WARNING: The following story is made for fans of modular/natural body magic/detachment/non-lethal dismemberment/etc. If you are not a member of that community, I strongly advise that you turn back now. Things will get freaky.

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"What's up, chucklefucks? Welcome back to the Triple B! Staring..."

"Bart!" Said a man, probably a Bart-man, struggling not to fucking chuckle after his partner's impromptu intro.

"& Betty!" She said, and joined Bart in announcing "And welcome to... our Bedroom!"

"That's right, you're watching the hottest, most up and cumming adult oriented vodcast in these United States! Not that our foreign friends are slouches in the viewership department!" Betty assured, blowing a kiss to camera. Affronted by the gesture, Bart jealously grabbed her chin and pulled her in for a kiss.

Once he'd reduced her to a messy, blushy puddle, Bart told the people at home "Really though, this show wouldn't be possible without your support. I know it's cliche, but we're really blown away by how quickly this took off. Only 34 episodes in and-, uh, well, 35 episodes if you count the Valentine's Day two-parter as 2 episodes... anyway, 34ish episodes in and already a community of over a thousand patrons has assembled to enjoy our uncensored antics; exploring sex, sexuality, romance, relationships, and all that messy stuff."

"Don't forget all the people pirating our overproduced pornos, the greedy shits." Betty jumped in, sarcastically side eyeing the camera for a few silent seconds. She was looking right at you, scolding you for stealing their content, but what were you to do? You weren't looking for a pirated copy of their vodcast, you just had a friend willing to share their stolen copy with you. And were you really gonna say no to free porn just because your friend stole it?

Betty seemed swayed by your internal monologue, turning back to Bart. "So, any news you wanna go over, or shall we get straight to today's topic?"

"Uh... The last two weeks have been pretty uneventful; I got the van running again after the squirrel incident, but I still can't figure out how those little bastards managed to break into the garage. It's kinda driving me crazy." He said, scratching his stubble.

"More like driving you nuts." Betty said, rolling her eyes. "Well if there's nothing more captivating to talk about than the Mystery Machine, we may as well-"

Bart suddenly remembered "Oh, wait! My boss finally announced her retirement. Two more months to get her replacement up to speed, then it's adios! I bet you know what that means."

"A long overdue promotion and a fatass raise!" Betty said in singsong cadence, kissing Bart's cheek. "I still can't believe she's working all the way to 50, in Archives of all things! Doesn't she have hobbies?"

Bart clutched his chest, aghast, "Hey now, those archaeologists work hard to dig up relics, and I won't have you slandering their service. Also, she's retiring the day BEFORE her 50th. She's a workaholic, Bets, not a slave!"

'Bets Baps' Betty chuckled, shaking her head. "Crazy. Crazy! Seriously Bart, if I job a day over 35, you shove me in a padded cell and weld it shut." A short pause, then with a leer "But toss your cock in first. I need something to do or I'll go crazy." she paused again, hmming as she thought. "I guess you can throw your head in too, if you wanna."

"And live in a padded cell too? Well, I suppose I'm madly in love with you." Bart answered back, without a moment's thought but with the most Casanova pouty prettyboy expression he'd ever made.

Betty broke, nearly falling out of her chair as she covered her face and bellowed "oooOOO!" like an excited sports fan watching their team make a brilliant play.  Bart's smug grin was short lived, quickly replaced by a panicked gasp as a cable seemed to go taught in the background and

we cut to a seemingly behind the scenes moment, Bart & Betty's heads cut off by the top of your screen. "Bets, I'm not joking; cut that. They're gonna think it was scripted!"

"But we do have scripts! They know this isn't all off the cuff." Came Betty's disembodied voice.

"We have scripted SECTIONS, not the whole... It completely breaks willing suspension of disbelief! Cut it, I'm not... uh? Why is the... Fuck." Bart hissed, lunging for the camera and

we cut to Bart and Betty, again seated but having swapped seats. "So Bart, a prospective promotion means a prospective boosts to our production values, right?"

"For the- Woman! We JUST got you new toys!" Bart groaned, motioning to the brand new microphone set up before him.

"But they don't match!" She huffed, distastefully flicking the tip of the older model mic.

"I'm sure our audience is more interested in our physical equipment than our technical equipment, so why don't you clue them in on today's topic?" Bart said, setting Betty up for a scripted segue.

"You're getting a new mic with your raise, dude." Betty said staring genuine daggers at him. "And wide angle lenses. So sick of cutting and compositing shots whenever we have 'guest-stars'; like it's one of those horrid 'grungeemo' music videos you brought back from work."

"I happen to think your signature editing style is what makes us stand out." Bart countered, adding with a sudden panic "And I've never removed relics from my or any other RAP Office. The event described is purely fictional and meant only as a joke."

Betty shook her head. "Signature editing style... Don't tempt me! I'll grungeemo the hell out of this video! Desaturate everything with more color than a chessboard, add so much film-grain you can't tell a ballsack from an ear, fuck I'll get Ashleigh to compose the most Musical Dark-Age soundtrack you've ever heard." She threatened, struggling not to laugh as Bart broke out in snorting giggles at the idea.

Betty ruffled Bart's appropriately grungeemo mop of shaggy, raven black hair. "ANYWAY, time to get our heads in the game." She announced, snatching a fistful of Bart's greasy black hair and his clenched jaw before wrenching his head sideways at a conventionally lethal angle, but instead of snapping bone the sound was more like ripping cardboard.

Bart yelped and struggled to get her off of him, crying "AE! AGH, stop, stop! Get the knife, my neck's not as worn in as yours! Get th-"

"It's all the way across the room, this'll only sting for a second!" Betty argued, wrapping her legs around his waist for leverage and jerking his head clockwise and counterclockwise. With a final snap, Bart's head was torn from his shoulders, nearly flying out of Betty's grip but luckily caught in the nick of time. "Heh, sorry! Didn't think you'd be that tight."

Bart's body rubbed his rosy pink stump, checking for any tearing but thankfully found only soreness. "Hey, Bethany, baby, could you remind me, what was episode 1, our very first episode; what was the topic?"

"Yeah, yeah, establishing and respecting boundaries. Sorry, I really thought after last week you'd be a lot looser." She said.

"That's blame shifting." Bart huffed.

"UGH! Yes, sorry! I'm an asshole. I shoulda gotten the knife. Episode 4 'safety and how you stay out of medi', and blah blah; look, maybe we should take a break and shoot from the top. The vibe's all off. Once you've simmered down, we c-"

"Wh-When I'VE simmered d-"

"So Betty Baps, why don't you let our perverted patrons know today's topic?" Bart purred, his head on the table and Betty's fingers stroking and scratching his hair like she was petting their fat cat Steven. Her kneading fingers ground his tender pink stump against the polished tabletop, perhaps causing the mysterious and rhythmic twitch of his left shoulder; shoulder now bared, his bright red polo having vanished into thin air to expose his marbled Mediterranean body with its splotches of pale white splattered across otherwise bronze skin.

"Shhhuuuuure. Just... yeah, one... let me just..." Betty mumbled, rubbing her right cheek against her left butt cheek. Her chin now rested on the table which the lower half of her body had seated itself on, presenting to the camera her pants-straining booty and the nearly-natural looking patch of simu-skin capping off her bisected waist. She'd been using and perhaps even abusing Nanoduplicant Shearing Tools ('blades', if you were the kind of person that gets invited to parties), her stump so worn in that she'd soon have more trouble keeping together than coming apart unless she eased up and let her tolerance rebuild.

Bart cleared his throat. "Right, today's topic: Heads or Tails. Unless you're an innocent soul or you spent the last year trapped in an abandoned mine shaft with no signal, you know the meme. It's a simple question, heads or tails, above two goofy-aah drawings; on the left is a squiggly Tsu-Qwon Desnudos giving himself head after taking it off, and on the right a misaligned Caroline Kristi is tongue bathing her pussy while split in half."

Betty had overlaid the meme semi-transparently over the presenters, but noticed "Wait, I think we're on the wrong sides."

"No we're not." Bart said, glancing to his left and

we cut to Bart and Betty back in the seats they started in.

"I stand corrected." Betty said, her tone suggesting a shrug but no shrug could be seen with her shoulders under the tabletop. Not wanting Betty's adoring public to miss her signature antics, Bart hoisted her torso up like she was now Steven the stupid cat, her face a vacant stare and her arms trailing limply down her sides. Bart reattached her top and bottom, but hadn't bothered to turn her butt around, leaving Betty's frontside and backside a matter of debate. Betty rolled her eyes, reattaching his head properly to prove herself the bigger person.

Bart bowed his reattached head and said "So, since we're basically scientists, we decided to thoroughly investigate which self-suck style was superior."

"Thoroughly." Betty said, nodding deadpan to camera and

we cut to a sensory overload of 16 videos playing simultaneously, a checkerboard pattern of Betty and Bart mid-masturbation. You had only a few seconds to take in this spoiler clusterfuck, spotting a Bart throwing the weight of his shoulders into sanding his scruffy stubble on his short pubes, and you saw a tiny bit of Betty's chin pinned between her cooch and the couch in another frame, her body humping her suffocating head like she owed her money, aa another video showed Bart's head placed before a computer screen playing the same 16 video collage you were watching right now, while in the foreground Betty's head, mounted on Bart's halved body, was throating herself down to the balls, and

we cut to Bart and Betty at the kitchen table, the former asking "So Bets, what have our findings found? Are heads head and shoulders above the lazy bums, or do noggins not have a leg to stand on facing off with hips off?"

"...Both is good." Betty answered, shrugging.

"Well, that was 14,500 cashies worth of patron pledges down the pooper. Oh well, better luck next episode!" Bart said, waving to the audience as the end credits flew past at absurd speed.

"I mean, neither is BETTER, they're just different." Betty elaborated, grabbing Bart's shoulder and pushing him back into his seat as he stood to leave.

Bart reluctantly sat back down. "As much as I hate to be the wishy washy guy answering a yes or no question with 'It's complicated', it is. Heads and tails is like... noodles and bread. Exact same ingredients and a short list of them at that, but they results are totally different and equally yummy. So, instead of ending the video before you've even gotten to see us fu-"

Cut to a fraction of a second of the same 16 video split screen and

we cut to Bart, saying "We're gonna walk you through our findings, starting with-"

TEST 1: HEAD+COCK

Cut to a video of Bart's head smashed into his own scruffy lap, his nose jangling his jewels as his hairs locked and snagged against his skin like rough, ticklish sandpaper. A tasteful funko-pop tune played in almost perfect time with his pumps, likely composed specifically for this purpose by the B&BB's in-house musician and regular guest-star, Ashleigh. The shaggy hair on his scalp hung over his thighs, his even pinker stump of the past squirming and bulging as his upside-down head was twisted hard, pulled back, and pumped with enough fury to make his eyes screw shut in either concentration or dizziness.  Probably both, and soon you too were dizzied you too; the beat rose and was dropped in sync with the camera panning counterclockwise around Bart's Bespotted Beef Bod (tm), which in turn turned his cutely vitiligo spotted head clockwise on his cock until the counter rotating head and camera aligned where Bart's head would normally be seated. Looking down at his head, at his blissfully closed eyes, the shot lingered long enough for sucks to become grunts, grunts to become moans, and moans to become strained and

we cut to that same bronzed body, now standing before Bart's work desk and more intimately in front of a curly ball of ginger hair and distended cheeks with cute freckles and an even cuter big mole right on the bit of jaw you could still see from this largely ass-focused angle. The desk creaked under pressure, Bart's body firmly pushing Betty's head into the wood at her command as an acoustic guitar played diegetically off screen. Every muscle in Bart's slightly lopsided beef cake was taught, those bicyclist legs so tense that they could be seen shaking from across the room. The camera began panning around and coming closer to get a good cock shot, only to get shooed back with a pissed side eye from Betty as she continued to suck herself off.

"You heard the lady, keep your butt where it is." Came a new voice, deep and hoarse but distinctly feminine, the guitar briefly pausing before Ashleigh got back to composing.

"I just don't get what you see in this." Bart grumbled. He didn't mind looking at his own ass, even if it was a little misshapen, but he'd always thought boy-butt shots in pornos were mid.

"It's not for you to see, it's just yours to record." Ashleigh butted back in, this time strumming as she talked.

Bart sighed. He knew the masc-lovers had been begging for more beef cake, but this shot was just so... you didn't even get to see Betty bust! Just the tensing of his ass and a gurgling moan as goo dribbled down her borrowed balls and dripped onto the floor. It was a total cock-block, and

we cut to Bart and Betty back at the kitchen table. Bart, an OG penis-possessor, started the analysis with "So, the 'classic' auto-fellatio is a classic for a reason. You've got full and free mobility, letting you experience thrilling new angles you could never achieve without a blade. You get to sample your own flavor before subjecting someone else to it, letting you adjust your hygiene, diet, brand of soap, whatever you need to do to get someone to lick it more than once. Plus, while it may seem narcissistic, seeing your body in the third person, with your own eyes, it's honestly a great confidence booster. Even if you're really anxious about how you look, seeing your sexy self at the height of your arousal, it's like you're looking through your lover's eyes. It's really self affirming!"

Betty, the expert penis handler, added "And if your not a pretentious nerd but a slutty nerd, you get to feel like your own sex toy! Light, vulnerable, nothing but a tool of the id, built to please. When you're down there, held in a pair of strong hands, your body sort of... vanishes. Like it's not even you, even if it IS you; it's just a nebulous block of pure sex. Even when you're in control, you're not. You're just going where the urges guide you." She stops to take a sip of water, her cheeks red with excitement. "If you're into objectification or power dynamics, head to cock is simply the best there is."

"Wow." Bart said, genuinely taken aback. "You're not a slutty nerd, you're a pretentious slut."

"Shut up, slut!" Betty countered, giggling, and

TEST 2: HEAD+CUNT

Cut to a close up on the back of Bart's head, his shoulder length dark brown hair glittering under intense studio lighting. Out of context it looked like some standard issue cis-smut, especially as the camera pulled back to the two cute freckled feet with nails polished ruby red. Pulling back even further, the camera captured a pair of shapely, womanly legs with short unshaven peach-fuzzy, and even further back you got to see glorious knockers fatter and heavier than the feet keeping her head pressed against her own coochie. It wouldn't be until the camera started panning up and over her body in single and continuous arcing shot that you-

Wait, what the fuck? You had to rewind that. How the fuck... you replayed it a third time, at half speed, and confirmed that this shot was AMAZING, especially for a couple of indie pornographers doing this as a hobby and side gig. The shot moved smooth as butter, a full view of a deliciously curvy body squirming below like she was beneath you, the viewer, as you climbed atop her to make love. The arc then continued, further still, until your view transitioned to that of her head, looking down your own sexy body while you were eaten out by-

SCARE CHORD! EVIL_CACKLE_4.mp6 Snap zoom to the distinctly masc Bart contorting his face to resemble a cartoon vampire, his eyes crossed and bloodshot, his thick scruff of pre-beard glistening with post-pussy juices freshly sucked. You might've actually jumped at that, if you'd been playing the video at normal speed. At half time though, it was just really funny look, and

we cut to black, and after turning the speed back up to normal and

we cut to a pale and muted image of Betty's headless body, curled up in a tight ball and rocking around on the cool, tiled floor of the kitchen. Her head, more specifically her face, was pinned to her taint by the entire rest of her body, wrapping in on itself and trying to compact itself into a singularity. The frame rate stuttered, skipping some frames entirely and making you wonder if your bandwidth was getting jacked, until you realized the joke. The edges of everything on screen were fuzzy with analogue artifacting, the camera cut

erratically around the room with no identifiable rhym

e or reason, and Ashleigh's raspy voice pelted out an angsty ballad in millennial era-American, her inscrutable words smothered by a messy electric guitar. It was grungeemo, and it was laugh out loud silly. Cutting above even the grimy music, the sounds of... uh, oily pasta poured from an old can? Grunts drowning in syrup? Muff muffled moans and some other thing that you were half convinced Betty edited in just to fuck with people. This wasn't art like Bart's; this head was messy, intense, furious and screaming like a caged animal.

And Bart looked hilariously disinterested in it as his juddering and blurry form slid across the washed out white floor and stepped over Betty's beautiful body to grab a seltzer from the fridge. He huffed, and waved an empty milk carton at Betty's balled up body, before throwing the carton away and leaving without a word. But not without a gentle tap of her sweaty stomach with the heel of his foot, causing the whole ball to hop in surprise and

we cut to "So, first thing's first, Bart is a total puss pussy. Longtime fans will already know this."

Bart rolled his eyes "I'm sorry, this hopeless romantic wishes not just to have sex, but to make love!"

"Love is for sex. If you're just jorkin' it, return to monke." Betty proclaimed, folding her arms across her massive chest with a smug look of superiority.

Bart continued like he was teaching sex-ed, which you suppose he was doing for any virgins in the audience. "If you're new to having fem junk, you shouldn't start with a full on muff ride. Try something slower, more gentle. Explore with your hands, with modest toys, and get comfortable with your new parts before you monke around. Clits hit different, and once you try one out you'll never again wonder why their owners are so adamant you give it your attention. That said, in my opinion, I think even hard-mascs who're only attracted to hard-fems should tru taking a pussy out for a spin. It's honestly eye opening, and a great way to practice pleasing her pussy without any stress or pressure to perform. Trust me, it'll pay dividends in the long run."

"Bitchmade. Go bananas. Eat it like the ravenous lioness that you are." Betty said, giving up on the primate themed jokes before continuing "For real though, going slow is all well and good, but even if you wannna take a slow ride, you basically have be smothering yourself at all times when you're beheaded. Otherwise your head's gonna go tumbling away, and as you'll know if you saw episodes 4 and 12, it is a total fucking hassle playing solo marco polo. Cock's are like a natural peg, and if you're a cock goblin your mouth can give a surprisingly strong grip. But what with pussies being an innie to the penises' outie, there's nothing to keep you in place but a solid surface or yourself. You'll probably need to use both. Or do face sitting if you're into that. But BE CAREFUL; take breaks to catch your breath. You don't wanna be discovered passed out under your own puss."

"Bitchmade." Bart teased. "So, now that we've covered the heads in either combination, I suppose we should head on south!"

TEST 3: TAIL+COCK

Cut to a video of Bart's upper half slouched back on the living room couch, arms wrapped around his thighs and hands wrapped around a controller. While his lower half straddled his midriff and threw its butt into humping his own face, Bart's attention seemed largely occupied by Mythic Bloodline III. While the TV screen had been covered by the other video of him in half humping himself, as briefly seen in the 16 video clusterfuck, MBIII soundtrack was one of the most iconic ever composed, so the diagetic music made it clear as day what game he was playing. Hell you could even tell he was busy getting his ass kicked in phase 2 of boss 4, Sven & Sven of the Silvered Axes. According to your friend, what you were watching was technically lost media, as this version of the episode had been taken down for copyright reasons, and was reuploaded a few days later with an original song of Ashliegh's inspired by but legally distinct from the Svens' phase 2 boss music. While Bart & Betty had gotten a Cease & Desist, Bart neither ceased nor desisted from humping his face, his butt shaking and his nuts slapping as he grunted in frustration at what you were sure was Zombie-Sven 2's bullshit boomerang ax attack knocking him off the cliffs. Bart humped harder, either trying to drown out the game-over screen or trying to cheer himself up with a good nut. He set the controller aside and

we cut to the same living room, the same angle, the same halved hunk, but now with Ashleigh in frame and taking up the controller while Betty had taken control of her man. Sitting on her stump atop the low coffee table, Betty was at the perfect height to suck her lower half off. However perfect the proportions, Bets seemed to be having trouble getting enough power behind her behind to satisfy herself. Even when she threw all her weight into her thrusting, all she got was bored and annoyed. She needed some mechanical assistance, and for that she clapped his cheeks with a heavy 'SLAP!' and pushed them back and forth into her face for added leverage. Digging her fingers in, she rolled his tight cheeks in his palms and rolled those palms closer and closer to his crack, until a few fingers were dug far enough in to pry those cheeks apart.

"Eh-eh! No!" Bart called from behind the camera just before the camera spun wildly down to his probably Betty's) hip. "You know I hate having a sore backdoor."

Betty groaned indignantly, yanking his dick out of her mouth with a loud and sloppy 'POP'. "UGH! I'll be gentle, promise! You won't be sore, I'll only use one finger, that's it."

"I don't consent, do something else to please yourself." Bart said, bringing the camera back up to film Betty groaning with exasperation.

"SHHHHHHH FUCKING STUPID FUCKING WHO PROGRAMMED THAT FUCKING HITBOX AND WHY ARE THEY ALLOWED TO LIVE?!" Ashleigh roared, leaping to her feet and

we cut to Bart and Betty, back at the dining room table and back to the (relative) future. Betty was the first to speak, saying "Okay, I know I said that heads and tails were different but not better or worse, and while that's true for any other combination, bisected blowjobs blow."

"I mean, they're not BAD, just..." Bart interjected, noncommittally waving his wrist.

"I mean, you can still make yourself cum, I guess, but like... it is, objectively, the worst. At least in my opinion." Betty continued, looking at Bart like she was waiting for him to add another qualifier.

Instead, Bart nodded and said "Agreed, definitely the weakest option. You see, without the weight of your torso to add some momentum, you can't get much 'Oomph' into your thrusts. Your mouth has to do most of the work, and at that point taking your head off gives you more mouth control anyway."

"You could explore other parts of your body to enhance the experience. To your own comfort level, of course." Betty said, leaning her twisted torso over and apologetically kissing Bart's cheek. "But you can do that even without chopping yourself up. It's not a unique selling point."

"You have to put more work into making it work, is what we're saying." Bart said, then said "That said, it does have some advantages. Both halves can move around independently, providing better mobility and freedom than a bodiless head. It's also safer, since you've gotta keep a tight grip on that sucker and practice your headless locomotion in between spank sessions so you don't wind up stumbling around blind, deaf, and naked with your head stuck under a bed or facing a wall or something. Not fun."

"Another plus side of being in half?" Betty asked rhetorically, answering her own question with "It fucking rocks if you replace that cock with-"

TEST 4: TAIL+CUNT

Cut to a close up of Betty's bust and butt squashed together, as Bart craned their half and half neck to get a mouthful of Betty's bush. Her stump pressed to the floor, her rump raised in the air her legs stretching towards the camera so her bare soled and squirming feet framed the whole shot, what unfolded had a distinctly selfie feel even if Betty was probably on Bart's belly behind the camera. Betty's well walked on and seasoned feet weren't just a foot fetish flavored means of cutting down the aspect ratio, but acted too as a sort of intensity meter. Betty's toes tensed and wriggled as Bart changed his rhythm and worked his way through each and every nook and cranny of his loaner folds. There was no music, diegetic or post produced, there were no over the top or hammed up sex sounds. Just skin on skin, flesh on wood, quiet and tender, as a man made deep and passionate love to his own womanhood. Those toes dug in and pushed back against him as arousal built, keeping the bottom from sliding out under the top. Bart's eyes were closed the entire time, serenely peaceful at first but growing more pleading and strained as he rose to a climax. The whole of his focus, his whole world, began and ended with this small strip of flesh, and

we cut to Betty in bed, her hips seated on top of her slurping, moaning, sweaty face, rocking and gyrating atop a head pinned and erratically thrashing. With her biceps beneath her shins and her arms reaching around and playing with her fat tits, Betty had effectively formed herself into a knot of limbs and bits. Not the most complex position the show had ever seen, or even the most complex position involving only 1 person-worth of parts, but the simple elegance and beauty of her curvy body's self entanglement was like a painting, her figure the brushstrokes and her reddening and freckled white skin the hues and textures of layered colors. The music was again absent, the only sounds were the carnal noises of slick meat slapping and sliding around, and the vocalizations of a bitch in heat.

Because this wasn't really a painting. It wasn't really art. Whatever deep and philosophical trappings a pretentious slut could ascribe to this, at the end of the day what you were seeing was nothing more and nothing less than a sweaty animal self stimulating its sex organs. A filthy thing, and hot as fuck. You watched, enraptured, for almost 10 uninterrupted minutes, and

CLOSING REMARKS

We cut to Betty and Bart at the dining room table, checking their phones and scrambling to get them out of frame when they realized they'd cut back to (relatively) present themselves already

"So, uh, yeah. As you can see, uh, good." Betty stammered, putting on a serious face like she'd made a great point.

Bart swooped in for the save, saying "Very good. While a detached head may be good for mobility, it's harder to keep in one place. You have to hold it down or wedge it somewhere to keep it from moving. But halves are hefty enough, and have enough mobility to stabilize themselves, that it's a lot easier to keep everything where you want it to be and get it where you need it to go. Plus, your legs act as natural handles and can grab you right back, giving you a lot more creative options for play. It's like the auto-cunnilingus swiss army knife, compared to the removable head's hammer. And to top it all off, it's a lot less of a work out. While a head might only be a couple kilos, when you're trying to pump that weight as fast as you can over one of your most fragile and sensitive bits, it can be a real workout."

"Speaking of weight." Betty interjected, lifting her bra-less tits and allowing them to slap heavily against her chest. "Halving your weight is perfect for face sitting. You won't feel nearly as smothered as you would as a head under a full sized body, and since you got arms to free yourself if shit goes south, you're not gonna wind up choking yourself out.  You can go hard and go long, a perfect package for lonesome nights. Or any night where you've got nothing better to do then goon. Isn't that right, Bart?"

"No idea what you're getting at. I'm never hardly working. I only work hard." Bart said, straight faced as Betty leaned forward... backwards?... leaned her twisted body away from the camera and reached under his side of the table and jiggled something.

"Well, you're not lying about that." Betty joked, wiping her hand against the edge of the table and sitting up straight. "Well, we think we've made our point. Heads or tails, there's plenty to enjoy either way. Whether you want that helpless, objectifying thrill of being a human cock sleeve, or the stability and staying power to face sit for over an hour, you'll only know what you like by exploring yourself and figuring out what works for your unique and sexy body."

"Who knows? You might even find that you've got just the right proportions to make cock and tails the best thing ever." Bart said. "The point is that you need to be comfortable letting yourself explore, and go where your heart takes you."

"Your heart's not driving that ship." Betty said, her legs opening wide behind her and squeezing her behind together in front of the camera. "If you're a premium patron or higher, and want to see more ships exploring the unknown, you'll find a .zip file in the description, which includes a full breakdown and a more professional discussion on the week's topic, along with high-definition extended cuts of all 16 of our 'tests', including the ones you only got to peek at in-"

Cut to the sensory overload of 16 videos playing simultaneously in 4 rows of 4 vids, a checkerboard pattern of Betty and Bart's "tests", and

we cut to Bart and Betty signing off, with Bart quickly adding "Reminder that if you're a basic tier patron, you'll only have a download link of the full discussion and the mp6's of the episode's original score. And if you're not a patron, you shouldn't even be watching this. Stop stealing our shit and go watch the censored version with the rest of the plebs!"

You turn off the video, and unzip both your stolen .zip file and your pants.