Anecdotes Of A Magical Department Store
By ThatGuy

This Claimer: This story is highly transformative in it's nature. If that's not your thing, try something else. Without further ado:

Part 2: Afternoon
----

12:30

Lunchtime, and all's well. Allyson was taking a break from getting transformed for a while and was instead checking around the store, looking over the merchandise (free of earrings, high heel, cufflinks and belts, I checked. A few of them still had tattoos, but hey, those are design marks), and I was manning the counter and totally not imagining what she'd look like as a lounge chair. Lunchtime wasn't our busiest time, as lots of people headed to the food court, but we still got some business. Around this time Winslow took his lunch break, so it was down to me and Vanessa to hold down the fort. Or so I thought.

"Excuse me," a tall and important looking man said to me, storming up to the counter in a huff and jolting me out of my not-reverie, "but I'll have you know I've been wandering around the store looking for your light bulbs for a half hour, and nobody gave me any help."

"Is that so?" I said testily. Why must customers be so self righteous? "Well, maybe my assistant was busy helping someone else."

"Oh, she's busy all right. Busy slacking off. I saw her talking with some other little ne'er do well outside, like she had no responsibility at all! Feh, kids these days."

"Is that so," I growled, less about this info than about his condescending attitude. I happen to be very protective of Vanessa - the girl is like a niece to me, after all. Saw her grow up, and all that. Sometimes, some busybody customer or another complains to me about her dreadlocks, said I should make her "cut that unprofessional mop or fire her." I have them forcibly ejected instead, and they're lucky I don't make them leave as something else. Not to mention that time a bunch of racist pricks started giving her a hard time outside the mall. I won't tell you what I did to them - not for the faint of heart, you understand - but you might consider them lucky they didn't get worse. Or maybe not. I think they deserved it.

So it was with great faith in my student's dedication that I defiantly turned to the window to see for myself, and was subsequently immediately proven wrong. There she was, talking as clear as day with one of her friends. Teenagers. What can you do, right?

"Don't worry sir," I said, grating my teeth because I still didn't want to appease this guy, "I'll take care of it. And light bulbs are in the aisle all the way to the left."

He hmphed and left to find his precious light bulbs, grumbling something that sounded suspiciously like "finally." I shot him an irritated glance that he didn't see, and left to take care of my own business.

Though I was a little surprised we still sold light bulbs. They're one of our predominantly normal products - you don't get a lot of people wanting to become hardware stuff, especially light bulbs: I've always said anyone who wants to become one wasn't very bright.

Laughing at my own joke, I snuck up behind Vanessa just as she was telling her friend Lisa - a lean African American girl she always hangs out with. Met her a few times. Nice girl. Obsessed with fitness - anyway, she was just telling her the "coolest thing about art club." Lisa noticed me, sharp young distraction that she was, and gave her what I can only assume was supposed to be an inconspicuous point in my direction, but as she was only wearing thin gym pants and a jogging shirt, it was a little difficult to hide.

To her credit, she got the point pretty fast and rather clumsily tried to change the reel. "-so I was saying, Lisa, that I really can't talk to you right now, I've got to work." She turned and pretended to only just notice me, "oh hey Deco! Didn't see you there. I was - heh - just telling Lisa to see me during my lunch break."

Oh, them crazy kids and their downright lies. "Were you now? Must've been a long set of directions."

She laughed sheepishly, but then adopted a more "righteous teenage defiance" face. "Ok, fine, sorry. But it was just a little chat. She had something important to tell me."

"Did you?" I turned to at Lisa with a single raised eyebrow. She gave me a big, goofy smile.

"Um, yeah," the girl talks a mile a minute, oy… "Y'see, Janet just met with Scott in the food court, and she said to him that she saw Alice do the-"

"I think I get it, thanks," I said flatly.

Vanessa seemed to sense that this was not going well, so she started inching towards the door. "Well, I can see this was just plain irresponsible of me - I'll just get back to work to make up for my blatant disregard for-"

"Not so fast, little missy," she stopped short, and turned around slowly, "I can't let you just get away with leaving the store unattended."

She gulped. I'm getting good at making people do that. Lisa jumped to her defense with superfast speech, not noticing Vanessa frantically gesturing for her to stop, "aw, c'mon Mr. Deco. It was just, like, two seconds. I was the one who distracted her, I swear I'll leave her alone during worktime, I'm really sorry, couldn't you just-"

"Don't worry, she's not the only one in trouble," I waved my hand at her. She froze and, thankfully, stopped talking automatically. Both her and Vanessa were wearing matching hilarious "uh oh" expressions. I tried not to smirk too much.

I savored their canary-caught-by-the-cat anxiety for a moment, before waving my hand again. Lisa twitched, then raised her arms together, her hands almost touching with one hand at a slight angle from the other. I snapped my fingers, and she started spinning in place extremely fast, shrinking down, down, down all the while, until she was barely bigger than Vanessa's hand, changing shape all the while, until she dropped with a clatter to the ground. With a smile, I picked her up - she was now one of those kitsch little wristwatches, standing flat in the face with a grinning expression and her arms pointing at the hour and minute.

"Lisa!" she reached for her friend, but I raised my hand, wagging my finger in a mockingly teacher-esque way.

"You'll get her back after work, young lady."

"B-but… but you can't just leave her like that all day! She has a track meet this afternoon!"

"Should've thought of that before she had you skive off work," I grinned maliciously. If Lisa got into any serious trouble because of this I'll just go talk to her coach and "explain" things to him, but she didn't need to know that just yet.

"What? Come on! My father would never let you-"

"Your father? Really? Mr. 'I Became The Greatest Wizard In All Of Jamaica Through Hard Work And Diligence, Lots And Lots of Diligence?' You tell him what happened, go on. I dare you."

She crossed her arms and pouted, but didn't disagree. My point made, I tossed Lisa to her. "Here," I said coldly," so you don't forget when your breaks are this time."

She shot me a weak glare and gingerly put on her new watch, "I'm really sorry about this, Lisa," she said to her wrist.

"Can't hear you," I interrupted, "Mind's blank. Conscious but nothing's on upstairs." I put my finger to my head like a gun for emphasis. "Might be an improvement, actually-"

"Hey!"

"All right, all right. Too far. Yeah," a sincere apology. No point to adding to the impassiveness now that my punishment as in effect. Well, maybe just one more - "now get back to work. And you're lucky Allyson didn't see you out here. And don't try to break the spell - sad to say, but you're not that good yet."

She scowled at me, stomped back into the store, and started violently alphabetizing the fanfiction writers - romance novels that is. I shrugged and sauntered back into the store, still laughing at my joke (I mean, come on. "Not very bright?" It's genius). I'd left the counter unattended for way too long.

As I walked back in, I ran right into Allyson. Perfect. "Deco. Just the man I wanted to see. I've was just about to come find you. Sorry if I'm interrupting you imagining me as a sofa or something."

Apologetic scoff. Difficult to pull off for some, but not me. "Of course not. Anyway, listen, about the counter, well-"

"What? What about the counter?"

Could it be? "It's… really dirty. And a dirty counter is bad for any business, right?" I gave her a winning smile. She gave me a look. You can probably tell what kind.

"Whatever, I want to talk to you about this," she held up one of the wigs we have for sale. Good price too. During Halloween we sell costumes.  You'd be surprised how many people want to be grim reapers, and how many people want to be grim reaper cloaks. Anyway, the wig: it was a bowl cut. Like Moe. The guy we made it from didn't appreciate the reference.

But it looked fine to me. I raised an eyebrow at her. "What's wrong with it?"

In response she ran her fingers through it, and a huge puffy cloud came after them.

Dandruff. Terrific.

----

</strong>2:00</strong>

An hour and a half later and Vanessa was no longer giving me the silent treatment, though, given that she could look at her wrist at any time and remember why she was mad, she was still being a bit cold.

Meh. Teenagers.

By some huge stroke of fortune, Allyson really hadn't noticed both he counter and the store being completely unattended for ten minutes. That or she decided to give me a break. The latter seems a bit more likely, but in any case she didn't say anything. I'm grateful anyway.

So here I was, beginning of the afternoon, with a ticked off assistant, a confused-as-to-why-my-assistant-is-pissed-off clerk, and a mid-day rush. Lovely.

Despite it all, I still found time to read a magazine. One I brought from home - found it in my dentists office: I could tell it wasn't your average magazine, but it was just lying there like all the others and nobody noticed - but I'm magic, I can sense these things. I didn't know how long she (yes, she. How could I tell? It's Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition. And all the pictures are of the same woman. And before you get the wrong idea, she was also pretty knowledgable about sports, seems like. The columns and analyses are very interesting) had been there, it looked like it had been for a while. I figure someone had gotten mad at her over something, turned her into a magazine, and left her there. Poor gal. I couldn't break the curse, but I least she's not going to waste.

Anyways, I was reading, when some kid bursts up to the counter, pushing everyone already waiting on line out of the way, like we were giving out free candy. Which, I'm pretty sure, we weren't. He was breathing like he had just run a marathon, his baseball cap was askew and, because I hadn't had enough rapid fire conversation today, he was talking even faster than Lisa was. It kind of got me worried - this wasn't normal teen quickness, this was "big trouble" quickness.

"I'mreallysorrybutyou'vegottohelpmerightnowplease!"

Not entirely hearing him but getting the gist, I decided to give him my full attention. Tossing my magazine onto our new exquisitely designed scarlet-brown coffee table next to the counter (Allyson was currently testing out non-conscious transformation), I sat up straight and asked him what the problem was. With a very sad face, he silently held up one of our Total Reformers. Hoo boy.

I quickly excused us, and led him to the storeroom/employee lounge without even telling Winslow or Vanessa to cover for me. Good thing Allyson couldn't see that.

As soon as the door was safely shut, I rounded on the little guy, "alright, spill. Where did you get that?"

He took a deep breath. Looked like he had a lot to get off his chest. "From a friend of mine. His parents use it on each other for all sorts of crazy stuff. We… um… borrowed it and me, my brother and him have been… using it for a while."

This, naturally, was code for "we stole it and have been running around like idiots transforming things for fun." This won't end well. I gave a huge sigh.

"Go on."

"So he got tired of using it, and I started using it on my own. I did some really crazy stuff. Giving people apple-heads, making the girl next door grow so much hair she looked like a bear, turning the mailman into a cat… I was really mean about it… My brother thought I was going too far, so he told my older sister. She was taking care of us while my parents are out of town." I noticed the use of "was" as apposed to "is" and got even more worried. The Total Reformer is one of the most powerful devices I sell. You can't get that thing without I.D. and a liability contract it's so dangerous. I'll have to talk to his friend's parents.

"Go on…"

"I got mad when they tried to take it from me. Real mad," he was getting misty eyed. Oh boy… "S-so I thought I'd play around with them a bit. I didn't think about what I was doing… I thought it'd be worth a laugh if I made them into fireworks and sent them flying over-"

I coughed and nearly fell over. "Did you just say you turned your siblings into fireworks? And actually lit them? Are you crazy?"

Tears were full-fledged running down his face, now, "I don't know! Maybe… I thought it was funny, but then they went up and I thought…" He couldn't finish his sentence. Instead he reached his backpack and pulled out the smoldering remains of a pair of fireworks. They were pretty big too. Must have been a terrific explosion. I can understand why he was upset but, luckily, it was nothing I couldn't handle.

"Calm down. I can take care of this," I gently took the busted fireworks from him, and put them on my worktable. He went over to our flat, uncomfortable sofa, hugging himself and crying. Poor kid. Don't get me wrong, what he did was callous to the n-th degree, but people have done worse things when mad with transformative power (if you can believe it), and he looked like he learned his lesson.

As for me, I really need to learn to be more careful with who I give my devices out to. Like, I remember a few months ago there was that guy who turned someone into a motorcycle and then got into a terrible accident doing stupid stunts. Yeesh, that was a quagmire. But food for thought. Personally, I'm just really, really happy Allyson is a unhearing table right now and thus will never know of this - she'd be understanding, sure, but there's no way she could in good conscience not at least give me a huge fine or, even worse, a stern lecture.

"W-will they be ok?" he said weakly.

"Oh yeah, sure, they'll be fine. Didn't feel a thing, and it's pretty hard to incurably destroy something made by my devices," I said proudly, puffing out my chest, "now, if you use'd a nuke or something, sure, but I'm pretty sure the Total Reformer can't do that. They weren't in much real danger. But still an enormously stupid thing to do."

"But still, I b-blew them up. They're gonna hate me!" he looked down at his hands.

"Aw, they didn't feel a thing. Well, no pain anyway. They're probably pretty frazzled, though, if the shock didn't knock 'em out. But well,  yeah, maybe they'll be a teensy bit mad. Probably not though. Maybe. You're apologetic enough, though it might be show of good faith if you did something to yourself in return."

"Like what?"

"Well, you could always work here part time. We could always use a new mop." He smiled weakly at me, thinking I was joking, but my mouth gave nary a twitch and my stern gaze never wavered. He gulped.

I love doing that.

"I'll do anything to make them forgive me. We made the house a total mess, maybe I'll make myself a vacuum cleaner or something." The kid's got imagination, I'll give him that, "how long will it take to fix them?"

That was an issue, there's a lot of things to do around here, and a job this delicate I couldn't trust to Vanessa just yet, "It might take a bit. Come and pick them up on Friday."

"Friday!" he cried, "but-but my parents come back on Thursday! What am I gonna tell them!"

"How about the truth," giving him an even sterner stare. It was his fault, after all. He seemed to get the point, because he faltered.

"…right…" he said after a second, looking down at his hands again.

"Oh, and give me back the Total Reformer, if you'll please," this time there was no hesitation, he reached into his bag and thrust it into my arms like he never wanted to see it again, though he did look pretty wistful about it. Hmm. Good imagination. Love of the transformational. A bit maniacal with power, but who in this business isn't, really? Hmm...

"Don't worry, kid. With great power comes great responsibility," I led him back to the door, "maybe, in a few years when you've grown up a bit, I could teach you how to use it responsibly. As a student, not an apprentice. Just so we're clear." He nodded slightly and made for the door, "oh, wait. There's still the matter of my fee."

"What? Oh… how much?"

I did a brief spell to tell how much he had on him. Impressive. "Eighty bucks."

"What? But I've saved that up from my allowance for months!"

I gave him a look. He forked over the cash. I didn't really need to charge him, but I figured I'd give the eighty bucks to his brother and sister and let them throw a party or something.

I looked at my watch - not a person, mind you - and sighed. Twenty minutes - why do we get all the serious cases in the afternoon?

Luckily, Vanessa picked up the slack for me. Unfortunately, she was still mad - turned her head away when I passed by and everything.

----

2:30

After that particular bit of sobering seriousness, I resolved to embrace the wacky aspect of this job. Life's pretty funny if you think about it. For example, where else would you hear situations like this?

"Excuse me, sir, but I can't shake the feeling I've seen this mask before. Like, on someone I know." ("Maybe he just has one of those faces.")

"I wanna be something sporty. Like a ten-speed. That'd be awesome!" ("Sure thing ma'am. How do you feel about racing stripes?")

"Those club members who turned themselves into ribbons for their centennial got all tangled in the store room! I can't untie them!" ("Call Alex. I hear he's great with that sort of thing.")

"Why are these old, expensive shoes just sitting on the shelf with all the others?" ("Well, when they were married they had a lot of spats, see…")

"Do you sell liquor here?" ("No.")

"Yeah. I get it. Her name is Rose, and now she's bush of flowers. Cool joke, and a really cute gift. Now how do I get my girlfriend back?" ("Have you tried our specialty plant growth formula? Only $19.99!")

"Hey, this calculator you sold me keeps getting my differential equations wrong!" ("Sorry, when he said she had a good head for figures apparently hhe meant something else.")

"Help! I'm uncontrollably turning into a soccer ball!" ("No problem, looks like your Make-Me-More-Athletic spell just had a bit too much kick.")

"Deco, I was looking over your furniture and there appears to be something plastic and highly blocking the gears of this clock. Care to explain?" ("Dammit! I knew those were implants. This isn't going to net me a 'Failure To Adequately Transform,' is it Ally?")

"Do you know where they sell liquor?" ("Right next door, moron.")

"When I was but a lad I knew that I would follow my dream someday, and now the day has come that I can finally… become… A SOFA CUSHION!" ("That's great, sir. Now if you'll please stop scaring our customers and follow me."

"Excuse me. I'm not really complaining, but I bought Sophie here from you a few years ago, and I was just thinking - isn't that kind of a long life for a goldfish?" ("Well, looks like she's getting along swimmingl- waitaminute, we do sell fish?")

"Um, someone robbed us a few minutes ago. They jacked all of our tires. Do you have any?" ("Not in the strictest sense, but since there's five of you, we still get you replacements so you'll be able to get around.")

"Here's the deal - I kind of borrowed my friend's prom dress without asking and got a huge rip in it. Now she's pissed at me and is all distraught because her prom is ruined. Can you make me a replacement? Just for the prom? ("Sure. I can even have you delivered if you give me her a-dress. Wait, that's terrible, can I get a do-over?")

"Can you give me something to make my wife into a giant beer bottle?" ("No, but I can make you into a giant coffee bean. Now get the hell out already!")

"Deco! Everyone in the mall just spontaneously turned into a million dollar bill! We're rich!" ("Awesome! Screw this, I'm going to Hawaii. Ally, you can come with, baby - any way you want to (wink wink). Winslow, you can be my butler! And Vanessa, here's thirty bucks for Magic For Dummies and a bus ride to the magic bookstore. Aw yeah, it's all coming together.")

Ok, so that last one happened in my head, but you get the idea.

---

3:12

After that inordinately hilarious string of quirky problems, Allyson was just about finished inspecting the store and was ready for the last transformation type - altering the mind to think like what she turned into - before that moment of sweet sorrow (unless, of course, I can get here to "stay," if you know what I mean. Unlikely, I know). So here we were back at the storeroom/employee lounge. She was standing in front of me waiting expectantly, while Vanessa took a break on our flat, uncomfortable sofa.

"So," she asked impatiently - well, impatiently for her, anyway. "What am I going to be this time?"

"Don't you have any ideas?" Oddly enough, I was running out.

She raised her eyebrows, "really? You're out of ideas. With me? Stop the presses. Deco gets free reign to do whatever he wants and completely balks." Oh, such cheek. Well, once again I've got her number.

"Very funny. Luckily, though, while you were having your fun I just got an idea." I gave her another winning smile.

She blinked. "Uh, oh." She looked like she meant it too, and I'm a little sad to think she thought so little of me - maybe my smile is a little too mischievous after years of only being used that way. Or maybe she does have a little reason to be suspicious…

"Don't worry, you'll like this one I promise." Without further ado, I reach out and tapped her nose with my finger.

She gasped lightly as her nose grew slightly and turned completely black. She raised her hands to her face in surprise, and felt a second, particularly prickly change kick in. All over her body, first her face, then her chest and arms, and then the rest of her rapidly grew a mess of bushy, brown fur.

She looked stunned - you'd think years of inspecting places that transform people would help her get used to the idea, but fun to watch regardless. Her eyes met mine - I noticed they had become glassy and all brown, but she naturally hadn't - and she laughed once, and only once, because when she did a piece of fluff drifted out of her mouth and that just sent her right back into shock again

"Ohh," Vanessa piped in inappropriately from the flat, uncomfortable sofa - just like I would, but still. "I think I know what's going on. Neat."

Allyson looked dazedly over to Vanessa, and then instantly began to shrink. This time, she really did laugh - a high, cute laugh that sent little bits of fluff everywhere - she kept on laughing as she got smaller and smaller, her hands fusing together (and her toes presumably doing the same), her clothes becoming felt, and her arms and legs moving into a "hug me" position. In the end, she only stopped because her mouth sewed closed, in a cheerful little smile.

I picked the teddy bear up off the ground and brought her up to eye level. "So, how do you like it?" Unfortunately, I couldn't hear her thoughts, but I bet they were great. Vanessa, meanwhile, jumped up off the flat, uncomfortable sofa (Craigslist. Never again) and nearly sprinted over to me two meters at a time, reaching for the cute little fuzzball in my hand.

"Ooh, let me hold her!" she squealed, excitedly trying to reach over my arms as I, naturally, pulled Allyson as far away as I could. Why naturally? Well, why else?

"No!"

"Come on! I'll work double overtime for a week!" Obviously she had forgotten all about being mad at me. Which was nice, but that didn't mean I was about to give in so easily.

"No way! Me first."

"Aww, I-"

"HEY, DECO! YOU MIGHT WANT TO COME IN HERE!" Urgh. Darn. Winston will pay.

Grumbling, I put Allyson under my arm and went back into the main store. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Vanessa cross her arms and plump down onto the flat, uncomfortable sofa (which must have hurt) in another huff. Well neener neener. At least she wasn't trying to steal her - that much maturity, I am glad to say, I have instilled in my young apprentice. I hope. Anyways, the store was in the middle of it's mid-afternoon hustle and bustle, which of course meant lots of things that could go wrong, but it better have been really, really important to interrupt my inspection like that. You know, like "everyone in the store is changing back" important, or "Mrs. Janesberg found out the painting her husband just bought for his study is actually his mistress, knows we did the job, and is coming for blood" important. You know, the kind of important that warrants shutting down the whole store and maybe moving to Milwaukee.

As it turns out, it wasn't that kind of important, but it still warranted my attention. Winston met me at the front desk both looking both furious and hectic, two moods that didn't come easy for him - which wasn't reassuring - and waved me over expectantly. The guy likes his efficiency, and hey, so do I, so I went right over, laid Allyson on the counter, and gestured for him to tell me what was going on.

"You remember those college girls that came in the other day?" he said, charged up with anger. Which is great, because whatever can make him that angry will likely make me furious, "the ones who wanted to be turned into an entertainment center as a gift for their frat boy boyfriends?"

I did. Two speakers, a huge television, a radio, a dvd player, the works. Even a shelf for it all. A nice set, if I do say so myself. "Yeah..?"

"Well, those ungrateful jerks want to return one of them - one of the speakers - they say they don't like it. I don't know why, it's exactly the same as the other one and they're both speakers I'd kill to have."

A tiny voice. "Excuse me, mister."

No time at the moment. "Just a second kid. Didn't you tell them that they were a set? That I transformed them all with the express, unbreakable promise that they were to be kept together?"

"Yes. Yes I did. They said they don't care, and they're outside right now trying to cart her in right now. I told them to hold off while I got ahold of you."

"But- but isn't she the girlfriend of one of them? Weren't they all gifts to their boyfriends? What about sentimentality or whatever the heck passes for it these days?"

"I did," he said bitterly, "He said, and I quote: 'I was planning on breaking up with her anyways, and besides, it's just a bunch of wires, so who cares? Durr hurr hurr.'"

"Excuse me, sir. Can I buy this?" That voice again.

"Yeah sure, whatever," a tiny "ok" answered, but I wasn't paying attention, "You tell those idiots that not only is a speaker a very complex and fascinating piece of equipment, but that-"

"I'm telling you, Deco. They're just not listening."

I was steaming mad now, and here's why: "look. Tell them that these girls were friends long before they met them, and that even though they may see them as nothing but furniture they got at the store and don't have to think about the world doesn't revolve around them, and I take what I do very seriously - so when I make a promise when changing someone, I keep it. End of story."

He opened his mouth to object, but I had already gotten the message. "Never mind, I'll tell them." I stormed out of the store, careful not to knock over Winston (he didn't deserve it), or bump Ms. Glass (she definitely didn't deserve it) as I went to give them a piece of my mind, Winston following right behind me, looking impressed.

Five short minutes of "you can either keep them all, you can sell them all back to me, or we'll take them all, and turn you all into the little styrofoam things we put in their boxes," later, and we were proudly displaying our new entertainment center in the middle of the store (with the express warning that the equipment simply does not work unless all parts are kept together), the frat boys were returning to their house with their tails between their legs, and all was right with the world. I moseyed on back to counter to get back to what I was doing when I stopped with a jolt.

The counter was empty.

"Hey, Winston!" He turned, having walked up right behind me, "did you see the teddy bear I left laying on the counter here?

"You mean the one you sold to that little girl?"

Oh yeah. Now that I looked for it there was a ten dollar bill sitting on the table. How cute. "Oh, shi-"

----

It took twenty minutes of scouring the entire mall brick by brick to find that little girl, ten more minutes to pry the teddy bear away from her kicking and screaming, and another ten to explain the whole situation to her furious mother. We only ended up resolving things by promising her a free replacement. I suggested Tickle-Me-Anastasia: my way of making up for that kick this morning. Unfortunately for Annie, she passed.

"I'm really sorry, Ally," I said later, for what had to have been the millionth time.

"I already said not to worry about it, Deco," she said with a soft smile, "it was actually kind of… nice… anyway."

"Oh?" I don't know if I was more relieved or deviously interested.

"Yeah… it was an odd feeling - for a few minutes I was her toy and all I wanted was to be hugged and loved and played with… it felt like home being in her arms," she blushed as she went into a reverie, but then, noticing my smirk, quickly added: "you really know your stuff with those mental effects. I really felt like a real teddy bear."

"Well, if you want, after you file your inspection we could always give you a new home with some special kid. Heck, I could even tell that little girl I'll have her teddy back within the day."

She looked wistfully at the child who almost became her - for lack of a better word - owner, who was now perusing the shelf of dolls and toys looking for a replacement for her precious bear. She scoffed as the girl's tiny hand lingered on an authentic Cheerleader Barbie (an actual Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, long story), before shaking her head and (unfortunately) coming back to her senses.

"No, I don't think so," she said flatly, "Nice try, but I've got a life, thank you very much."

"Aw, shucks," I said grinning, snapping my fingers in an exaggerated show of disappointment. We've gone through this every time she comes for inspection, and every time I almost get her.

The first time, after she'd gone through the tests, I jokingly suggested she had a future in furniture (I think she had been a bed or something), and though she had, of course, refused immediately, I saw a little twinkle in her eyes that told me she liked the idea a little more than she let on. Ever since, I've suggested she consider life as something else at every inspection - a Persian rug, a winter coat, a chandelier, you name it - always only half jokingly.

She always refuses, but I'm wearing her down. I know I am. I swear I almost had her last time: nearly talked her into a wedding gown (literally, of course). Judging by how long it took her to say "no" this time, I'm hoping she might crack soon.

"Next time, then," I joked, thinking it much more seriously than I said it.

"Don't count on it," she returned my smirk, possibly thinking the same thing, "I think I've had enough excitement for one day. It's really been nice to see you as usual Deco. I'll have this form in tonight, and don't worry about our little 'mishap,' I don't think it'll make it's way into the paperwork."

She winked, and I returned. It really was nice to have her around… if only it could be on a more permanent basis…

"My offer still stands, you know."

"Give it up, Deco," she laughed, waving as she sauntered to the door. As I watched her go, I sighed. As the door shut behind her, I sighed deeper.

Things were considerably more gloomy as the day drew to a close.

----

6:00

The rest of the day passed with seeming monotony. Oh sure, stuff happened - it was exceptionally busy, even, and we got problems with people suddenly falling over on top of the people that a second ago were their chairs, twins wanting to become bookends, and a refrigerator that suddenly told the guy using it that he might want to lay off the waffles. All kinds of random stuff.

And none of it was particularly interesting. It was all just kind of monotonous, like it didn't compare which, let's face it, it didn't. Winston and Vanessa noticed my funk, but didn't really try to get me out of it. I suppose since I get this way at least once every year, sometimes more if I see her again, they were used to it and knew they couldn't really snap me out of it. A real crack bunch, those two. I mean it. They really know me.

Anyways, the rest of the day just kind of drooped by, but the evening, well it wasn't better, but at least there was a highpoint coming on. At around five I closed the store and, just like every Tuesday, let the assistants off early so I could lock up on my own. I almost forgot to turn back Lisa (apparently Vanessa did overlook being angry with me, because she almost forgot to remind me), and when I did… well, she wasn't as mad as I had hoped. A rant would've been pretty fun at this point, especially if a little of it had been directed at Vanessa for getting her into this mess, but she just gave me a deep scowl and glair, briskly turned her hair in my direction and walked out with Vanessa, who did the same. Winston just shrugged, gave me a hearty "see you tomorrow," and strolled out the door.

And I waited. Though I didn't have to wait long, they showed up pretty fast. And they had a lot to say, unfortunately.

"You see, man," Willie said sagely, "the thing is you're going about this all wrong."

"Do I now?" Come on, this from a guy whose last girlfriend is still sitting in his freezer?

"That's my opinion," he replied, "oh, by the way, thanks for the referral. Here's what I owe you." He reached into his pocket and threw me a king size candy bar, the wrapper adorned with a painted picture of the Asian girl from earlier. "Milk chocolate with almonds."

"Heh, I thought she seemed a bit nutty," I took a bite - awesome - and saved the rest for later. "I bet $40, by the way."

"Damn, I fold."

"Me, too."

"Yup."

There were five of us. Willie runs the candy shop in the mall around the corner. Luis runs the pet store on the other end of the complex. Agatha… well, none of us are quite sure what Agatha does. Mostly the odd and uncommon changes most people don't deal with. Anyways, Moreen was the last one to join our little bunch - she runs a daycare a few miles away from the mall, but she came all this way anyways. The five of us were the only transformation related businessmen (and women) we knew of in the area. And every Tuesday night we get together, play Poker, and tell stories. I had just told them all about my day, and just my luck they knew just where to comment.

"That reminds me, though," I said alongside the table, "say, Agatha, we just ran out of Pitcher's baked goods today, so I'm going to have to order a few cases more. You know how he likes to send takes of the transformations with every purchase, but I can't exactly sell those at my place, and it might be up your sort of alley, so…"

"Yeah sure, I'll take 'em off your hands," she waved it off dismissively, but at least I knew she'd do it, "anyway, like Willie was sayin', you got this the wrong way," she added. Darn, I was hoping to change the subject. "You gotta be flashy. Crazy. That'll get her attention. Did you try using that fire spell I taught ya?"

"You taught me that spell years ago, Agatha. And no, I haven't used it yet."

"Well you should."

"Don't listen to Agatha," Luis said strongly, "Never listen to Agatha. It sounds like you're coming on too strong, if anything."

Moreen brought up the rear. "Yes, when Luis and I were going out, he knew when to be subtle."

"Didn't you guys break up?" I cut in.

"Well, yes, but that was because he was being a baby."

"Oh yeah? We'll you were a huge bitch!"

Agatha rolled her eyes. "Maybe you ought not to try a little of that tenderness. Why don't you do what this guy I got in today did - you mentioned tapes, well he had himself turned into an interactive tape of himself doing all sorts of stuff for her. His girl ate it up."

"But if Deco did that, how would he get turned back again so he could make her into his snuggie or whatever."

"Have her send him to me, of course!"

"Uh… Deco. Maybe you don't want to do that."

"Hey, what's wrong with me?"

"Look!" Willie said forcefully. Everyone jumped. "Look Arthur," Willie was the only person besides my mother who ever insisted on calling me by my first name (I just can't get him to stop). Guess that's what happens when you grow up together. "I've met this girl. She does my inspections." Due to the nature of Willie's business, his inspectors usually don't do the transforming themselves unless they're really stupid. Allyson, thankfully, is not. "She loves this stuff. I mean it, and you know it. Her eyes light up whenever she asks me to demonstrate anything. And not only is she drawn to it, but it's kind of drawn to her. She's a magnet for this sort of thing - just look at what she does for a living! If you don't do something she'll end up as someone else's centerpiece, even if she doesn't realize it until the moment it happens. Still, you are coming on very strong - she doesn't want to just throw her life away. Right now you're asking her to give it all up just to get bought by someone she probably won't even know - even if that isn't what you mean. Give her something she'll want to be a part of."

"Yeah, everyone can tell you really like her-"

"Understatement," Moreen and Luis cut in with a chorus.

"- because you never shut up about it." Agatha finished. "Even her too, probably. So do something to show it - like make yourself into her identical twin. Cause I'm totally selling something that can do that."

"No, don't do that."

"Well, what should I do then," I'm at my wits end. What is it about friends that they can't mind their own business?

"Asking her out helps. You know, without the direct implication that you want to sleep on her. Call her."

That wasn't a bad idea. I might like a date. "Fine. Now can we please move on now?"

"Fine," Willie said, with a devious glint in his eye, "I can appreciate an earnest attempt to change the subject, but only because I have such a great story myself. You wouldn't believe what happened to me today…"

----

7:00

Locking up. Poker game's over. And everything's quiet. Nobody's around, and there's nobody to go home to but the collection of the odd that is my home (that's though, is a story for another day), and my highly uncomfortable ex-girlfriend/bed. I swear, to take her credit card to go bowling one time and your back will pay for it for years to come.

So there I go, shutting the doors and rolling down to gate to what is essentially the most exciting thing that will ever happen to me. It's pretty awesome, I must admit. Sometimes a little isolated, though.

Off to my car for that long, dark drive back home. Sure, I could just use magic to teleport back, but I like my new car. A friend who loved my driving so much they thought it would awesome to be driven by me all the time. I've got 'em for a few more weeks, and then I have to turn it back. Yeah…

My car can even tell I'm down. The radio keeps playing love songs. Very funny. Must've seen Allyson drive off. Man, I hope I snap out of this funk soon.

Cause, yeah… this store is the best thing that's ever happened to me, but even though I have my assistants, it does get a little lonely, sometimes, and I'd hate to keep ruining things by noticing that.

Sigh…

Maybe I should call her.

----

The End

(P.S: A few days later I did check up on Susan and Andie. As I expected, there were two conspicuous pieces of furniture sitting in the middle of their apartment. As far as I can tell, Susan turned Andie into an armchair, and then when she wouldn't turn back (I told them, didn't I?) she was so distraught over leaving her friend stuck as a chair that she turned herself into a matching sofa. Sentimental guy that I am, I brought them to the storeroom/employee lounge so we could finally replace that flat, uncomfortable sofa. Couldn't turn them back, but I can get them to talk sometimes - they like to psych out the new merchandise. Heh, just like one big happy family. Gotta love this place.)