri dish, he covers every surface, is on the skins of every professor and pupil that passes through these halls. Certainly one way to get tenure!