This story takes place as a series of journal entries chronicling Samuel's journey as he slowly transforms into 'she' and adjusts to her new life!

In part 2, Samuel further explores womanhood while journaling her journey. She's confused, questioning herself, and frightened by the mental/emotional changes, but she's taking the right steps forward!

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Check out my new MTF short serial early on Patreon! A couple (you and your girlfriend) chooses to undergo a 'revamping' process to become anthro animals after coming to the conclusion that you're ready for a new life, with one major caveat. Both of you are only compatible with a 'female fox' type revamp! This series explores the gradual transformation of a male into a fox girl while he (soon to be she!) learns the ropes of womanhood through an orientation process.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/vixen-bonds-part-117048463

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Story Text:

Samuel’s Transience Journey
Feb 17th 2024

“Entry 8”

I met with my family the other day and the dysphoria is finally kicking in after that initial high.  My mom and dad were supportive and kind, though my father was admittedly kinda awkward.  Not that I blame him; how is someone supposed to react when their kid undergoes a spontaneous sex change?

My big brother, Kyle, was also extremely supportive.  He assured me that I look great and that he’ll always love me, even if I’m his sister now.  My little brother, Jaden, didn’t react quite as well.  Considering I was somewhat of a role model to him growing up, it must be a massive shock for him to see me in such a state.  He didn’t make much eye contact and my parents ended up scolding him.  Regardless, I’m glad I went through with the meeting, but I still feel pretty weird about it.  I almost forgot-- my eldest brother who couldn’t make it sent me his well wishes and support, so there is that.

The massive life changes have also started to wear on me.  Everyone calls me ‘Miss’ and ‘Ma’am,’ and I also keep nearly walking into the men’s room while I’m out.  It’s not like I hate the way society treats me when they see me as a woman, it’s just different.  I’m a feminine being now and it’s bewildering to think that’s how the world sees me as well.

Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy dressing up and the other perks of womanhood, but it’s a lot to process.  I spent a solid hour in front of my body-length mirror, just looking at myself without clothes.  How can this curvy, feminine being be me?  I have such soft skin, a nice ass, and perky tits to boot, and while I’m happy that I’m cute, it’s still hard to see this gorgeous woman as me if that makes sense.  It’s like I’m detached and piloting this supple female body, but when I squeeze a nipple or probe between my legs, the womanly sensations drag me back to reality.  This is my body.  These are my breasts, my vulva, my curves.  I have to keep reminding myself that I am indeed, my own wet dream now.  What a pain.  I keep transitioning through phases of overwhelming fear and confusion, and excitement over the possibilities this new body gives me.

Samuel’s Transience Journey
Feb 16th 2024

“Entry 9”

I’m feeling less overwhelmed today, but I’m not feeling as good as I did when I went out with Amy.  She wants to spend time with me tomorrow, and I agreed, but I’m feeling hesitant.  I let her know about my dilemma and she was really understanding.  Apparently, she’ll go at whatever pace I’m comfortable with and won’t completely inundate me with girly stuff if I’m not feeling up to it.

I did an online visit with my therapist and even managed to keep the webcam on without feeling too anxious.  Thanks to her, we came up with some exercises to help with my adjustment.  To start, I tried some mindfulness, body awareness meditation.  I stripped nude and laid upon my back in bed, my arms and legs comfortably stretched. From there, I closed my eyes, kept my breathing rhythmic, and focused on the sensations of my body.

I flexed my fingers and toes, slowly moving my hands and feet while focusing on the sensations.  I had to remind myself that this is my body; those fingers and toes I’m wiggling belong to me.  I even focused on the sensation of the cool room air enveloping my breasts and crotch, along with the passive, warm tingling that occurs whenever I become aroused in this body.

I think it helped.  I reminded myself of how little in my life changed as a result of my transience.  My fiave senses remain as they did when I was male; I can touch, smell, hear, taste, and see as I did before, and my brain is just as capable as it was when I was a man.  If anything, I can see and hear better than before; while embarrassing to admit, I’m definitely healthier and more energetic than I was previously.’

My therapist also reminded me that there’s no reason to jump off the femininity deep end.  I did have a lot of fun when I was out with Amy and doing girly things, but it’s also okay to take a step back and pace myself.  I don’t have to wear makeup and dresses, but I can if I want to.  I don’t have to act ladylike and exude feminine traits, but I can if I want to.

The only one dictating my pace is me and I really have to stop overthinking everything.

Samuel’s Transience Journey
Feb 17h 2024

“Entry 10”

Amy came over and spent some time with me today.  We started with some small talk and watched some TV on my couch while keeping things light; it was nice to spend time together without focusing on anything explicitly girly or anything related to my transience.

As embarrassed as I am to admit it, I’ve noticed a slight shift in the type of media I enjoy.  While finding some anime to watch, I found that I enjoy romance a little more than I did previously.  I found myself invested in the female protagonists, hoping they’d find happiness and the love they desire.  It’s not like I didn’t want those things for the protagonist when I was a man, it’s just-- different?  I can imagine myself as these characters now, something that didn’t occur to me when I was male.

We watched a film where the female protagonist engaged in an impassioned sexy scene with the man she loves.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt this confused before; why did I react the way I did?  Feel the things I felt?  My body tingled all over and my heart raced.  I started to imagine myself in the protagonist’s shoes, with a man I love gently touching me and caressing me-- yes, specifically a man doing these things to me.  Is something wrong with me?  I forced myself to imagine Amy or another attractive woman loving me so tenderly and it wasn’t remotely the same.

To be honest, I’m scared.  I’ve been through enough changes already, and I just spent the last day convincing myself that my mind and thoughts are still my own despite the sex change.  Now, I find myself wanting to consume more romance media-- specifically, love stories between men and women.  Maybe it’s just because I’ve been single for too long, but I can’t help but feel as though my autonomy has been violated.  Are my interests changing?  Is my sexuality changing?  Aren’t these fundamental parts of who I am?  Changing sexes is physical, but these other shfits feel like a violation of my mind and soul.

I was going to talk to Amy about this confusion, but couldn’t work up the courage to.  I think she understood my dilemma because she started to reassure me on things I didn’t overtly discuss with her.  She let me know that if any of my wants and desires changed, that it wouldn’t mean I’m not me any more.  That if I did end up liking men or having feminine interests, it wouldn’t mean the old Sam died.  Peoples’ interests and tastes often change; someone could enjoy onions when they’re twenty and hate them when they’re thirty.

I don’t know, though.  I just feel so confused and bewildered; I’m not sure what to do or think.  To make things worse, I’m starting to cramp up, so it’s quite likely that PMS is affecting my brain and hormones.  What a pain in the ass.

Samuel’s Transience Journey
Feb 18th 2024

“Entry 11”

I really didn’t want to, but I caved and tried one of the other exercises my therapist suggested.  I stripped nude and laid in bed, using an adjustable phone arm to look at porn.  To start, I went to something I historically enjoyed in the past, which would be lesbian porn.

I was anxious going in, and watching multiple lesbian porn videos only left me more distraught.  I was aroused to some extent, but mostly when I focused on the noises and movements of the woman receiving the pleasure.  I found it arousing purely because I could insert myself into the position of a woman receiving oral sex and physical gratification.  It wasn’t hot because I was watching a sexy woman cum, but rather because the idea of experiencing orgasmic bliss appealed to me.

When I finally bit the bullet and watched hetero porn, my internal changes grew more evident.  Male-centric hetero porn where the focus was on men fucking women and treating them like moaning sex dolls didn’t quite do it for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this type of porn; everyone is allowed to have their fantasies, after all.  But, it was when I tried the female-centric hetero porn that I realized how deeply female hormones have really impacted me.

Watching a woman receive warm, loving touch from a strong male roused something primal within me-- even just writing this out is extremely difficult due to the deep embarrassment and shame I feel.  I found myself becoming that woman; I was right there, getting touched by strong, masculine hands while kisses trailed down my neck, chest, and breasts.

I still can’t get the image out of my head from the moment of penetration.  I was completely mesmerized watching the man gently guide his cock to the base of her vulva and slip the head through her wet, aroused folds.  When he slid into her, she  moaned and wrapped her legs around him, gradually pumping her hips downward to meet his advance.

Oh god-- even writing this out makes me hot and bothered.  At the time, I didn’t even notice I started playing with myself.  As I watched the woman get filled by her mate and let out low moans of pleasure, I couldn’t stop picturing myself in her place.  What does it feel like to be filled like that?  Is this why I keep feeling this burning emptiness between my legs?

I don’t want to be a heterosexual woman-- if I have to be female, can’t I be a lesbian?  Maybe I’m just confused due to all the hormones and everything will even out, but right now, I really just don’t know.

Samuel’s Transience Journey
Feb 20th 2024

“Entry 12”

I spent yesterday trying to better acquaint myself with my new body.  I went out by myself, wearing a women’s tee shirt and capri pants that fit me well but weren’t too overtly feminine.  It was still weird being called ‘Miss’ and ‘Ma’am,’ but those feelings I had when I first went out with Amy partially came back.  I kinda enjoyed the way people looked at me, and it was nice having everyone smile at me and treat me so nicely.

I ended up running into one of my best friends, who had been out of town for the last month.  Joel had no idea who I was, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut; I was desperate for some normalcy, which also includes male friendships.

After managing to stammer out who I am and what happened, he was completely shocked but not put off.  He immediately insisted we hang out soon and catch up; he was really nice and smiling the whole time, and he even reassured me that I look beautiful when I jokingly told him ‘I hope I don’t look deformed’.  He seemed embarrassed and apologized for the compliment, but-- dammit.  To be honest, it made me happy.  Joel calling me beautiful made me feel validated and all tingly.  It’s normal to want to look nice, though-- right?  I mean, if I have to be female, it’s only natural that I want to look cute and nice.

Regardless, we made plans to meet up tomorrow.  He’ll come to my place and we’ll go from there, so I’ll see what happens.  What should I wear, though?  Normal clothes like I’m doing right now?  We’re just hanging out, so I don’t know why I’m even overthinking things this heavily.  I should wear no makeup, with a normal pair of pants and a shirt; just the normal clothing I’d wear when hanging out with Joel.  Why wouldn’t I?

Then again, if I’m allowed to be vain, I am pretty cute and have a nice shape.  If I put on a little makeup and wore something girlier, it wouldn’t be like I’m doing it for Joel’s sake; it would only be because I want to try experimenting a little and branching out.  Besides, I’ll admit I could probably use the confidence and ego boost if Joel happened to find the way I dressed to be cute or whatever.

I know I just went through that confusion with the porn, but this is different.  Wanting to look kinda girly while hanging out with a guy friend doesn’t mean anything.  He looks pretty damn good in his clothes, so I want to look pretty damn good in mine as well.

I guess we’ll see tomorrow.  I might talk to Amy real quick and see what she thinks; I know she won’t judge me regardless.