Gasps of disbelief sounded throughout the auditorium, “So, to repeat what I said last week, at the end of the day today we’ll have a little send off ceremony fo Leela. From today forwards, she will not be able to answer any questions sent their way. She will be allowed to keep any prizes that she might have won, and any prizes that David deems appropriate to give at the ceremony.”
“To our other contestants, I would like to offer my congratulations on surviving another round. Feel free to say your goodbyes to Leela, and use today to rest up, as tomorrow I’ll be announcing the third round of our competition.”
“I will now officially announce that the second round of competition is over. Thank you so much for watching!” Drake closed out the show, the contestants making their way back to their separate rooms, uncertain how to feel about this latest development.
~~~
Leela & Cammie
“Oh, hey Leela. Did you get a weird invitation too?” Cammie asked as she entered the dining room. Already sitting there was Leela, who looked down, but was doing her best to make her loss seem like it did not effect her.
“Yeah,” Leela said, pulling out the invitation Cammie was talking about. The card paper was bright blue, with pink lettering on the front saying ‘You’re Invited!’. The inside of the had the remains of the glitter bomb that had been included, with the words ‘You’re invited to Leela’s going away party! Come to the Dining Room ASAP!!!’ in gold glitter lettering. “Do you have any idea who sent these out?”
“Well… Basing upon how bright and colorful the paper is, I imagine it’s probably Saffron.”
“Probably. Did you see the crazy stunt that she pulled?”
“Sure did. I can’t believe she got David to agree to performing that trick. Speaking of which, how did you get David to agree to that milk part?”
“I didn’t,” Leela smiled, “it honestly was a sort of spur of the moment thing. I thought it would be funny. David was a good sport about it, but apparently the censors gave him hell.”
“Well, I thought it was hilarious, don’t get too upset about the votes.”
“Yeah, thanks,” Leela said. The two sat in awkward silence for an agonizing amount of time before Leela finally spoke up again, “Hey. I’m really sorry I didn’t talk to you all about… you know.”
“Oh. Don’t worry about it,” Cammie said, waving her hand “I didn’t take it personally or anything.”
“I know. But like, you were really brave in announcing to the world that you were actually a girl this whole time, and I kind of just ghosted you.”
“I mean, we really haven’t talked at all for the whole contest, so I didn’t really think it’s that weird.”
“Yeah. I just wanted to know that I thought it was really cool.”
“Thanks.”
More awkward silence.
“So what are you going to do when you get home?”
“I don’t know. Probably write a novel about my time on the show? I mean if I write a couple thousand words a day, I’m sure to get it done in like two and a half weeks. Then if it doesn’t sell well, just return to my teaching job? I primarily came here to learn more about magic, and while I definitely learned some stuff. I don’t feel like I learned everything I need to know to actually go pro.”
“Why not?” Cammie asked.
“Well… I didn’t want to share this with anyone, but since I’m off the show anyways. Detachment magic doesn’t work on me at all. And it would be a little hard to find a job as an assistant without using detachment magic.”
“Again, I repeat, Why don’t you want to go professional as an assistant? Because the fact that detachment magic doesn’t work on you means literally nothing. For most of my assistant career I’ve worked with doing no magic whatsoever due to the way my ring worked out. Seriously, you showed amazing showmanship, and you won every contest, and the one that you lost you were in second place. Something as stupid as being unable to not have detachment magic done to you would stop only the weakest of magicians, which you wouldn’t want to work with anyways I imagine.”
“… I don’t know what to say. I never thought of it that way,” Leela said.
“Exactly. So don’t give up on your magic dreams just because you lost. Okay?”
“You’ve got it,” Leela said. The door bursting open…
~~~
Dining Room
As Jill and Ophelia came into the Dining room. Jill waved to Cammie, who waved back, as they both took their seats at the table.
Rather than wearing her trademark black dress with purple trim that she wore normally, Ophelia was wearing a dark purple variation on it. In addition to showing a bit more skin than her other clothes, it seemed as though Ophelia’s skin had a bit of color to it as well, being a very pale pink rather than a pure white. “Hey Ophelia. You seem… different,” Cammie commented.
Even more color appeared on Ophelia’s face, that being the reddening of her cheeks in embarrassment. “I was told that this was a party. I have never gone to one of those before, and thought it would be appropriate to dress up slightly.”
“Oh no. I didn’t mean different in a bad way,” Cammie said, “I meant different in a good way. You should dress up this way more often.”
“Bah,” Ophelia said, looking away from Cammie, but still very appreciative of the compliment.
“So? Where’s Saffron? Isn’t she the one who set this up?” Jill asked.
Just as Jill asked this question, the door to the dining room opened once again, As Saffron entered, a tray of pink drinks in her hands, with her ever-present bear companion, Fernando not far behind her. “Hey everyone! Let’s get this party started!” She placed the tray of drinks down on the table in front of her, slipping into a seat and pulling one towards her.
“What are the drinks?” Ophelia asked, eyeing the beverages, as everyone else pulled one towards them.
“Strawberry smoothies. Now, before we toast, does anyone want to say some words of goodbye to Leela?” Saffron asked the group.
The other three looked at each other, before Jill stood up, saying, “Well Leela. I think of all of us, nobody here expected you to be voted out now. From day one, I was pretty certain you were going to get to the final round, but just because you didn’t doesn’t mean that you are any less of an assistant. So, I guess, here’s to Leela, may you magic career ever prosper,”
“Here here!” Saffron said, raising her class and taking a long pull from the drink, the others at the table following suit.
Almost immediately after everyone took a sip, five loud poofs could be heard as their bodies disappeared, their heads teleporting onto the table relative to where they had been sitting, “What the- Saffron? What did you do?” Ophelia asked, even more red going across her face, this time in anger.
“I laced the drinks with some of the point Jill drinks every night to disappear our bodies!” Saffron said, smiling.
“Why would you do that!”
“Because it’s been a rough week, and I thought this would be the best way to take a load off of everyone’s shoulders. By removing everyone’s shoulders!”
The group stared at the strange girl in silence for a while, before the silence was broken, by Leela laughing hysterically. The other heads began laughing as well, even Ophelia’s tough shell managed to get cracked as she joined in, giggling lightly.
The five contestants spent the rest of the day in the dining room, simply chatting with each other about how they felt the competition had been going thus far, and learning more about one another. Any time that they needed something, they would send Fernando to either fetch it, or to take their head where they needed to go. After a couple of hours, their bodies finally reappeared, but they stuck around a little longer, simply chatting together as equals.
~~~
Goodbye Ceremony
“Leela, I would like to say it was an honor to perform with you,” David said, shaking her hand, “You probably are one of the most technically proficient assistants I’ve ever met.”
“Thank you David,” Leela said, giving him a little bow, “It was an honor to perform with you.”
“So, as thanks, I’d like to give you this,” David said, handing her a single business card. “There’s not much I can offer you that I think you don’t already know or have, so I felt that this is the most important thing I can give. This is the number to one of my old friends who owes me several favors from way back when. She’s a special magic psychiatrist who should be able to help you get to the bottom of figuring out how to get past that problem you shared with me,” David said, giving her a wink, “And you can tell your father that he doesn’t have to worry. I’ve personally vetted this individual, and I would trust my life with her.”
“Oh thank you David!” Leela said, doing a much worse job at holding back the tears that she had been holding back in all day, “I-I don’t know what to say.” Leela rushed over, wrapping her arms tightly around David, wrapping around him several times over.
“Well, how about helping me perform one back trick to get you home then?”
From offstage, a stagehand brought out a medium sized wicker basket with a lid. The basket was spherical, with a diameter about a foot wide. David nodded towards it, as Leela detached herself from David, wiped away her tears of joy and began climbing in, her body compressing almost impossibly small to fit the entirety of her body in the much to small wicker basket. David placed the lid back on top, as he pulled out a large white turban and wooden flute out from his cape. He placed the flute to his lips, and the stereotypical snake charmer’s tune began playing.
The top of the basket began shaking, as something began rising up. It was Leela’s head, her eyes closed as her neck extended upwards. When it reached the length of a normal neck, it continued going upwards, the top of the basket placed precariously over her head as her neck kept extending upwards. It kept extending, until her neck was nearly fifteen feet long where it stopped and Leela’s head began lightly moving back and forth. David continued to play with one hand as he began climbing up Leela’s neck. He got about half way up, before stopping, as Leela’s head began spinning around, rotating David around her neck.
After several rotations, David began climbing down, shortly followed by Leela’s head descending as well. As the top of her head passed the rim of the basket, David dropped the flute, reached down and opened the basket, revealing it to be completely empty now.
David tossed off his turban, addressing the audience at home, “And with that, Leela’s run on the show has ended, but thankfully she got to show us the great heights of her magical prowess. I want to wish you all a wonderful night, and we’ll see you on the next episode of ‘America’s Next Great Assistant’!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
& Question Corner &
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To Leela: “I would have guessed you were more of a tea person, and went with a bubble tea. By the way, what does this "essence of Leela" taste like? Hopefully very sweet.” -FlexibleAnatomy
I am indeed more of a tea person than a coffee person, so I think your idea of using boba tea instead of coffee would have been much more on brand. However, the task was household objects, and I don’t think people have boba tea in their house as often as they have coffee.
So, something I’ve experienced whenever I’ve consumed myself is that I seem to take on the taste of whatever I transform my shape or form into. So, for instance if I made my arm into the shape of a chicken wing and then ate it, it would taste like a slightly spicy chicken wing for me. So, when I had the coffee version of myself, I tasted like a very rich, cinnamon flavored black coffee, which really did need that bit of milk to lighten the taste of the coffee a bit.
Interestingly enough. When I’ve tried eating myself and drink myself while not focusing on anything, I taste completely different. As a solid, my taste reminded me of lightly spiced tofu, but as a liquid I taste like a very flat soda.
To Jill: “Did David actually cut you up? I know that's something you can easily do with sleight of hand, but it must be just as easy for someone to mend a snipped garden hose.” -FlexibleAnatomy
Yeah, David cut me up. I was struggling of finding a way from transitioning from David cutting the hose to hooking me up to the water cooler, and the only thing that jumped to my mind was that a garden hose reminded me of a rope. I guess I should have made it more clear that I was actually separated.
To Cammie: “My compliments with that stopwatch no longer holding you back, you really have become a strong contender in this series. You were good before, but that skinsuit trick was phenomenal.” -FlexibleAnatomy
Thank you so much! I’ve been really free since I’ve stopped using that watch. So much so… I really think I’m going to come clean with Alex. I’m not sure what I’ll do if she freaks out, but I feel like I’m certain we’ll be able to work it out!
To Saffron: “So what made you decide to go bare-chested for a trick? Exposing yourself like that was quite a risque play.” -FlexibleAnatomy
Well. I feel this week’s competition basically represented the half way point of the competition, and I felt like every episode was sort of running into the next. So, I wanted to try shaking it up by taking a bit of a risk. Besides, I’ve got a great body, it would be a shame to cover it up.
Besides, I censored everything that could have gotten us into trouble with the TV ratings people, and made sure to talk through it with them and David so they were ready well in advanced. He said he wasn’t comfortable doing it, but I managed to wear him down eventually. I’m certain he would never let me do something like that if I were actually his assistant though. He’s way too old school to let something like that go.
To Ophelia: “I like the role reversal aspect, with the assistant being the leader of the trick. I'm not sure that how you and David are playing it is helping you, though: it feels forced and unnatural, with David commanding the room, yet acting as the inferior to you, while you project a neutral presence. If you can tap into that ability to command a room, you might be onto a winner." -FlexibleAnatomy
Thank you for the kind words. I agree with you that I should be taking on a more active role as part of the Magick. However, David fears that if I take over too much power in the act, the overall audience will become confused that he is the assistant, while I am the magician. It will definitely be something that we shall be discussing in the upcoming week.
To David: “So, you mentioned running a strictly PG-13 show...? Between Leela and Saffron, I'm betting the station was risking pushing the episode to at least a M rating. Is this something one would expect from your stage shows?” -FlexibleAnatomy
Yes yes. I know. The show was slightly less PG-13 than normal. Ophelia wore me down this week. She basically said she wanted to do the act her way, or she would not try at all, and I try my best to be accommodating to my assistants in anyways possible. I actually managed to talk her down from doing some of the more… extreme things she had in mind for the act, primary amongst them was that she wanted to fix the other missing bits that would never pass on live television. Thankfully, the censors were ready, and with some clever blurring we managed to stick to a PG-13 rating.
Now, while Saffron and I worked it out all beforehand, Leela completely surprised me. She told me after the show that she had thought of it literally during the show, but that didn’t prevent the censors from getting on my case about it after the show completed. I’m just thankful she had the decency to turn around so that nothing was actually viewable, but I can say right now that we’re probably not going to be allowed to pull these slightly more lewd tricks in the future without increased scrutiny.
I can promise you right now that during my shows, my assistant is always fully clothed, or otherwise obscured so that you can’t see anything. I’m running a magic show, not some sort of sexual sideshow.
To Ophelia: “I'm glad that you had Phaedra inspire you in your latest trick. Though I had this idea that might involve her flames, assuming that Phaedra could emit fire. Like how about letting her ignite some dark fire?” -quad2
Phaedra can indeed emit fire, although it’s a common misconception that phoenixes constantly are spewing fire. They actually only do so when they are feeling threatened, or while hunting, and they are extremely capable at ensuring that their fires don’t go crazy and start burning everything. Of course, despite knowing this, I still have much to research about phoenixes, such as whether they can release ‘dark fire’ or not.
I’m going to warn you now however, I don’t believe I will be utilizing Phaedra in any of my tricks. I am still in that pivotal period of trying to get her to recognize me as her owner and companion, and I don’t think training her to perform will be feasible until that point has been reached.
To The Producers: “So, how surprised were you when you went to look up what PG-13 could actually get away with? I'd like to think that my offhand comment about F-bombs was the catalyst, but that probably isn't true.” -HeraldOfOpera
Producers: We’re well aware of what we can get away with on a PG-13 rating, however the problem is that every time we have to censor something for television, we have to spend more of our shoestring budget to make sure that moment doesn’t get to air so that we don’t get kicked off the air or bumped up to a TV-MA. It’s especially worse for the live elimination rounds on Saturdays, where we have to do that sort of stuff on the fly. That stunt that Leela pulled very well could have gone very badly for us.
We appreciate your feedback, and will continue to do our best to provide the PG-13 material that you have come to know and love from our program.