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Forum: Lost_Media_Archaeology

Post: "What's New Scooby Doo" S4E??? Lost episode, "Jiangshi Delicacy"

By: Van-Man-Stan

Last edited: 10.11.2012

Views: 113

I don't think I need to explain what "Scooby-Doo" is, it's kind of a big deal. Likewise unless you're too young to be on this forum I don't think it's a Mystery to you that there's been more than one show about this color coded gaggle of meddling kids and their stupid dog that gets Ooga-Booga-Booga'd every episode. The newest of these shows is "Mystery Incorporated", which is great and all but has nothing to do with what I found, which involves the older "What's New Scooby-Doo" that I've got a clue on.

So if you're a casual enjoyer of the Scoobie-Doobie or a godless heretic who has shunned the good word of almighty Jeepers, you might not know that despite this show being objectively the second greatest thing to ever grace this earth (yeah I said it, take off the rose tinted glasses and admit Mystery Incorporated is objectively better), the suits at Warner Bros or the cowards at Cartoon Network or whatever money-hating idiot who's supposed to be in charge of funding Scooby-Doo until the heat death of the universe decided that this actual money printer of a show would get canceled in only 3 seasons. And no I didn't forget to add a zero there, I did in fact just confirm that we only got 3 seasons to enjoy the zany antics of these van-dwelling cops for hire.

But apparently whoever made the decision to kill their golden goose and turn it into a comically large sandwich that they ate in one bite, they hadn't told the production team who'd already started writing scripts and drafting concept art for a 4th season. Apparently Indiana Jones was too busy being old and getting an atomic tan to bother unearthing the archaeological find of the century, so it was up to me to brave the uncharted wilderness of some dead guy's overgrown yard and navigate the boobytrap filled perils of his estate sale to recover the treAYsures of "Unsorted Artwork & Literature Box no.34". The price paid for this bounty was great, but $8.00 later I finally had it. Some old crap. But not just any old crap! Apparently the dearly departed was one Mr Alan Smithee, a legendary multi-generational Hollywood bigshot with a resume older and longer than Christopher Lee's, and in this box among actual garbage that I threw away was the Holy Grail but for Scooby-Doo fans:

A complete title-card concept art and a partially completed script for "Jianghi Delicacy", a lost episode from the lost season of "What's New, Scooby-Doo?"

I was shocked. Flabbergasted. Third thing. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that this humble box of musty papers would contain a document of such historical significance just stuffed between some concept art of Mr Incredible getting force fed pastries until he's perfectly spherical like Veruca Salt (wait did I accidentally throw away the rough draft for Incredibles 2? Whoops.) and a storyboard compilation for I think some Japanese show about high school gymnastics (maybe? The whole thing was crusted together like a solid plank of wood. Apparently Alan isn't as good with the rubber cement as he is with the pen). But here it was, the answer to my prayers, more Scooby-Doo.

So the episode would've started off in pretty standard Scooby-Doo fashion with the gang driving around lost in the mountainous roads of rural Hu-Qares when out of nowhere a shadowy figure leaps into the road right in front of them causing Fred to spin out and get the Mystery Machine stuck in the kind of backwoods mud that's practically cement. The evasive action was kind of pointless as the figure straight up jumped out of the way last second sailing over the treeline like Superman leaping tall buildings in a single bound. The gang is shook and wondering what the heck and it's confirmed that season 4 takes place after like a 3 year time skip as all the characters seem really keen on telling one another that they are all like 20 and up now. Which is cool because it hints at season 4 taking a more mature tone with the potential for scarier monsters and perhaps taking a more serious look at the hubris, mental illness, and capitalistic greed that motivates its villains. This theory is quickly confirmed after the gang makes their way into the nearest town to hire a tow truck to free the Mystery Machine and discover that nearly every adult in the whole town is an amputee of some description. The general store is run by a rugged buff armless daddy stocking shelves with his teeth, the police station is run by the limbless torso of a busty blonde bimbo in an overly-tight uniform, and the gang stops for breakfast at a pancake place with an entire waitstaff of halved women. Specifically the bottom halves of women, which are all moving around and seemingly alive and sentient despite missing like all of their vital organs and also their brains. I think this sort of fantastical injury is meant to assure the audience that while the show might be more adult it's still got that campy absurd humor of classic Scooby-Doo.

After a weirdly prolonged and surprisingly mature scene of Shaggy giving a big throbbing tip to the struggling chocolate pancake server and Daphne licking their utensils clean to save the small business money on water bills, the gang finally makes it to the tow truck place and asks what's up with everyone being chopped up. Tow truck driver who's like this butch older woman with arms like Popeye and hair like Guile and literally nothing below her belt-line explains that the town's succulent Chinese meal provider closed a few months ago due to health code violations and the really hot head chef was so ashamed that she cut her own head off with a butcher knife (which the concept art above mistakenly depicts as a chef's knife) and said the town would never again be at peace. Apparently she meant "piece" as a little while later a Jiangshi (which I Googled and it's like the Chinese version of a vampire but it jumps good instead of flying and sucks qi instead of blood) carrying their own severed head on a serving platter starts attacking the townsfolk with magic blades that leave them undead instead of dead dead and takes body parts as trophies that she tortures every night while the townsfolk can still feel them. The gang is somehow skeptical and believes there's a more reasonable explanation to this situation than a vengeful Ming dynasty zombie. Pretty standard Scooby stuff.

After the tow truck lady explains she can't drive the truck and unstick their van without her bottom half she shows off a softer side to her character when she gets depressed over her loss of womanhood to the evil Jiangshi. Velma affirms the trucker's womanhood from a variety of positions while Fred befriend's the yard's headless and scrawny lil' Latino mechanic by helping him with his tools. It's strongly implied the mechanic is gay but nothing is directly said which honestly I think is a good way to handle this king of thing rather than shoving it down our throat like Fred does in this same scene. Anyway after that interlude the gang decides to investigate the restaurant and expose the Jiangshi as nothing but smoke and mirrors and get everyone their parts back if they want them and finally get their van out of the freezing mud and get to their next weekly adventure.

The restaurant is on the outskirts of town and apparently must've been built with a ton of foreign investment because it's like the size of a Walmart and is built like an Imperial Chinese palace with blood red walls and hip-and-gable roofs and pillars and columns and all that. How they ever expected to make their investment back is part of the mystery as even the gang points out how impossible and impractical it is. Anyway they head inside and split up and then one by one they're split up as the Jianshi pounces from the shadows and hacks them up and taunts them psychologically and physically. Fred gets his head cut off and tossed in a trash can while his body is all but worshiped by the Jiangshi, Velma gets dismembered and beheaded after getting caught hiding in a closet, Daphne gets her feet cut off at the ankles and seems weirdly into it likely having some sort of secret plan to break everyone out from the inside or something as she demands her feet be added to the Jiangshi's collection to be tortured every night, and then we get to the man himself Shaggy and his dog Scooby which seems to always sort of just disappear when anything juicy happens. Probably as a way of maintaining some source of childlike innocence in this otherwise very macabre and adult story.

And then here the script just ends.

There's like some vague footnotes about discovering a research lab hidden behind a kitchen cabinet and like the Jiangshi getting dog piled and dominated by their own body part collection and getting exposed as the head chef like duh, but like the script has no ending. Which sucks. But don't worry! This Scooby-Sequel-Series will not die with Alan Smithee or with the death of the show it came from. Were you wondering why I only posted like a plot synopsis instead of like just posting the whole script? That's because I am currently in the process of finishing up, polishing up, and editing the script into a final draft which I will hand deliver to Warner Bros' head offices in Hollywood or wherever. I'm sure they'll be so moved by my and Alan Smithee's artistic genius that they will revive What's New Scooby-Doo and run it concurrently with Mystery Incorporated and eventually merge the two shows together in like a Crisis on Infinite Earths style mash up of different continuities. I'll post the final version here once the episode is actually produced and aired because I don't want to spoil the ending. I'll see you all in a bit! Piece out!

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COMMENTS (5)

By: BabyJoker

Are you fucking with us or are you this fucking ########? Fuck you ### I hope you die. Reported.

By: MZWitch00

Remind me to burn all my "fanart" before I die. I'd die of embarrassment if I got my alt-act. contented posted after I die, especialluy with my name on it and everything!

By: JCarlton1991

"What was in those brownies, Shaggy?!"- Fred

By: Orororo

My man just posted his fetish art and made up a whole story about "finding" it as cover. This is the whole internet distilled into one post. It's beautiful in the worst ways possible.

By: [MOD] Agent-Smith

Your post has been locked, de-listed, and archived for violating the following rules:

-4: No obvious hoaxes, parodies, or fanmade content.