Bozhidar In The Golden Lady
By ThatGuy

It was a typical afternoon in bar known as the Golden Lady when the hooded man walked in – with the average number of visitors for that time of day. Being located right on the outskirts of one of the most bustling cities in the kingdom helped it's traffic, but on the other hand "outskirts" meant "just on the edge of the woods, right down the way from the stables" and some preferred to get their mead and ale from the market district rather than take the trip.

But that wasn't the case for the man coming in now. Or more accurately, the elf coming in – even though the hood covered most of his head his long ears and paleish-ness were still very visible. Not that it mattered much – the Golden Lady was no stranger to elves. Especially not this elf.

He took a look around and sighed happily. The place was still in one piece since the last time he'd been there – he knew from experience that this bar tended to run into interesting dilemmas.

As he stepped in he heard the owner having talking with raised voices with another woman, a conversation that nobody in the bar was trying to pay attention to. Off to the side the barmaid, also an elf, was busy at one of the patrons' tables – which is to say she was sitting on his lap and giggling into his ear. He recognized a few other faces – Humphrey the drunk, Catherine and Nikolai the stablehands, Dmitri the travelling salesman (who owed him a few gold pieces, if he remembered correctly). He chuckled knowingly – this place never changed. The woman who was arguing with the owner seemed vaguely familiar, and was accompanied with a small group of very rough looking individuals he made a note to be wary of. One of them gave him the evil eye as he walked up and removed his hood, not that he cared. The moment she saw him, the owner totally ignored her shouting partner and turned to him.

"Bozhidar!" She called, a brilliant grin on her face. "I haven't seen you around here in a while, how's it been?"  As she heard his name the barmaid looked up from her "break" with a matching smile. She whispered something to her companion and left to rush towards the bar.

Bozhidar sat down and made himself comfortable. "Mira." He smiled only very slightly, not that his old friend took offense. She had known him long enough to know he barely showed emotion. "Good to see you, though I don't know why you're so surprised. It has barely been three weeks since my last drink."

"A week too long," she laughed.

"Bozhi!" The barmaid nearly shouted his ear off as she rushed toward them. She walked up close to Bozhidar with a smile and a lean, only half-unintentionally sticking her fairly large chest close into his face.

"Some personal space please, would you Kyrielle?" he said, good-naturedly pushing her chest away. She blushed and adjusted her dress, pushing her long blonde hair behind her long pointed ears so that she looked less unpresentable to her elder's scrutinizing eye.

"Sorry, it's just that it's been so long!" She practically squealed, dancing up and down on the toes of her feet in excitement. "Did you have any adventures? You have to tell us!"

"Well… I'd hate to tear you away from your boy over there…" he said, clearly amused. Kyrielle reddened even more. Mira laughed.

"Oh, don't tease the girl, you old codger!" She said, "like either of us haven't had our own little flings." Bozhidar met her eyes and the two shared a brief but deviously reminiscent glance. "Anyway, I'd bet you've got some kind of grand story to tell us, eh?"

"Well, actually-"

"Excuse me!" The woman who Mira had been arguing with roughly stepped next to Bozhidar in an attempt to push him out of the way. She looked to be in her late twenties: slim, fit and shapely, clad in leather armor adorned with bear fur. She and her armor sported several scars that looked like they came from a sword, and her helmet-less dirty blonde hair was tied back in a short ponytail – she herself carried a very sharp looking sword, with daggers tied to her armor in places. Obviously she led a very active lifestyle. "I don't like being ignored," she growled, "especially not for some elf!" Her posse, all of whom were even more armed than she was, put their hands on their weapons threateningly. "You and I have business, barkeep!"

"Business?" Bozhidar mused. "Interesting."

She glared at him. "None of your business!"

"I apologize, it is merely that you did shove me out of the way just now. I usually do not permit people to do that." The woman's eyes widened in anger – anger which was likely the reason she didn't notice the very dark, very serious look on Bozhidar's face. She also failed to notice that even though everyone in the bar was paying attention to what was going on, none of them looked concerned at all for their own safety.

"Permit? You have some nerve, elf!" She nodded to two of her companions – a burly brown-haired man in what looked like armor stolen from one of the lords' knights, and a tall woman wearing no armor at all – which he supposed made sense, given that she looked like no breastplates or tassets in the kingdom could fit her – and armed to the teeth. They drew their swords and pointed them directly at Bozhidar's head.

"Hey!" Kyrielle shouted. She made a move towards the thugs, but the last member – a young woman smaller than the rest in slightly oversized armament - gently pushed her back. In his utter lack of concern for the ones threatening him, Bozhidar briefly noted that of all of these ruffians she was the only one wearing a helmet and full armor. Through the helm he noticed a tuft of curly blonde hair, but that was it. He also noticed by the way she was fidgeting that she seemed a bit nervous. Interesting.

"I'll deal with you in a moment," the ringleader spat. She turned to Mira with a cruel look in her eye. "Now, as I was saying. You owe us, barkeep. We keep this place safe, after all. The least you could do is compensate us…"

"Safe from yourselves, you mean!" Mira humphed and crossed her arms. She could handle herself in a brawl – had to be to run this place – but Bozhidar knew this wasn't one she could win. He scowled.

"Yes… well… that's just an extraneous detail, now isn't it? Here's the deal, you pay use triple our usual rate from now on, or we'll burn this place to the ground. Right now."

Kyrielle gasped. "Y-you can't do that!"

"Watch us!" The leader sneered smugly.

Mira just glared. "No, I don't think you'll do that at all."

The bandits stared at her in surprise and anger.  "And why not?"

She grinned and caught Bozhidar's eye. "Don't you know who this is you're pointing your swords at? That's Bozhidar, he's a very important man up at the lord's castle." Since he didn't want to get his head cut off, Bozhidar merely nodded his head and smiled.

"Indeed I am," he said. "And I think I remember where I've know you from. Lady Lillianne: leader of the Red Forest Bandits, is it not? The city guards have a nice picture of you on record, though I admit you're much more charming in person."

The ringleader stared at him for a second, then laughed. "What is this? All you've done is tell me you'd make a fine hostage!"

"Not quite," Bozhidar said softly. "You haven't heard yet what I do at the castle."

"Oh?"

"Quite. I am the lord's royal wizard."

The other bandits glanced at each other nervously, but Lilliane laughed again. "I had you figured for a pansy, elf! Puffed up weaklings with their little spells, feh! What do you plan to do, eh? Turn my sword into a bouquet?"

Bozhidar smirked. "Well, my specialty is transformation magic, though no. I do not plan to do that. But you'll certainly find out what I'm can do if you don't leave. Right now."

"What?" Lillianne scowled. "You insolent little… I think this one's better off beheaded than paid for." She gestured to her cohorts, to finish him off. They never stood a chance. Before they could even raise their swords a loud snap echoed through the air and they were all pushed back.

"Ooh! You're gonna get it now!" Someone shouted. For the first time, a brief look of fear crossed Lily's face. She hid it quickly.

"Nice trick, but now I'm gonna… huh?" She faltered. The other bandits looked at her as she shook slightly, looking disoriented.

"Now," Bozhidar stood up with an eerie calm. All of the bandits but Lily took a step back. "As I was going to say to my old friend Mira, nothing of note happened recently… but if she did not mind I could tell some old tales instead. As for you, you ruined the afternoon for so many patrons it's only fitting that you do something to fix it."

He made a strange gesture at her, and then suddenly Lillianne seemed to… change. Her whole body shuddered, wavering and shaking almost unnaturally, and she seemed to change color, becoming lighter. Her skin seemed to shine oddly in the light – reflective, almost like a liquid. Or precisely like a liquid – she looked like some kind of colored fluid in a woman shaped glass wearing clothes… except without the glass.

She looked at her hand in shock and surprise, hardly believing what was happening. Then, to her horror and utter fury, her clothes started to slip off. Like… well… leather armor sinking in water, they fell through her and sank to the ground leaving her liquid and totally naked.

In a rage he reached for her sword, which sank into her hand before clattering to the floor. "You… you… what have you done to me?"

"She looks like… mead!" Kyrielle said in stunned but excited surprise. The young woman holding her back had let her go and was now backing up as far as she could.

"Indeed. You, my dear bandit queen, are now made of mead."

"You! I'll kill you!" She made a move as though to lunge on him, but then froze as her body lurched dangerously.

"I wouldn't do that," Bozhidar said. "My magic is the only think keeping you from together and in conscious control. Fidget too much and you'll fall into a puddle on the floor. Now…" He made a gesture towards the bar, and a large, empty barrel floated in from the back.

The bandit queen's eyes widened, and for a moment the anger had totally left her face. "Y-you wouldn't! Y-you couldn't!

"I would. I could. But I won't, if you and your cronies leave now and never return." His eyes narrowed. "You'll do it if you know what's good for you."

Unfortunately for her common sense, Lily snapped out of shock and dove full into anger. Grabbing her sword, she took an intimidating step forward. Or, at least, as intimidating as one can muster when they're made of beer.

"You've got some nerve doing this to me and making demands, you pointy headed freak! You turn me back right now and maybe we won't mount you and your little friends here's heads on our wall, how's that! Do it now you filthy elf!"

Bozhidar shook his head slowly. "Tsk tsk… well I gave her a chance." He snapped his fingers and a tube snaked out of the barrel into her stomach. A gurgling sound began, and her midsection began to shrink as the tube started siphoning her into the barrel.

"W-wait! I told you to- don't do this!" She pleaded, her attitude suddenly taking a complete turn. Her body very quickly started to shrink as it was sucked into the tube – soon her torso was all but gone and her upper and lower body were not far behind. "Please! W-we'll leave! I swear! Just d-don't."

"I wish I could believe you," Bozhidar said, totally unmoved voice. "Alas…"

"Well?" Lily shouted to her allies – she was panicking now, her arms and legs had quickly slipped into the tube and she was almost gone. "W-what are you waiting for? Stop him! Kill him! Save m-grblbl." Her orders were cut off her head was sucked through the tube and into the barrel with one final gurgle, leaving her abandoned armor and weapons sitting in a heap on the floor. Bozhidar calmly walked over to the barrel, took out the tube and quickly inserted a cork into the hole, then removed his sustaining enchantment over her, ensuring that she would not be trying to escape any time soon.

The burly man and tall woman, having watched what had happened in horror, snapped out of it as they saw Bozhidar put the final cork in their leader's fate. "You'll pay for that!" The woman shouted – she and her comrade brandished their weapons and advanced menacingly towards him. Their third companion, the small woman in the helmet, back up behind a table and hid. Bozhidar barely turned towards them, but merely waved his hand at them and they froze, only able to move their faces.

"Really now," he chuckled darkly. "Does this seem wise?"

The woman spit at him. He dodged easily. "You wretched elf!" She screamed. She looked crazed with rage. "Lady Lily was ten times greater than you will ever be. Bring her back or you will be in pain far more than you've ever known."

"If that was the infamous Lady Lillianne, you must be Helen of Shadows, the one who slipped into the castle last year and stole the Lord Duke's mistress' diamond necklace… then sent it to his wife. Impressive. Even more impressive that no one knows what you look like, though I'm sure you must use your sizable assets to charm the guards into silence." He turned to the man, "and it would of course make you Rudolf the Stark, Lillianne's personal bodyguard. It's quite amusing: your little bandit gang, small and insignificant as it was, might have one day been something quite impressive.  If you hadn't have met me today, that is…"

There was just as much murder in the man's eyes as in his comrade. "You had better sleep with one eye open from now on, elf. Because we're going make you pay."

Bozhidar sighed and rolled his eyes. "Have you learned nothing from what you just witnessed? Very well…" He turned to Mira and Kyrielle, totally ignoring his two captives. "You wanted to hear some stories, yes? Well, let's see what I can think of…"

Mira leaned against the bar with a smirk. Kyrielle sat down on one of the stools, pulling at her dress to keep it from bunching up at her chest like it always did. The lad she was with earlier left his table to join her, and they both smiled attentively – her at the wizard, the boy at her.

"Ah, yes. I know an amusing one…" he mused, and even both of his captives stopped to listen, though they were sour as they did so. "From when I was a trainee. One that can certainly apply here." He gave a dark look to the two bandits currently frozen, one that, for the moment, gave them pause. "It concerns a certain lady knight that I had something of a friendly rivalry with…"

"Oh Bohzi, we all know this one!"

"Yeah!" Kyrielle said. "This is the one with Lady-"

Bozhidar's eyes flashed, though his expression remained soft. Kyrielle fell silent. "If you would permit me to tell it, as I rather like this one." He cleared his throat and continued. "As Kyrielle was so happy to clarify, this involves my old but pleasant rivalry with Lady Maja Urbyne, our fierce, no-nonsense leader of the royal guard – who you'll all be happy to know returned safely from her battle with Gyre the Giant yesterday." The patrons of the bar shared a collective smile, with those who new Lady Maja best giving especially large grins. "Now, before she was training and commanding the King's men to glory, she and I were training to serve the royal family ourselves. And we were great rivals – each vying for the greatest praise from our superior officers. And… I must admit, I was a bit of a trickster in my youth…"

Nearly everyone in the bar shared a round of laughter, both those old enough to know just how strong that trickster streak ran and those young but familiar enough with the elf to know that it never quite left him. The only ones not sharing in the mirth were the bandits, whose looks could have killed Bozhidar on the spot if they could. But at the moment they could do nothing but listen.

"Ah, those were grand times. I'd cast a stinging spell on her armor, she'd somehow get me saddled with extra kitchen duty… on and on. But our skills were recognized despite our fights, and we were often paired together for missions as our ranks increased, slowly turning our rivalry into camaraderie… and rivalry."

The bar shared another laugh.

"Eventually, we were informed of a farm in Brigand's Valley, deep within the Black Forest, that was housing an organization of vicious highwaymen – just as bloodthirsty as your band of thieves-" he pointed at the bandits, mockingly including them in the story. Rudolf growled at him in response. Bozhidar ignored him. "-but far more numerous. It would've been suicide for anyone to attack them, for their fortress was far too well defended. We couldn't besiege them, because they had their own food and could last for months. So Maja and I were tasked with finding a weakness in their defense."

"Now, it seemed hopeless – only I, though magesight, could even hope to see through the thick forest into their camp, and even then small flashes of the outside. Anyone else attempting to get in range to spy – like, say, Maja – would be caught by their traps or spotted by their lookouts and quickly killed. But, there was a ray of hope: I wasn't able to see much, but I did see that their farm had quite a bit of stolen cattle, and wouldn't be averse to having one more…"

The patrons of the bar sported matching knowing glances. Bozhidar smirked and cleared his throat. "Now, I ask that you do not tell too many people this next part." Everyone laughed once again, for he always said this whenever he told this story. "I would assume this story would be quite embarrassing for our otherwise intimidating leader of the guard, and I wouldn't want to step on anyone's toes…"

For the first time since he started the bandits' matching looks of rage faltered briefly as they listened curiously. Caught up in his nostalgic tale, Bozhidar continued on. "Maja was quite averse to what I suggested – she could tolerate much of my other magicks but I'm afraid being turned into a milking cow was just too much." At that, the bar exploded – they had heard it all before, but the payoff was still just as amusing. The bandits' eyes widened.

"I tried to explain – she, as a cow, could easily wander into their camp and slip past their defenses. Then it was a simple process of teleporting to her position and taking the camp by surprise. She begrudgingly saw the tactics of it, but suggested I turn into the cow instead. Alas, I was forced to tell her that not only would I not able to teleport her to myself as a cow, but as people turned into animals tend to lose their faculties quickly, I would likely not even remember to turn myself back. This did not help convince her, unfortunately…"  

"As a last ditch effort I pointed out that she certainly had the assets of a milking cow already, which earned me a punch in the face…" Another round of raucous laughter. "She then decided I was a lost cause and stormed off to request reinforcements, and I… regrettably, may have zapped her in the back without permission." This time Bozhidar had to silence the crowd before continuing. "She made quite a winsome cow – certainly a prize winner – but while she still had her sharp mind she was not quite as happy with me as I was with the spell succeeding. To this day, I cannot think of why…"

"In any case, she eventually realized that since she was already a cow she might as well go through with the plan, and 'wandered' off into the bandit camp. They were ecstatic to have another bit of livestock to deal with, and let her in just as planned. After that, it was just a matter of observation. Maja began to fall into her bovine instincts fairly quickly – in fact, a lot quicker than most, just don't tell her that – so it was up to me to focus my magesight on her as she grazed, milked, and was in general herded around by her so-called 'owners' from place to place, all the while taking note of their practices, schedules, and weaknesses."

"Almost a month later, I had enough information. I amassed a small band of guards – most of whom are now some of the most famed warriors in the land – and we all teleported to Maja's position in the stables while the bandits were asleep. I knew Maja would want a piece of the action, so I turned her back before hand… and had to turn her back into a cow again, for she was a slight bit annoyed that I had taken so long. In any case the brigands never stood a chance, much like the ones standing in front of me…"

More laughter rang through the building, though less rowdy this time in respect for Bozhidar's call for silence. The bandits snarled at the reference.

Despite suspecting that the group around him feared and respected him too much to break the promise of silence he always gave, Bozhidar still, as always, refrained from telling them the part which only a select few, such as he, Mira and Kyrielle knew: he had indeed been a bit too late in returning Maja to human form, and to make a long story short his friend had given birth to a beautiful baby calf… which a very apologetic Bozhidar had been happy to change into a human. To this day, Maja's daughter Veronika has no knowledge of the niceties of her birth, nor why to this day it makes her "Uncle" Bozhidar laugh (or her mother uncomfortable) that she eventually came to run a dairy farm.

Instead, he skipped over that part.

"But despite her indignation, I personally thought the entire situation was hilarious. I think the easy, simple occupation of a dairy cow suits her, don't you? Something to retire on, perhaps. For years afterward – in fact, still – I made a habit of occasionally tricking her with bovine transformation spells, much to her dismay and irritating. A week or so later – less if there was trouble – I would change her back and beat a hasty retreat… I remember one time I changed her back while a colleague of hers was patrolling the farm she was in, leaving her stark naked in front of him. They are currently married, wouldn't you know? And to this day, her daughter has no idea where the dairy farm that sometimes finds herself staying at her farm comes from… but she's happy to tell me that yes, she is indeed a prize winner."

Everyone clapped at the conclusion of the tale, and Bozhidar let loose a rare smile – but the story was not quite done yet. "In fact, she's spending some well deserved vacation time grazing on her daughter's farm as we speak, though when she turns back she'll likely try to give me a taste of what Gyre got. And before I forget…" He waved his hand idly, and a very large container of milk teleported onto the counter.

"Well now!" Mira smirked. "That's even more than last time! Kyrie?"

"Aww…" Kyrielle groaned – with a sigh she stood up from her stool and did her job lugging the enormous container into the back. Luckily, the lad she was with was valorious enough not to let her carry it alone, and immediately sprung from his seat alone. Soon they had disappeared into the back room, where Bozhidar was sure they would stay for longer than was strictly necessary.

A high laugh, stronger and crueler than any of those from the bar patrons, drew Bozhidar's attention back to the situation at hand. "And what the hell was the point of that?" Helen spat. Her and her companion's eyes showed a mocking arrogance that people in their position likely should not have allowed themselves to have. "All you've done is tell us that Maja Urbyne, scourge of every bandit and blackguard throughout the land, is currently weak and helpless in the form of a dairy cow. Hah!"

Rudolf continued this ill-advised resurgence of evil bravado. "Perhaps after this we shall pay her a visit, make ourselves some delicious roast beef and rid the kingdom of her once an for all!"

The mirthful, chattering crowd immediately fell silent. This time, Bozhidar's furious look was shared by every soul in the bar. Maja Urbyne was strict, imperious, and more than a little uptight, but she was also an extremely kind and valorous heroine who had protected the kingdom time and again. Everyone loved her (even Horak the Drunk, who she had brought in over a dozen times). To make such a threat to her had the effect of draining everyone of any pity they might have had for the two doomed thieves.

And Bozhidar, most of all, reflected this rage. From behind the bar Mira stared at him, wondering how horrible his wrath would be – he gave her a brief glance and, what's more, an small but uncharacteristic, downright evil smile. Pitiless as always, he turned to his victims a dark tone that belied his practiced politeness.

"Not as such, no. The point of the story is…" He took one finger and jabbed it into Rudolf's chest. "… some people are better off as animals."

The curse worked quickly: Rudolf shouted wildly as bones cracked and restructured in seconds. His body barreled out, shredding his armor as it gained mass in droves and muscles reformed. In horror, he gaped at his hands as fingers fused and hardened into black hooves, which were thrown into a burden they could not yet hold as he was forced onto four legs. Ignoring the man's shouts of pain, Bozhidar used his magic to ensure the body would not break unintentionally as the final muscles and bones restructured, the bandit's screams changing to whinnies as his head lengthened and flattened.

Finally, a cover of fur and a long tail grew all at once and with a snap the spell had completed: there in the center of the bar stood a large, very confused stallion.

"Hmm…" Bozhidar mused. "Usually that spell is painless. I must have miscast it this time…"

Helen looked horrorstruck. "Wh… what have you done?" She stammered through, to Bozhidar's vague interest, angered tears. "Rudolf! How could you do that to him, you vile elf? I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!"

"Well now," Bozhidar said softly, "I'm guessing you and him had some kind of history. How quaint." His words were soft, but his eyes were hard. There was absolutely no sympathy to be found there. "You ought to have thought of your romance beforehand, for you'll find me quite uncaring of your predicament. I have often be accused of being very… merciless… when it comes to enemies, especially those who threaten my friends. Now, as for you…"

Helen's fearful reaction was even more pronounced than the others, for she could clearly see she had crossed a terrible point of no return in threatening the leader of the guard. Unlike Lillianne, there would be no second chance for her.

"You know…" Bozhidar said, lightly, "your statuesque figure reminds me of someone…" He and Mira shared a glance, and even through his current anger he smiled. "Statuesque… yes, that seems perfect." Without further explanation, he tapped her in the stomach.

She cringed in nervous anticipation of what might happen next… and she was not to be left waiting. From the spot where he tapped her grew a blotchy, silver-ish discoloration. It expanded out quickly to cover her navel and waist, and to her shock she realized that she could not feel anything in the places it touched. It spread down to her legs, cutting off all sensation below her waist, and then travelled upwards at a relentless pace.

In the last few moments before it engulfed her head, she forwent most of her panic and simply stared at the wizard, searching for some manner of pity. She found none. And then she saw no more.

Bozhidar snapped his hands and her clothes disappeared, though she was at least spared any feelings of embarrassment at the predicament. The bar patrons edged towards the curvaceous statue, some to gawk, others with… unsavory intent. Mira shooed away their lecherous advances, but even she had to whistle at the wizard's handiwork.

"Silver?" She inquired.

"No. Steel." Bozhidar searched the bar crowd and quickly found a pair of faces he knew. "You two: Sacha and Boris!" The two drunkards rather poorly attempted to hide their faces, but it was too late to avoid notice. "You two told Eton at the stable that you were too ill to work, did you not?"

"Er… yeah," the one known as Sacha stammered. "But we're really sorry about that, honest!"

Bozhidar gave an honest, sincere smile – a rarity, especially when he was working off some anger. "Worry not. I just need you to do something to me – take the horse to the stables and have it trained to work, perhaps for the knights. Have the statue melted down into horseshoes, and the rest into a nice shield for the Lord Duke – he'll need it, with the rage his wife is in these days."

The two grinned goofily and stumbled over themselves to tie the statue to the back of the horse and lead it out of the bar.

With that done, Bozhidar allowed himself to sigh deeply.

Mira walked around the counter for the first time and put a hand on his shoulder. "That's all, isn't it?"

"Not quite." Bozhidar waved his hand again and the last member of the bandits, the woman in the oversized armor, was magically lifted in the air with a yelp and carried in front of the sorcerer. With another wave her helmet was flung off her head, revealing shiny blonde locks. She gulped.

"P-please!" She stammered, trembling terribly. "I'm sorry. I really am. It's just… Lillianne was my sister. She forced me into helping her, ever since I was a girl! I never wanted to be like her, I swear. I swear! I j-just had no choice, and now I'm going to be turned into a toad or a spittoon or something and this has all gone so wrong…" She began to sob in earnest, and Bozhidar's eyebrow raised in a pitiless but understanding look.

"Many would attempt such lies to get out of their fate…" she wailed louder at this seeming admission of doom. "But I can sense you are telling the truth. I am sure your life has been difficult… unfortunately, I cannot forgive the actions you have taken today, nor the company you have allowed yourself to keep."

The woman flinched, knowing that even with the wizard's understanding there was no escape from the she was in.

"As a result, I will show leniency." The woman perked up. In fact, everyone in the bar stared at Bozhidar in surprise. He once again ignored them. "Instead of leaving you to a worse fate, I will allow you a second change at the life you wanted."

The frightened bandit gave a gasp as Bozhidar tapped her head, which turned into a squeak as she began to shudder and, to everyone's surprise, shine. Her limbs slipped and dwindled as her entire body started to – for a lack of a better word – dissolve. She squeaked in surprise. With little comprehension of what was happening she seeped into her armor, and the last glimpses of her form showed her becoming what looked like a kind of radiant, electrified gas. As the disappeared from view, her surprise turned to uneasy cries, before ebbing away altogether.

Bozhidar snapped his fingers once more, and to the surprise of everyone present something… nebulous rose out of the armor. It was no physical form: it was more like a ghost. A pure spirit of bright cracking energy.

"Luminous…" Bozhidar mumbled to himself, "so she did have a heart of gold…" Sharply, he turned to a woman sitting alone near the door. "Lady Tania, is it?"

"Yes?"

"You are a kind, loyal woman who has never done anything but show compassion and goodhearted love to those around you, are you not?"

She stared, full of confusion at the sudden compliment. "I… suppose?"
"As well as modest, I notice," Bozhidar chuckled. "You have also long desired a child, but out of respect for your deceased husband have never sought another man in our live, yes?"

"Yes…" the woman sighed sadly.

Bozhidar cut across her grief, however, with a curt request. "How would you like the opportunity to raise a child of your own, to give it the life you have always attempted to impart to others, that which it would have otherwise lacked?"

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You… you don't mean…"

"Indeed I do…" Another genuine smile. And another return of it.

"Yes, yes of course."

"So shall it be." Bozhidar gestured towards the woman and the final thief's spirit shot through the air, surrounding the Lady Tania… and then disappearing entirely. "As you have the customary nine months to prepare. I know you will do an excellent job."

The entire bar cheered, louder than any reaction they had had all afternoon. Amidst the congratulations of many, Lady Tania stood up and, with the first real joy in her own happiness that she had felt in decades, walked confidently and graciously out of the bar to prepare for her new bundle of joy.

Mira smiled at the rare moment of mercy from the wizard, who by his own admission almost never partook in such a thing. As he went to work disintegrating the remains of the bandits' clothes, she snuck up behind him and slugged him on the shoulder.

She then had the pleasure of seeing the usually stoic and assured wizard stumble in surpise. "For the thousandth time, please do not do that."

"Come now," she teased. "You obviously know I'm no threat, or you would've blasted me to bits. Or turned me into something unpleasant, I'd bet. You and your magic," she said, looking around at the disheveled floor, "always making a mess…"

"Yes, but just think – if it weren't for my magic, there may not have been a place for there to be a mess in at all."

The two shared a very personal smile. Few knew the true story behind the name of the Golden Lady – most assumed it was because of the famous statue that once adorned its front years ago, which is true. But that wasn't the whole story. The truth was, it was Bozhidar who had convinced Mira to follow her dream and start a bar of her very own. She had been skeptical and cynical, but Bozhidar has promised her that with his help they could get the bar not only up and running, but successful in no time. Five months, he had boasted. She would be the owner of a beloved bar in five months. She took him up on that bet – if she could become a success in five months, she would allow him to do anything he wanted to her.

So they worked, day in and day out. And within the first two months, the bar had been finished. All that left was to gain clientele, but as Bozhidar predicted this had not been trouble at all. The success was in the location – many fools started business in city walls or close to the castle to take advantage of the market district, but have their businesses shut down before they can get started due to the cutthroat environment. Mira's bar was out of town, away from the market but closer to the people who worked outside the cities, closer to the people she had known her entire life, and more accessible to the weary traveler.

Long before the five months were up Mira's bar had gained a steady, loyal crowd. She had lost the bet but gained her dream, and was happy to let Bozhidar gain his winnings. Of course, she assumed he would want something a bit more personal – the two had always had a closer than normal relationship. Instead, he declared that the bar needed a final touch and zapped her with his magic.

For the next few months, the bar's entrance was enhanced by a beautiful golden statue of its owner and proprietor, while Bozhidar took time off from his royal duties to mind the bar himself. The bar quickly gained the name "The Golden Lady," as people came for quite a distance to see the exquisitely crafted statue.

And then it disappeared. Most assumed it had been stolen (there had been attempts, of course. Most of those foolish enough to try were never seen again), but in truth it had just gone back to running the bar she loved. And the rest was history.

The pair's affectionate trip down memory lane was interrupted by the return of Kyrielle and her friend from the back room, both looking quite disheveled but very happy. Bozhidar snorted.

"Hello there, Kyrielle. Kept your dress on, I hope."

"Yes, this time…" the girl chuckled perkily, before realizing who she was talking to. "I mean… yes, of course," she stammered unconvincingly. We didn't do anything at all! Honest!"

Bozhidar and Mira caught each other's eyes and laughed in each other's arms. Kyrielle pouted. "I hope you never change, Kyrie," Mira chuckled. For some unfathomable reason this caused Bozhidar to laugh even more, causing Kyrielle no undue annoyance.

"It's not that funny…"

Bozhidar wiped a well-earned tear of laughter from his eyes. "But it is, child," he chuckled. "And it actually reminds me why I came down this way in the first place." He immediately stopped himself from laughing and wiped most of the wild amusement from his face, a skill that often baffled his friends.

"Kyrie, if you would stand entirely still," he said with a bit too much loftiness to the now very nervous young woman. Both hers and Mira's faces quickly turned to confusion and alarm as they saw Bozhidar making preparations for what looked like another spell.

Kyrielle looked to Mira for answers. Mira, who was just as lost as the barmaid was, raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about Bozh-" She fell silent as Boshidar raised his hand.

"Silence. All will be made clear in a second…" he waved his hand over Kyrielle's face, then leaned back with a satisfied expression on his face.

A few moments passed with no effect. Kyrielle's face continued to show suspicion and confusion, showing no flash of any kind of change like the other had. Mira was just about to comment that whatever Bozhidar had attempted to do had failed when the girl's eyes widened.

With a squeak and looking quite affronted, she covered her large chest with her arms and affixed a smiling Bozhidar with an outraged glare. "Uncle Bozhi!" she shouted, her disheveled hair becoming even moreso thanks to her sudden reaction. "How could you?"

Bozhidar merely chuckled in response, leaving Mira feeling somewhat left behind. "Um… could someone tell me what's going on here?"

Bozhidar grinned. "Oh, that's right. You haven't been totally let in on the situation, my mistake," Bozhidar gestured grandly to the young woman, as if introducing her for the first time. "Meet my stalwart nephew and squire Kyrialos, or as you've otherwise known her: Kyrielle."

"Wait… Kyrialos? That's Kyrialos?" Mira put a hand to her head, going through many emotions that were not in the least limited to shock. She knew Bozhidar's nephew, of course: the wizard's sister had sent the boy to his uncle from his homeland to be a mage apprentice, a relationship she had thought had been going well. The lad looked up his uncle immensely, and Bozhidar seemed on his end to enjoy the assistance. The two were, in fact, quite inseparable. Over the course of the two years he had worked with his Uncle, Kyrialos had been just as much a frequenter of the Golden Lady as Bozhidar was and had gotten to know Mira and the bar crowd somewhat well… when he disappeared, she figured he had finished his training gone home to his mother. So this was quite understandably a surprise. "I… wow. What could he have possibly done to deserve this from you, Bozhi?"

"Absolutely nothing!" Kyrielle – or Kyrialos, Mira supposed, though she found it difficult to think of her as anything else – hissed. There was an indignant fire in her eyes that was likely not to go away any time soon, but she dared not raise her voice in fear of the surrounding crowd finding out about her predicament.

Mira was about to object – there must have been some reason – when Bozhidar spoke up. "Yes, the girl is absolutely right. She didn't fail me in the slightest. But I must admit I was growing weary of having an apprentice… and you did ask me to show you how some of my more complicated transformations worked."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it Uncle!"

"Wait…" Mira cut in, still trying to get bearings on the situation. "Just wait… Bozhi, you had nothing to do with me hiring Kyrielle! She just walked in and I decided to hire her! When you two knew each other I assumed… I don't know, that you had known each other from back home or something, or maybe that she was another relative. I never thought… I can't believe I never picked up on it – I mean, their names are so similar and everything!"

"Just wishful thinking, I'm sure," Bozhidar mused, twiddling his thumbs. "I personally had nothing to do with you not figuring it out."

"Wonderful," Mira sighed. "I suppose I'm sorry, Kyrie…"

Kyrielle stole a glance at Mira and sighed as well. "Don't be, Mira. This was a wonderful job… I just never should have had it in the first place."

She returned her angry glare to her uncle, which was now matched by an equally fierce glare from Mira. A less reserved man would have faltered. "And another thing! You were in here at least twice, sometimes three times a month! I've had Kyrielle on staff for almost a year! You never mentioned anything about this! Sure, I knew you two were close, but don't you think I ought to have known something about this?"

"All right, all right…" Bozhidar chuckled again, earning him even fiercer glares in return. "I'll explain. As I said, I was feeling weary of leading my nephew around as I was, and decided I would… displace him. The boy himself was weary himself – he idolized the ground I walked on, but needed a break from the arduous life I lived. While I was here at one point, I heard one of the patrons – Honest Yhon, if I recall correctly – lamenting the lack of any 'busty barmaids' around here, which gave me a decent idea if I do say so myself." He took another moment to laugh, while Kyrie looked down at her stacked chest and lush curves with a noticeable twitch of the eye. "After I turned Kyrialos into Kyrielle, I pushed the young woman into the direction of the Golden Lady, where she found herself quite happy – my nephew always did like it here. I said nothing to you because I did not feel it was necessary – you were content with Kyrielle's presence here, weren't you?"

While Mira took a moment to try and think of an appropriately scathing lecture for response, Kyrie started with the hissing hissing again. "So you were just going to leave me here?"

Bozhidar shrugged. "The thought had crossed my mind. You were happy here, weren't you? Your time spend here was more than pleasant, I'm sure." Kyrie nodded with extreme reluctance. "But eventually I realized that the little trick I did with your memory was unfair. You were a good kid, Kyrialos. And you're still a good kid as Kyrielle. It just wasn't fair to you. So… I decided to come by today and lift the block, and lucky I did."

Kyrielle sighed. She, like Mira, knew her uncle well enough to know this was the closest she would get to an apology. "Fine. Will you just turn me back then, so we can forget this ever happened?"

Bozhidar smiled once more. A newfound twitch came back to Kyrielle's eye. "Now who said anything about turning you back? You have quite the charmed life here, my dear. I only stopped by to say hi and give you a little gift, is all. Plus, I'm sure Mira would be absolutely bereft without your presence. Now, I have pressing matters to attend to."

Kyrielle blinked. Her confusion at what she was just processing was such that she did not even notice Bozhidar making his way to the door until it was too late. "Wait… wait! Uncle Bozhi! You can't just leave me like this!"

She rushed towards the door just as Bozhidar closed it behind himself – a gesture merely for theatrics sake, as the moment it shut behind him he merely teleported himself back to the castle, and was gone. Mira, having been watching this all in stunned silence, simply waved it off and went back to her post behind the counter – same old Bozhi. Meanwhile, Kyrielle searched wildly around the door for a glimpse of her trickster of a relative.

She jumped in shock as she felt as she felt a pair of hands embrace her from behind. "So, Kyrie…" came the voice of the boy she had been seeing earlier. Her eyes widened considerably – she had forgotten him during the shocking revelation. Apparently, he had heard none of the conversation. "Your shift is over, would you like to take a walk in the forest with me? We can go to that spot you like and-"

Kyrielle gently pushed him and her slight disappointment off and babbled out a sincere apology. "Sorry, honey. Maybe later." Leaving her boyfriend behind, she rushed off down the road, calling left and right for her uncle…

Though of course, she didn't find a trace.

Epilogue:

It was not until twenty minutes later that Bozhidar realized he had never actually learned the location of the rest of Lillianne's gang. This resulted in him returning to the Golden Lady and patrolling the forest for three days straight – in disguise, so Kyrielle would not recognize him whilst serving him or on one of her dates – until they finally sent another ill-fated thug to find out what happened to the others.

After that, the threat of Lillianne's gang troubled the land no further.

Though Bozhidar did soon return to the Golden Lady many times afterwards for drinks, stories, and merriment, it was not until several months later that agreed to turn Kyrielle back to normal. By then, of course, her relationship with the young lad – who formally introduced himself to Bozhidar as Robin – had progressed quite far… something Bozhidar felt was both amusing and heartwarming.

For the sake of their relationship, Bozhidar happily gave them a charm which turned Robin into Robyn after his nephew returned to normal. When they complained again, he changed the charm so that it was toggleable – resulting in at one of them (Robyn or Kyrielle) would remaining changed at all times. He then ignored any and all further complaints.

Lady Maja did indeed step up her retribution when Bozhidar finally returned her to human form, leading him to lay low for a some time. It did not help his case, however, that he would periodically send her pitchers of her own milk, magically treated to never go bad. Though she could at least admit that it had great taste.

Lillianne's younger sister was reborn on schedule, and grew to become a member of the Royal Knights, an esteemed apprentice to Lady Maja herself, and one of the greatest heroes of her generation. Though she remembers nothing of her previous life, she is very grateful to the guard and especially the court wizard for having so much faith and support in her advancement through the ranks.

Kyrielle/Kyrialos eventually did fulfil her dream of becoming a wizard, and got to keep her new life in the Golden Lady – spending days working as a barmaid and spending the nights patrolling and guarding the forest and bar, taking some time off to train the two children fate was kind enough to give. She never did become powerful enough to counteract Bozhidar's spells, however.

And Bozhidar himself? He eventually retired to a room above the Golden Lady and pursued his relationship with Mira. They had two kids of their own, whom Bozhidar took great care to train to be as much like him as he could. He was purportedly very surprised when they turned to a life of evil.

But that's another story entirely…