Don't even think of trying to act cute now. I can’t believe you scratched me.

That was an accident. These claws aren’t easy to retract. And you did grab me. You looked like you were about to strangle me.

Oh, I’m still considering it. Assuming I don’t throw you in a sack and toss you in a river.

*gulp*

So, Phillip, do you mind explaining to me what exactly you were doing when Ms Boothroyd's trapped you in her pantry two year old calico?

Okay, first of all, that’s like 30 in cat years so I don't see what her age has to do with-

Or perhaps you want to explain why Mr Reginald's prize-winning pedigree Persian Blue gave birth to a litter of tabby mixed-breed kittens last month? Because he certainly can’t.

Why do you assume I had anything to do with that?

Because he says the cat would have had to unlatch two gates to get to her!

Ah…

Okay, here’s an easy one. Why don’t you enlighten me as to why I got home from work early today to collect my cat from Ms Boothroyd's’s pantry, only to find a grown-ass man wearing your face meowing away in our autocloset? The poor dear is terrified! Or better yet, explain to me why my husband is in the body of our fucking cat?

…I... tripped into the autocloset?

And Maxwell too?

... yup

And then you fell onto the control panel and accidentally input a command to exchange your bodies?

Crazy, I know. I'm as annoyed as you are.

There’s been an unusually smart tom cat roaming the neighbourhood for a year now, getting his little cat cock into places he shouldn’t, treating every female cat like his little cat harem. When I asked at the time if you kept Maxwell inside during the day and you said ‘yes’, that wasn’t actually a lie, was it?

Uhhh..

So you lock our cat in our autocloset, take his little cat body out on your patrol, fucking every poor unsuspecting pussy you can get your paws on. Is this really how you spend your day? When we married, did it state you’d be faithful when it comes to human women only? Hm? Did, at any point in the ceremony, the priest mention any exception about fucking four-legged furry things?! Because I think I would have remembered that somehow! Am I not enough for you?

No, of course not!

I'm not?!

No, I meant of course you are!

Oh, that does it. You're going in the kitty carrier. We’re going to the vets to have your balls chopped off.

Whoa! Honey, be reasonable. Honey, put me down! Put me yeowwll! Argh! Let me out!

You scratched me again, you little monster! Get used to your little carrier because you're going to be sleeping in there from now on. And the autocloset is off limits for a month.

A month?! After I swap back, right?

…

After I swap back… Right?

…