“Ladies and Gentlemen!” Drake shouted, the cheers from the crowd peaking the audio, “Welcome! To the season finale of America’s Next Great Assistant!” The crowd cheered along. Half of the audience were wearing green shirts that read ‘Team Jill’ on them, while the other half wore yellow shirts with ‘Team Saffron’.
    “Last week, we tasked our two remaining contestants to do one of the hardest tasks a magician’s assistant can do: Taking over the roll of the magician. So, put your hands together for our two brave contestants, Jill and Saffron!” From the left side of the stage, Saffron and Jill walked off, to even more thunderous applause. Jill was wearing an elegant Jade dress and a plain looking black top hat, her straight, red hair cascading down her head, while Saffron was wearing a bit more boisterous outfit, black tights, a low cut, black t-shirt, and a golden jacket that stopped several inches above her waist, and a black top hat with golden trim magically perched upon her head at a precarious forty five degree angle. They gave little nods and waves of acknowledgement to their fans as they approached Drake.
    “Now ladies, I’m sure I don’t have to remind you what’s on the line tonight, but I’m going to do so anyways. Tonight will decide which of you will be going home with the prizes David feels you’ve earned, and which of you will be his next assistant, signing a single year, extendable contract with him, with a signing bonus of 500,000 dollars up front!” The audience cheered, and Drake waited for it to die down so that he could continue, “Now, once again, we’re going to flip a coin to make a decision on who’s performing first. Jill, since you called last time, Saffron will call this round,” Drake pulled out a golden coin and flipped it.
    “Heads!” Saffron called.
    Drake slapped it against his hand, giving it a look and said, “Okay Saffron, who do you want to go first?”
    “Ooh! I’ll go first!” Saffron smiled.

    “Alright then, let’s wish both girls luck!” Drake said, clapping to get the audience going, before taking Jill’s arm in his own and walking off stage, the curtains drawing as Saffron psyched herself for what could be the most important show of her life.

~~~
Team Saffron

    The curtain’s raised, and Saffron was left similarly to how she was as the curtains closed, the only difference being that the set behind her had changed dramatically. The primary of these changes being, there was what appeared to be the entrance to a big top circus tent behind her. “I’d like to welcome one and all to my wonderful circus! Why don’t you stick around? We’ve got games to play and oddities to see!” She greeted, strutting around the stage and owning it.
    From off stage, what appeared to be a child, but was actually just Leela, shrunken down to resemble the proportions of a child, approached Leela, tugging on the edge of her golden jacket, Saffron turned, as Leela asked, “Excuse me? You have games at this circus?”
    “Why of course dear,” Saffron chuckled, “What sort of circus would this be without a midway? We’ve got games like ‘test your might’ or ‘knock down the cans’”
    “But those are so boring!” Leela said.
    “Ah! I see you’re a girl who sick and tired of the normal. Well, have I got the game for you?” Saffron grinned, as she had two stagehands wheel out her first trick. It was a giant gameshow styled wheel, similar to appearance as the one that Jill had spun for her punishment in the sense that it was divided into eight equal sections, but there was nothing listed on any of these segments. Instead, spaced around the wheel were several straps. Above the wheel, a sign in neon lights read ‘Test Your Accuracy!’
    “A spinning wheel?” Leela asked.
    “Yep, but it’s not finished yet,” Saffron said walking over, from offstage, Holli appeared, wearing a blue assistant’s outfit. She walked over to the giant wheel, and Saffron helped tie her in place with the various restraints built into the wheel. As she walked back to Leela, the wheel slowly began spinning, “There, now it’s finished.”
    “Okay… So what do you do?”
    “Well, you see little girl, you’re going to take these sharp darts here,” and with a flourish of her hands, five pointy darts appeared in her hand, “and you’re going to try and hit the target over there,” Saffron handed one of the darts to her and Leela looked nervously at Holli, who seemed equally as nervous as the little girl. Leela closed her eyes (something that you should absolutely not do when about to fling a dart at someone), and threw the dart with all her childish might, barely missing Holli.
    “I did it!” she cheered, as Holli let out the breath that she had been holding in.
    “Great job, kid,” Holli said back to her.
    “Nope, I’m afraid you missed,” Saffron chuckled, causing Leela to look at her in confusion. “The whole point of the game was to hit the target, mainly my assistant Holli, and you seemed to have missed her completely. Here kid, watch a pro do this,” Saffron grinned, stepping to where Leela had been and chucking a dart right at Holli, who screamed. As the dart whizzed through the air, it flew true, hitting Holli right in the open hand, pinning her hand to the board behind her. Holli looked the dart with visible confusion, the impact clearly not having hurt and no blood trailing from her skin.
    “Hey! You warned me you were going to warn me the next time you demonstrated this!” Holli whined.
    The next few dart Saffron threw hit her right in her other hand. She turned around, throwing the dart behind her back and managing to hit Holli in the stomach. She turned back around, closing her eyes and throwing her last dart, hitting Holli straight in her right breast, causing it to pop as though it were one of the balloon’s at the circus’s other dart throwing activity, eliciting a shock from Holli as her chest was suddenly out of balance, her costume thankfully not falling away. “Could you at least pop the other one so I’m not lopsided?” she asked slightly sarcastically.
    “See, it’s all about how you flick the wrist,” Saffron grinned, ignoring Holli’s comment entirely as she shifted her attention back to the girl.
    “But doesn’t that hurt for her?”
    “What? *Psh* No. I make sure that nobody’s harmed while in my circus. Here, watch this,” Saffron grinned, pulling out an ax from nowhere. She lined up her toss, and threw the ax, striking her target true and cutting off Holli’s head causing it to fall to floor since it was no longer restrained.
    Leela screamed, followed quickly by crying, but Saffron quickly brought Holli’s head over, where she said, “Don’t worry little girl, I’m just fine see?” She started making funny faces, sticking out her tongue and crossing her eyes, eventually getting little Leela to calm down and even start giggling.

    “Well, as much fun as that was, I must be going now, I’ve got a show to run,” Saffron said, starting to head into the bigtop before being stopped by Leela.
    “Wait! What else do you have to show here?” mini Leela asked, wiping on her sleeve to get rid of the last of her tears.
    “What else do I have to show? Step right this way little girl,”Saffron grinned, tossing Holli’s head off stage, eliciting another yelp, as stagehands wheeled the giant wheel away. To her right, stagehands pulled in her second trick, a large glass tank with Leela sitting alone in the room, sitting down on her phone.
    “Okay… Who’s that?”
    “That, my dear, is one of the many freaks we have on retainer at this circus,” Saffron grinned, as she walked into the glass cubicle, shutting the door in behind her. Despite being seemingly soundproof, Saffron’s words came out perfectly clear, “See, Leela here is what we like to call our ‘Hairwolf'-“
    “Yeah. that’s what you guys like to call it. I like to call it ‘Hair shapeshifter’. Makes much more sense with my actual power,” Leela rolled her eyes.
    “Whatever! Anyways, all it takes is touching a single piece of hair, and her body forcibly transforms her into whoever or whatever that hair came from. Observe,” from her own head, Saffron pulled off a golden strand of hair, dropping it into Leela’s hand.
    Before her eyes, Leela’s dark skin began transforming into Saffron’s own, her black hair turning golden, and her body stretching taller. Within moments, Leela was a perfect copy of Saffron, although her clothes had not transformed, leaving her in clothes that no longer fit well. “See! Go ahead Leela, do you best me impression.”
    “Hey! I’m Saffron! And I like to exploit people’s oddities to make a quick buck-“ Saffron covered Leela’s mouth, which perfectly emulated Saffron’s now.
    “That’s enough of that! And, that’s not the only extent of her powers,” Saffron grinned, as Leela’s eyes grew fearful. From her pocket, Saffron pulled out a tuft of gray hair, which he pressed into Leela.
    Once again, Leela’s form began changing, stretching and squashing inhumanely until all that remained within her cage was an adorably gray husky. “See! She can also become animals!”

    “Wow! That was so amazing!” short Leela said as Saffron climbed out of the now altered Leela’s glass room, which was quickly wheeled off with Leela  to be changed back. “This circus seems so cool! If only I could live here!”
    “Well deary,” Saffron said, a wicked grin growing across her face, “If you want, you could live here.”
    “Really?!” Leela asked.
    “Oh yeah!” Saffron grinned, a piece of paper and a pen materializing out of thin air and hovering in front of her, “All you would need to do is sign at the bottom of this piece of paper, and you could come work for me, and live at this circus and have a wonderful time with all the other people who work here.”
    “Gee… I don’t know. Momma always told me not to sign suspicious looking deals…”
    “That may be, but I bet your momma also told you to not eat dessert before dinner, or to go to bed early, or go to school. You come work for me, and we’ll let you do whatever you want,” Saffron’s cheshire grin grew even larger.
    “Well… Okay then!” Leela grinned. As she signed, Saffron’s face took on a much more sinister look to it.
    “Excellent. You’ve just signed away your body and spirit to me. Now, grow up!” Saffron commanded. Suddenly, Jill’s tiny body grew in size, until she had returned to her normal proportions, her clothes stretching to accommodate her, leaving what had been a long sleeve shirt and pants to look like short shorts and a rather tight fitting crop top.
    “Wha-“
    “You will not speak unless spoken to!” Saffron commanded, cutting Leela short as she looked at her in horror. “Well little girl, or should I say… Tabitha. You’re going to get the special honor of being our newest freak in our freak show. Holli! Get out here!” Saffron shouted, leaving Leela looking bewildered as the assistant girl from earlier came over, the smile that she originally had completely wiped from her face as she too looked at Saffron in fear.
    “Okay Holli, you’re going to merge into Tabitha’s body just like I told you how you were going to morph when we finally got a new person in the park,” Saffron snapped her fingers, Holli obeying her command as she appeared to give ‘Tabitha’ a hug from behind.
    Holli’s head and arms continued to slide forwards, ‘Tabitha’s’ head making space on her body to accept the second head, and Holli’s arms sliding to connect just below ‘Tabitha’s’ arms. Unlike those parts, Holli’s torso began to slide downwards, eventually stopping when it connected to Leela’s own rear end at a ninety degrees angle, her short shorts creating an extra opening to accept this change. Saffron looked at her new creation, before commenting, “Oh. And both of you, morph more so that you look closer to one another.” On cue, both of their features began to shift, slightly and their skin tones reached a more consistent milky brown color. Their facial features looked similar to each other, but still had enough difference that you could tell which head was originally which girl.
    From off-stage, stagehands wheeled out another glass cage, which Saffron ordered, “You’re both going to enter that cage, and then forget about your old lives. You will now have both always been Ferny and Andoline, one of the world’s last two headed humantaurs.” As they entered, the worry and fear slipped away from their faces, as Saffron’s words became their momentary truth. “Now, if you’ll excuse me girls, I really must be getting off to my show, the other freaks will help you adjust to your new home.”
    “Thank you so much Saffron,” Ferny said.
    “We were so scared that we would never be able to find a place that could actually accept us,” Andoline echoed, as the stagehands wheeled the glass cage away.
   
    Just as Saffron was about to enter the fake tent, she turned around and winked, saying, “There’s a sucker born every minute,” turning back around as the curtains closed to wondrous applause.

~~~
Team Jill

    The curtain came up once again, and the sight was significantly more plain than with Saffron’s circus set up. The wall behind her was a bright blue, and she stood in front of large table, the words ‘The Magic Shopping Channel’ writer across the front of the table in bright gold lettering, “Hi everyone! My name is Jill McMillan, and I’m here today to help sell some of these rare and exciting products that you can have right now! All you got to do is call in to snag them up. Here in studio today, I have two lovely assistants who are going to help me demonstrate everything, say ‘Hello!” to Cammie and Ophelia,”
    From offstage, the two other assistants walked out. both wearing dresses similar to Jill’s own, although in the colors they associated with, so black for Cammie and Violet for Ophelia.
    “Alright, now Ophelia’s going to go back offstage for a bit while Cammie and I talk shop,” Jill chuckled at her own joke, as a stagehand wheeled out a table with an assortment of odd things on it. “So Cammie, what exactly is all of this?”
    “Well Jill, I’m sure you’ve probably had this problem before. Have you ever gone out with a guy who seems to be more in love with his motorcycle than he is with you?”
    “I believe I can,”
    “Well, that’s exactly what this set of parts is for. Created by the ‘Body-Shop’, it’s a set of parts to help turn the ‘girl of your dreams' into the ‘ride of your dreams’ in moments.”
    “Alright then, will you be willing to demonstrate?”
    “Of course Jill!” Cammie said, walking over to a chair.
    “Now, first thing first, your going to want to use this enchanted screwdriver to get rid of the parts on your girl that are going to get in the way of transformation,” Jill grinned, as she took the screwdriver and placed it under Cammie’s mouth, popping it off of her body after jiggling it underneath it. Placing the lips aside, she did a similar process with her ears.
    “Next, you’re going to rotate her head 180 degrees with the enchanted wrench, which will be important for later,” Jill grinned, lengthening the wrench to the same thickness as Cammie’s head, turning it with ease so that she faced backwards.
    “Then, it’s a simple matter to start attaching everything you’ll need!” Jill took the wheel axles and wheels, having Cammie take a downwards facing dog stance as she morphed the back axle into her feet, and the front axle into her hands. She attached two handles where her ears had been, a light on the top of her head, and a small portable speaker and knobs where her mouth had been. Finally, she got out a saddle, which stuck fast to Cammie’s back.
    “And the best part is, it’s all naturally powered,” Jill grinned, as she sat on Cammie’s back and revved the engine, a loud purr escaping from her ‘speaker’ as the Cammie-bike began driving around the table.
    After several more laps, Jill drove Cammie off the side of the stage, and walked back out towards the table. “The motorcycle set by the ‘Body-Shop’ is currently only 399.99, but if you act now, a spoiler set and additional body mods will be added to your order free of charge, only requiring that you pay the additional shipping and handling!”
   
    It was Ophelia’s turn to walk out, as the stagehands rolled out another product. This time, it looked much simpler, more like a mini-refrigerator. “So Ophelia? What is this?”
    “Well Jill,” Ophelia said, vomiting inside her mouth slightly at how she had to act, but powering through it for the sake of her friend, “This happens to be a portable stasis chamber.”
    “Really now? What does it do?”
    “Well, it’s the perfect tool for people who enjoy detachment, but don’t want to feel what their detached parts feel. Simply stick something in here, and all connection is severed, as the part is frozen to retain freshness, since ownerless parts have a nasty tendency to start decaying.”
    “Alright then, let’s try this bad boy out!” Jill grinned, as she reached over and snagged Ophelia’s head off effortlessly from her body. She walked over to the stasis chamber, and put the head in, closing the door.
    After waiting a few moments, Jill opened the door and pulled out Ophelia’s head. Despite being so full of life and active minutes ago, her face was now completely slack, the hints of frost beginning to form around the edges of her hair and eyelashes. Despite this, Ophelia’s body was still active, tapping her foot impatiently.
    Rather than returning her head, Jill placed Ophelia’s head on her shoulder next to her own, the head coming to life. “Ooh! That’s cold!” The head said.
    “Well Ophelia. I see that just because you lose your head doesn’t mean you’ve lost control of your body,” Jill said.
    “That’s right Jill. The portable stasis chamber always ensures that at least one part of a person still exists before putting the part into stasis, to avoid accidental erasures of personalities like certain other stasis chambers do.”
    “That’s great to hear. Do reanimated parts remain in control of the original owner, or the person that they attach to?”
    “Well, if it’s like standard model like this one here, it’s always the original owner who regains control. But with the deluxe model, you can decide who gains control. You also can get access to many additional features, like transformation of objects in stasis, and access to profiles so that multiple people can store objects without anyone being able to take them out.”
    “That’s wonderful,” Jill reached up, plucking Ophelia’s head off and handing it back to her. She held her head under her arm, as she used her other to grade the stasis chamber and roll it off stage. “The portable Stasis chamber is available for only 5 easy payments of $699.99, or $799.99 if you want the deluxe model.”

    “And now, I’m going to need the help of both of my wonderful assistants to help me out for this final product demonstration,” Jill said, as both assistants, who were returned back to normal, wheeled out what appeared to be two large, rectangular frames, roughly the height of each girl. “What I’m about to show you is a one of a kind product, so ladies, can you please step into each of these tubes so that I can demonstrate it?”
    Each girls stepped in, eagerly awaiting the effect as Jill counted down. As she was counting, Jill, walked pulled out a stepladder, which she climbed above each box, holding a large weight that read ‘1 ton’ on the front. She placed them on top of each cabinet’s roof, and when her countdown ended, she snapped her fingers, the two girls having just enough time to look up as the ceilings gave way, and the weights came crushing down, their bodies not slowing it down in the slightest.
    Jill walked back around to the front of the cabinets, clapping her hands and causing the weights to hover back upwards towards the top of the cabinet, where they locked back into place with the ceilings. She reached into both cabinets, and revealed to the audience what she had done to Saffron and Ophelia.
    They were reduced to a foot by foot long piece of flesh about the thickness of a napkin. On one side, they had their faces (minus their noses) and the flesh was the color of their faces all around, their backsides were the color they had been wearing, with Ophelia’s being a vibrant violet, and Cammie’s a plain black.
    “And one more time through,” Jill said, placing her two flat companions into one of the cabinets back to back, as she snapped her finger again, the weight crushing the two. This time, she didn’t bother with reseting the weight, simply lifting it up and revealing to the audience that what had been two separate flat people was now a singular one, one with Ophelia’s face and the other with Cammie.
    “Ladies and Gentlemen! I’m pleased to introduce to you, my once in a lifetime product, the Cam-Oph!” The audience clapped, as Jill walked back to her table, where she had a dirty plate read. “Now you may be wondering what the Cam-Oph is? Well putting it simply, it’s a dishrag made of the finest materials known to man, my two lovely assistants. Each side of the Cam-Oph has a different purpose.”
    “The Cammie side of the Cam-Oph represents her softness and absorbency, she can easily clean off all of your liquidy, or easy messes,” She used Cammie’s face to wipe off the dish in a single swipe, although there were still some dried up flecks on the dish. Jill turned her napkin assistant over, revealing, that Cammie’s face was still perfectly clean, and even grinning over the entire ordeal.
    “Meanwhile, Ophelia’s bristly and stubborn attitude is perfect for getting off all those messes that just refuse to come off,” She rubbed the dish with Ophelia’s face in a single wipe, the dish now perfectly clean, and just like with Cammie, her face was perfectly clean as well, although she refused to give a smile.
    “So, as you can see, that stain Cam right Oph!” some groans from the audience, as Jill placed her napkin assistant on a stand that could show Cammie’s face to the audience. “So Cammie, what do you think?”
    “Oh! I think I’m easily the best kitchen towel you’re ever going to get, so you’re going to have to act fast since there’s only one of us!” Cammie giggled.
    “See folks, she’s even a great conversationalist. If you don’t call right now, you’re missing out, as the Cam-Oph will be going to the person offering the most money in the next five minutes, so you better act fast!”

    Multiple telephone sound effects began going off, as Jill grinned back at the audience, “Well folks, that’s all I’ve got to show. Hope you enjoyed it!” The curtains closed, more applause ringing out around the theater.

~~~

    “Well Ladies and Gentlemen, how about a round of applause for our lovey finalists?!” Drake said, the audience cheering along with him.
    “So now, that last, and most important vote. Tonight, you will not be voting someone off, but rather deciding who it is that you want to see become David’s new assistant, and thus be America’s Next Great Assistant. We hope you've had a great time watching, and can tune in tomorrow for the epic conclusion!” Drake waved, as the credits began to roll on the second to last episode.

    To Amanda: “Did you remember the penguins? I figure this is close enough to the last call for questions that I'm obligated to reference my first one…”

    I did! But David was against it. He said that the kids room was plenty decorated enough, and that it would only be more hassle than it’s worth since he would be the one to put them up and have to take them off the wall when Isabella eventually outgrows them.
    Such a shame really, but oh well.