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We just want to thank everybody in the community for their help in the search. We've very relieved to say he returned home this afternoon, safe and sound, though a little shook up! Thank you for everyone who gave time helping to search the woods, rivers, and sex shops.
We're aware the nature of our father's disappearance is a topic of intense discussion in the town so we'll tell you what we know, although we're still trying to determine names. It was a case of theft. Some scumbag passing the yard mistook him for a high-end animatronic, rather than the human-animated doll he is, and swiped him, clearly intending to make a quick buck. Which they did! Thankfully Ms Archer down the street reported seeing a man making off with a strange bundle around that time, heading south out of town.
We checked the pawnshops over in Halstead and, sure enough, one of them had taken possession of a sextoy matching dad's description, only with a sock shoved in its mouth! Dad had been giving the thief quite a piece of his mind. Alarmingly the “doll” had been sold on. We feared the worst!
We needn’t have worried. Upon getting his new purchase home, the buyer removed the sock, clearly intending to, well, test things out, at which point dad explained the situation to him. Remarkably, the man listened, understood, and even drove him back home to us. So it just goes to show not everyone is a bad guy! Even guys that buy second-hand dolls from pawnshops!
Our good Samaritan wished to remain anonymous, but we are of course extremely grateful to him. Things could have gone much worse had he fallen into the hands of someone less upstanding.
It’s safe to say dad is relieved but very embarrassed. This isn't really a hobby anyone wants making public, even if you have all been wonderfully understanding, and his colleagues down at the lumber yard are already ripping him a new one! Anyway, as thanks to those people who got their feet muddy in the search, he will be serving up a batch of his famous chili this Saturday afternoon, and you're all invited. He will be in normal dadbod form but, since so many of you expressed interest in how the exchange takes place, if you stick around until the evening, he will be jumping into his dollbod for a quick demonstration. See you then!