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Chris lay panting on her bed, trying to force out any lingering questions of her sexuality. Her initial reaction to the potential revelation was one of fear and anxiety. Human beings often associate their sexual orientation and similar desires with their sense of self-- their identity.
She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling fan oscillating in the dimly lit room, feeling the lukewarm breeze coating every inch of her feminine form while her vulva still occasionally twitched in the aftermath of her first true orgasm in this body.
She recalled the packet provided by Dr. Patel and some of the included exercises. When such matters arose, where she questioned how her identity may have changed during transience, she had to put on the brakes and attempt to rationalize her feelings.
'Why would it be bad for me to find men attractive?' She asked herself, wincing with a twinge of panic as the thought entered her head. What were the perceived negative ramifications of having these new desires? The first thing that sprang to mind was a sense of deep-seated embarrassment and concern. How would the people in her life react if she ended up dating a man or if they found out she was sharing sexual experiences with men? How would her family react? Would they be ashamed of her?
After a few seconds, she shook her head. "Of course not," she assured herself. Neither her friends nor family would think less of her. There might be some initial surprise, but Rodrick and Gretchen would be highly supportive, along with her family. She could already picture her mother cooing excitedly, asking when she planned on getting pregnant so she could guide her new daughter through the experience.
So, if the people in her life wouldn't care, why should she? Why couldn't the need to rationalize end there? If others didn't care, she shouldn't, right? Still, though. It was hard to shake the decades of life she had spent as a very heterosexual man. Even if she logically understood that an evolving sexual preference didn't change who she was, there was still a prevailing inkling that she might lose a part of herself if she explored these new feelings.
"Ugh… The human brain is an awful thing," she muttered, pulling a blanket against herself as she lay on her side and put a pillow between her legs. Ever since the change in anatomy, she found a cushion between the thighs the most comfortable way to lay.
Her mind drifted back to her brief thoughts regarding her mom inquiring about pregnancy. She suddenly blushed and slid a hand over her tummy. In her previous body, she had felt she was getting past the age where she could realistically start a family. Not only that, but she wasn't in any kind of relationship where fatherhood could be anywhere on the horizon. She also had to consider her previous physical condition; would she have been able to keep up with a young child?
Never finding the time to start a family had been a painful regret that Chris kept buried, but now she was physically a decade younger and far healthier. She was technically a woman in her physical prime who would be fully capable of growing and birthing a child from her womb.
One realization seemed to always cascade into another. If she wanted to start a somewhat traditional family with a baby born between her and her partner, she finally had the chance to do so, along with years to consider her course. But, like a Monkey's Paw wish gone wrong, starting a family would now involve being a mother and birthing children.
For the briefest moment, she imagined herself heavily pregnant and gazing at her reflection in the mirror. A vague, masculine shape cradled her from behind, and a hand was placed on her tummy. Her eyes widened as her body heated up with a warm tingle. She was disturbed that such a fantasy didn't feel wrong.
She tightly closed her eyes and curled her knees closer, forcing Gretchen into her thoughts and imagining their bodies entwined. Despite her confusion toward the male sex, she was relieved to find Gretchen as sexually appealing as ever. Perhaps even more so now that she had a youthful, hormonal body.
"That's enough thinking right now," she mumbled with a shake. She took slow, long breaths and attempted to clear her head, ignoring the aching at her spine's base.
'Clear out all thoughts… Relax and let go of the stress,' she told herself. Her tightly coiled position wasn't sufficient for her meditative needs, so she rolled onto her back, her legs and arms spread with the blanket covering her nude form. She continued her meditative exercises from this position, breathing deliberately while focusing on the sensations of her body and the quiet sounds around her.
After five minutes, she began to relax, a warm fuzziness enveloping her body as she reached a state of mental and physical peace. No matter what concerns she had, she was still alive. She still had her friends, family, and a long life ahead of her. Life was good; she'd be a fool to spend months or years whining and lamenting over the fact that she was a beautiful and healthy young woman. How many men and women in the world would kill to undergo the same type of transience she had?
Eventually, she entered a half-sleep state, only vaguely aware of her surroundings and of reality as a whole. Rather than a bed, she floated on a somewhat blurred ocean of fluffy clouds, with stars gleaming overhead. She slowly drifted on an unseen current, mesmerized by the night sky. ‘Where am-- no…’ She stopped and shook her head, allowing her brain to shut off amidst the calm atmosphere.
Within her dream, she gazed upon the night sky as the stars slowly shifted and morphed, becoming different celestial bodies. Without a single thought, she listened to the occasional light breeze wafting by and the bouts of complete silence in between. After falling into a trance, strange mumblings entered her head. The longer she remained calm, the more clearly she could hear these peculiar utterances.
‘Psss… Iz sal…’
Curious but still wholly calm, Chris accepted the strange whispers, just barely unable to make out what was being said. Rather than ruminate and muse over the source, she intended to go with the flow.
As the vague utterances flitted through her head, she began internally repeating the sounds. Minutes passed, and a shape appeared in her mind's eye, which she intrinsically understood to be a visual representation of the mysterious whispers.
Without thinking, she opened her mouth to speak, feeling a burning need to express and comprehend the whispers. She focused on the strange shapes and sounds, using both to guide her thoughts. "Passa iz salva," she uttered to the best of her ability. The whispers sounded in a way that human speech couldn't mimic, but she gave her best approximation based on an instinctive understanding of the whisperings and the symbol that represented them.
Chris snapped awake to the sound of shattering glass, sitting up in panic as she looked about the room wildly. Based on the lighting, she must have slept longer than she thought. She leaned over to turn on her lamp but felt nothing. "What??" She stammered in confusion. However, despite the low light, she could see far better than before. The outline of a lampshade showed itself on the floor next to the nightstand, which itself was covered with broken glass shards.
She stood in befuddlement and flipped on the ceiling light switch, quickly taking in the sight before her. The lamp lay in ruin, completely shattered beyond repair. On the other side of the room, a half-empty glass of water left on her dresser had been knocked over with a massive crack.
"...What?" She asked again, carefully taking several steps forward as she looked between the lamp and cup. An earthquake? A random sonic boom?
She sighed and sat on the foot of her bed, scratching her neck while deciding to clean up the mess later. 'How?' She asked herself in disbelief, too engrossed by the situation to worry about how strange maneuvering a female body felt. On the contrary, she thought less about how her new form moved as she adjusted to female sensations in general.
Vague recollections of her dream assailed her as she recalled the peculiar whispers. That was just a dream, right? She crossed her arms and bit her lip, trying desperately to remember as much of her dream as possible. Something told her that it was crucial to do so.
Her eyes widened as the pieces clicked together. Those whispers-- that shape. She recalled what Gretchen told her of magic. There were whispers and etchings-- or whatever they were called. She shut her eyes and returned to her breathing exercises, attempting to recall as much as possible.
After five minutes of nothing, she laid on her back again, pulling a blanket over herself and entering the position in which she last slept. She focused on the sensations of her body and waited for her adrenaline to ebb. She didn't want to give up when she knew she was on the cusp of something big.
Still fully awake, she imagined the sea of clouds once more and recreated the images in her dream to the best of her ability. Instead of fretting over the perceived lack of progress, she balled up her anxiety and jitters, tossing them into the trash. She'd only accomplish her goal if she was patient.
After another ten minutes, she finally heard it. It took all her willpower to keep herself calm. 'Iss…' The faintest whispers entered her mind, and the mysterious shape again formed.
Everything suddenly clicked into place. Her eyes shot open, and she quickly stood, sprinting to the bathroom and emptying a coffee mug that held a toothbrush. She then stared at it and whispered, "Passa iz salva,"
When nothing happened, she refused to grow disheartened. She doubled down, visualizing the image and hearing the whispers again. Her body tingled with an unfamiliar warmth, which she immediately understood as unrelated to her female body.
With the shape clear in mind, she whispered the phrase once more, this time also imagining the proper, inhuman pronunciation as she spoke.
The tingling within her flared up as she felt a surge of what she could only describe as pure vitality. A high-pitched noise pulsed from her body, shattering the coffee mug and sending various bathroom items flying about. So entranced was she by this accomplishment that her toothbrush landing in the toilet didn't remotely upset her.
"Magic," she muttered aloud. A primal surge of adrenaline-fueled excitement consumed her. She could do it-- she could actually use magic like Gretchen.
It took her a moment to register a distinct wagging sensation behind. She blinked and concentrated, realizing she could stop the incessant movement. 'Wait…" She shakily slid a hand back and felt the new appendage. While being no longer than six to eight inches in length, she unmistakably had the beginnings of some type of fluffy tail.
She grabbed her hand mirror and rushed to her bedroom, holding the hand mirror up while her backside faced the body-length mirror. Despite her trembling hands, she clearly saw the fluffy tail stub, covered in pale tan fur like her hair.
She was shocked to feel relieved above all other emotions. She was relieved that she was finally progressing into her final form and that she'd not have to wonder what she was becoming. She was also relieved that her new traits did indeed appear to be that of some kind of fluffy animal. Dr. Rowena and Rodrick pulled it off well, and she knew Dr. Rowena, at the very least, could technically repress much of her fur and animalistic traits if desired; she simply enjoyed being coated in fur too much to merely have a fluffy tail and ears.
She tossed the hand mirror onto the bed and stepped toward the body-length mirror, opening her mouth to touch one of her fangs. She then brushed her hair back and noticed the changes to her ears. They appeared slightly higher set and had elongated to a small degree, a layer of tan fuzz coating them.
Chris then took another step back and scanned the entirety of her nude form. No negative emotions swirled within her as she stared. Instead, she felt a hot, tingly pang between her legs, her nipples hardening. Despite having spent many days in her new form, she still found the sight of her naked body erotic. This gorgeous woman was her, not a stranger. If she so desired, she could make herself into a living dress-up doll, posing with lingerie for her own sake and sexual gratification. It wasn't as if she had fully acclimated to life as a woman, but it was hard to remain terribly upset when she objectively found herself beautiful.
Was that narcissistic of her to think? She shook her head. There was surely nothing wrong with learning to accept her form, even if some of that acceptance came from the fact she had become her own ideal woman.
The most important thing was her renewed optimism. Her ears were already picking up sounds they never would have before, and her sense of vision was improving every day, now surpassing the realm of normal human senses.
"Positives…" She murmured as she cupped one of her breasts and shivered from its sensitivity. "I'm a decade younger. I'm healthier. I find my new form very attractive…" She whispered, reminding herself of what had been gained. "I just discovered I can use magic, and the second half of my transience seems to be enhancing my senses."
She removed her hand from her breast and turned from the mirror, growing slightly embarrassed by her arousal.
Chris jumped when her phone began ringing. Upon looking for it, she found it amidst the broken glass on the floor and carefully extracted it, making sure not to accidentally cut or harm herself.
'Rodrick?' She mused, seeing his name and number on the screen. Her cheeks flushed faintly, but she quickly shook her head and pushed the memory of her sexual fantasies from her head.
"Hey! What's up?" Chris asked after answering the call.
There was a moment of silence before Rodrick responded. "Oh-- hey! Sorry, I forgot you were a girl for a moment, so I was surprised when I heard your voice," he said with a laugh.
Chris blushed again, laying back in bed with a pillow pulled to her chest. "I get it… There's nothing wrong with my voice, though, right?" She wasn't sure where this sudden bout of self-consciousness came from.
"What?? Of course not!" Rodrick animatedly replied. One could almost hear his tail wagging furiously through the phone. "It's the opposite, actually. It's a shock to-- err… oh yeah, I'm trying to think more before blurting things out. Sorry about that," Rodrick sheepishly added.
Chris bit her lip and shifted. "No… It's okay. What were you going to say? I won't get mad." She wasn't sure what she wanted from this line of questioning or why she pushed the matter.
"Well. It's like, I'm still expecting to hear your male voice, but instead hear the cutest girl voice in the world…"
Chris grew bashful and confused by those words. 'Cutest girl voice?' A slight twinge of pride welled within her. If she had to be a girl from now on, wasn't it better to look and sound cute? "And, well--," she hesitated. "I know this was already brought up, but you don't think I look weird, right?" She already expected Rodrick's answer, so why did she push the conversation this way?
"No, not at all!" Rodrick quickly replied. “You look-- wait…” He paused again. "My filters aren't always the best. Are you sure I'm not upsetting you in any way?" He asked in genuine concern.
"No. Please always be truthful with me," she replied, internally questioning her motives in this conversation.
"You're incredible," Rodrick quickly responded. "I can't imagine how hard it must have been-- and must still be, to go through transience like you have. But you look and sound beautiful. I don't know if it's any consolation, but if you had to become a woman, you probably get the best possible deal," he laughed.
Chris hesitated, finally realizing her motivation. Validation-- or affirmation. Probably both. She wanted reassurance that it was okay to be this new version of herself; "I-- well… It's still strange to think of myself as a beautiful woman as you describe, but, thank you. I can't fully express why, but it means a lot to hear that from you," she said with a weak laugh.
"You don't need to explain! I already understand."
"You do?" Chris blinked, growing slightly more flustered.
"Well-- no, not exactly," Rodrick conceded. "I can't pretend I understand exactly how you feel after changing so much, but it makes me happy when I receive compliments. Especially if I'm not feeling good."
Chris paused before letting out a genuine laugh. He put it so simply and eloquently, and she couldn't help but smile. "That's fair enough. So, what were you calling for to begin with?" She asked, ready to press their conversation forward.
"Well… Gretchen is going to be busy with one of her sewing project commissions. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out later.'”
"Just the two of us?" Chris quickly blurted as her heart rate picked up.
"Well, yeah," Rodrick quietly replied, his tone growing unsure. "Is that okay? I understand if you'd rather have Gretchen around."
"Of course it's okay," Chris assured. "I'm done with appointments for now, and I'm still on paid transience leave from work, so we should do something." She wanted more normalcy and had spent countless times alone with Rodrick, chilling and having fun. "I will also have to ask you some questions regarding how to deal with the whole 'having a tail' thing," she said with an exaggerated huff.
"Really?? Woah-- yeah, alright! I'll come by at like-- umm… Two-ish?" Rodrick excitedly asked.
Chris glanced at the time on her phone, seeing it was 11:21 AM. "If you're not busy, why not 12:30?" She suggested, feeling eager to get out and stretch her legs. To properly adjust to all of her recent changes, she needed to get out and live life. Besides, no one would mess with her with Rodrick there.
"Sounds perfect!" Rodrick chimed.
They said their goodbyes before Chris sat up in bed, being careful of her budding tail while her mind swirled with a plethora of emotions, most seeming to err on the side of optimism and excitement. Most importantly, she was eager to tell Rodrick and Gretchen of her newfound grasp on magic, even if she barely understood it.
There was a sudden knock at the door, followed by an older man's voice. "Christopher? Is everything alright in there??"
Chris blinked, remembering her two instances of spellcasting. "Oh yeah…" She quickly pulled on a pair of shorts and a tee-shirt before trotting to the front door and cracking it open. "Hey, Mr. Olson… Yeah, everything is fine," she meekly replied, her cheeks faintly red.
A middle-aged man with a bald head and neatly trimmed beard stood with a look of confusion, tilting his head. "One of Christopher's lady friends? I heard two loud bangs from this apartment that shook my ceiling. I wanted to make sure everything is okay," he said with concern.
Chris glanced downward, seeing the shape of her breasts indenting the fabric. 'Oh yeah…' She had entirely forgotten that her downstairs neighbor wouldn't recognize her. "Everything is fine; thank you for checking," she said with a slight smile. "I am Chris, by the way. Transience and all that," she confessed, not wanting to hide the truth from herself or others. Lying and making excuses would only impede her transience journey, after all. Despite that, she felt slightly anxious upon confessing her identity to the older man.
Mr. Olson's eyes widened as he scanned Chis again before making eye contact. “I-- I see… I am glad to hear everything is alright, Christopher," he stammered, stroking his beard.
"Errr… "Chris winced at the proclamation of her full male name. "It's been one hell of a ride. Just Chris is fine, by the way. It's easier for me," she confessed.
Mr. Olson nodded. "So. You're completely-- well--," he tried to find the words.
Chris shrugged and sighed. "My doctor says I can even become pregnant. Two X chromosomes and no Y," she admitted. "Don't worry about me; I have good friends and a support network. All that good stuff."
The older man simply nodded once more. "Well, then. You are quite resilient, Christ-- Chris," he corrected. "Stop by for dinner with the wife and myself sometime, okay?" He asked with warmth.
"Will do. I have to get ready for the day; I'll visit sometime soon," Chris replied.
After exchanging pleasantries, Chris closed the door and walked over to the couch. Before plopping down, she made sure not to crush her currently stubby tail. She then let out a deep sigh while rubbing her temples. Speaking so truthfully and nonchalantly about her transience wasn't easy, but doing so did instill a feeling of pride and self-confidence. "This is me, now. And there's nothing wrong with that… I won't hide," she muttered as her lips curled into a slight smile.
She let out a deep breath of decompression before standing and stretching. There was a full day ahead, and she had to get ready.
CHAPTER END
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