There's a general rule of thumb when working for gangsters: don't rip off gangsters! This is the story of how Boris learned that the hard way.

He thought he was beneath notice, since the only time the Lamps interacted with him was to store briefcases full of money in his home. Who'd suspect Boris of harboring money? Boris was an easily ignored overweight man in his late 30s, with a grey wife beater, a comb over hairdo and navy blue shirts. He didn't talk to anyone and when they talked to him, he was quite fond of pretending not to know English.

His was the perfect house for the Lamps street gang to hide large amount of money before they needed it. And if one of the many large bills goes missing here and there? It wouldn't be missed. Or so he thought.

Turns out, when someone gets shot because there wasn't enough money in the briefcase, people tend to notice and Boris was soon identified as the culprit. Normally, this would mean a cap in the head, but the gang's leader, Red the Merciful had a very different idea. She hated killing, so she would remove his anonymity instead.

Afterwards, life became very difficult for Boris, as Red had used a very special glue on him, one only she knew the solvent for.

His arms, folded behind him, were held in place with the glue, making them useless. That would be difficult enough on a normal body but his was no longer a normal body. Silicone prosthetic breasts, each about 60 cm in diameter, were attached to his chest. They looked real and bounced with every movement. And they were heavy too! To balance them out, fake butt cheeks of identical size and make were attached to his rear.

Additionally, his body was waxed of all hair below the neck so it wouldn't grow back for weeks. That, combined with the tiny chastity cage hiding his penis and the custom bikini they glued on him basically made him look like a woman from the neck down. But only the neck down. He was a freak!

Boris's life was hell; not only did he attract a lot of looks from the neighbors, but between his arms stuck behind him and the oversized breasts in front of him, he could do anything for himself! As a simple example, let's look at him getting breakfast.

 After stumbling out of bed and waddling over to his refrigerator (knocking over several things with his giant fake rear), he finally got to the fridge. He instinctively tried to open the door, but his arms wouldn't come out from behind his back. He tried to grab the handle with his teeth, but the giant breasts got in the way. He considered using his feet, but he knew he would overbalance and would be spending an hour trying to get back up.

Then he remembered he had a bowl of fruit on his kitchen table. Going over to there, he intended to bob for an apple, but his breasts pushed the bowl off the table before his mouth could reach. The only things left on the table were a banana and an orange. He wasn't ready for the banana, given he was tired of giving his doorknobs a blow job every time he needed to open one, so he tried the orange. Without arms, he couldn't peel it, so he had to bite into an unpeeled orange, disgusted at the texture.

He tried to calculate how much longer this punishment was supposed to last. Oh, right...Red the Merciful didn't say.