“I’m sorry Gina, I didn’t quite catch that. Could you say that again?”
“I said my parents are coming over Sunday for dinner.”
“Oh, thanks. Wait, what!?”

It had been about a week since Gina and Andy’s adventure with the Part Pat, a device which could turn a person into another person’s body part. Although they had fun with the device, Andy using it to humiliate his masochistic wife at work, they hadn’t used the device since then on account of Gina wanting to “maintain that new toy feeling”. But now she was asking to use it again, this time at a family dinner, something Andy was concerned about.

“Won’t your parents notice that I’m not there at the table if I’m busy being a part of you?” he asked
“Oh, I’ll just tell them you’re busy at work. See? No problem.”
“Green Gene, I don’t work, remember? I haven’t worked in years.”
“Oh, they won’t know that. In fact, I don’t know if they even know we got married. They were never very…concerned with paying attention to me….” Gina commented, getting lost in the memories. Really, the only time her parents ever paid attention to her was when she was in some kind of trouble or embarrassing situation. Those memories were getting to be too much right now and Gina needed some humiliation.
“Please, Andy! Be my mouth again in front of my parents! I promise I’ll make it up to you!”
“All right, but-“
“Yay! Oh, thank you Andy!”
“-but in exchange, I get three ‘wishes’ from you. After all, I have needs too.”
“Deal!”

Sunday evening, two middle aged people approached Gina’s front door and knocked: one, a balding man with a lazy eye and an old tweed suit that smelled like cigarettes; the other person was a woman in a tight bun and a simple, conservative white blouse with a black pencil skirt. These people, Gina’s parents, didn’t smile when she opened the door to greet them.
“Mom, Dad! So good to see you both!” ‘Gina’ said, smiling warmly. “How was your flight over here?”
“There were no complaints, Eugenia.” Gina’s father said, holding up a crocodile briefcase. “Now then, will dinner be ready soon, or do we have time to discuss business beforehand?”
“Um…what businesses us that again?”
“Typical child. Always so forgetful.” Gina’s mother said, not bothering to lower her voice at all, “We came to get our affairs in order and for you to co sign documents relating to that. Why else would we be here?”
“Um…to see your only son- er, I mean daughter?” Gina’s voice said, now reflecting the discomfort the rest of her face was showing.
“Are you going to let us in?” Gina’s mother asked impatiently
“Oh, right! Um…come on in. I’ll pour some wine, and dinner will be ready in a half hour. I should…go attend to that.”

In the kitchen, Gina wrote on her phone so Andy could read it.
“I’m not their only daughter. Not that they care” it said. Her mouth replied
“Well, they didn’t make a good impression, but I doubt it’s that bad. Just give them a chance.”
“They don’t acknowledge my sister, Andromeda  because she’s fast food manager. They only care about their kids when it’s useful. You’ll see.”
“I hope you’re wrong.”

As Gina re entered her dining room, her parents didn’t look up, but simply spread the papers all over the table.
“Sign these.” Her father said, “and read them so you know what you’re supposed to do.”
“Sure thing. So what have you been doing with yourselves lately?”
“That doesn’t sound like reading.”
Glumly, Gina read and signed the papers. The will and such were fairly standard “in case of death” instructions for funeral and finance, except for the matter of inheritance. 90 % went to “Home maintenance”, 10% went to Gina as a “service charge” and Andromeda wasn’t even mentioned once. In fact, neither daughter was on the list of people to be invited to the funeral. Andy read the documents along with Gina and, if he still had a stomach, he would feel it twisting in a knot. She was right: they don’t care about her at all! No wonder she wanted to have a little fun when they were here. And he would make sure she did.

The parents didn’t look at Gina when she served dinner (lamb, potatoes au gratin and asparagus), but began to eat without a word. Finally, to Gina’s shock, her own mouth broke the silence.
“So, I had an interesting day at work today. Want to hear about it?”
“Don’t you work at a cracker factory?” her father asked.
“Not for the last five years… I’m a stripper now.”
Gina blushed to hear that come out of her mouth. She wasn’t really a stripper, but at least her parents were looking up now.
“You didn’t mention that before.” Gina’s mother said after nearly choking on her wine
“You didn’t ask. But it’s a lot of fun, swinging on the pole, making monkey noises while dressed in nothing but a strap-on. That’s where I met Spike.”
“S…Spike?” her father stammered, “Weren’t you with that other fellow, um…Theodore? Benjamin?”
“Nah, I broke up with him ages ago. I’m married to Spike now. She’s a garbage collector.”
“She picks up other people’s garbage?” her father asked
“Well, it’s all she could get after being let out of prison. See, it all started when she-”

Both Andy and Gina were trying hard not to laugh as Andy was spinning this baloney. As embarrassing as it was for Gina to say all this to her parents, she loved how they simply couldn’t look away now. She just hoped her increasing red face didn’t give her away, especially since Andy was getting more raunchy and more ridiculous with each lie.
“- and of course at night things get really freaky! I learned this trick where if you shove the handle of a meat hook up your ass, you can hang from the ceiling and it drives the crowd wild! Here, let me show you.”
“No! That is…that won’t be necessary, Eugenia.” Gina’s mother said, almost as red as her daughter
“I had no idea you lived such a… colorful life.” Her father said, “I suppose it has been a while since we spoke. Who knew so much could change in five years.”
“Oh, if you want to talk colorful, you should hear about my clowning side job!”
“Dear, isn’t it time we get going!?” her mother asked
“I do believe so,” her father said, “So sorry to run but we really should-“
“But I was just about to tell you” Andy said in desperation, “I’m pregnant!”

That certainly got her parents to sit down again. Everyone had eyes the size of saucers, even Gina. She was mortified. She was in heaven. All eyes were on her and it felt so good. And since she couldn’t risk getting fired like last time, she wasn’t worried about Andy going too far.
“P…pregnant?” Gina’s mother asked in horror
“Yep! I was thinking of Octagon as a name. What do you think?”
“But dear,” her father said, trying to maintain composure, “I thought you said Spike was a woman. You made that graphically clear.”
“Oh, I know. We didn’t want to pay for a sperm bank visit, so I gave a quarter to this homeless guy and he-“

Andy and Gina had never seen anyone run out a door so quickly. After Andy was turned human again, he sat, still naked, with his wife on the sofa.
“Andy, you…were…awesome! I’ve never seen them listen so intently before! And those stories you made up…what a riot! I love you so much.”
Andy kissed his wife. “I’m sorry you had to put up with them, but at least you had fun tonight. I doubt we will get that 10% inheritance now, though.”
Gina giggled, “Well, everyone signed the contract so unless they void it and draft a new one, they’ll be stuck with knowing that their stripper clown daughter who hangs by her ass is going to handle their bodies and affairs after they die.”
They both laughed, all tension gone.

“Hey, Green Gene?”
“Yes, honey?”
“Next time we use the Part Pat, let’s try some other body parts.”