Hurry up, Lucas! We don’t want to be late.”
“Yeah, yeah.”

As I hurried to finish putting on my makeup, I had to wonder how it had come to this. It was such a simple plan: hire a witch to conjoin myself to Betty, the girl of my dreams. That way, we’d be together for Valentine’s Day. As together as two people can get. Oh, sure, Betty resisted and cried and generally struggled at first, but once the initial panic stage wore off, she began to get…weird. She was suddenly into the whole conjoinment thing.

“Now remember, no talking unless I tell you to, got it?”
“Yes, ma’am.”

When she put on our perfume, I remembered our first kiss, since her perfume was the same then. It was difficult with two heads being so close together. But we managed.
“I want to make this work.” She said, “But we need to make some changes.”
“Of course, I said in response, “Anything for you, Betty.”
“Anything? That’s what I like to hear.”

The changes were small and acceptable at first. “Wash your face more”, “Don’t breathe in my ear”, that sort of stuff. It was a change, but hey, I just forced a big change on her, so it was fair. After a while though, the demands became more extreme. I wasn’t allowed to talk to any of her friends. I had to let her eat all the food since we share a stomach. Then the most extreme changes happened….

“Oh, boy! He’s here! Oh, now why so glum, ‘Luca’? Sure, I’m with Bradley for the evening, but after that, (and here she pecked my cheek) I’m yours.”

It all started going downhill when she announced to me she wanted to start dating again. Naturally, I protested; the whole point of my plan was to be one with her, not to have her run off with some Chad. But as she put it, the point was to be with someone else. We were one. You can’t date yourself. I reluctantly agreed with her; no need to rock the boat. Besides, I thought at the time, with us like this, there was no way she, or “we” could get a date. Too bad she thought of that. Her solution? Guys won’t want to date a guy and a girl, but two girls? Well, now that’s different. So we turned me into a girl. Lots of shaving, and makeup and wigs (until my hair grows out) and soon, I was basically Betty’s conjoined but way less pretty sister.

“Wow, you both look stunning!” Bradley said, “I can’t wait for us to get going.”
“Thanks, I know I do.” Said Betty, who always spoke for both of us, “So where are we going tonight?”
“I have a few places in mind, but I want them to be a secret.”
Fucking Bradley and his stupid, perfect surprises. It’s people like him that made me do what I did. Maybe I should have asked the witch to turn him into a clam instead. Oh, but then I wouldn’t be with Betty, whose smile always brightens my day, no matter what I have to do to make it show up. So I did as she asked. All of it. She decided our schedule, our meals, what we wear, what I look like, everything. I tolerated Bradley and about a dozen other guys she’s been with at the time, all so I could continue to be on her good side. All so I could be with her.

Our date went well, I suppose. First, we had a nice dinner at some restaurant high school kids think is fancy (I wasn’t allowed to eat anything), then we drove to the drive-in movie (I didn’t know they still had those), and after the movie ended, we lay in the back of his pickup and watched the stars. It was all so wonderful. Too bad I didn’t enjoy a minute of it, especially when the make out session started. Thankfully, that was one activity I didn’t have to participate in. I tried to identify the constellations above me instead, but I never had much of a head for that. Pity, as a head was basically all I was now. But the sounds those two were making…she had been seeing him more and more lately. I began to worry that Bradley might not be just another fling.

“Betty,” Bradley said, “I like you a lot. And if you don’t mind, there’s something I’d like to try with you.”
“Of course! What is it?” she asked with growing interest.
“Well, it’s a tad embarrassing, but I was curious what it must be like to be joined to another person. See, I found this witch, who said she can-“
“Okay, that’s it! Betty, can I talk with you in private?” I blurted out, unable to take it any longer.
“Sure” she said curtly, flashing me daggers.
In the ladies’ room of the drive in, we had enough privacy to talk.
“I thought I told you not to speak when we were out. Your girl voice is awful.” Betty said
“I think this was a mistake.” I said, “The whole thing. I don’t know if this was some long ploy to get me to undo our joining or if this was something I came to on my own, but either way, I want out. I don’t want Bradley to join us. You were supposed to be my girl and now I’m just an accessory!”
I wished I was better at reading people so I could get what her look meant.
“No.”
“What do you mean no, Betty?”
“You’re not getting out of this so easily. I didn’t want to be like this and you didn’t listen. Now you want out? (sob) I changed for you! Why can’t you just do this one simple thing for me?”
And my heart broke. Why couldn’t I let Bradley join us? It was just one thing to ask.
“Alright. I’ll do it.”
“Yay! I’ll go tell him right away! Oh, we’re going to have so much fun!”
“Anything for you, Betty.”