In the modern day, recently discovered magic had become the latest fad. Much as people were obsessed with getting the latest technology in the past, now everyone is trying to find and learn as many spells as possible. It's done wonders in the world of construction and medicine and has generally made the world a better place.

And then there were the perverts.

Magic, for all the wonderful things it can grant, was limited by the imagination of the people, and the people are generally idiots. As such, most people used magic to be lazy or else to act out their various sexual fantasies or to give themselves the unnatural bodies they always wanted, Hogan being one such a person.

In appearance, Hogan was a thin black man (though he claimed some German heritage) with a casual, almost nondescript look to him: he wore a light blue t shirt under a darker blue open button up t shirt and his hair was in a military cut. He wore blue jeans and generally had a laid back, "fuck it and fuck you" sort of attitude. Oh, also he had breasts the size of bowling balls. The way he saw it, he could never get a woman, and this way he could get to play with breasts anytime he wanted. Also, the size was carefully chosen to balance size, sensitivity and practicality.

His neighbor from across the hallway of their apartment complex, named Lotsee, absolutely hated him as much as he hated her. She was a woman of Comanche heritage with a pixie cut, white yoga pants an orange tank top and butt cheeks the size of salad bowls with hips to match! See, even though Lotsee used magic to enhance her own appearance as well, she disliked Hogan and his breasts, seeing it as fetishizing the female body. It's not like her butt and hips, she claimed, because those were already part of her body: it's not like she grew a penis.

The two of them, due both to this disagreement and the usual squabbles neighbors have, caused a great deal of animosity between the two. On a warm Saturday morning in spring, the two of them confronted each other in the hallway.

"What are you doing here, pervert?" Lotsee asked, "going out to harass more women today?"

"Fuck you, I'm just taking out the trash." Hogan growled in reply "besides, I never harassed any woman, hippo hips!"

"Yeah right! The way you carry those dangling things on your chest like they're an accessory, you just see women's bodies as a commodity. A status symbol."

"Man, I don't got time for this shit"

"What are you two morons doing?" Came a third voice; It was Zhi, their landlord. Zhi was an Asian woman in her forties and I like the other two, she didn't use magic to change her appearance despite how short she was; instead she used magic for more practical purposes like cleaning and maintenance.

"I thought I told you two to leave each other alone: I don't need another 1 AM screaming match like last month.

"You stay out of this." Lotsee commanded "this is between me and Hector here."

"Yeah, we pay our rent on time so we can do whatever we want" Hogan agreed "if you want to talk about noise, what about that annoying son of yours always making his obnoxious prank videos online? He's twenty! He should be in college!"

"You keep Pietro out of this!" She retorted but the glares from her two tenants told her that the argument was lost. She grumpily retreated and let the two continue to squabble while she went to find her son...

No sooner had Hogan put away the trash, returned to his apartment and washed his hands did he suddenly discover that the right hand he was washing wasn't his: it was lighter and smaller. Visually tracing the hand up the arm, he was confronted with Lotsee, her head bed to his on a shared body!

The two of them screamed and instinctively tried to run in opposite directions but only managed to do a one body tug of war as they struggled to go into opposite directions. Their new body had the breasts and penis of Hogan but the vagina, hips and ass of Lotsee, the rest being a blend of the two split down the middle. Their assets swayed and bounced as Hogan pulled to the left only to be jerked back to the right by Lotsee and all the while, they were being recorded by the person who cast this spell: Pietro!

"This will be my best prank video ever." He whispered to the camera as he watched the sexy tug of war.

"What are you doing in my apartment?!"

"What are you doing in my body?!"

"It's my body, get off!"

"No, it's mine, you pervert!"

This argument went on for some time before the two neighbors calmed down enough to assess the situation: they saw that they were conjoined with Hogan's half of the body on the left and Lotsee's on the right. They only controlled their half of the body but both people felt everything below the neck. Their clothes were also split down the middle except for their underwear which was whatever was needed to contain their larger assets.

"Fuck, of all people why did I have to get stuck to you?" Lotsee huffed

"I didn't do this! It must have been Zhi or Pietro. You know they hate us arguing." Hogan responded

"I never said you did it, you idiot! But yeah, let's go confront them."

Unfortunately, they tried to walk in opposite directions again which sent them into another tug of war all while trying to push away from the other's head.

"This way, you pervert!"

"No, this way!"

Eventually, they managed to coordinate enough to walk at the very least and they went to Zhi's apartment. When she opened the door, she wasn't surprised at all.

"Well now, were you two trying to downsize to save on rent?" She chuckled

"Cut the crap Zhi, how do we separate?" Hogan demanded

"Yeah, making me half man is cruel and unusual punishment!"

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Hogan asked indignantly

"Silence!" Zhi yelled "yes, my son did this to you, but it's because we can't stand your constant arguing! So you'll stay like this until you at least get used to each other! I don't care how long it takes."

"But-"

"No buts or I'll double the rent. Now go!"

Without any recourse, the conjoined man and woman with the big boobs and ass walked back to Hogan's apartment to plan their new life together since they knew they were going to be stuck like this for a long, long time.