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The rest of Chris's appointment with Dr. Rowena went as well as it could have. After receiving a stark reminder of what women must do to maintain their physical health, it took her a minute to calm down and regain her composure.

Before Chris took her leave, Dr. Rowena's eyes widened. "Oh! I almost forgot!" Her ears perked as she gathered a couple of pamphlets from a wall-hanger and trotted to her patient. "Take these with you; they'll help with self-examinations in the future," she stated warmly.

Chris blushed and nodded her head, taking the pamphlets from her. "I appreciate it. Thank you for your emotional support as well."

After saying their goodbyes, Chris took her leave and left for her car. As she did so, she glanced at the pamphlets and immediately winced. One had vaginal and breast self-examinations information, and the other promised to delve into the wonders of managing one's period. "Could be worse, I suppose," she muttered, opening her car door and sitting. She gently tossed the pamphlets onto the backseat before starting her car and leaving the lot.

Thirty minutes later, Chris was in an unfamiliar waiting room with soft, beige walls and comfortable chairs. She held a clipboard and scowled at the paperwork she had to complete for her first Psych appointment. "Biological sex… Female…” She sighed and let out a small huff as she ticked the box. A few days prior, she would have been much more upset, but she had managed to shift her self-perception.

What was so genuinely bad about being a girl? Sitting to pee was a very minor inconvenience at best, and while she didn't want to admit it, there was something kinda nice about not having to worry about harming her testicles or having to adjust them before sitting. Not that she had to adjust herself constantly as a man, but it could still be an annoyance. She had already mulled over the various boons her new form provided, so she didn't waste too much time thinking.

When she moved on to the section for gender identity and pronouns, she paused and bit her lip. How did she think of herself? How did she want others to see her? Every individual had the right to be referred to and treated in a way they were comfortable with. While she had never felt dysphoric as a heterosexual man, she wasn't sure if she felt okay with the idea of identifying as a man in her new form. It was extremely complicated, but the only thing she knew for sure was that using female pronouns made her more comfortable. 'Is that weird? I don't know…' She chose feminine options across the board and finished her paperwork with a low sigh.

After returning the clipboard to the receptionist, she sat and waited her turn to see Dr. Patel. She decided to get her mind off the whole male vs. female thing and recalled the previous night when she performed online research regarding magic. Gretchen had mentioned 'etchings' and how one could hear whispers from another plane-- or something like that. She couldn't perfectly recall the discussion and passed out relatively fast the night prior after embarking down the search engine rabbit hole.

After glancing at her phone and seeing five minutes until her appointment, she closed her eyes and sank into the chair, letting out a soft breath of decompression. She remembered a couple of details from her internet search. One anecdote, in particular, claimed meditation exercises could help one commune with these other planes. She tried to clear her mind, forcing out chatter and idle thoughts. Should she just try to relax and do the whole generic 'state of zen' thing? She breathed slowly and rhythmically, trying hard to hear something beyond the faint hum of air conditioning and a hushed conversation between two employees behind the front desk.

After a few minutes, she swore she heard something, but what? There was a faint static that sounded different than the usual white noise. When she honed in on the static, she briefly thought she heard unclear syllables uttered, but she could have been hearing things. Before long, her focus waned, and she could not hear anything beyond the usual. 'Maybe I'm not cut out for the whole magic thing,' she lamented. Then again, she just barely started her attempts at communion; there was no way she'd give up here.

A door finally swung open as a short woman with deep tan skin stepped out. She had verdant green eyes and had autumn-orange hair done up in a bun with bangs. "Chris? I am Dr. Patel. I'm ready to see you," she stated warmly, offering a smile.

Chris took a deep breath and stood. "Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time," she quietly stated. As she approached Dr. Patel, she got a better look at her. The doctor had mossy-green accents in her hair and a spattering of flowers and leaves. Her ears came to a slight point, and she had an unnatural yet welcoming warmth.

"Right this way," she gently replied, heading down the hall. "Were you able to find my office just fine? Google Maps sometimes sends new patients on a wild goose chase," she laughed.

"O-- oh, yes. There were no problems at all," Chris replied.

"Wonderful. Right here." She opened the door for Chris.

She stepped in and hesitantly glanced around. Numerous house plants decorated the room, from flowers and ferns to bonsai trees and cacti. The walls were painted to resemble a flowery meadow, with the green carpet reminding her of grass. "Umm-- should I sit here?" She asked, looking at a plush, brown couch.

"Yes, that will be perfect," Dr. Patel replied as she sat in her chair. "Please get comfortable. Take all the time you need."

They wouldn't get anywhere if Chris took all the time she thought she needed. Instead, she nodded and sat, adjusting herself to get comfortable. She still wasn't used to the shape of her hips and butt. Even just the act of sitting was rife with enough strange physical sensations to remind her of all she had gained and lost during her time with transience.

"This is-- err... A nice office you have here," Chris said quietly as she held her hands in her lap and fidgeted. Upon feeling how easily her lithe fingers wrapped around her wrist, she marveled at how small she truly was. Despite not being in the best health as a man, she undoubtedly had more muscle mass back then. She wasn't distraught, but all of the changes left her bewildered.

Dr. Patel carefully watched Chris's body language and mannerisms. She folded one leg over the other and laced her fingers together, offering a warm smile. "Thank you. I always had a bit of a green thumb, and transience only made everything in my life even greener." She offered a soft laugh before continuing. "You go by Chris, correct? What do you prefer?"

"Chris is fine," she replied, feeling mildly nervous.

"It's nice to formally meet you, Chris," the doctor responded. "I read about what you've been through recently. For what it's worth, I can clearly see just how resilient you are."

Chris faintly blushed. "I'm resilient?" She thought back to everything she had been through since the transience diagnosis. Then there was the current leg of transience she was trudging through right now. She touched her canine teeth with her tongue and briefly considered the slight pressure at the base of her spine. "Maybe. But, even if I look like I'm holding together well on the inside, it doesn't mean I'm not losing my mind," she sighed, shifting her eyes to the floor.

"If you don't mind, I could offer my opinion. It's a good one, I promise," Dr. Patel insisted. "We can also change the subject if you'd like. This first meeting is all about making sure you are comfortable with me," she assured.

"I promise I'm not full of myself, but I won't say no to any and all reassurance," Chris weakly laughed, keeping a weak smile on her face.

"It's impossible for one to immunize themself against negative thoughts, confusion, and anxiety. When we go through a traumatic experience, we naturally have many doubts and worries." She leaned forward just slightly, maintaining eye contact with her patient. "Your resilience comes from your ability to manage that stress in healthy ways while continuing to put one foot in front of the other. Frankly, many in your position wouldn't yet be taking such prudent steps to ensure their mental well-being. The fact you're sitting in front of me right now shows that resilience."

Chris continued to blush. She had told herself she was doing the right thing by explaining everything to her friends and loved ones. Furthermore, she repeatedly promised she wouldn't become a self-loathing recluse. Receiving validation from Dr. Patel made her feel a little better. "I-- I have been trying very hard. I'm glad you can see that," she earnestly stated.

"Absolutely." The psychiatrist adjusted her glasses and glanced at Chris's chart before looking back at her. "As you know, we will start with an hourly session once a week. We can increase the frequency as needed, and I will always make room to see you," she promised. "Today, we're getting to know each other. We can talk about anything and everything on your mind, and we can absolutely go at a pace you're comfortable with. I am also happy to answer any questions about myself."

"Of course. Thank you." Chris was grateful to have a third party to speak with. Of course, she was apprehensive, but she had always been a strong proponent of mental health care and knew how keenly necessary appointments like these were. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you decide to become a psychiatrist? Was it always a passion of yours?"

"For years, I wanted to work with flowers-- or at a greenhouse. Something along those lines. Mental health became my passion after I started seeing a wonderful therapist in my late teens."

Over the next half hour, Chris and Dr. Patel got to know each other a little better. Chris learned her doctor's name was Aadi, and she grew up in Kolkata, India. Her family wasn't the most understanding when she underwent transience, which pushed her to seek therapy. Eventually, she took an opportunity to study medicine in the United States and eventually earned citizenship. While she had been estranged from her family for several years, she had recently begun speaking with her mother and father again after her father underwent transience and gained a new perspective.

Likewise, Chris talked about her upbringing as one of three sons in a family with no girls. While her household's income hadn't been the highest growing up, they always had food on the table. Her childhood was a relatively dull mix of good memories spattered with some negative ones. There had been struggles with addiction, with her mother abusing painkillers and alcohol for several years before seeking help after transience hit. There were also disagreements between brothers that sometimes got physical. Reading books and writing were passions while living in a home with one communal computer and limited video game access. With the three siblings all adults, their familial bond strengthened, and all more or less got along, loving one another as most families do.

"I wanted to pursue psychology as a career, but, at the time, I really just needed to move out of my parents' home, so I went down a more immediately profitable career path," Chris sighed. "I've also been telling myself I'll start writing any day now-- but that hasn't happened."

"May I ask about your work? What do you do?"

"Errr… Well," Chris started. "Basically, think of my job as an IT, systems administration type of deal. I fix servers, set up networks, troubleshoot the vice president of marketing's busted email host-- all of that stuff for a bunch of executives and upper management."

"I see. Do you enjoy your work?" Dr. Patel asked curiously.

Chris thought about it before nodding. "I know it seems like I was complaining before, but I don't hate my job. I like dealing with people and technology-- I'm pretty good at it. I don't regret the choices I made," she insisted.

"I'm happy to hear that. I'm sure it can get quite stressful from time to time, but work can be both stressful and fulfilling."

Chris nodded. "Yeah…" She hesitated and thought over her words before continuing. "I get time to do what I want as long as I'm on top of my work. I've been meaning to pursue some interests like writing-- I mean, I have the time. I just psyche myself up, say I will do it, and then procrastinate until I convince myself it's okay to give up. Eventually, the cycle starts again."

"For what it's worth, I understand how you feel. As much as I talk about my green thumbs, I've barely gotten started on my backyard garden. It's been three years, and I finally started buckling down on it a few months ago," she sighed before smiling. "Is this something you would like to work on? We could make it one of your goals to pursue some of your non-career related passions."

Chris thought for a moment before nodding again. "Yeah, actually. That would be great," she agreed. "I thought you were mainly here to help me with the transience thing. Would that really be okay?"

"I'm here to help you. The person, Chris, who happened to go through transience recently. Helping you pursue your passions and helping you process your transience go hand in hand," Dr. Patel promised.

Chris had to admit she felt very comfortable in her presence. Dr. Rowena did a fantastic job with her recommendation. "Sure, then. That would be a good goal." That said, transience was at the top of her mind right now. "Actually, I… I wouldn't mind talking about my transience-- what I've been through. All of that stuff," she wearily added. "Believe it or not, I'm extremely confused right now."

"I would be more surprised if you weren't confused at all. Where would you like to start?" Dr. Patel asked warmly.

"That's a good question." Where should she start? Considering how conflicted she felt ticking any gender or sex-related boxes on the first appointment paperwork, that might be an excellent place to start.

CHAPTER END

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