A Day At Old Bess' - TF
By ThatGuy

If there were anywhere else she could possibly be, anything else she could be doing, Chelsea wished she could be there instead. Safe and comfy at home, studying for her midterm. Out downtown or at the mall with her friends, maybe. Or walking through the park, at least wearing something that didn’t make her want to go die in a ditch somewhere.

But no, she was in a barn in the middle of nowhere sitting on a bale of hay, surrounded by stinking livestock in freaking underwear! It wasn’t even her underwear.  It belonged to the guy who found her, or rather his ex-girlfriend - and since it was the only thing he could scrounge up in the entire house it was likely it was thrown in a corner somewhere and forgotten after something… private. The grossness of this entire situation was not lost on her.

She was never drinking again. Ever. Even if she didn’t actually remember drinking, she wasn’t taking any more chances. What the hell happened last night?

Was it even last night? She had no idea how long it’d been since her last solid memory, but it might’ve even been more than a day. She was pretty sure she wasn’t in the same city any more, given the miles of farmland in every direction. Last she remembered, her friends had dragged her from her studies to some new theme park: Old Bess’ Funfair, if she remembered correctly. Either way it was a big, flashy place that was trying to capture the “rustic charm” of those rinky dink rural carnival places, so there were rides and games and lots of atmosphere (and apparently the most powerful drinks to exist).

As she pulled a piece of hay off of her bottom, Chelsea decided she had gotten more than enough “rustic charm” for one weekend.

The carnival actually wasn’t all that bad, but she and the others must have gotten separated at some point. She always did prefer games to rides, so they went straight for the “hayride roller coaster” and she went off to hit all the prize booths. She didn’t win much, at least at first.

She definitely remembered visiting a big booth at the end of the boardwalk. There were dozens of people playing at once with a whole crowd watching. It was some sort of “lasso the moving livestock” game. At the time she just wanted to try it out, but then she actually aced it! Her prize was a plush cow, plus a free invitation so some sort of even bigger game across the park: “an authentic ranch experience like no other,” it said.

It was all very chintzy, but her friends were still busy with the hayride, so she didn’t have anything else to do. She followed her ticket to a weird building on the edge of the park. It looked almost like a barn. She probably should have followed her instincts and left, but instead she went in and... nothing.

And now she was here stark naked. Her head was swimming, she was missing her glasses, her chest ached for some reason, and a minute later some farm boy walked in on her and they both freaked the hell out.

She supposed she shouldn’t be too hard on him. He didn’t seem like a crazy hick who kidnapped and/or wanted to have his way with her. In fact, he was just as surprised to see her as she was to be seen. While she shrieked with embarrassment, he babbled on something about looking for a cow and then scrambled out of the room faster than a jackrabbit.

She was insulted until she realized he was probably talking about an actual cow. How far out of town was she?

A few minutes later he came back, covering his eyes and holding the tiny skivvies she was currently itching her butt off in. Now he was on the other side of the door, probably waiting for her to come out or say something.

Fat chance of that while she was mostly nude, but she needed to figure out what was going on somehow. Once she drew up the nerve, that is.

She just hoped he had more answers than she did.

——

Joe the Stablehand had no answers, at least as far as he knew, and it was really bothering him.

Instead, he paced around outside the barn trying to do as little as possible, and especially avoiding things that might make the pretty woman inside the barn even more uncomfortable than she already was. Or think about anything that had to do with her, because none of this made any sense and if he let himself think about it too much he might end up having a nervous breakdown.

She probably already thought he was crazy as it is. She didn’t seem to have any more of a clue about how she got here then he did, so his babbling attempts to explain what he barely knew and apologize for nothing only brought him blank stares. But what else could he do? His grandfather was the one who ran the farm, he’s the one who bought the new load of livestock from the city - the best idea Joe had was that maybe she got drunk… and naked, apparently… and stowed away on the shipment. His father was the one who drove to pick them up from this “Old Bess.” If something went wrong in transit, it was his fault!

Joe’s job was to tend the livestock after they got to the farm, and that’s about it. Yet somehow he got the feeling he was the one who was going to be blamed for this.

All he had to do this morning was get the first milking out of the newly arrived cattle. They seemed fine when put out to pasture. It should’ve been simple! He picked one of them at random and led her to the barn, intending to get a token amount and move on to the next. She surprised him by giving a little more than expected, too much for the single barrel he brought with him. A silly mistake on his part, but it was an easy fix. The barrels were stored in a shed nearby, so all he had to do was run out and get an additional one. He was only gone for a minute, maybe even less!

But when he came back the cow was gone! There wasn’t even a trace of it! And the girl was there instead, naked as a jaybird and screaming her lungs out the moment she saw him. Not the best way to make a first impression.

After about ten minutes he finally worked up the nerve to go back in. She was hiding her lady parts behind a hay bale, but told him her name – Chelsea -and asked where she was. Seems she’d had been even more out of it than Joe thought, because she was totally off course. According to her, she was supposed to be halfway across the state!

Joe eventually got her to trust him, but she refused to come out and talk further while she was still in her birthday suit. It was pure dumb luck that Joe’s ex wore around the same sizes as her, even if all he managed to find of hers still hanging around were some forgotten unmentionables left sitting in a corner somewhere.

It was at least enough to stop her from freaking out, which was enough to stop him from freaking out too. Which was all well and good, except he was still missing one head of cattle, in favor of a girl from the city he could only assume was here thanks to some drunken bet. And that’s just if she was a stowaway.

He just hoped they could figure this out before his father or grandfather came home - if she didn’t come out of there soon, he would have even more explaining to do.

Then again, with all the mistakes he made today that seemed inevitable. He felt completely lost.

——

Even if she was stuck in the middle of nowhere, Chelsea was glad she wasn’t completely lost without her glasses. She managed to spot a spare pair of overalls on the barn wall, and though they were grungy and way too big for her it was much better than going out there in just underwear.

The stablehand – Joe, as he introduced himself – didn’t leer at her any, which was nice. The “kidnapped by horror movie rejects” theory was tabled for now. But she was still miles from home with no idea how she got there.

They talked about it a while, but Joe didn’t know anything either. She ranted and raved at him, but he couldn’t tell her anything she didn’t already know. Which was nothing.

Still, they did notice a few more things. It started when she complained about an odd taste in her mouth, and pulled a piece of long grass from between her teeth. She could hardly believe it! And then they noticed that not only were her ears pierced now, but she was wearing a large flat ring in one ear that said “Old Bess’” on it.

Chelsea was mighty irritated that she had apparently done another crazy thing while drunk, but she could have at least rolled with a new look until Joe pointed out how much it looked like the tags they put on livestock.

Then she practically ripped the thing out of her ear.

They spent the next few minutes patching her up. Somewhere along the way, the farm boy somehow got her to agree to help him go looking for the cow he was talking about. Joe couldn’t help her until he finished his chores, which included bringing it back home.

She couldn’t imagine ever giving up a whole afternoon to go chasing after some dumb animal on a normal day, but she was lost, confused and literally had nothing else to do. It was either that or – ugh - milk cattle, which gave her the willies for some reason. It felt like déjà vu.

And that’s how she ended up on the back of the farmers’ old car, looking for lost heifers and listening to Joe go on and on about his family. He wasn’t that bad either, actually. In fact, she kind of liked him. But if he told one more story about his grandfather’s ribbon winning corncobs, she was going to punch something.

“How is this helping us find your damn cattle, again?” She finally shouted, after he told the part about popcorn for the fifth time.

Joe sounded offended. “I figured I would lighten the mood a bit. Sorry for boring you, city girl.”

“Look,” she growled. “The sooner we find this thing, the sooner we can get it back to your barn and you can drive me back home. So cut the stupid stories and actually keep your eyes out!”

“Y’know, you’re a pretty nasty girl,” Joe grunted.

Chelsea huffed, but she calmed herself down. She gave him a genuinely apologetic smile. “Sorry. As you can guess, I’m having a bad day.”

“I can guess, yeah,” he replied. Joe turned and looked straight into her eyes, and just… hung there. Chelsea wasn’t sure if it was a staredown or something else, but she didn’t turn either.

I wasn’t until a horse-drawn carriage rolled up beside them that she realized how long they had been looking at each other. Happy to end the awkward moment, she waved at the driver… but what really caught her attention was the horses. They were gorgeous and strong, but almost… familiar…

“Those are beautiful,” Chelsea gasped. Until this morning, Chelsea had never been anywhere near a horse in her life. But she almost felt like she had been around those horses her whole life. It was like looking into the face of someone she knew, which was about as ridiculous as it got.

The driver, an incredibly old woman, smiled and stared straight at Chelsea. “I suppose they are. Just a few new friends I picked up at the hayride…” she said cryptically, rubbing the mane of the one closest to her.

Chelsea shuddered, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. More of that weird deja vu, she supposed. Another reason to get this day over with as soon as possible.

Then she caught sight of the name on the side of the carriage: Old Bess’ Agricultural Services.

She nearly fell off the wagon. It couldn’t be a coincidence. It was the same name as the amusement park, and even the same logo!

“Wait a minute. You’re Old Bess?” Chelsea shouted, at the same time that Joe asked “aren’t you the lady we got them cattle from yesterday?”

“Yes, I run a trading service, providing livestock for agricultural use,” she glanced at Joe for a moment, then looked back at Chelsea. “And a carnival or two on the side.”

“Awful good fortune, you being around these parts today,” Joe said happily.

She smiled wider. It was a perfectly friendly look, but something about it still weirded Chelsea out. “Yes, I suppose it is. But then, I do often like to give back to communities that supports me.”

Chelsea frowned. All her frustration at this horrible weekend welled up inside her, and suddenly she was shouting. Every single thing that happened to her since she went to that crazy fair came tumbling out: missing a whole day, waking up in the middle of nowhere, apparently getting so drugged out of her mind that she was eating grass and stealing earrings…

Joe tried to calm her down, but she wouldn’t have it. Once she got going, she just couldn’t stop until she said her piece. Luckily Old Bess took the whole rant with calm grace. She didn’t seem to be offended. It fact, she barely reacted at all.

She only looked at Chelsea with that same appraising expression, waiting patiently for her to finish before replying. “It’s disappointing that you feel that way. Many find my fairs to be a… life changing… experience.” She chuckled to herself. “Such a shame that with you, it didn’t seem to stick...”

“I assume you’re missing a head?” she suddenly asked Joe, while continuing to stare at Chelsea. The abrupt subject change caught him by surprise, especially since only he and Chelsea should’ve known about the missing cow.

“How did you know about that?” He spluttered.

Bess gave a dry sigh. “Lucky guess.” Chelsea flushed slightly. She supposed she had been shouting a bit loudly earlier. Anyone nearby could have heard what they were looking for.

“Our livestock are usually so well behaved,” Bess continued. “I don’t know how that one could have… gotten away… from you.”

She was still looking straight at Chelsea with that unreadable expression. It was starting to get a bit creepy.

Joe seemed to notice Chelsea’s discomfort and tried wrapping up the conversation. “Well, we’re going to check on the far side.” He said quickly. “But if you see it, would you please bring the poor thing back to our farm?”

“You know…” Bess replied. “I plan to do exactly that. And you-” she was suddenly talking to Chelsea again. Chelsea, who had been lost in ther woman’s unsettling stare, jumped. “I’m sorry you had a bad time at my fair. Please accept this… gift.”

Bess reached into her carriage and pulled out a vintage cowbell. It also said “Old Bess’” on it, with the same logo on it. “It’s a novelty that my company uses as what you might call a trademark.”

She handed it to Chelsea, who took it hesitantly. It was big, clunky and reminded her way too much of the “earrings” she woke up with, but Joe was whispering in her ear that it would be rude not to take it so she mumbled out a thank you and stuffed it in her overalls before parting.

When they left her behind, Old Bess was still staring at Chelsea. She could hear the woman rubbing her horses again, whispering “let’s say goodbye to your friend, dearies…” in their ears. It gave Chelsea the willies again, and she was glad when Bess’ carriage finally dipped out of sight.

The spent the next few hours on the “far side” looking for the lost cow, but there wasn’t a single sign of it anywhere. There were few worse ways to waste time, as far as Chelsea was concerned.

But at least the weekend wasn’t a total wash. There were at least worse people to waste time with. The more time they spent together, the more Chelsea found that she really liked Joe. He was kind, patient and didn’t mind so much when she snapped at him. She almost wanted to stay a little longer. Almost.

When it became clear that they wouldn’t be finding that cow today, Chelsea finally convinced Joe to drive her back to the city. He would have to come clean to his folks, but a few more nice hours with each other before he had to face the music wouldn’t hurt.

By the end of it they were very much attached to each other. And when he dropped her off Chelsea threw caution to the wind and asked to trade phone numbers. If he did turn out to be a crazy hick after all, well, she would live with the consequences.

The guy looked like Christmas had come early, and he left happy even though he knew he would be in big trouble when he got back home. And she was happy too, believe it or not, until she realized she wouldn’t be seeing him for a while.

So now here she was back at her apartment, and all she had to show for this crazy weekend were green teeth, a ratty old pair of overalls and Old Bess’ souvenir. Her friends weren’t answering their phones – but then, it was late. They were probably asleep at this hour, so all she had was her thoughts.

She somehow ended up staring at the stupid cowbell, wondering about things. She was going to stuff it onto her bookshelf, but she only got as far as holding it in her hands.

Terrible as the whole ordeal was, there were some high points. And the clanging thing was the only memento she had that she could stand to look at (at least until she called Joe, she thought with a playful feeling that surprised even her).

So why not wear it, just the once? She could take a funny selfie, finally laugh off her horrible bad luck and wash her hands of the whole thing. It would only be for a second.

Mentally kicking herself for how ridiculous she was for even thinking about this, she raised the bell over her head and gently lowered it around her neck…

——

She never called.

He waited and waited, but Joe’s phone never rang. Once or twice he wondered if he had given her the wrong number, but deep down he knew that wasn’t it.

He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. She was a sophisticated city girl, and he was just some bumpkin she probably associated with the most humiliating day of her life. If he were in her shoes, he would’ve wanted to forget about the idiot that found her lying naked in a barn too, let alone call him. But it still hurt.

His father and grandfather just made it worse. When they found out he lost the cow and abandoned the farm for hours on account of some woman he just met, they exploded. The lectures and extra chores were a welcome distraction, but the loss of trust and responsibility (as little as it was) made him feel like dirt.

But there was no use moping, so he threw himself into his work (and after the punishment his father laid on him, he had a lot of it). He knew what his folks would say if he said anything: “it was your own fault you got your heart broke. Should’ve just let that girl be.” And they would have been right. So he could sulk on his own time.

At least there was some good news: the missing cow was found surprisingly quickly. In fact, it was Old Bess herself who rode proudly into the farm with it tied behind her carriage, a shiny new cowbell ringing on its neck. In her usual cryptic way she explained that she was enjoying a ride when she found it wandering around “someplace it shouldn’t be.”

Joe didn’t pry. The less he had to talk to that scary old woman the better.

Creepy or not, she was helpful. Since this runaway cow seemed like the restless sort she even let them keep the cowbell so they could keep track of it. Joe couldn’t help but wonder how many she just so happened to have on hand.

“Sometimes it takes a while for these beasts to find a fit in their new lives,” she had said over a stack of pancakes. “She could be unstable for a spell. If I were you I’d keep that on for a few days to make sure she… acclimates.”

Joe had never heard anything like that before, but his father and grandfather were over the moon so he didn’t say a word. They quickly invited Bess to come back soon for another meal to discuss future business, but Joe didn’t stick around. He didn’t care much any more.

Plus, he knew he wouldn’t have much say around here for a while. His only job was to take care of the livestock, even if he couldn’t seem to do that right either. So while they talked money, he led the cow to the barn.

The poor creature seemed a bit confused, but at least it wasn’t trying to run away again. In fact, it kept very close. If he didn’t know any better, he might’ve thought it was snuggling up to him. When they finally made it to the stall, it rubbed its head against his shoulder affectionately.

“Oh, sure. Now you like me,” Joe grunted, as he pulled the stubborn animal into the pen. “Get in here, you.” It mewled at him as he left, but he didn't have much to say.

The next morning, he came back to do his daily milk run. This time, he was going to do their problem cow first. It mooed happily to see him, and it was easy for Joe to lead it into position.

Once their wayward milker was in place he went to fetch the buckets, and he brought twice as many this time just in case. The cow mooed after him again when he left, but he ignored it.

When he returned, he took his place and tried to focus on filling the buckets. But his eye kept going to the bell around the cattle’s neck.

It was just like the one Bess gave Chelsea. That old woman was obviously cheap enough to give the same trinkets she used for animals to the guests in her amusement parks. For a moment he imagined what Chelsea would say when he told her about her “souvenir,” before remembering that she apparently wasn’t interested.

The cow suddenly kicked back and nearly knocked the bucket over. In his distraction, Joe nearly missed it, but managed to stop it from spilling.

“Don’t give me that, you!” He snapped. “Once you learn how to stay put we’ll both be a lot happier.”

The cow mooed sadly and put its head down, but Joe didn’t have the patience for oddly behaving cattle these days. Especially ones wearing bells like that, which reminded him so much of the jokes Chelsea made about it…

On a whim he grabbed the bell and yanked it off of the cow’s neck, ignoring Old Bess’ advice about keeping it on. It all sounded like hogwash to him, and he literally washed hogs for a living. The cow didn’t even seem to notice.

Nothing happened at all. He didn’t know what he expected it to do. Maybe throwing it out supposed to help him get over her, but he just felt worse – now he was manhandling poor animals.

He sighed. “Alright,” He pointed at the cow, as if nothing happened. “You are going to be milked for real this time. No funny business, okay?” It mooed in response, which Joe took as a “yes.”

It still had more to give, so Joe reached for another bucket… only to find that all of the ones he had were full. “I can’t believe this. Again?!” He groaned and headed for the shed once more. “Don’t you go running out on me again, y’hear?” He turned back as he left. The cow moaned back at him, almost as if saying "no problem."

It was a joke, mostly, but he still locked the barn behind him. Surely nothing strange would happen this time. After all, he would only be gone for a minute…