College has been said to be an important time in one’s life; a time for both reflection and discovery, of freedom and opportunity. Unfortunately, college wasn’t cheap, not even the ironically named Ivy League University (lawsuit still pending). When confronted with dwindling funds, most students might choose to get a job to supplement income, or drop excessive programs to lower costs, or move out of the dorms and get an apartment with friends. All of these were sensible options, but Ella and Sam were not sensible people, so none of those options were considered.

It would be hard for a stranger to guess that Ella and Sam didn’t know each other before college. After all, they were so much alike; from their mutual love of hockey (Go, Monsters!) to their nearly identical looks (save for their hair, with Sam’s being red and Ella’s being black), to the fact that they seemed to know each other’s deepest darkest secrets. One might assume they were sisters or at least best friends rather than two women who just really, really hated each other.

Both women had grown up with an ego that exceeded her economic means. Ella always had to have the latest phone, no matter how many double shifts it caused her poor, tired father. Sam gorged herself on excessive amounts of fancy food and drink as her mother looked at what was left in the weekly food budget with dread. When it came time to pick a college, the girls’ excessive spending habits had caught up with them. No matter how much they complained, threatened or yelled, neither girl could afford to go to the Ivy League colleges they desired. With no money and no extracurricular activities besides eating, shopping and watching hockey, Ella and Sam’s expectations to always receive the best in life were smashed against the hard, unfeeling slab of reality.

“I don’t belong in this dump,” Sam thought to herself as she slipped on her black sweat pants and long-sleeved t-shirt. “’It’s a school called Ivy League’” she said in a tone mocking her mother, “’No one is going to know the difference.’ Well, I do and I deserve better than this!”

As she said this, Sam tugged her shirt down as far as it would go. Despite believing she would starve eating cafeteria crap, the freshman fifteen somehow found her nonetheless. Even though the outfit was meant for stealth, Sam could not seem to get the shirt to cover both her breasts and her belly at the same time. In the end, she decided for the slightly more modest option.

“Besides,” she said, checking herself in the cracked mirror, “The whole point is not to be seen. A few short hours and I am outta here!” As if to emphasize her point, a crumb of plaster fell from the ceiling, bounding off her head and coming to rest by the peeling, bone-colored wallpaper.
“Or at least, I’d better be.”

At the school’s science lab, a large black shadow pulled the front door open and slipped inside. This was Ella, who was also sick and tired of her college conditions. Not an expert at being stealthy, she silently thanked her lucky stars that the school could not afford basic security.
“Alright, girl, you got this,” She thought as she tugged on her shirt, not quite getting it to cover her whole torso, “Just find something small and expensive to hock and it’s goodbye dung heap, welcome back, good life!”
A flash of white made Ella freeze. It was the middle of the night; no one was supposed to be in here but her! Ducking into the nearest door, she waited for whoever was there to go away.

Sam wandered the science halls, wondering which would be the easiest, most expensive item to steal when she saw someone run into the Rockets and Robotics lab. Wondering both who was in here and how they saw her, Sam looked down and realized her entire midriff was showing, practically glowing in the moonlight. Throwing all caution to the wind, Sam entered, since technology equals big bucks. Once inside, she locked eyes with a very familiar woman, whose look of fear turned to one of anger.

“What are you doing here!?” both hissed, though the answer was pretty obvious to all involved. Now, the sensible thing to do in this situation might have been to agree to not speak of this to anyone, or perhaps to work together for a common goal. Again, Ella and Sam were not sensible people. So instead what happened was Ella grabbed the nearest bottle of liquid she could find and squirted it at her hated rival. She didn’t know what liquids would be found near a rocket ship, but she knew Sam wouldn’t either. Sam shrieked as the unknown liquid hit her, soaking through her shirt soaking her massive gut and arms as she tried shielding herself. Not wanting anything else to seep through, Sam took off her shirt and threw it at Ella, who instinctually caught it with both hands, the spent bottle having been discarded, before catching her mistake and throwing the garment away, but not before getting her hands wet with the stuff.

“Ha ha ha! Look at you!” Taunted Ella, “Wow, you weren’t even wearing a bra underneath! What’s wrong, have trouble finding clothes that fit?”
“Oh, like you’re one to talk,” retorted Sam, who ripped off Ella’s top, revealing no bra underneath, “Thar she blows, the legendary White Whale!”
“Oh, it is on, sister!” Ella snarled, upset that liquid wasn’t inducing chemical burns. Her thoughts were interrupted by Sam tackling her somewhat unsuccessfully, only knocking her back and grappling her. Ella also grabbed Sam and the two of them stumbled around the lab like that for a while. Quickly, both girls tired out, realizing they weren’t getting anywhere.
“Truce” asked Ella
“Truce” agreed Sam, and the two of them separated.

…Only to be immediately snapped back together.
“Hey, what gives!?” Sam yelled as she tried lifting her hands off of her enemy’s back. A pale green, thick, gooey strand came with it.
“I think we’re… (Grunt) stuck together!” Ella strained as she tried separating from Sam. It got harder and harder to pull the further she got, until their bellies were about a foot apart, where she couldn’t muster the strength to pull any further. Giving up, Ella went flying back into the far-from-loving embrace of Sam.

When their bellies and breasts mashed together again, both looked at each other in blushing horror. Both of their hands were glued to the other’s bare back, their bellies were also glued to the other. This squished their bare breasts together, despite no glue being there. To the casual observer, it would appear like two girlfriends sharing an intimate embrace. But in reality…
“No, no, no! We can’t be glued together, we just can’t!” Sam exclaimed, straining herself to get away from the rotund robber. She pulled with all her strength, and a little more. Her unused muscles were screaming in agony, but she was so close!
Ten inches.
Eleven inches!
Snap!

It seemed twelve inches was the absolute limit and another forced hug was proof of that.
“Why did you squirt that stuff on me anyway?” Sam asked, “What even was that stuff?”
“Um…I have no idea.”
“WHY WOULD YOU SQUIRT SOMEONE WITH A MYSTERY LIQUID!? I mean, it was like water before, but now?” (A few more tries at getting into a less awkward position having failed) “It’s this goopy crap!”
“Um…hey, I think I see the bottle over there! Wow, it rolled kind of far away.”
After some awkward shuffling, the two fatties made their way across the lab, avoiding various machines of unknown purpose. Once at the bottle, they had to do a sort of awkward dip so that Sam could read the label upside-down.
From the chem. lab. Possible industrial adhesive? Needs experimentation.

“Great. So we don’t know what this shit is or even if there’s an antidote.” Ella growled. “Well, maybe in the morning we can-“
“-Get caught, humiliated, expelled and possibly arrested? Hell naw, let’s get out of here!”
Sam and Ella dashed (well, waddled with some haste) towards the door leading to the outside campus and sweet freedom, and flung themselves through the skinny frame. However, Sam’s less than petite frame became wedged in the doorframe. Ella, who made it through by sheer inertia alone, got one last longing glimpse of her dorm building before feeling the now-familiar tug of the glue.
“Geez, fat ass! Hurry up! We got to get out of here!”
“I’m stuck in the door, you pig. This one’s smaller than the one we came in through.”
“Well suck it in and push! If you get caught, I get caught.”
“Might be worth it….”
“Sam!”
“Kidding!”
Ella tried to pull her unwanted partner through the door, but both the frame and that damnable glue held firm. Secretly, she hoped the glue would break and she could leave Sam to get caught. But both knew that wasn’t happening, and more pulling ensued. At last, with a tug from Ella using both her feet to push against the doorframe, the girls came loose from the door, landing on the unforgiving ground below, Sam on top of Ella.

“Ow. At least I landed on something soft.” Sam said, preferring to throw insults than to acknowledge the compromising position she now found herself in.
“Yeah, but at what cost?” Ella tittered. A cool breeze emphasized her point; Sam’s pants came off in the pull, leaving her completely naked except for shoes.
“Grab my pants!” Sam barked
“With what?”
“…crap, you’re right.”
“Let’s just get to my dorm. It’s closer.”
Thankfully, it was a short dash to Tammany Hall (no lawsuit pending). The girls figured it would be better not to have a repeat of last time, so they decided to enter the door sideways this time, like anyone would when navigating a narrow space.

But you see, the thing is that most people who do that aren’t being forced to hug someone else at the time. And to Sam and Ella’s surprise, they each, with some strain, got one butt cheek in the door, then got stopped dead. The bickering resumed.
“Move it!”
“You move it!”
“I can’t I’m stuck!”
“Me too!”
“Then that means we’re busted.”
“This is all your fault!”
“No, it’s yours!”
And so on and so forth. It continued through the night and into the early morning, where a crowd was gathering around the obstructing spectacle; two women whose size matched their egos, were embracing each other, one topless the other naked, and blocking their front door. When Dean Wyatt heard about all this, he was far from happy. He ordered the girls to be buttered and slid out of the doorframe, then brought directly to his office.

Dean Wyatt’s office was like a prostitute pretending to be a princess. While in reality, it was a studio apartment that was refurnished into a Dean’s office, Dean Wyatt had tried to gussy it up with printed pictures of famous paintings and historical documents. His folding table of a desk being covered in a wood texture paper and spritzed with gold spray paint. And yet, he sat in his chrome-colored folding chair like a king about to order an execution, Sam and Ella gazing at him in terror; the shadows from the shutter blinds feeling like bars holding them prisoner and the naked, exposed feeling being somehow amplified beyond the obvious.

“I’m not going to punish you for the attempted theft, the destruction of property, the fighting, or even leaving your clothes all over my science lab, great evidence by the way…” Dean Wyatt said with a grin, “-IF and only if you two can get apart in the next ten minutes. Go.”
With the energy and strength that can only come with sheer panic, Sam and Ella desperately tried pulling apart. The next ten minutes were filled with the two women’s strains and groans and moans as they struggled and growled and screamed, but each time they thought the substance was weakening, they would be snapped back together and had to start over. Ten minutes soon passed.

“Here’s what I’ll do” the Dean said, “I won’t expel you nor will I call the police. But you two will stay together like that for the rest of the semester.”
“But it’s only October!” Sam and Ella gasped
“Silence!” the Dean roared, “I know about you two. What better way to punish you than with each other and staying here? Be thankful that’s all I’m doing. Now get out so I can arrange for your combined classes and dorm relocations.”


After that Sam and Ella became the campus spectacle. They had to learn to do everything without arms and with another person attached. Soon, their names, hair tones and general toxic nature earned them a new nickname:
Salmonella