(M to Cow)

“Evil” is something of a funny word. It’s often used for commonplace jokes, despite the denotation fixating upon a distinct immorality; a wickedness. It’s probably why Mike would have defined his prank to be less “evil” and more “inspired” than anything else.

Of course, one could certainly argue that adding a transformative powder to a friend’s showerhead was “inspired” by evil, but it came from a less-than-evil place. Probably.

 

Blissfully ignorant of any such semantic-based arguments, Elam was also unaware of the trap that was their source. He was unaware of most things, tired as he was. The man had made the mistake of waking up early, playing a prank of his own at great cost to his sleep cycle.

“Totally worth it,” Elam yawned, shuddering at the cool blast of his shower shook him into reality. He felt an odd sensation across his skin, as though his water was unusually… wet. It slicked across his skin in a creamy fashion and no matter how much soap he used, the feeling didn’t abate.

The shower couldn’t be over soon enough, and Elam found himself stepping out with a slightly unsatisfied frown. “Might be time to look into paying that water bill. Or the electricity bill. Or the bill bill,” he muttered, toweling himself off with a yawn.

The yawn caught in his throat as he caught sight of a small plastic tub by his sink. It definitely wasn’t his, and given that he lived alone, it also meant that something was distinctly awry. Upon closer inspection, a small note was pinned to it:  ‘You might need this! –M’

Paranoia set in, and Elam looked up to his mirror, concerned. Sure enough, there was something a little different about him, but he couldn’t quite place it. His hair seemed as curly as ever, and he was moderately sure that it wasn’t changing color…

His hands cupped the smooth curve of his stomach, and he examined his reflection intently. It looked like he sported a bit more of a paunch than normal… He took a step back, feeling his towel brush against the backs of his knees.

His skin seemed to be the same pale-ish color that it always was, and he hadn’t grown paws… Yet. At least he didn’t feel any smaller, which probably meant that he wasn’t going to become some sort of rodent or reptile.

Indeed, Elam didn’t know what was happening, but he knew that it couldn’t be good. He clenched his towel a little tighter in his hands, worry clear in his brown eyes. Then, cold realization passed through him: if his towel was in his hands, then how was he feeling it against the backs of his legs?

The man spun on the spot, his horror only mounting at the distinct absence of anything behind himself. He kept his rear turned towards the mirror, dreading what he might find. Still, he knew he had to confront his reflection sooner or later…

Elam’s head slowly turned, and as it did his transformation began in earnest. His fearful eyes grew larger and rounder, slowly sliding closer towards his ears. This shift brought with it a wave of dizziness, and the man crinkled his bulging nose.

As his skull shifted, so did his posture. Elam’s shoulders and hips flared outwards, tilting forwards and forcing him to hunch his back. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again, realizing a small detail he’d missed earlier: his eyes were normally green, but his reflection sported two brown, glossy pools.

His changed eyes rolled towards his backside, where he was met with a long, ropy tail which sported a black-tufted tip. “NOO!” He wailed, the sound catching in his throat, his pitch lowering in tone. He turned, just to be free of the sight of his swishing tail.

Unfortunately, he turned a little too quickly. The suddenness of the motion, coupled with a wrenching sensation from his cramping feet, left him woefully off-balance. He fell, though mercifully was able to get his hands against his sink’s counter before it met his chin—except his hands weren’t really hands, not anymore.

The hard enamel of his hooves cracked the marble counter, and a thunderclap of volume filled his bathroom. The sound was all the louder thanks to his sensitive, stretching ears, and Elam had to suppress a brief surge of panic.

He closed his eyes, trying to count to ten, trying to breathe in and out. “One… TwooOOOoo…” His voice warbled again, and he realized that his chest wasn’t rising and falling: it was only rising, instead. His chest swelled out and out, larger and larger, and Elam’s attempt to calm himself utterly failed.

He opened his eyes again and found himself looking at a rather bovine face, one that made sense given the label of the small tub ‘M’ had left for him: ‘Calf & Calf Udder Cream.’

Elam froze at that, realizing why despite his increase in size, a certain part of him hadn’t grown. “Buh…” He started, his speech slurred by his thickening tongue, “Uhnly female cows have ooOOdders…”

His body jiggled, as if it was replying to his observation. Pressure built within his groin, an aching cramp that grew and grew with each passing second. At the same time, the more this pressure pushed, the more he felt a pull along his manhood.

Elam wasn’t a farm boy, but he knew what that bulge meant: it heralded the growth of an udder, a thick and pink sack with four long teats. The heft wasn’t unwarranted: his udder was already filled with milk. Each motion his body made was accompanied by a jiggle, enough of a

The pull grew sharper, and Elam gasped as he became a she. The gasp was accompanied by a hefty slosh from her new growing udder, and her long teats pressed against her bathroom sink. Tears dewed at her eyes, pleasure and distress mixing in equal parts.

“I dunwanna beoOO gOOOrl!” She mooed miserably. Her teeth thickened, becoming coarse and blocky. Ironically, she hadn’t been eating much meat lately, so it wouldn’t be like her diet would be changing too much… Unlike her body.

Elam’s whole body itched from head to tail, and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it. Even if her hands weren’t hooves, she still wouldn’t be able to move her arms in a proper way to allow the motion. Instead, the most she could do was grind against her sink, trying to rub her belly against the cracked marble.

It didn’t do much, especially as itching turned itself into a thin, coarse coat of fur. Her flanks rippled with each desperate scratch, and the growing bulge of her udder swelled further, mashing itself against her counter.

Her belly gurgled next, and Elam whimpered, swiveling her big head from left to right. She didn’t have the dexterity to look down towards her gut, but her wider field of view meant that she could somewhat glimpse it with a turn of her head.

She watched as it swelled, new organs filling what were rapidly becoming large and bovine flanks. Even as large as they were, she could still see her tail swish from side to side, though all she could make out was its fuzzy tufted tip.

The swaying was almost hypnotic, in fact… Elam turned her flanks slightly, a low groan slipping from her lips. She looked in the mirror at her tail, watching it slowly drift and noticing how the motion sent faint jiggles through her flanks like ripples in a lake.

She had no idea that the motion was draining her intellect, dropping her IQ like a rock. All she knew was that the constant motion of her tail was… Well, she didn’t really have words for it. But she liked how it mirrored the motion of the cow in the glass-thing she was looking at.

The cow forgot her name, but at the same time she remembered how to chew cud… So it wasn’t a total loss. She coughed up a bit of the grassy substance into her mouth, chewing it idly like the dumb animal she was.

Each work of her jaw was in time with the swaying of her tail, a slow and constant rhythm that slowed a little further as her brain slowed further. Finally, she had her fill of looking at the other cow in the room, and lumbered towards the door.

This was when the cow discovered she was too large for the door’s frame, only able to get her head through the wood. Her shoulders bumped uncomfortably against it, and she let out a low of dismay. Luckily, cows are naturally passive animals. Rather than throwing a tantrum or trying to break through the doorway, the cow thought it would be a much better idea to sleep.

 

Nearly a full day later, Elam woke up, much better rested… And with a dozen missed calls from work, family, and friends. To be fair to Mike, he’d intended to change Elam back to human after just a few hours… But he got distracted, leaving Elam scrambling to find a way to explain his day’s absence.