(Woman to Beaver)
Clair hated her company, with a burning passion. She’d worked at it for six years, and hadn’t been promoted beyond a lower technical rank. Nevermind that she didn’t have much more than a high school education, companies were supposed to show loyalty, damn it!
When the new punk kid managed to snag a free week off work, Clair had finally snapped. Sure, there was something about ‘a death in the family’ and ‘missing his mother,’ but where was his work ethic? Millennials didn’t know that they should be glad to work for a company.
All that had left Clair in a mood, the exact kind of mood to march into her company’s HR office and slap a form on the desk.
“Okay, so we’re going to start over from the beginning,” said Vonnie, the head of Human Resources. “Namely, you’re going to walk your ass out of my office, then come back in like a human being. And then we’ll talk.”
Clair’s eye ticked dangerously. Since when did Vonnie have the right to sass her? “The hell with that. I’m going to call the GM in here if you give me any more lip, because right now I’m taking off.”
“Oh?” Vonnie tutted, looking to Clair’s form. “It says you’re filing for time off due to a death in the family.”
“That’s right. New Kid got time off, so I’m allowed to take some too.” Clair smirked triumphantly. “My dad died, you know.”
“... Ten years ago,” Vonnie added.
“Eh?”
“Your dad died ten years ago, before you started working here. I know because you keep bragging about how he left you a million dollar inheritance that you blew gambing.”
“I’m allowed to have hobbies!” Clair said, defensively. “And he’s still dead. Our company’s policy on beement… No, wait. Bereav? Beevee?”
Clair struggled to think of the proper word, an anxious attempt that was made worse by the patronizing smirk on Vonnie’s face.
“Need some help, there?”
“Family death! That one! It says that we’re allowed to request it at any time, for any reason, and it shall be granted. I read it in the rulebook after New Kid’s mom croaked.” Clair puffed out her chest proudly.
“Okay, so… Few things wrong with that statement,” Vonnie sighed. “The first is that it’s an ‘employee handbook,’ not a ‘rulebook.’ And the second is that you’ve got the policy wrong.”
“Listen, I. I mean. I’m not,” Clair fumbled, glaring. Why was Vonnie being such a bitch? She stabbed her finger at the form insistently. “Then what about this form, huh? It clearly says that I’m allowed to request it whenever I want.”
“It does,” Vonnie admitted, “but I think you fail to understand there’s a difference between ‘bereavement’ and-”
“Give me my damn time off or I’m calling the GM!” Clair snapped, petulantly slapping the desk. “I’ve worked here for six years, and I’m entitled to bee… be… This thing! Damn the rules, and damn the system! Give me my time off!”
“You know what? Fine,” Vonnie grabbed the paperwork, turning it towards herself. She signed off the bottom and stamped it for good measure. “Your request for beaverment has been approved. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Warn me? About what?” Clair chuckled. “Death in the family leave?”
Clair’s teeth tingled as she gloated. She might need to schedule a dentist’s appointment-which she’d definitely have time for with this awesome vacation.
Vonnie sighed, steepling her fingers as though she was talking to a very small, very idiotic child. “No. A death in the family is bereavement. You can only request that immediately when a family member dies.”
Clair nodded and ran her tongue along her front teeth. They felt funny, a bit thicker. She wondered if it was nerves from having a fight well-won. “And you gave it to me because I’m such a good employee and companies value that.”
“No,” Vonnie pointed to the paperwork. “What I gave you was part of our pro-wildlife initiative. As part of beaverment, you’ll be given time off for a few weeks to help repopulate local species. Don’t you check our emails?”
“You’re screwing with me, right? You know I don’t check emails. Those are for slackers who spend too much time at their desks. You’re supposed to tell me about this kind of stuff.”
Clair’s backside tingled, but she ignored it. Instead, she leaned forward once more, reading over her paperwork. “And I’m not gonna sign up for some hippy-dippy tree-hugger bull.”
“Tree-gnawer, actually. And it’s beavers, not bulls,” Vonnie explained. “Besides that, you already signed the paperwork. You’re contractually obligated to be a beaver for the week you called off.”
“Be a… What?” Clair blinked, confused. She felt oddly warm under her collar, and scratched at her neck anxiously.
“You’re not helping them as a person,” laughed Vonnie. “You’ll be a chittering, dumb animal. It might teach you some lessons about life, so it won’t be a total loss.”
What Vonnie was talking about was insane, but Clair knew that the woman didn’t have a sense of humor to save her life. She also knew people couldn’t just turn into animals, which meant one thing: Vonnie was trying to sabotage her.
“Oh, I see what this is! You’re trying to keep me from a promotion! Well, that’s it! I’m telling your botthh.”
The last word came out lisped, as Clair’s teeth grew into a dramatic overbite. She could feel them against her upper lip, and she poked at them with a curious hand.
Then she poked them again, just to confirm what she’d felt. Her eyes went wide, and she stumbled back in shock.
“Wow, you really are dense,” Vonnie sighed.
“N-no I’m not! Why would I believe you could make people into beaverth!?” Clair’s arms itched too, and she looked to them in distress. Sure enough, thick and dense hairs were slowly sliding from her every pore, covering her in a lush brown coat.
“Another e-mail you didn’t read, probably. Funny how you have so many opinions about how others should do their jobs, and yet you half-ass yours at every given chance. Wonder if that’ll hold true when you’re a watery rodent.”
“You can’t talk to me like that! You’re head of HR!” Clair’s nose started to twitch, and she fruitlessly pawed at it with her hands. Nothing she did could make it stop wiggling, twitching her upper lip and showing off her still-growing buck teeth.
“Yes, HR. Human Resources,” Vonnie stressed the first word. “Which means that right now, you don’t fall under that category. I’ll play nice in a week, you odious little rat.”
“You thaid I’d be a beaver, not a rat!” Clair wailed, the room spinning around her. She was definitely having a panic attack. Everything was getting so big, the walls, the desk, her clothes-Wait. Or. Or she was getting smaller.
Clair’s eyes bulged, and she found herself angling her neck up, up, up to make eye contact with Vonnie. Her hands scrabbled at the woman’s desk, and she pulled herself onto it with a cry of distress. In the process, she successfully dragged herself out of her skirt and shoes, though her leggings remained stubbornly attached.
“I meant ‘rat’ as in,” Vonnie started, only to pause. “You know what? I’m not even going to bother explaining.”
Clair’s eyes widened as the insult finally clicked, and she thumped her tail loudly against the desk to show her displeasure. “Don’t. Make. Fun of me!” She punctuated each cry with a louder slap of her tail.
The door to Vonnie’s office opened, and one of the other techs poked his head in. “Hey, could you keep it down, we’re having a conference-oh hey, Clair signed up for beaverment? That’s great, can’t wait to have her out of office for a few.”
Clair spun back to him, ready to give the speaker the tongue-lashing of a lifetime. Unfortunately, as she turned, her legs shrank down and tangled in her nylons at the same time. She twisted and fell onto her trim belly with a huff, glaring up at a man she didn’t recognize.
It wasn’t that she didn’t know his face, Clair tried to know everyone in the office by appearance. Her eyesight had dramatically dwindled, blue eyes turning instead to a dull brown.
“Anyways, sorry for interrupting. Try not to have too much fun, Chubbycheeks.” The man laughed as he pulled the door closed.
“C-chubby?” Clair whimpered, pawing at her face. Sure enough, her cheeks were growing softer, fuller, thicker. She twitched her nose frantically, letting out a squeaked gasp of surprise as her belly started to swell, pushing between her and Vonnie’s desk.
“Well, last I checked beavers weren’t known for being skinny,” Vonnie laughed, and laughed harder as Clair tried to wriggle around to face her. “Oh my god, it’s like you’re twerking your furry butt!”
Clair glowered, but could do nothing save shrink into the voluminous confines of her shirt. Her arms scrabbled as they were pulled through its sleeves towards her body, and she thumped her tail angrily. The motion shook her fattening butt, a sight that was mercifully hidden by her shirt.
Of course, the mercy came at a cost. Clair looked ridiculous, with a beaver-like face poking from the collar of her work shirt, and the round, flat tip of her tail poking from the other side.
It was a massive tail, too. The thing was heavy and flat, and it felt like someone had attached a fence to her backside. She tried to turn her head to glare at it, but could only see her collar.
“Well, don’t be too upset. As I’m sure you’ve noticed from the tail thumping and the nose twitching, your animal side is coming out a bit more at a time. Before long, you won’t even remember being angry with me, let alone living as a human.”
Something about the nonchalance with which Vonnie spoke stabbed at Clair’s shrinking heart. It pounded harder in her chest, and she frantically searched her dwindling brain for an idea.
Clair’s beady eyes locked with the form on the desk, and a new resolve flooded her being. She darted forward from the collar of her shirt, a motion that was meant to look quick but was betrayed by her legs still being bound by her leggings.
The damn nylons were statically magnetized to Clair’s fuzzy thighs, so her attempt at motion came across as more of a humping squirm.
“Pfft! HahaHAHA!” Vonnie outright guffawed with full-on, eyes-closed, head-back laughter.
Well, Clair would show her. The rodent-woman grabbed at the form with her hands, noting how big it was compared to her shrunken body. she wondered if she’d have the stomach to act on her plan, only to squeak as her fingers twitched and spasmes, shrinking away into tiny black paws.
Frantically, Clair gnawed away at the form, crinkling the paper and working her jaw furiously. Her buck teeth punched through the paper again and again, and soon her already chubby cheeks bulged.
Vonnie’s laughter immediately cut off, and she looked down to the smugly-grinning beaver.
Clair’s nose twitched, and she thumped her tail proudly. ‘No contract, no beaver,’ she meant to say. It came out as “Nhrreep-ipp nbrrr brrupeep!”
Much to Clair’s surprise, Vonnie started to laugh again, harder this time.
Clair couldn’t think about why, though. She was too distracted by a sudden pressure at the top of her head, like someone was squeezing it in a vise. She patted her forehead with her paws as it compressed, her skull shrinking around her brain.
“You idiot! Don’t you know what you did? We need that form to change you back!” Vonnie guffawed.
The words were tricky to understand, like hearing a non-native language. Clair paused, contemplatively twitching her nose as she pieced together what Vonnie had meant. Her back had already changed, so that couldn’t be it. So that meant…
Clair’s eyes widened. She looked up frantically, squeaking in an attempt to convey how not-okay she was with that. If she’d heard Vonnie right, she wouldn’t be able to return to being a not-beaver!
Not-beaver? What was the talky-sound for the big things that stood on two legs? She visibly squirmed, trying to hard-think.
Vawn… Vonn… Big Mean happy-mouth-sounded more. Clairr not-happied that, just like she not-happied her boobs smallifying.
None of those talky-sounds felt good to her, but Blearr not-knew what right-sounds were. Things big scary, Beavrr no-know why upset.
Big Mean touch Beaver. Feel good. Beaver happy-squeak. Happy good.
Happy good. Want nest. Beaver nest.
...
---
Vonnie pet the chittering animal on her desk, affectionately pulling the discarded remnants of her clothing from her fuzzy body.
The last light had faded from her eyes, meaning that Clair was just a dimwitted animal, with no going back.
Well.. Some going back. Vonnie looked to the half-eaten form on her desk, seeing that the signatories for a return to humanity were still unscathed.
Vonnie lowered the beaver in her arms towards them, and watched what was once Clair devour her last chance to return to humanity.
“Whoops, sorry,” Vonnie said, not meaning a word of it. “Guess you’ll just have to enjoy an indefinite beaverment.”